"Where's Blaise?"

The express had already begun its journey, but the brunet was nowhere to be found. Drew opened the door and glanced down both sides of the hallway.

A Ravenclaw prefect was entering the compartment way at the front, and the trolley witch was making her rounds. No one else was out and about.

"He said he was coming," Cyndee said nervously.

Drew shut the door and faced her. "He said that? Why wouldn't he come?" Blaise hadn't responded to the few letters she'd sent him over the summer, but she'd assumed he was trying to annoy her.

Cyndee said delicately, "His father died in July."

They shared a moment of silence. Wilby fidgeted with his notebook, for once not sure what to do to lift the mood. He looked ready to whip out Uno.

"From the sickness?" Drew asked. He'd been sick for most of the time Blaise knew him — three years.

The bitterness in her voice was biting. "Yeah. It didn't get better. Now he's left with another fortune he doesn't want. People are talking again — accusing his mother of poisoning another husband. I mean, I get how suspicious it is, but..."

"Yeah," Drew said. "His dad was a great person. He heard I was going into N.E.W.T.-level Potions and sent me scales to replace my broken ones. And they're gold! I could sell them, buy some peasant scales, and profit."

Cyndee smiled. "Let's hope he turns up."

But when the Hogwarts Express pulled into the station, Blaise still hadn't shown up.

* ° * ° *

The three lined up to get on the carriages. Graham Montague was back, though he still seemed a little dazed. His friend Adrian had graduated, but he had Kushal to pull him onto the carriage.

Torch — in all his pink-haired glory — had managed to get a girlfriend in the form of Tracey Davis, and he was trying to tie off one of her box braids when Drew told him it was his turn to get on.

When their carriage came, Blaise caught up to them. Instead of greeting them, he stared at the thestrals that Drew couldn't see and hoped that she never would.

It was when they'd all got on that he acknowledged them.

"Hey," Blaise said. He didn't look like he was in mourning, but then he rarely had much of an expression.

Cyndee put her hand on his shoulder. "It's good to see you, Blaise."

"Nice haircut," Wilby offered, referring to the buzzed-off hair.

Blaise just nodded vaguely, and Drew for once wasn't inclined to make a redhead joke. "Where were you?" she asked, fighting to keep her tone neutral. "I'm assuming you were on the train?"

He picked at his nails, studiously avoiding her eyes. "I feel too much when I'm around you guys. I wanted to just be empty and hateful for a while."

"Did it work?"

"No."

"Piece of advice: it never does."

He just nodded. Drew didn't believe that he'd merely been brooding, but he was obviously not planning to tell them more.

* ° * ° *

Drew was taking Potions at N.E.W.T level since she wanted to be an Auror. Blaise was the only friend who had advanced with her, and there were two other Slytherins, Malfoy and Nott.

The latter ignored her, probably because she wasn't Wilby.

Malfoy, however, snapped out of a yawn to plaster on a clown smirk. "Well, well, well," he drawled, "the Mudblood cheated her way into N.E.W.T. level. The Headmaster pays an awful lot for your service. What else did you get? A diamond ring?"

"Funny, because your father asked for a few pennies."

He sneered and whispered to Nott, glancing at Blaise.

Blaise tensed up, which Drew found weird. He was usually pretty cool about everything. She could easily chalk it up to losing his father if he wasn't also drifting further and further away from her specifically.

Malfoy was about to say something to her, but then Harry and his friends came in, and he got busy trying to look pompous as Harry completely ignored him and talked to Ernie instead.

"What's up with you?" Drew asked Blaise.

"Nothing," he muttered.

Then Slughorn came bursting in, and he greeted both Harry and Blaise with great enthusiasm. This was the first time she'd seen him close up. He was so different from Snape, who radiated gloom and hate. Snape himself was taking over Defence Against the Dark Arts, which she hoped meant that something tragic would befall him.

There were only a few large tables set up, so the Slytherins sat together, though Drew and Blaise stayed as far from the others as they could.

While Slughorn dug through a cupboard to find spare textbooks, curiosity made Drew go peek into the nearest cauldron. Its contents looked like normal steaming water.

"Veritaserum?" she asked Blaise.

"I suppose," he answered stiffly.

She quickly grabbed a vial and filled it, then shoved it in her pocket. She asked casually, "Have you ever wondered why the Wizemgamot doesn't just feed suspects this when they're on trial?"

Blaise shrugged, and she sighed.

Nott answered for her: "Some people can resist it, and it doesn't detect false memories. Plus, it's supposedly unethical. People even liken it to getting information through torture."

