WhatsApp Group Chat
'Avengers (Don't) Assemble'

Renner
alright, who changed the group chat name again

Scarlett
jer, are you not wearing your glasses or something
it's stated clearly in bold "mackie changed the group chat name"
plus, who else in the group would actually come up with such a name for the gc

Mackie
man, i did not come on here just so i could be attacked by you lot
and why won't you guys ever assume that rudd did it

Rudd
idk if i should be flattered or offended that you've just acknowledged me as your accomplice

Stan
how about "flattended"

RDJ
good lord, seb
please leave
and i thought the kid was lame

Tommy
why are you talking about me

Mackie
we're not so stop making this about u

Renner
anyway, shouldn't we add piper into the group chat?

Tommy
omg wait wait wait pls give me a minute before i pass out
i love her so much omg pls

Mackie
too bad, kiddo
seb's playing her love interest

Stan
😌

Tommy
yeah but you're not her actual lover

RDJ
son, you won't be her actual lover either

Rudd
ooh that's gotta sting
hey, kid
do you need some aloe vera for that

Tommy
go away
i'm smol

Stan has added Pipperoo
into the group chat

RDJ
WELCOME PIPPEROO

Renner
WELCOME PIPPEROO

Rudd
WELCOME PIPPEROO

RDJ
damn it, guys

Renner
did we seriously just send those at the exact same time

Rudd
woah that's some telepathy right there

RDJ
my message got sent first
so buzz off, copycats

Renner
i will fight u on this, downey

Pipperoo
i thought rdj was dad #1

Renner
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS PIPPEROO

Rudd
YEAH WHAT ABOUT ME

Tommy
oh my god piper berglund's in the avengers chat

Scarlett
don't mind little tommy
he's just having a moment
but welcome to the family little pipperoo

Pipperoo
he's absolutely adorable
and thank you, guys

Mackie
damn it, piper
we talked about this

Pipperoo
did we?
i must have completely wiped it from my memory bank

Mackie
damn it, seabass
you and your hydra thing's got to piper already

Stan
i didn't do anything

Paul R.
ah i see where this is going
piper's finally rubbed off on sebbers here and that's why he hasn't insulted tom ever since he came on

RDJ
see, my daughter's a good influence

Renner
you mean my daughter

RDJ
i will fight u on this
i have blasters that can blast your damn arrows into oblivion
I ADOPTED PIPER FIRST BEFORE ANY OF YOU
SO
GO
AWAY

Cumberbatch
hello, excuse me
it's 10:30pm so why the bloody hell is everyone still up

Hiddleston
yes why is everyone still awake
and i honestly don't remember flipping anyone off during an interview so where did that picture come from

Hemsworth
alrighty where's my twin

Pratt
present!!!!!!!

Hemsworth
i meant twin #1, pratt
sorry not sorry

Pratt
you wound me

Stan
god knows where twin #1 is
all i know is he's having it rough this week

Mackie
yeah

RDJ
what the hell happened to evans

Stan
girlfriend problems

Mackie
you mean ex-girlfriend problems

Lizzie
woah hang on what

Mackie
oh sure liz, now's the time you decide to show up

Lizzie
hush hush
spill it
what happened
what did that devil of a woman do

Stan
i'm not sure if i should say anything

Evans
alright i'm here
what is it

Rudd
ok he's cranky
weewoo abort mission, gang 🚀🚨

RDJ
you okay, bud?

Evans
no 'cause i just got my heart ripped out

Stan
mind you, piper's in the group chat already

Pipperoo
hey

Evans
okay both our hearts got ripped out

Hemsworth
woah woah hang on now
what do you mean the both of you?

Scarlett
have you guys already met?

Chadwick
what the hell is going on

Pipperoo
yes, we met
at my apartment building
last week

RDJ
what in the world were you even doing there in the first place, chris?
and how did you find out where piper lives?

Mackie
actually rdj, he was paying holly the she-devil a visit

Rudd
i-
what

Lizzie
... say that again?

Renner
i'm a 100% sure their first meeting with each other looked a lot different in my head

Hiddleston
you're saying holly lives in the same apartment building as piper?

Mackie
yeah, like literally in the apartment unit that's right next to hers

Lizzie
oh my god

Piper
okay, technically
my ex-boyfriend is also to blame

Evans
holly cheated on me with piper's now ex-boyfriend, vince
and vince cheated on piper with my now ex-girlfriend, holly

Pratt
... brb my soul left the chat

Bettany
so has mine

Don
i'd say welcome to the family but it would seem a little inappropriate right now

Tommy
my soul has also left the chat brb

Hiddleston
good lord... i'm so sorry that the both of you had to go through that, and what's worse, have your first meeting with one another under such circumstances. please know that all of us are here for you. x

Pipperoo
thank you, tom. that's really sweet of you.

Evans
thanks, brother.
sending you lots of love.

Hemsworth
shall i give the bloke a black eye
i'd be more than happy to do so

Lizzie
yeah and can me, scar and danai just go over to her place and y'know, have a nice chat with her

Danai
just so you know, we'll be doing a little more than that

Evans
that's alright, ladies
no need for violence

Scarlett
we weren't suggesting any

Pipperoo
no no, it's okay, chris
thanks for the offer though
my brother's already taken care of him

Evans
woah wait what

Pipperoo
you'll probably see it in the tabloids within the next few days, i think

RDJ
can i adopt your brother too

Renner
FIGHT ME

Rudd
did he pay that fucking asswipe a visit or something

Pipperoo
actually, the asswipe paid me a visit and my brother happened to be with me at the time
he answered the door, saw him and then proceeded to give him a black eye

Hemsworth
what a badass

RDJ
well i was actually gonna talk about the christmas party but that's okay
we can talk about that in a few days' time
are the both of you sure you're okay? you know, we're always here for you

Evans
yeah

Pipperoo
yeah

Evans
we just might need some time, you know?

Piper
^

Bettany
alright my soul came back

Rudd
oh god pls leave bettany

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a/n; oop- 😯