Friday morning I stayed in bed watching the red numbers on my alarm clock shift and change with each passing minute until it finally reached 6:30 AM, the time I normally got up to get ready for school. I had stayed awake all night keeping a dutiful eye on the clock. I was terrified about falling asleep and possibly waking up in the middle of my 30th birthday party, unable to recall the glory of my college days. 

Satisfied that it was in fact just the next day, I dressed in my normal faded jeans, a long sleeve teal t-shirt and my favorite black hoodie. When I looked in the mirror I saw me, Vivian, exactly how I was used to seeing myself. Tart-free. Thankful for this, I headed down stairs for breakfast.

I could hear voices in the kitchen. It was an odd sound for me; the clanking of silverware on dishes and a woman’s voice in a calm even tone, probably talking about something mundane like the weather.  Usually I ate breakfast alone, and my mother only ventured out of bed occasionally. As I entered the kitchen though, there she was. She was dressed, even had her hair pulled back in a loose bun and when she looked up at me she had life in her eyes for the first time in months. My dad looked up at me and seemed grateful to see me.

“Viv, good morning! Your mother has a job interview today, isn’t that great?”

“Wow, I mean, yes. Yes that’s great,” I said as I slid in to the chair beside her. With some effort, she smiled and then looked down at her toast.

I would have loved to ask her more about her pending interview but I didn’t want to push it. This was the longest we had been in the same room together in some time. I often wondered if she had a hard time talking to me because Molly and I looked so much alike. I reached across the table for a napkin. It was just outside of my reach so I stood slightly and reached out further. When I did so my gold coin necklace fell out from beneath my jacket and rested against my chest. I would have thought nothing of it, if my mother hadn’t jumped up and grabbed the thing, yanking me back down into my seat and scaring the hell out of me.

“Why are you wearing this? Where did you find it,” she demanded. I thought she was mad but when I looked in her eyes I saw nothing but fear and disbelief.

“Ow! In a box. Right after we moved in. It looked kind of cool so I thought I’d wear it,” I lied. I threw in a probing question while I was at it, seeing as how I really had no idea what the origins of the necklace were. “Is it yours? You can have it back.”

She let the necklace slip from her fingers. There were tears welling up in her eyes.

“No, it’s yours. You should keep it.” Her voice was barely a whisper. She got up from the table and slowly walked back upstairs. So much for her recovery, I had ruined it.

My dad put his hand over mine which I suddenly realized was glued tightly to the table, my fingers turning white with the pressure.

“You didn’t do anything wrong sweetheart. In fact, I think you’re dong really well. You are, aren’t you? Doing really well?”

“Yea Dad, I’m fantastic.” I didn’t mean to sound so glib but I was tired and frustrated. He had no idea what I had been going through. He thought he did, but there was no way he could. I kept my secrets buried deep.

I was saved from further talk about how well I was doing by the doorbell ringing loudly in the front hall. My dad and I both jumped a little. It was the first time we had ever heard the doorbell ring in our new house. I was more than mildly curious but I let my dad go answer it, mostly so he would leave the room.

While briefly alone, Miranda appeared, sitting in the chair across the table from me. She was visibly shaking. Her slender arms were wrapped around herself and her head hung down so that her hair fell in front of her face. I could hear her softly crying in my head. I wondered what could possibly be scaring the little ghost so much.

“Miranda? What’s wrong? Is Katrina bothering you again? You can talk to me you know.  You don’t have to listen to her.”

She slowly lifted her head. Her eyes were deep and so dark they looked like hallow holes. She looked past me, towards the front hall. She seemed to be assessing how much time she had before we were no longer alone. Finally, she spoke to me.

“She doesn’t want you to ask. About the necklace I mean. She doesn’t want you to remember it.”

Remember it? My mind flipped back to a few minutes before when my mother had told me begrudgingly that the necklace was my own. I didn’t remember ever having owned it though. I had never seen it before Molly gave it to me. Or at least, I didn’t remember ever seeing it before. I tried to think back, first a few years, then more. So much of my own past was a mystery to me. It was full of holes and blackouts.

Just before my father entered the room again I looked back at Miranda. She was holding something in her right hand, close to her chest. I felt faint. Enclosed in her small fist was a gold coin, hanging from a chain around her neck. She lifted it, and tucked it under her clothing, out of view.

“Don’t tell,” she pleaded, and was gone.

My father walked in with a huge smile spreading across his face.

“It’s for you! You didn’t tell me you made a friend.”

He was obviously thrilled by this revelation. By the time we moved I had lost what few friends I had at my old school. It used to utterly confuse me when I lost a friend over some disagreement I didn’t even recall having, but after this week I was starting to figure out that I wasn’t always myself.

I was going to guess that my visitor was Julia but the goofy grin on my dad’s face made me wonder. I tentatively turned the corner and at the end of the hall standing by the front door and looking most uncomfortable, was Luke.

I nervously lifted a hand to give him a little wave, too embarrassed to actually open my mouth and use words. To my surprise he smiled sweetly. I walked down the hall and stopped just in front of him, close enough for the tips of our shoes to touch. I looked up at him, right into his dark brown eyes. I realized that it actually felt quite comfortable to stand this close to him, like we had done this before. And, apparently, we had. Even more surprising, I found myself thinking that he was pretty cute, in an adorable, awkward, dorky kind of way. This time I kissed him for real. Thankful that I would still remember doing it later, I closed my eyes and let him pull me closer. I figured I might as well take advantage of the head start Katrina had given me. It would probably make her furious that her little tricks had backfired; which made it that much sweeter.

At some point I would have to figure out what the deal was with the mysterious necklace and why my mother seemed so freaked out about it. Later though, not right then. Not while I could enjoy being with Luke, and forget for just a little while, all of the things that were haunting me.