"Mariana went to the military camp today, so I'll take the shift."

Marie braces herself, sighing. "How do I look today? This is my favorite dress. I lost a bit of weight, right? You can't judge me anyway, It's been difficult these days. "

Marie ties her hair in a tight bun, which has been speckled with some smoky strands. The sleeves are rolled up to her elbows, fixed with a matching ribbon sewn into them not long ago. She has been doing that with all the other long-sleeve shirts of her, since she started this job.

The cobalt blue dress she is wearing must have been very beautiful, with a few stitches that look fresher than the old fabric. Marie stretches slightly, embarking on the daily task she has been repeating for more than a year. As a duty. A habit has become a routine. She take a good care of her old friend, Erwin, is now a limp corpse living off Marie's liquid food, oxygen tubes, and passive musculoskeletal exercises. With some hope, she persists, many hours a day, for months. Keep him company and live like a normal person.

"Do you remember the first time we met in the bar? I remember Nile forcing you to come over, have a beer. I guess you weren't even 18. It got me mad when you stuck your tongue out at the first sip in front of me. It was a red flag for a bartender like me. You were cute back then, Erwin, smart and bright. Now look at you, worse than a starving addict. "

She laughs alone, while massaging Erwin's shoulders and biceps. His solid muscles have long since vanished, leaving only soft meat barely covering the bones. Erwin looks at her, but not quite, just a blank, unmoving gaze beneath those half-closed eyelids. Looking straight into Erwin's emaciated face is more and more a challenge to Marie's heart. At this point, all she can do is cast a quick glance over his brow, stroking his long blond hair while shaving and bathing him. All because of the frail hope that she keeps for one person who also believes in it—Levi.

"I knew you had feelings for me. At that time, I considered myself very lucky. When both of the most brilliant boys in the corps confessed to me."

Marie tells the story, with a slow lazy tone mixed with breath.
"Erwin, You're perfect, but so far-away, you know? Your mind was filled with fantasies, about freedom and the future of humanity, things none of us dared to dream about. Even the other girls in the bar adored you but only dared to look at you from behind the bar; no one went any further. They were afraid, of you and your future. So did I. So I chose Nile. He was not brave like you, not as handsome as you. But he looked like a husband. He made me feel safe and secure. I bet any girl would do the same. "

Marie exhales, wrapping her legs around Erwin's body and helping him with the hand movements.

"We were worried about you, Nile saw you as a difficult little brother. He always said you would need someone by your side before you went completely fuckup with your insanity. He’s thoughtful isn’t he?… Maybe you would need someone special, a bit trusting, forgiving, and courageous enough to face your death....

Like that Levi, for example..."

She smiles lightly. Run her fingers along the blood vessels and massage the muscles on Erwin's arm, continuing the empty conversation.

"He seems cranky, tough, and strong, like everyone said. Just the kind of scary squire you need. Ever since you enlisted him in the legion, Nile's been talking about him all the time, even though none of the stories are good. They are not doing well with each other, I can say, they curse like some edgy kids in a drunk fight.

But you know what, that day, he melted me. He didn't say anything, just looked at me and knelt down. One look was enough for me to understand... all the stoneface he made. It was just a cover. What I can say, Erwin? Does that mean he respects you, or he loves you? Or how important you are to him?

So wake up, get up to ask him... I want to know too. "

Marie again expects a change, but still, what responds to her is silence.

"Please!"

Marie drops on Erwin's lap, drops her arms, and slowly hugs herself. Her head bows down, every muscle in her face relaxing tiredly, but the tension in her mind makes the corners of her lips twitch. She can't hold back anymore. Tears stream down her cheeks, and she sobs.

"Please, tell me you're still there. Did you hear the tremors? The walls out there have marched, the war has begun. "

She takes a deep breath, sobbing.

"Things are in chaos now. The legion is disbanding. Your crazy scouting team is accused of treason. Been chased and annihilated, internally stabbing each other... Your new commander has just sent the letter back, and they seem to be in despair too. "

"Levi promised me to come back and pick you up, I believe he'll survive. But Nile, my Nile… He can’t. They say he died protecting a family. He died heroically..."

"What does it matter, Erwin? Death is death. Heroic sacrifice makes no difference. They didn't even send me his body... Mariana, Roxy, and Shine... they're still kids. I did my best, I’m exhausted "

"So please... Come back to me, we need each other. "

Marie quickly wipes her tears, smooths her hair, and walks over to the ringing doorbell. Hoping no one sees her red, swollen eyes.

