We arrive at Nikki's childhood home a half-hour late, but I'm too content with her beside me to care. It's worth Connor's glower and Rachel's knowing smirk.

"We brought cranberry sauce," I say as a peace offering.

Rachel claps her hands together and squeals. "Thank God!" She sweeps forward and retrieves the dish from my hands. "The kids ate what I made, sneaked the whole container right out from under my nose. Little brats."

I suppress a chuckle. Connor scowls, says, "Those are my kids you're insulting, Rae," and gestures us inside.

Rachel flounces toward the kitchen. "Well, they get it from you."

Nikki giggles beside me, Rachel grins at Connor's exasperated expression. The banter between the three warms me, shows me a caring side I wasn't permitted earlier. Instead of glares, I get grins. Instead of festering memory, there's warmth.

Together, we shed our winter layers and boots. I follow Nikki down the hall, admiring the assortment of handmade decorations adorning stair railings, doorways, and picture frames. So different from the ranch's empty walls and dreary rustic color. Here, there's wood burning in the fireplace, the scent of pine in the air, and Christmas songs playing from the TV. Everything I wanted to suppress from this holiday hitting me like a MAC truck.

"There's mulled wine on the stove, beer, and soda in the fridge," Connor calls after us. "Help yourselves."

Riley and Ainsley look up from where they frost sugar cookies at the kitchen counter. "Auntie Nik!" Riley squeals, lurching from his chair and running full speed toward her.

She bends down to receive his embrace, followed by a softer hug from Ainsley. "Merry Christmas, Auntie Nik," she says in her sweet voice, smiling a gap-toothed grin.

"Merry Christmas, guys," Nikki returns, standing as Riley leads her away toward the living room.

Ainsley eyes me, licks frosting from her fingers with what I can only describe as a calculating grin. I snag a few sodas from the fridge, offer one to Nikki. Following Riley and her cues, I sit down on the couch, smile at Connor's daughter.

"Hi," Ainsley says, coming closer and resting her hands on my knees.

"Hello."

"You took us to the tree-lighting yesterday, in a real-life sleigh!" She announces, eyes alight with wonder.

"I did," I confirm, casting a shifty look at Nikki.

"I like you." She declares. Then, suddenly. "Are you gonna marry Aunt Nik?"

Nikki's jaw drops slack. I choke on my soda. "What?"

Ainsley beams between us. "Daddy says you really like her."

Recovered a bit, I clear my throat and manage. "I do."

"When my daddy liked Riley's mom, he married her. I liked her, too." The little girl dances on her tiptoes. "I'm gonna help you marry Auntie Nik."

Nikki splutters adorably, casts me an apologetic look. She's pink under her green and white sweater. Deciding I can make her redder, I give Ainsley a conspiratorial wink.

"Well," I crook a finger, whisper in her ear. "I'll need all the help I can get."

Ainsley shrieks with laughter. At Nikki's exasperated glance, I give an affable shrug. When Connor and Rachel join us, steal the kids' attention with final dinner preparations and table settings, she scoots toward me on the couch.

"What did you tell her?"

I peck her nose. "Nothing you need to worry about."

She shoves me. "Forest!"

Grabbing her hand, I half-wrench her into my lap, dig my fingers into the ticklish spot I found this morning. "You're cute when you're flustered."

"No!" She barks with laughter, trying to wriggle away from my assault. "Uncle! Uncle!"

We romp for a bit, which prompts Ainsley and Riley to join. Then I know I messed up as three pairs of hands wrestle me to the floor. The kids sit on my chest and stomach while Nikki pins my legs and attacks my feet.

"Mercy!" I writhe, buck, fail to unseat the tiny terrors.

"We take no prisoners!" Riley calls.

Ainsley, the little traitor, cheers. "Get him, Auntie Nik!"

A few more minutes of tickle torture pass before Connor calls off his minions. "Dinner's ready! Wash up, butts in seats."

I pant on the ground, winded and mildly cramped from laughing. Nikki dismounts with a proud smirk, a sassy swing to her hips, and heads for the kitchen. Rachel peers down her nose at me, arms folded while the rest of the family giggles and places food on the table.

