This oneshot isn't 3000 words long

It's not 4000 words long either

And it's not 5000

6525

This crap is over 6000 words long.

You can't image how I fucking tired I am of this stupid songfic and I had to stop myself various times from just deleting it and starting anew

So you better appreciate this otherwise I'll commit arson on all of you.

So about the actual songfic-

This crap is so old that it has been in my drabbles since before Tommy was exiled and since one day I felt like finishing it, I tried (and boy do I wish I didn't)

It's basically pre exile Tommy sulking in his angsty self and just acting like a depressed teen with raging hormones. Oh and he also has family issues.

With that said though, this is probably the most detailed angst I've ever written-

So uh I've actually got a few more important things to say but I'll say then at the end of the chapter so uh

READ THIS AND APPRECIATE IT SINCE I WORKED SO EFFING HARD ON THIS

Song: "Youth" by Daughter

Shadows settle on the place, that you left

The sun was starting to set and the shadows were slowly rising over the Dream smp.

If Tommy was in L'manburg he would've seen many comforting lights shine over his paths, guiding him back the that hole he liked to call his home.

The problem was that he wasn't in L'manburg, but in Pogtopia.

The blond never particularly liked that place, if he had to describe the period of time he had lived there with one adjective he would've had to struggle to find a positive one after all, but now that everything was over he liked it even less.

Why?

Because it reminded him of Wilbur.

And sure, the memories those stone walls held weren't all exactly the best, but whether he liked them or not those were all he had left of him.

The smp was moving on from his brother and being the vice president, he was forced to sit there and give his best friend thumbs up as he buried even deeper the happy memories he shared with Wilbur.

Our minds are troubled by the emptiness

He missed the brunette terribly and he somehow thought that visiting Pogtopia would've made him feel like his brother was still there, but instead of seeing his caring older sibling, all he could think of was that terrorist who he could barely refer to as a friend, even less as his beloved brother.

Maybe it would've been better if he had stayed in L'manburg, but even that place was starting to feel like home less and less

Tommy groaned as he shook his head muttering something among the lines of "I shouldn't have done this..."

He started making his way back to L'manburg: if Pogtopia wasn't going to somehow ease the pain he felt, there just wasn't any reason for him to stay there.

Destroy the meadow, it's a waste of time

"Let's be the bad guys!"

Was that really the first thing that came to his mind when he thought of his brother?

Ever since the two of them were exiled, Wilbur had changed completely. From the caring and funny person he once was, he became cold and unstable.

That Wilbur tossed him around like an object.

His Wilbur would've never done that.

Tommy was proud of Tubbo. He truly was. The brunette was doing an incredible job as L'manburg's new president, but the boy couldn't help but wish things had stayed the same as they were after his duel with Dream.

Everything his older brother had worked for was gone. The original L'Manburg? Destroyed. His place as president? It belonged to someone else now.

And now he was dead.

Forever to be remembered as that unstable individual that blew the old L'Manburg up.

The long war between Pogtopia and Manburg didn't leave any winners.

Wilbur was dead.

Schlatt was dead.

Techno was nowhere to be found.

Had all the struggles he'd been going through…really worth it…?

"What a waste of time."

From the perfect start to the finish line

Things had started out greatly and after his duel with Dream, L'Manburg had officially become its own country, detached from the Dream SMP.

Sure, he lost his second life in a rather painful manner and made the other L'Manburgians worried sick, but he did it for his brother and seeing his proud smile as he watched over his country just made him feel like all the pain was worth it.

That smile was now gone forever.

Some may have argued that L'Manburg was actually a better place to live in now, but without his brother's calm and warm smile, that cursed country was never going to feel like home to him ever again.

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones

Tommy let out a sigh of relief as he reached the end of those woods and finally entered L'Manburg.

The memories of his time in Pogtopia slowly started to fade away, washed away by the soft breeze.

That didn't mean he felt less sore, on the contrary, as most of his negative emotions left his body, he just felt numb.

Tommy's head was low, he didn't care if some of his friends called him or waved at him, nothing mattered to him anymore.

Nothing except for him.

There he was. One of the few things left that was keeping him bound to that country.

Tubbo.

Unlike Tommy, Tubbo was happy.

To him everything was perfect: Schlatt was gone, all the conflicts were over, he was watching over the city with his best buddy Tommy and Wilbur was back to normal.

Why would he be sad?