She turned her glare on him. "I didn't ask you, Snot. You only know this because it's how your Death Eater father got off scot-free."

Nott sputtered, "What? Why bring that up?"

He rose out of his seat, but sat down with a grumble when the professor began the lecture.

Today's task was to make a Draught of Living Death, and Drew immediately got to work, determined to make a good impression.

After Malfoy failed to impress Slughorn with his famous ancestors that passed him no genes at all, he shut up and concentrated on his potion too.

While chopping sopophorous beans, Drew commented, "I'm surprised Isabell's not in this class. She was easily the best in our year."

Blaise shrugged again.

Malfoy noted this interaction and said, "Give it up, Drew. He literally hates you."

It was such an unexpected remark that she went speechless for a second. "What?"

In the corner of her eye, she could see Blaise making a 'cut it out' gesture, but when she turned to look, he'd stopped.

"What is happening?" she demanded. "Blaise, answer me."

Malfoy snickered. "Oh, shall I do it for you?"

If Blaise could go pale, he would've. He stood frozen, hand hovering over his scale.

"Interesting how he'd keep it a secret," Malfoy sneered. "He came into my compartment on the express with some made-up excuse that it was full everywhere. I started going on about Mudbloods to get a rise out of him — and guess what? He joined in. Even said Ginny Weasley was a filthy blood traitor!"

Drew's heart dropped, and she looked at Blaise, ready to accept any denial.

Instead, he admitted it all, desperation colouring his voice. "I did. And I'm sorry. I'd take it back if I could. I thought it would make me feel better, but it did the exact opposite."

Drew picked up her gold weighing scales and threw them at him. "You've got to be kidding me!"

He flinched as they struck his arm. "Ow! I didn't say anything about you —"

"Oh, so I'm an exception?"

Blaise looked like he'd been slapped. "Drew —"

Slughorn had come over, and he put his hand on Blaise's shoulder. "I don't know what this is about, but focus on your potions, you two."

Drew ignored him and stormed out of class.

* ° * ° *

She managed to evade Blaise the entire day. He had tried to track her down, but losing him had been easy, and she bunkered down in the Room of Requirement, eating chocolate cake and misery.

It wasn't unfair, right? He'd lost his father, but that didn't give him a free pass to throw her under the Knight Bus.

She practiced a few attack spells on the pillows, and it was dinnertime when she decided to go out again.

Drew pushed open the door to find herself face-to-face with Malfoy.

He leapt back, ghostly pale. "Everyone's supposed to be at dinner."

She was happy for this distraction. "That includes you. Unless you're nobody?"

Malfoy shoved past her and silently gestured for her to leave.

"What do you do here?" she asked instead, stepping further inside. "You look tired." It was true. The lighting brought out his hollow cheeks and heavy eye bags, and his hair was a proper mess.

"I was just walking around," he said stiffly. "Sixth year is going to be stressful."

"So you 'walk around' all the way up here?"

"I came here," he said haughtily, "to practice spells. My family has very high expectations."

"Ah, and we would never let you into the S.A."

"I don't need your sad D.A. rip-off."

"It'd only be sad if you joined."

"You know," he said finally, and Drew knew what was coming. "This is bold talk coming from the person who was backstabbed. I did you a favour."

Uneasiness spread through her body. In a way that was actually true. But what threw her was his expression. Maybe it was about something else entirely, but he looked depressed.

"But hey," he said bitterly, "when you've got a loyal doormat for a friend, what does losing Blaise matter, right?"

"Wilby's not a doormat, but I'm not so sure about Pansy."

"Wonderful," he muttered. "People only like us because they're stupid. What long-lasting friendships we'll have."

Drew was tempted to punch him, but she always was, so the urge was easy to resist. She shoved past him. "Have an unblessed day."

"Goodnight, Mudblood." He shut the door after her.

She scowled and went down the stairs. But the night wasn't over yet, because when she got to the sixth-floor landing, Blaise was waiting for her.

"Stalking me?" she snapped. "Didn't think you liked being behind a Mudblood."

Not in the mood, she walked right by him to the next stairwell. Blaise chased after her. "Drew, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it."

To say Drew was pissed was an understatement. She spun around, raising her voice. "Yeah, sure. Even if you didn't say anything about me, you said things about my identity. You even had a go at Ginny, who was kidnapped."

"I was trying to make myself feel better."

"Yes, you've said so. It's the same reason Malfoy goes around bullying Potter for being an orphan and calling people Mudbloods."