_______________________________

"Levi! I brought you tea!"

With no response from the other side, Hange continued knocking on the door. "Leviiii! Hello"

Suddenly unsettled, Hange kicked the doorknob hard, knocking it open with a loud 'bang'.

"Not again?" They growled.

The kerosene lamp in their hand swept across the room, it was dark and smelt of tea, just like every other night they'd stopped by after their paperwork. Erwin's personal house in Rose.

Levi narrowed his eyes and jerked away, avoiding the warm kerosene light that had become too dazzling in his eyes.

"You scared the hell out of me, Levi," Hange grumbled. "Why is it always so dark… I thought you…"

"You know I can't, Hange!"

"Yes, I know."

Hange sighed. They placed the tea pack on the nightstand and dropped themself in a wheelchair nearby. Its cushion smelled like it was stuffed with dried jasmine, so soft and comfortable, they wondered if Erwin could feel anything while sitting on it? Hange had gotten used to asking themself everything since taking over as Commander. Every time they wanted to ask Erwin, they only received a blank stare from him. They also couldn't ask Levi or Moblit either. The friends they trusted, one was dead, the other was dead living.

Levi seemed the same way, getting used to sitting across from Erwin on the bed with a cup of strong tea, every night. But Levi couldn't look straight in his eyes. He avoided them, or at least that was what Hange saw when they visited.

"Mariana Dawk, daughter of Nile, Commander of the Military Police"
Hange confided, breaking the silence. "She is currently a military medic."

Levi took a sip of his tea, pretending not to hear.

"She's an excellent rookie, and she's very dedicated to her patients. A great pride of the legion for sure! We have never had some one that talent"

"What about her?" Levi asked perfunctorily, "Do I know her?"

Hange was silent. They ran two fingers around their temples and squeezed the skin between their eyebrows, glancing briefly at Erwin's cold face, who was leaning back like a wax figure. How painful, if he had died that day, it might have been less painful, they thought. And they were sure Levi thought so too, but it was just too hard for someone like him to admit.

They liked tea, they both loved tea. It was originally a luxury drink that just a small pinch was enough to make people relax after a tiring day, the good old days. The taste of Levi's tea now was like a sharp nail scratching the throat; it was dense, bitter, and grumpy. As if he intended to slap himself awake despite the fact that sleeping was never a top priority in his day.

"You know what I mean, Levi. Marie is his friend, you can trust her"

"..."

Levi's mind was still a hotpot amid conflicting thoughts. Hange didn't need Miche's sharp nose to smell it in the air around him. Since the first week after they returned from Shiganshina, with Erwin's body, 70% dead and a fatal cut in the left abdomen. Three years since then, still the same.

______________

"Levi! Oh my god"

Hange dropped the tool tray to the ground and grabbed Levi from behind, his body stiff, his breathing ragged like a cowardly thief had just been caught. The room was dark, only the light of a dagger flickered in Levi's hand, which a second ago had nearly pierced Erwin's throat. It was a failed assassination attempt.
A week as a Commander without Moblit was more than enough for Hange to endure. Everything was so messed up, to the point that Levi's madness seemed like a random and logical bad situation for them to vent.

They screamed in panic.

"Drop the freakin knife!"

Levi struggled forward, while Hange used all their strength to hold him away from the hospital bed. Fingernails dug deep into Levi's right wrist, letting a beastly growl erupt from his throat.

"Fuck off! Four-eyed bastard"

Hange's left hand rammed Levi hard in the stomach, once and twice and thrice, until his legs twitched from his loss of balance and he coughed. Hange snatched the knife away and threw it on the table. They weren't sure if it was a super intense burst of adrenaline in their body. Or something that weakened Levi, but controlling him had never been so easy.

"What the hell is this Levi?"

Hange shouted at Levi. Then they picked up the tool tray and hurried back to the hospital bed.

"He's convulsing." They put an arm on Erwin's pillow, carefully tilted his body to the side as the convulsions subsided. Their fingers tucked between his teeth, and their cheek pressed against his sweaty temple. Levi stared at them with half a glance, his brow arched and his teeth clenched at Erwin's convulsion. His tongue had the iron smell of blood, a phantom greasy iron smell in his throat when Hange's fingers bled in Erwin's mouth.

A fever-reducing dose was given intravenously, then they waited for his muscles to relax before putting him back in place. Hange was so good at it they almost forgot they used to be better at torturing people than treating them.
They grumbled, a little grumpy.

"You can't bring down a fever with a knife, how many times have I told you?"