He wondered when the two of them had grown so far apart from each other, going from being able to feel if the other was in trouble from very far away to Tubbo not seeing - or maybe ignorinh, although Tommy didn't want to believe that was the sake - his friend's unhappiness.

Even though Tubbo had grown during the wars they fought together, he still thought that being free and able to breathe fresh air was a given, and not a privilege that only some people had.

'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs

And well, Tommy wasn't in that group of people as he was still struggling to breathe the air of change that levitated around him, still drowning in bad memories and bitterness.

"He doesn't understand, let him be happy." Tommy told himself.

Tubbo couldn't understand how he felt.

Neither could Philza.

Philza…

Tommy was incredibly mad at him. Same as for Techno.

Wilbur had died and he came back as a dumb fucking ghost that didn't resemble his brother at all.

It just wasn't the same.

Yet his father and his brother didn't seem to care.

Techno had disappeared after the festival.

Philza was too busy helping Tubbo around. When Tommy thought about it, Philza really seemed to like Tubbo.

Meanwhile it was almost as if the older blond literally struggled to even look Tommy in the eyes ever since he joined, let alone starting a conversation with him...

Maybe he liked Tubbo more than his youngest son.

Setting fire to our insides for fun

The boy walked into his base, probably hoping to get some shut eye, but as he entered something caught his attention.

There was a small copy of the L'Manburgian flag on the floor.

Tommy unconsciously picked it up, not even realizing how many painful memories that simple action was going to shove inside him.

He remembered watching how L'Manburg's flag burned. The look of pure horror and the tears that dwelled in his brother's eyes.

He felt something hot burning in his stomach, it wasn't a pleasant warmth, it was a boiling pain.

Nostalgia?

No, nostalgia didn't hurt that bad.

Regret.

Collecting names of the brothers that went wrong

There was a picture of L'Manburg hanging on the wall.

It must've been taken shortly after the rebellion since Nihachu and Jack Manifold were there.

They all looked so happy...

Wilbur and him must've been doing a pretty good job at looking after the country.

He wondered what those people thought about them now, not about him or about Wilbur singularly, about the two of them as a whole.

Two siblings that shared a strong bond?

Two boys that would be at each other's side until the end?

Or two brothers that went wrong?

The brothers that went wrong

At that point Tommy couldn't keep his tears in anymore.

He dug his face inside the flag and suddenly memories came bursting through his mind.

We are the reckless
We are the wild youth

He remembered the old L'manburg, with its great and tall walls. Although from an outsider's point of view they might've seemed very intimidating, the only feeling they stirred inside Tommy was safety.

Back when L'Manburg wasn't a heavy burden he was forced to carry to not disappoint his friends.

Back when he was allowed to have fun with Tubbo.

Back when he was allowed to be a kid.

Back when he knew Wilbur would've been there to help him when he needed him.

Back when L'Manburg was a beautiful symphony about to be finished.

Chasing visions of our futures

He remembered his friends.

He remembered messing around with Tubbo, Niki, Fundy and Jack Manifold

He remembered making a few plans for his future, which still surprised him to this day since he was never the organized type.

He remembered seeing himself as the proud vice president of a thriving nation, whose citizens were united by a strong bond with one another.

One day we'll reveal the truth

And he finally remembered how angry he was at himself for all those illusions he had created after everything went downhill.

He remembered the rage boiling inside him as he was thrown out of his country just because JSchlatt felt like exiling him and how nobody dared to speak up against that ruthless order.

He remembered the disbelief he felt as Wilbur started stranding further and further away from him and as he helplessly watched him become the monster he was remembered as.

He remembered the feeling of anger as nobody around him tried to do anything to help him, to make him smile, to ease the weight he had to carry over his shoulders.

By the time he was able to get back his role as the vice president, he was undeniably broken but at least he could tell himself that all those negative experiences had revealed to him the truth about his world.

Trust anyone other than yourself and you'll most likely end up regretting it.

That one will die before he gets there

He remembered running over to Wilbur's lifeless corpse and shaking it, hoping for some kind of response but the only ones he got were all sympathetical looks from his so called friends.

He remembered screaming, he wasn't screaming words, he was just screaming.

Screaming at the unfairness of the universe they lived in, who took a perfectly sane and pacific man who was willing to give his own life to fight for his ideals and completely crushed him.

He remembered how Wilbur used to ask his opinion on things regarding L'Manburg, he even remembered some of the events the older had planned for when they "won" the election.

