I couldn't get one gods damned minute alone. Between Jexa and the others, Rorik who slipped in only once while none of my friends were present, and captain Pettypiece who's face was unreadable to whether he approved of the flock of rogues in his rooms, I felt suffocated. 

Tensions were high since that first night. When the captain had been summoned away, it was to investigate the escape of Grethan. The news shocked me, to say the least. It infuriated everyone else, and placed a heavy stone in the pit of my stomach. And as my arm healed and the pain began to fade into aches and too-tight skin over the healing wound, I became restless. There wasn't enough to do, considering the task my friends were handling. I had to settle for writing up their verbal reports for Rorick to read later.

There was finally a lull in the late afternoon a few days later. Bricker and Dirk were playing dice on the table by the fire, and everyone else was busy with other work. I pretended to be napping just to be left alone but all I was doing was laying on my side with my back to the room, playing with Davery's knife. I inspected it closely several times since I had received it from Jexa. It was his treasure. He never let it leave his side, so I hadn't handled it myself much. It had a little decoration at the base of the blade, nothing terribly fancy but far exceeding what most in Swamp would have, and the leather hilt was well worn. I would have to replace it soon, just as Davery did on occasion. My eyes threatened to flood again and I sighed.

"What's wrong?" Bricker was practically in my ear. I jumped and turned around, drawing the knife.

"You half-eaten plague-rotted giblets, don't sneak up on me like that!"

And then I felt the wetness slide down my cheek. The room was so quiet, I heard the drop fall onto the blankets of the bed in a heavy bead of water that could have been the first drops of a midlands afternoon shower.

Bricker stared at me for a long time, Dirk was standing at the table now. Flicking between the two of them, I huffed and set the knife down.

"Sly." Bricker nudged my elbow with his own, his tone soft. "I'm sorry. I won't do that again."

More pity. I was tired of seeing it in everyone's faces. I couldn't take that for long, not from the newbie, so I switched to Dirk's expression. It wasn't much better, but at least Dirk never showed his emotions as deeply. He only looked at me for a moment then walked out.

Bricker sighed, long and heavy. "I can't take his place, but you can still cry on someone's shoulder, you know. Please, don't let us lose you too."

My throat tightened. "Who says I'm going anywhere?"

"There's an empty chair at the Dragon that says it," he replied. "Theres a missing knife at practice, a missing pair of eyes last time we got someone off the floating cages."

I was starting to feel numb. Had they pulled someone from the cages? When was that? Who needed help? My body suddenly felt a few degrees cooler as the thoughts sank in. Of course from his perspective I'd been slipping away. It wasn't a wonder he and the others were keeping close tabs on me after the encounter with Grethan.

"Don't leave," Bricker whispered, suddenly the cheeky kid from Lindmead again. Wandering in a new place, his parents lost to war. The Bricker from before he'd regained his cocky strut and silver tongue. "Please."

That did it. I had cried enough times since Davery's death but always silently. I had clearly gotten my lungs back since then as I sobbed mercilessly into Bricker's tunic. It smelled like a bar, like dirt, like sweat. It smelled like my old life. Bricker just sat there with me, rubbing my back awkwardly as I cried.

Some time must have passed because the next thing to bring me out of it was the door slamming open. Orchid stepped into the room and took in the scene. Dirk leaned in the doorway behind her, and I instantly knew where the old rogue had gone. For a moment I thought the delicate girl was going to cry along with me, until her expression turned hard.

"Out." Orchide ordered. Bricker moved away from me, leaving with Dirk. One last glance my way before closing the door. Once they were gone, Orchid took Bricker's place on the bed.

"Are you done now?" She said gently. I nodded numbly. "Good. He won't want you crying anyway. You have to move on before the year's end."

"What?" I sniffed.

"Spirit's night." Orchid smiled. She pulled a comb from her wrist purse and pointed it at me with all the threat of a sword. "Turn."

I obeyed. She picked up the ends of my hair, as neglected as it ever was, and began removing knots.

"He was marked, don't you remember? Spirit himself puts our Davery to work now, and he gets one night off a year. On spirit's night, I'm sure he will leave you a dream."

I hadn't considered it yet. I knew he was marked in the end, I saw it in the fleeting moments before I fell asleep every night, but I never really connected it with one of Spirit's courtiers. They kept the balance records of mortals' deeds good or bad and delivered dreams for Spirit. On Spirit's night there were no dreams from him, it was a night to remember the dead, celebrate the dying year, and welcome the birth of the new one. You were supposed to do a good deed before midnight to end the old year on and begin the new one after midnight with another deed. Most people gave gifts for this. But Spirit's court was free to give their own good deeds and often I heard stories of dreams from them. My heart was slamming in my chest. Could I possibly hear from Davery? Was there a chance to hope for?

"Hadn't thought of it yet? Who do you think he will use his deeds on then? Silly girl." Orchid put down her comb and wrapped her willowy arms around my shoulders. An ornate knock at the door drew Orchid away, it was a safe code among the daggers. 

"Yeah," I called out. Bricker brought in a basin of steaming water and a rag. Orchid thanked him and saw him out. Silently, she wet the cloth and began wiping at my face.

"I think I'm all cried out." I half laughed. "I feel silly for having broken down like that again."

"Never. Salysta you are the least silly person I know. I can't imagine your grief." Orchid gave me one more hug. "I'm glad you are better now. I was so surprised when Dirk came for me."

"That old scoundrel still has a heart in there I guess." I smiled.