"Never"

"Yes. Because you can't. He needs medicine to cool down. Not blood loss!"

"Death," Levi muttered, "...would be easier for him."

"You almost ruined everything. Our entire effort in a week!"

Levi shut his eyes, blue veins protruding at his temples and neck veins visible under his collar.
"Can we just stop? This is pointless"

"We need him, or I'm going to take that damn job, and the corps will fall apart! The wound closed, he is healing. What's wrong with you?"

Hange changed the bandage. Struggling with their medicine and medical equipment, which helped them prolong Erwin's shaky life for a week from now.

"His damn job, you say" Levi sneered, picking up the knife Hange had thrown on the table. "That's why you're trying to save him, isn't it? To carry that commander in your stead?"

"He is the Commander! Don't act like you don't have a selfish need in your fucking mind."

"You've just admit your intention"

"That's not what I mean… damn it"

Hange jumped up and grabbed Levi by the collar. They had enough trouble to deal with. A new enemy awaited, a thousand new pieces of information needed to be passed, and the only person they could trust was sitting here with a lunatic head. Hange was able to pour out all the pressure they suppressed for the past week on Levi's head to feel better. Yes, that was exactly the purpose of them visiting this room so often. But whenever they faced him, those soulless eyes scared Hange. And the boiling anger again and again coiled inward.

They breathed in and out.
"Levi, tell me. Why now? Why don't you just let him die in the first place? Why did we struggle all the way to this point and now you mess it up?"

"You were the one trying to save him, not me"

"And you agreed to let me do that"

Levi remained silent.

"It's been more than a week… We've tried our "everything" to keep him alive. The wound is closed, it'll only take a little while. I promise, he only needs to survive this week and things will get better. Are you going to give up now?"

"Still breathing, still a chance..." Levi muttered.

"Then why the hell did you assassinate him?"

"I..." Levi took a breath, his breathing so heavy he had to strain himself to keep from shaking. Hange glanced down at Levi's hand. It clenched the knife's handle and he gritted his teeth, the answer coming out without a trace of energy.

"..I can't ... see him like that anymore"

"So what do you want? If I don't stop you, what will you do?"

"He is suffering!"

Hange swallowed hard. They understood what Levi meant. It turned out that they had the same problem. Conflict and desperation were unavoidable for everyone, including the world's strongest man. Hange was savvy enough to recognize a fatal wound. Then they couldn't stop themself from using all sorts of crazy methods just to force Erwin to live. As for Levi, he blindly believed in the hope that Hange built, though he chose to save Armin and let him rest in peace at first.

Two stubborn madmen—a dying corpse tortured by something called hope.

Hange wondered if it was time to stop. Why did they stop Levi's knife? Was that the right decision? Why was he hesitating? And Erwin, why didn't he just die for good?

After Hange's sigh, Levi relaxed his knees, the collar slipped from their hands, and the two sank to the tiled floor. They leaned against the edge of the bed, covered with the smell of antibiotics and antiseptics emanating from Erwin. Exhausted.

"Sorry about that. I'm kinda burned out. "
Hange lamented. Studying the dark circles and fine lines beneath his sunken eyes, which were on show under the bland light.
"Tell me, how long since you slept properly, Levi?"

"Seven"
________

"Seven days," Hange said, with a serious face. "We'll visit Marley in seven days ahead. We need you back, Levi. "

Levi lowered the teacup to his stomach, raised an eyebrow at Erwin, and grimaced.

"I thought I told you I was retired."

"Come on, I know Marie. She is a good person. Her daughter is a military medic. Her husband is also Erwin's friend. He will definitely help. They're perfect choice"

Levi sipped his tea again, deliberately making a loud popping sound when the tea passed through his lips, as if he could use it as an excuse to ignore the talk. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath into his stomach, Hange's words just drifted past his ears. Levi had been preparing for this moment for a long time, ever since he'd started hiding to take care of Erwin. One year, two years, then three years. It's just that he didn't expect Hange to come at this time. When he was used to the pace of life as a nurse, living with his terminally ill patient. Right at the moment Levi had no more motivation to return to the battlefield.

"She can help take care of Erwin while we're gone. Then you can fight with peace of mind. That's the best way for him, for you, and for humanity. "

"Nonsense. Is that the worst idea you can come up with?"
Levi scowled, mocking.

"Don't make me start a sparring fight again, Levi. Can't we just talk properly for once?"

"Fine," Levi replied. With a tone that made Hange feel he was ready for a "stress relief" like a hundred times before.