Tommy couldn't help but wish that he actually got the chance to witness said plans, even though he considered them boring at the time.

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones

Tommy snapped back into reality as he felt the salty liquid steaming down his cheeks, coming from his red and puffy eyes.

He cringed as he realized that he had just broken down in his base, for anyone who walked past it to see, over a fucking piece of cloth that didn't mean anything to anyone anymore.

Or that at least shouldn't have meant anything to anyone anymore.

He tried to convince himself otherwise, but deep down he wasn't able to let the old L'manburg go, and he was apparently the only one who was struggling with that issue.

So much had changed in so little time, and yet nobody seemed upset about it, almost as if they had forgotten the old L'manburg.

He wondered if he was lucky to still remember it, to still remember the walls, the drug van, the actual meaning of L'Manburg, his brother...

Maybe he'd be better off if he had just forgotten, forgotten the nostalgia, the regret, the sorrow, forgotten about all the pain he had gone through.

But cuts like those don't stop bleeding magically, the only thing that can heal them is time and Tommy certainly couldn't afford to sulk over them as he waited for them to heal.

He had to be there, for Tubbo and for everyone else.

Sure, his scars would bleed at first, but they would stop eventually, after all they wouldn't continue to bleed forever right?

'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone

He wondered if Wilbur would've still cared about L'Manburg if he had survived. He did say that L'Manburg didn't matter to him anymore but Tommy still believed that his brother would've shared his feelings towards the old L'Manburg.

Wilbur wasn't exactly the same during the last period of his life.

He had never smiled, and no, his crazed grins didn't count, a smile is something people should have when they're truly happy, although it didn't seem like a lot of people shared that opinion.

Speaking of smile, when was the last time Tommy himself had smiled? He probably did when Tubbo was chosen to be the next president, although it mustn't have been there for long since shortly after both Techno and Wilbur turned their backs on him.

Tommy didn't cry in front of Wilbur's corpse. He screamed, but he didn't cry. Maybe if it had happened before he went through all the shit he went through he would've.

But by the time the fight was over, after the betrayals, traumas and bloodshed, he was already broken.

He pretended he was just fine with everything and even though his excitement was genuine from time to time, most of the time he just exaggerated his emotions to make sure nobody noticed how off he actually was.

And up to that point it had worked, nobody suspected a thing, or at least nobody except for the newcomer: Ranboo.

The other teenager seemed to have noticed something was wrong with him, which was incredibly ironic since they barely knew each other while his own family and best friends didn't stick around enough to see it.

We're setting fire to our insides for fun

Tommy tried to ignore the burning guilt that piled up in his stomach, he really did, but it's something very hard to do when we consider that the boy himself believed he deserved what he was going through.

He deserved feeling bad for not being able to convince Wilbur to not press the button or Techno to let them be, for still sulking over his past and not moving one like the rest of his friends and for not supporting Tubbo like he supported Wilbur.

Perhaps he would've felt even emptier if he were to actually throw that feeling away. All the burn marks left on his heart were familiar to him, the new L'manburg wasn't.

Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home

Maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe he was just tearing himself down for no reason at all, but that thought was quickly drowned by the millions of voices in his head telling him otherwise.

Only then did Tommy realize that he wasn't just still holding the flag, but he was also clutching it very tightly.

He immediately threw it away, as if in disgust. Why the hell was that even in his base to begin with?! When the hell did he attach all of those photos to his wall?!

Was he just trying to purposely remind himself of his failures? Was that a way to torture himself remembering what he had lost? Or maybe was that a sad attempt to try to get back all the positive feelings he had felt during those times?

He should've probably stopped collecting memories of the old L'manburg, but he didn't have the strength to do so.

He just didn't.

It was a flood that wrecked this

Tommy speed walked outside his base and onto the wooden path that led to the inner part of the country.

Maybe he just needed to talk about his feelings with someone, well he didn't actually believe that he was going to feel better after doing so but people always told him otherwise so maybe it would've worked...right?

Yeah he wasn't completely on board with the idea but at that moment he just needed to give himself an excuse to exit his base and leave those sorrowful memories behind.

He was in such a rush that he didn't notice the people standing before him as they talked to themselves until he bumped into one of them.

And you caused it

"Woah mate, what's with the rush?" Philza exclaimed as he managed to grab his arm moments before the boy fell down.