Blaise blinked, as if the connection was totally new to him. "Yeah... bad excuse. I'm sorry."

"Sorry you were caught, you mean. You thought because I wouldn't hear it, it was okay to contribute to the problem? Do you think my name has been defiled enough times on the shower walls that I'm just used to it now?"

Blaise looked so ashamed that his expression alone nearly made her forgive him. "Drew," he said seriously, "I'm sorry. Okay? I've been your friend for nearly four years, and I promise you I wasn't pretending."

"Oh yeah? And how can you prove that? You're so often by yourself. Of the three of us, you're closest to Cyndee, who's pureblood."

"That's a coincidence. I sat with her on the train, not knowing anything about her!"

"Doesn't prove much."

"I swear I won't do it again. I already... I already told myself that. It was stupid. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I promise I didn't do or say anything like that before or after that time. Search my memories if you want."

And with a sinking feeling, Drew knew he was right. Four years was a long time to spend with someone you're supposedly against existing. And it wasn't like he made her an exception. He took Muggle Studies and went on and on about how Muggles were superior.

"I don't understand why you did this," she said finally. "You've never had to go out of your way to make people ashamed of who they were the way Malfoy does. Did...did your father passing away bring this on?"

Blaise hugged his arms. "That's really my only excuse. This is the lowest I've ever felt in my entire life, and I don't know how to handle it. Do you ever feel like you have zero worth?"

"Well, I've felt like a jerk."

"Yeah, that's not the same. Do you know why I care so much about how I look? It's because it's the only thing I have going for me."

"Oh."

"And with everything that happened to my mother, I'm scared to death that I'll have the same curse. It usually skips two generations, but sometimes it doesn't. And it manifests itself in so many different ways."

"What exactly is the curse? Do you know? I've only heard you be vague about it."

"People very easily fall in love with her, but once they fall out, they get sick and die. And they always fall out of love. Marrying them tends to prolong it, and she does everything she can to fit their expectations, but it never works.

That made a lot of sense. It explained the seven husbands perfectly. "And she can't just...be herself?"

"Do you really think every guy she married fell in love with her and not her face or whatever first impression she gave off? And people change, Drew. If she is herself, they die. The only reason she is still alive is that she wants to take care of me. Now she's all I have left again."

She shook her head. "Blaise, you have us. Ever since second year when you got that embarrassing crush on Cyndee, you've had us. I know you like being alone, but when you don't want to anymore, it's us you should come to, not Malfoy."

He sighed. "Yeah. You're right. Do you truly forgive me? That's hard to imagine."

"Well, there's no universal rule for what insult's too far or what apology's not enough. So whether I forgive you is up to me. And I say I don't want to lose another friend. Plus, I think you're plenty redeemable."

This was the closest she'd ever seen Blaise cry, which meant his lip quivered for one second. "Thanks. That's nice to hear."

"It's not like I'm the best person anyway. I've blasted Torch's hair for no reason and called Cyndee a freak multiple times before we were friends."

"But it's not like you insulted an entire group of people."

She nodded. "Yes, that is entirely a You problem."

Blaise cracked a smile. "I'm working on it."

"And you'll keep talking to us, right? Because we all should stop being such Slytherins, keeping everything about ourselves a secret in the name of independence."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you going to start?"

"Ah, well, you know most of it. My parents are divorced, and I'm torn up about it. I'm bisexual. I'm a Muggle-born. I was totally cool with it at first, but it started getting to me in second year."

Blaise was taken aback. "Drew, I'm sorry people ever made you ashamed or made your life harder. I know what that's like."

"It's alright," she shrugged. "I know people did that to you, too."

"My mother tried Love Potion once, you know. It seemed to work, but it was hardly, you know, consensual. So she set him free, and he died. Then she had me, a kid who just so happened to be asexual."

Love Potion, she thought. She had long figured out why Blaise was touchy about them, but this was the first time he'd said the reason out loud. Could bottled love make a kid asexual? Blaise was probably so conflicted as to whether how he felt was caused by the potion or nature, because if it was the former... then there could technically be a "cure".

"I'm sorry that everything turned out the way it did," she said honestly. "But really, something as fundamental as love can't be permanently changed by any potion. I think this is just how you are. And it's fine. We're both at odds with society, so let's just be on the same side, okay?"

"Yeah," he said ruefully. "Let's do that."

sorry for taking so long to update oof

and what if I told you I'm almost shipping drew x blaise? 🤭