"Yes, you are still surrounded by people who love you. I had no idea you had been working with the captain of the guard this whole time. It's all so exciting. Oh but I promise to keep it a secret, Dirk swore me to it." Orchid smiled, I averted my eyes. That was another person I had now caught up in the lie. "Now, what does a muse have to do for a bit of supper around here?"

~

I felt deep down that the grief was lifting. It wouldn't be over for a long time, maybe never, but it was a little bit better. There was just enough room in my lungs for breath, just enough strength in my legs to walk. After all, now I had the guilt of lying to my friends to eat at me instead. The tension of Grethan's escape hadn't left my stomach either. I busied myself with work until word could come from the prince of what to do next. It was the only thing I had left.

I lost the ability to use my dominant left hand for a while thanks to the knife wound through the muscles in that arm, so I spent a lot of time working up the right. The irony was not lost to me at all that Davery had suffered an injury and lost the full use of one of his hands, and that had also been my fault. There may not be damage to the tendons in my hand, but all the same I felt lost without my instinctual movements with that arm.

The day after I broke down, the guys were more than easy on me. I kind of hated it, but I understood it. At least Bricker brought my favorite cheese tarts from Addah the next morning, and I never heard about my crying once. The daggers were back at their dice games and I was in the middle of the arm exercises the physician had given me when the door opened and drew everyone's eyes. Pettypiece was back, and he looked tired.

"Any news?" I asked.

"None yet, Miss Aylward." He responded stiffly, passing through the room until he was next to me. In a low tone for only my ears he added, "he has been meeting with his brothers."

"It may take some time then." I sighed. "Gods I hate waiting around like this. There is no chance of going home so I can practice?"

Despite my most pleading and hopeful look Pettypiece shook his head. I didn't really think he would budge from orders but it was worth a try. Something on my face must have struck a cord with him though as he shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat.

"If it is permitted I suppose you could join me in the training ground some morning. I'm certain the equipment would be a refreshing practice for you," he offered stiffly. A grin spread across my face and I did one of the most impulsive, impish things I had ever done in the palace. I leaned up and kissed the old soldier on the cheek.

"Thank you, captain, that would be lovely." He turned crimson instantly and shuffled over to tend the fire.

"Mean, Sly, tormenting the captain." Dirk chided me with no actual malice. For a criminal, Dirk had warmed up to Pettypiece quite a bit. I hadn't given it much thought but all of my friends liked him. It made me a bit more content with the current arrangement under Rorik, knowing my friends approved at least one of my new accomplices. Jexa approved of him the first time the captain ordered me back to bed and Grahm and Pettypiece were both cut from the same stiff cloth.

I was smiling at my own thoughts when the door opened again. Everyone looked up and a few hands fell to hilts. No one else was expected there for a while longer. As the door slid open and Grahm burst through the door, a winded Jexa close behind. Hands fell back at ease.

"Report," the captain said.

"Girault is gone." Grahm was bent over, hands resting on his knees and Jexa tried to do the same but was still breathing hard. Everyone in the room froze, watching Pettypiece for the next move.

"What exactly do you mean gone?" He grew a shade paler at the news.

"Me and Jexa were watching the house today, there was a point about two hour' ago when a dozen carriages left the manor at once and went each a different direction. The carriage drivers were all cloaked. It was bizarre, so I followed a couple from the roof line for a while but they went their separate ways as well. I watched one all the way to south gate and from the top of the bell tower there I could see a few others driving away from Unays entirely. When I got back Jexa filled me in." Grahm looked over his shoulder to Jexa who was somewhat recovered.

"While Grahm was gone the house turned into a panic. Servants didn't seem to know what was going on with the carriages either, even the head butler was running around like a coin in a fuss looking for the master of the house."

"Shadow vexes," the captain began with an old line. He walked briskly towards the men at the door and scratched at his mustache in puzzlement. "Blade help us."

Pettypiece being unnerved worried me. He was a great soldier and a marvelous captain to his soldiers, but this was no organized battlefield. If he wasn't in control here who was? We needed Rorik for this.

"Are any of you trackers?" he asked looking up sharply.

"I am," Grahm voulentered.

"Can you trace the carriage from his mansion that seemed to be carrying the most weight? You will probably lose the trail in the muck of all the other tracks at the gate but it will give us a direction. Take someone with you." 

"Good call, I'll go with him," Dirk offered, and the two of them were off.

"Jexa, Bricker, can you talk to the servants? They may talk to you where they wouldn't speak to a city watchman. Staying hidden is no longer the priority." They nodded and left as well, the captain giving a salute. Pettypiece sighed and sank back in his chair. It was a moment before he realized it was him and me alone now.

"Captain?" I prompted when he finally looked up.

"I'm just tired. Let me rest, I think." He stood quietly for a moment, a fire in the hearth crackling its defeat of the chilly autumn evening. He finally sighed, a resolved look on his face as he faced the bed. "No, no time for that. I need to have my men be on the lookout for the Master of Secrets, just say the royal family needs him urgently. I will likely be on the walls all night watching for the returning decoy wagons. Can you report to his highness?"

"Of course." I replied, already throwing the blankets off of me and standing up. Now that Girault had fled he wasn't as much of a threat to me and I was dying to do something of use. If he was going to silence me he would have by now, and if Grethan was going to come after me in the fully defended castle I would welcome another fight if he could even get to me, even right-handed. I was safe enough to leave the room, at least to go to the library which wasn't far away.

"Thank you." Pettypiece nodded. "Shadow keep you, be careful and be safe."

I was caught a bit off guard by his blessing but accepted it gratefully. At last, something that I could help with. I grinned, stretched, and followed Pettypiece out that door for the first time in what seemed like months. Now, to find the prince.