Thanks to the older player's help, Tommy managed to catch his balance but he panicked as he realized that not only Philza, but also Tubbo, Ranboo were there.

"Oh ehm- HI DAD! I wasn't in a rush, I don't see why you would think that!" The blond chuckled nervously.

"Because you bumped into Philza as you were running at like, 800 miles per hour? I think that's a pretty good reason." Tubbo joked, making both Philza and himself chuckle. Ranboo wasn't laughing though.

"Are you alright Tommy? You seem very upset." Ranboo asked, his tone sounding worried.

"Wha- me?! Of course I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?!" Did Tommy say he was going to vent with someone, did he actually say that? Nah, he's sure he didn't.

"Yeah Toms, would you like some blue?" Ghostbur? When did Ghostbur even arrive?!

A little ember flickered inside Tommy as he noticed the ghost's presence, an ember that turned into a wildfire when he referred to him using the nickname Wilbur had created when they were younger.

"No I don't want your fucking blue! Unlike you, I am willing to deal with the consequences of my actions!" The boy growled as he slapped Ghostbur's hand away, making the blue fall on the ground.

"T-Tommy? What are you-"

"No you sad excuse of a ghost, you listen to me now!" He roared, cutting his so called brother off, under the others' surprised eyes.

"Don't you even dare call me Toms, only my family members and Tubbo can do that, and you aren't any of those things!"

"What do you mean Tommy? I thought Wilbur was your brother...?" Ranboo asked.

"Yeah, I Wilbur is my brother, not this fucking ghost." Ghostbur gasped quietly, feeling deeply hurt by Tommy's words.

And you caused it

"What the fuck Tommy?! Apologize to Ghostbur! So what if he's not Wilbur anymore? You can't just go around and say these kinds of things to him!" Philza exclaimed.

"No, I refuse to apologize to this... stranger! Wilbur was a kind and proud leader who would rather die than give into his enemies. He wasn't a coward!" Tears formed in the corner of Tommy's eyes but he wasn't going to let them fall.

"Tommy stop shouting! You have no right to be this mean to Ghostbur, he didn't do anything!" Tubbo tried to stop his best friend's rambling, failing miserably.

"Haven't any of you realized how bad I've been feeling?! Haven't any of you thought that maybe losing everything I've loved would have a negative effect on me?!" Tommy yelled, his tears becoming harder and harder to hold back as he went on.

"Maybe I would've been able to cope with it better if someone asked me how I felt, but nope, I'm the great Tommyinnit and I'm always supposed to be okay, even though my brother just got fucking murdered, you want me to be happy and support your desitions without a second thought!"

"And as if that wasn't enough, I see you hanging around with this ghost as if he was Wilbur. Why can't any of you see that this isn't Wilbur?!" The pain in his voice made Ranboo flinch.

As an enderman hybrid, he was very sensitive to emotions and to him more than anyone, it was clear that this outburst wasn't just some ansgty teenager's anger issues: it was the result of days and days of bottled up sorrows.

"What pains me the most is that this fucker right here is happy while I need to face the consequences of everything that happened!" Tommy continued, his tone starting to break.

"None of you was there when the leader of Pogtopia tried to manipulate me and when he physically and mentally abused me, yet you expect me to just be happy that Wilbur is dead and that this ghost is here to replace him!"

"So yes Ghostbur, there IS something wrong with me." The blond boy finally spat out as he turned towards the ghost staring next to him.

Tears were streaming down Ghostbur's transparent cheeks and the face he had made it seem like he was scared for his life.

Ranboo noticed that, and so did the others, but unlike them Ranboo's attention wasn't turned towards how the ghost was feeling, but rather towards Tommy.

"And guess what fucker," Tommy continued, his voice tainted with so much hatred that it was almost touchable.

"You caused it"

And you caused it

Those were just a bunch of words but hell, did they hurt worse than a stab wound.

"I... I'm s-sorry Tommy b-but I-I have to g-go." And in the blink of an eye, the crying ghost was out of sight.

"What the fuck was that for?!" Philza exclaimed.

"Why don't any of you see it?! He's not Wilbur!" Tommy yelled back.

"I know he's never going to be Wilbur but that doesn't excuse your behaviour towards him!"

"That pussy gets the easy way out thanks to his inability to remember anything bad that happened to him while I'm left to mend for myself despite having gone through the exact same pain Wilbur went through, don't I have the right to be pissed about it?!"

