"On the brink of death, I realized that I'm not ready to lose you."

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L i f e   O r    D e a t h    S i t u a t i o n

A/N - Yayyy! 2k♡ All Thank you to my dedicated readers that motivates me all the time!!

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Clarissa's P.O.V

"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout ,down came the rain and washed the spider out----"

"Carolinee!!!", I screamed falling off the bed.

"Ugh I'm not even surprised anymore", I muttered.

That nursery rhyme makes me feel a little nostalgic.

The day I met Alec.

Shaking my head in utter disappointment, I got up and start getting ready for school.

"Hey Rissa, Is mom coming back from her vacation yet?", Caroline asks, her face filled with curiosity.

"Uh--no Care bear, She's not coming back until she's satisfied. You know how mom is", I nervously scratch my neck, lying through my teeth.

"Yeah I know, Come on I'll drive you to school", Her face falls as she went back downstairs.

"Hey! I'm glad that you came back!", I shout, hoping that she'll feel better.

I look at the mirror to see my reflection mocking me.

"What are you looking at?", I muttered tiredly.

I had bags under my eyes, I noticed the furrowing of my eyebrows, the crease in between them, I notice the dullness in my eyes.

Sighing I threw my hair in a messy bun, leaving a few tendrils to fall down my face. Depicting on what to wear, I chose to go with a black over-sized hoodie with the writing "I got my sassy pants on, move" carved on it.

Meh.

It certainly fits my mood.

With that I wore a pair of my black boyfriend jeans and my black vans.

"Care I'm ready!", I yelled as I went downstairs.

"Here, I made breakfast", She said handing me a plate filled with scrambled eggs, bacon and pancakes.

Just looking at it makes my stomach churnes.

"Uh--no thanks, I'm not hungry today", I said apologetically.

I had no appetite from that day, the mere smell of food makes me want to throw up.

"You sure? What's wrong? You seem down from when I came back yesterday", Her face masked with worry.

"No I'm okay", I asurred her, forcing a smile on my face.

"Okay honey, let's go", She said unsurely.

"Yes sister!", I smiled grabbing an apple and bit into it.

It made my stomach queasy but I have to atleast eat a fruit to stay alive.

"Oh Rissa! I forgot to mention, I saw Alec today when I was on my morning run, he asked about you! I think its so sweet, don----"

"I don't want to hear that name ever again", I stated coldly.

"Um okay, sorry", She apologized.

As far I know, he's dead to me. Oh I know! Let's add his name to the list of men that ripped my heart out of my chest.

What a long fucking list.

Chuckling coldly, I muttered "He didn't even stayed."

"What?", Caroline asked confused.

"Nothing, now step on that gas and stop driving like a grandma", I teased her.

Three minutes later...

"Thanks for the ride care! Glad that you're back, no more walking", I smiled winking at her.

"Oh sis! I'm wounded, you only love me for my car! See you later", She chuckled as she sped out of the parking lot.

"I'm ready to face hell", I muttered with a frown etched---

"Get out of my way gothic freak", I heard a squeaky voice said.

Rolling my eyes I turned around to see Candiece.

"Oh isn't it little miss plastic snarky bitch", I said.

Yep, this was literally my personal hell.

"What did you just say bitch?", Sally barked.

"Oh M gee! Like, you sound like a cute little puppy", I squealed.

"I do don't I?", She squealed flashing her blonde hair.

"Yes! But more of a constipated one! Like Oh M gee!", I deadpanned.

"You bitch!", She shrieked.

"Yep, that's me", I said flashing my messy bun mimicking her.

"Oh you finally look like Candiece today! Congrats!", I said walking away.

"You better watch out bitch! I'll make your life a living hell!", Shouted Candiece.

"Don't worry plastic! Your mere existence already made my life a living hell. But thanks for the offer", I shouted shoving my middle finger at her.

Smiling to myself I head to English Lit.

"Good Morning Ms Johnson! How are you doing today?", I smiled widely as I enter her classroom.

"Good Morning, Are you ready for the presentation Love?", She asked tenderly.

Love?

"No, that's the thing Ms Johnson, My partner and I ran into some difficulties. You can give me a zero for all I care", I smiled.

I know that I cared about my grade, it's 60% of my final grade for crying out loud!

But I'd rather take that zero than working with him.

"Are you okay Ms Hensworth? You're not yourself today", She asked concerningly.

This woman is too nice.

"I wonder why", I heard a voice said lowly behind me.