"We will bring him to Marie's house, and negotiate. I've talked to her a few times already, so I'm sure she won't be shocked. "

"So you prepared in advance?"

Hange smiled faintly. "Prepare is my business."

"What if he dies while I'm gone? What if something happens in my absence?"

Levi tensed, right after a few retorts, just like a hundred other times in the past three years.

"How do you know for sure it will be okay? Can she talk to him all day? Does she get up every three hours to turn him over? Will she help him move his arms and feet five hours a day? Feeding and bathing... and everything"

"… You…" Hange's eyes were wide open.

"He is not just a doll for you to throw him there and survive on his own. It's not that easy!"

Hange stood up from the wheelchair, grabbing Levi's shoulders.

"It's been three years, Levi. Wake the fuck up! No one ever comes back from a coma that long. Even if he wakes up, he won't live long. Probably doesn't even remember who he is. You can't change anything. It's useless. Aren't you the one who wanted to stop first? Why are you being so stubborn now?"

"He's still alive!" Levi's voice cracked, each syllable growling.

"That's what you call alive!" Hange pointed at Erwin, shouted. "We need you, dumbass. You're our hope. You have to kill that monkey, make it pay. Have you forgotten your promise?"

A crack in Levi's hand and the tea cup splintered, his fingers clenched white, tinged with red blood and hot tea. Hange jumped back in a shudder.
T

hey knew full well that it was impossible for Erwin to fully recover, but that very idea was eating Levi away, turning him into a blind maniac. All that mess stems from their own bigotry, a greedy decision in the past for which they now have to pay the price.

The sound of porcelain shards being thrown on the floor brought another crazy thought to their mind. What if they cut Erwin's throat tonight? Hange stared at the piles of broken pieces on the floor. Just a piece of porcelain, Erwin would be freed from this hell and Levi would also stop dreaming. Would it all be easier?

"Hange" Levi gritted his teeth, pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wrapped it around the wound. "Can't you just leave me here? Just pretend I'm dead. The brats are talented. What do you need me for?"

"You abandoned me! Alone! For three years!" Hange's voice was high and shaky.

"You have your subordinates!"

"My subor… Mob…" Hange shook their head with a wry smile. They pressed two fingers to their glasses and quickly turned to face the door, their shoulders shrugging lightly as though they were crying.

"Erwin's funeral was 3 years ago. I've been in this position for so long. The commander is dead; the captain is missing. You think things are easy for me? The kids are counting on you. I don't even know what I'm doing, I don't even know if I'll come back from Marley alive! I'm a fucking scientist. I know you're tired, you've had enough. But Erwin is my friend too! We're losing him. It was hard for both of us! Maybe you forgot, but that day… that day Moblit died too!"

"You're so selfish"
Hange brushed their arm over their cheek and walked away, only letting out a sigh before the door closed completely, speaking without facing Levi.

The room returned back to dreary darkness and the strong smell of tea. Levi looked thoughtfully at the glittering shards lying around, one of them crumbling under Hange's shoe. The white shards reflected the nighttime kerosene lamp, making him sick. Sick of facing an Erwin who was living death, glaring at him every night in his bed under the fake pale light.

Selfish, Levi was a selfish person. That was the only thing that made him in tune with Erwin. He fought for his dream, gave up his humanity and gave orders, sacrificing hundreds of soldiers' lives. But in the end, it was just a soldier's duty, to do what he had to do. In the end, he expected karma to torment himself for a sin he didn't deserve.

Levi was worse, Levi gave up humanity's hope, even refusing the call of his comrade, just because he wanted a peaceful life for that man. In the end, he expected luck to come for a favor he didn't deserve. Even if he knew well, it was pointless bigotry.

Levi crouched down, picking out the biggest shard on the floor, big enough to finish it all off. The corner of his lips curled up slightly in admiration at its perfect sharpness. As if God agreed that was the right thing to do. Levi sighed, stabbing the shard under Erwin's chin. It hit hard, bleeding from both the neck and fingers, and the shards trembled, creating red scratches all over the skin below Erwin's neck. Meanwhile, Levi had a strong desire that he would struggle, wishing that Erwin would resist the madman who was assassinating him. But how disappointing, since that was inherently impossible. Erwin never wanted to live. He probably expected that piece of porcelain to cut his throat a long time ago.

Levi has decided, he would go ahead and end it all. But he was hurt, hurt by Erwin's insensitivity and the feeling of distance, even when their lips were only an inch apart. Things still couldn't be over, the piece still couldn't sink deep enough. He failed, again.