"Well yeah but you didn't go insane like fucking Wilbur did!"

"Just because I managed to hold myself back from becoming a full on terrorist it doesn't mean that my life has all been peaches and flowers! Hell you don't even know what happened to me in Pogtopia so how can you say I haven't suffered as much as him?!"

"Tommy, as someone who was there I-"

"Shut the fuck up! You haven't been there as much as I was, you weren't mentally and physically like I was! Why can't any of you understand?!"

"No Tommy, why can't you understand that you can't just treat everyone like this just because you're feeling upset! That's just selfish!"

Tommy was so done.

Did that mean he wasn't allowed to be mad? He wasn't allowed to want to hold resentment? Or to want to finally be free from his burden?

Was it selfish to miss one of, if not the person he cared about the most?

"Oh so now you're saying that the guy who gave his most prized possession away, who turned down the chance of running away and finally being happy and who got the shit beaten out of him from Technoblade to defend you is selfish?!"

"Wait what the- what the hell happened before I arrived?!" Philza's eyes widened.

"Wait no Tommy, that's not what I meant-"

"Really now? It's not like you just called me selfish in front of Philza, of course not!" Tommy rolled his eyes. "I wanted nothing other than having a good time, is that too fucking much to ask?! Is it selfish of me to want to be free?!" He shouted furiously.

"You know what? Fuck you two. Fuck you Philza for acting as if you always know what's right despite not having a single fucking clue of what's happening and always acting basing you beliefs of the first things you hear and fuck you Tubbo for expecting me to sacrifice my all damn life to this country while you just chill doing nothing!"

"Tommy wait-"

But it was too late. The teenager has already broken into a run and his silhouette had quickly disappeared behind some trees.

Philza and Tubbo shared a guilty look and half expected Ranboo to do the same, except he didn't.

Instead, he started sprinting after his friend.

If those two wanted to bitch and whine so be it, Ranboo was having none of that.

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget

Tommy didn't know where he was running, he just was. His eyes were all watery due to the salty tears that were now streaming down his face so it's not like he could tell anyway.

He brutally snapped back to reality when he tripped on something and fell on the ground.

He pushed himself up in a sitting position as he started having a coughing fit because of some dirt that had gotten inside his mouth.

Between the coughing and the sobbing, he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. It felt like he was drowning.

Was this how he was going to die? Suffocating inside of his patheticalness? That would've been a funny way to go, wouldn't it?

Maybe he would've been replaced by a pussy ghost version of himself and everyone would have loved it more than they ever loved him, maybe he would've also gotten the chance to see his Wilbur again!

Or maybe he would've just disappeared into nothingness; he wondered if the others would've even noticed it.

My eyes are damp from the words you left

"It was never meant to be…"

"You wanna be a hero Tommy? THEN DIE LIKE ONE!"

"Tommy when I said you weren't going to be president, that- that wasn't a challenge! That's true. You're never going to be president!"

"And my friend decree, as president… THE EMPEROR of this great country...is to REVOKE the citizenship of Wilbur Soot, and Tommyinnit!"

Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest

"WHY CAN'T I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH?!"

Was Tommy talking? Why was he talking? He was alone after all.

"How come no matter what I do the people I choose to trust always end up hating me one way or another?!" His voice sounded strangely threatening despite how broken it was.

"Why did Schlatt exile me when I did nothing wrong? Why did Technoblade unleash those withers all over L'Manburg risking to kill every single citizen? Why did Wilbur blow up L'Manburg no matter how much I pleaded for him not to do so?!"

"Why must I be the one who has to remember these things when literally nobody else seems to give a fuck about it?!"

"Why...why me?"

His voice died down as he voiced his own frustration, all of the insecurities and the sorrow that he had bottled up had now found their way in the outside world.

Did Tommy feel better after his little breakdown? Maybe, but not really at the same time.

It was almost as if voicing the problems he had shoved in the back of his head had made him realize that they were more than he initially thought there were. Had Schlatt's actuons always been this wrong? Had Technoblade's betrayal always hurt that much?

Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest

"Tommy?"

The blond's head perked up just in time to meet eyes with a figure that was standing, no, looming over him: Ranboo.

"What- what are you doing here?" His voice was low, broken and filled with rage.

The anger in his voice wasn't directed towards Ranboo specifically, the main reason for his frustration was that someone had seen him in such a weak moment and now he was going to think he was a weakling.