I knew that voice all too well, I gripped the desk behind me as I felt the excruciating pain in my chest.

"Only God knows the answer right?", I smiled widely as I turned around to face him.

Isn't it God himself standing infront of me.

His face was a few centimetres away from me making me step back a little.

"Since as you both are here without your presentation I have a little make up grade for you", Ms Johnson said.

"Would you---

"I'd rather dead than working with him", I stated coldly as I looked him in the eyes.

I see a flash of hurt swirling through his eyes but did I give a fuck?

Absolutely not.

So I walked away and took a seat at the back of the class as I saw his walked through the door slamming it on his way out.

Meh.

Deep down in the back of my mind, a nagging voice whispered You know that you still love him but I pushed it away.

"I don't love you", I whispered to nobody.

Alec and I were not a couple, yet I gave him my all and I was the one hurt in the end.

I don't even know what Alec and I were. I don't think he even loved me, hell he hasn't told me anything about him. Why did he want to help my mother so much and doesn't even know her? And Damion said something about his mother. What happened to his parents?

I was so naive and consumed with his not so real love that I didn't have the time to ask these obvious unanswered questions.

I gave you my all Alec.

Even you knew that I wasn't open and I trusted you.

I told you my secrets, I gave you my love even when it was so hard for me because of all the betrayal I endured in my life. I guess my baggage was too much for you to handle, so you just left me. Just like everybody.

I'm used to this feeling yet it hurts more than before. I just thought and hoped that he was different.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Because that's just me, I hate believing in rumours and I hate labels but when I always try to do the right thing I always end up getting hurt.

You made me regret giving you that benefit of the doubt.

I know that one day my kindness will be the death of me.

Brinnnnngggggggggggggggg

With an empty feeling in my chest I got up out of my seat and walked out of class.

"You bitch! Look what you did! You called death on Alec! He's now dying because of you!", Candiece shouted pushing me on my locker.

"What?", I gaped.

"He's now laying in a hospital bed because of what you said to him!", She barked crying.

What?

Alec?

No no no no

"Get out of my way", I growled.

"No! It's your fault, you'll pay for th---"

Thump.

"Slut!", Candiece shrieked from the punch I landed on your face.

I didn't care, I had to get to Alec.

I know that I shouldn't care, I know that but my small feet won't stop running towards him.

"Rissa! I'm right behind you, It's Grove Hill Hospital!", Miranda shouted.

I jumped in my car and drove like a mad woman to the hospital.

No Alec, Don't die please.

Tears were flowing down my face as I reached in two minutes.

"Alec kerrington, He just got admitted for car accident", I said to a nurse walking by me.

"Yes he is here and are you a relative?", She asked.

Shit.

Only relatives can see him.

Closing my eyes I opened them back with tears flowing down my face.

I have to see him.

"No I'm his wife."

"Okay Mrs Kerrington, He's in room 234 if you want to see him, he's stablilized but still unconcious", She replied.

"Okay thank you", I shouted as I ran through the hallways until I saw his room.

"O my God", I sobbed as I see him.

He's covered in wounds.

I took a seat on a chair beside his bed and hold his hand, feeling the familar yet strange sensation of his hands entwined with mine.

"Please wake up", I whispered as a tear dropped onto his hand.

"I'm gonna see if Ryan and Miranda came okay?", I whispered and got up.

I looked but they weren't here yet, sighing I head towards the vending machine to find something to drink.

Beep beep Beep

I saw nurses running towards the sound.

It was coming from room 234.

Wait 234?

I dropped the water in my hand and ran to his room.

"----- Sudden Cardiac Arrest, Nurse Adel! I thought we stabilized him!"

"I thought I did!"

"No pulse, prepare the defibrillator right away!"

Clap

"1! Clear!"

Clap

"2! Clear!"

"What's happening?!", I shouted as I gripped onto the door with tears streamind down my face.

"Mrs Kerrington please remain calm, if his heart responds to the CPR the electric shock can restore a normal rhythm to a heart that's stopped beating."

I know what that is dumbass.

Everything was happening so fast but then it hit me.

Alec is going to die if his heart doesn't respond to the third try.

"NO! DINGLE DICK! YOU HAVE TO LIVE! PL---PLEASE, I-- NEED YOU!", I screamed as I felt the agonizing pain in my heart that was too hard to bare.

My vision got blurry as I fall on my face.

"3! Clear!"

I couldn't see as my eyes began closing, my body giving in to the darkness.

The thought ate me alive "Dingle dick died?"

That's all it took for my world to come crashing down.