"Y'know," she muses, "All this time I thought you were a big scary monster. Then I see you get taken down by kids."

"They had help," I wheeze.

"Uh-huh." She extends her hand in an offering. When I accept and stand, she grins up at me. "Glad you're here."

I return the gesture. "Glad I was invited."

Washed up, we head into the dining room. Nikki gives a cheeky wink, pats the seat beside her. Amusement sparkles between us. I glance at her and cock a brow. She returns it with that precious wrinkling of her nose and a shrug. Truce.

It happens before I can think about it, my hand grasping hers under the table. The kids are still rambunctious around us, Connor and Rachel tutting them into their seats while the last dishes are brought out. Nikki grins at me, bright eyes sparkling under the low-hanging chandelier.

There's a squeeze against my palm, a quickening in my chest. "You're kinda good with kids."

"You sound surprised."

"Not really." She blinks, flushes. "It's just...I don't know. You're kind of perfect."

I lean closer to her, whisper in a growl, "Bah humbug."

"You two are disgustingly cute." Rachel declares loudly, shattering our little moment.

Nikki gives an adorable squeak, realizing our audience. I merely smirk, draw our hands out from under the table, and place a kiss across her knuckles. Damn right.

The family joins hands, gives thanks for the meal. Plates pass around, conversation pours. We pile turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce sky high, exchange silly anecdotes between mouthfuls. Most is fueled by Riley, and occasionally Ainsley. Everything from school to superheroes. My face hurts from smiling so widely, chest full to bursting from such warmth.

"So, those canvases you've worked on this month," Connor shifts attention to Nikki. "Will we be mailing them back to Maine?"

The hurt simmers. I take a long draw from my beer to distract from the shaky gasp Nikki makes. It shouldn't ache as it does. She told me from the start that this was temporary. It's my own damn fault for getting so attached, wanting this so hard.

"Actually," she wipes her mouth primly with her napkin, hand going to my knee under the table. "I was thinking of staying."

"Really?" Rachel purrs. She's flushed, a lightweight like her sister, pleasantly buzzed after a single mug of mulled wine. "Thought you said you had no reason to stay."

Nikki bites her lip to keep from smiling, tilts those bright blues to me from under her lashes. "Maybe I do."

Something snaps deliciously inside me. Unfettered wonder explodes. This can be more than temporary. This is passion made possible.

"Right, Forest?" Ainsley startles me from my dumbstruck admiration of her aunt.

"I'm sorry." I blink, focus, realize I have no idea what just transpired in the last few minutes. "What was the question?"

Connor saves me with a knowing smirk, nods toward his daughter. "Ainsley was just saying how much fun it would be to have Auntie Nik around more."

"Then, we'd have someone to play with other than Auntie Rae."

Rachel looks affronted. "What's wrong with playing with Auntie Rae?"

"You're always doing homework." Riley whines. "It's boring."

She rolls up her sleeves. "I'll show you boring, you little twerp."

"Alright!" Connor laughs and calls a stop to whatever shenanigans are about to transpire. "Cleanup, then playtime."

Everyone shuffles from the table to pre-assigned tasks. The kids take up dish-duty while Rachel and Nikki pack up leftovers. Seeing me empty-handed and feeling useless, Connor nods toward the dessert table.

"Start slicing the pies, would you?" He pulls a knife from a butcher block and hands it to me handle-first. "If you think you can manage."

The doorbell rings as I accept the task. Nikki washes and dries her hands, casting a curious look at her family. "You all expecting anyone?"

Connor shakes his head, loading the last of the dishes into the drying rack. "Must be carolers."

I watch Nikki head to the door, humming softly. Answering, a tall stranger steps over the threshold, hands her a bouquet of red roses. Arms go around her waist in a hug, then fuses his mouth to hers.

Not again...

The warmth inside disintegrates like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Fury and betrayal, wretched, cold, and familiar, claw my exposed heart, tear the breath from my lungs. I have no walls, no barriers. She's shattered them with her eyes, her words, her touch.

Then the frost encroaches, and I welcome it. I was a fool to think I had a place here, that I could have this fucking fantasy. There's no world where I'm perfect, no place where I'm whole. I'm wrecked and worthless.

I don't belong here.