"Tommy...are all those things you said...true? Is this how you really feel?" Ranboo took a careful step forward, almost as if he was dealing with a wild animal.

"I asked you a question Ranboo." Tommy looked away.

"Oh! I...I wanted to check on you after…"

"After I shouted at the ghost for no reason and then proceeded to break down in Philza and Tubbo's faces?"

"Yeah, uhm, that."

"Well I am fine, you can leave now."

"Tommy...you clearly aren't alright."

Just with one sentence the atmosphere got over one hundred times thicker and if you couldn't cut it with a knife before, you certainly could now.

Tommy didn't look at him and didn't say a word. Ranboo got the accidental clue he was sent and in the blink of an eye he had sat down next to the other teenager.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one

"I wish they knew how lucky they are." Tommy finally said after a minute or so of silence.

"Who are you talking about exactly?"

"You know, Tubbo, Niki, Jack, Techno, Philza...basically everyone who's been here since the war."

"Why is that?"

"If there wasn't a massive crater and many destroyed buildings, would you even be able tell that a week ago this place was a battlefield?" It might've sounded like a rhetorical question at first, but Tommy was legitimately waiting for an answer. "If you were to base your opinion on how people act these days, would you be able to guess it?"

Ranboo thought it was a simple question. Of course he would've been able to notice! Wars usually leave pretty bad scars on whoever manages to survive them so it was most likely going to-

Wait a minute-

Now that he was actually thinking about it, the citizens of L'Manburg didn't really seem that scarred from all the events that had happened.

"I...I don't know…"

"See? This is why I consider them lucky. Because they are still able to love, to laugh and to have fun while-"

'Cause most of us are bitter over someone

"...while some of us are bitter over someone…"

"Is that someone...Wilbur?"

"Wilbur and I were very close. Ever since I was a child I had looked up at him, even if my other brother and my father were a great fighter and a very well known adventurer, Wilbur could keep up with them with absolutely no trouble. He was just that cool." Tommy chuckled slightly at the last part and grief in his eyes was very noticeable, even if the blond teen wasn't directly looking at him.

"Wilbur was also the president before Tubbo and Schlatt, right?" Tommy nodded. "Was he a good president?"

"Probably the best we've had so far, the old L'manburg was one of the best places I've ever been to."

"So I'm guessing you miss that place."

Setting fire to our insides for fun

"Yeah but... what's stopping me from just accepting everything that's going on? Why do I have to feel bad for even trying to move on when everybody else has done so already?! Like I want to move on, I really do, but I can't!"

"What if it was...guilt?"

"Guilt?"

"You tear yourself up, thinking you could've done better, that you could've fixed everything before it went downhill...that you could've saved him."

Tommy could've replied to that, maybe saying that Ranboo couldn't possibly understand what he was going through or to just leave him alone without any explanation, but he just sat there silently, not saying a word and not daring to make eye contact.

"Your brain is making you think that you shouldn't have the privilege of moving on because you disappointed Wilbur, but the truth is, you did everything you could to stop him." And there it was again, Tommy was just so tired of all of that you did your best bs that almost everyone had told him before.

"Tck, how would you possibly know that? You weren't there." The blond boy scoffed as he started playing with the grass.

"Yeah but I know people who were there! Tubbo told me about you not accepting his offer of running away because you wanted to help you brother, Niki told me about how you decided to take on Technoblade because he had hurt Tubbo and Quackity told me about how you always stayed by Wilbur's side, even when he himself treated you so poorly!"

"Where are you going with this? He was my brother and brothers are supposed to support each other, right? I owe a lot to him..."

"See Tommy? That's the problem! You actually don't owe him anything yet you're still too stubborn to realize that!"

"Hey that's-"

"That's true and you know it is!" Ranboo insisted.

The emotion the Hybrid had put in his voice almost made Tommy want to believe him, almost.

"See, us players, humans and hybrids alike, all have the same problem. We have emotions."

To distract our hearts from ever missing them

"Some of us tend to drown them, others usually listen to them and others have found the perfect way to balance out things...but then there's the unlucky ones, like you."

"Unlucky? How so?" From the outside it might've looked like Tommy didn't want to keep that conversation going, he didn't even make eye contact with him and he kept on tearing up grass blades after all, but deep down he was actually pretty interested in what his friend was about to say. Ranboo knew it.

"You followed your emotions blindly your whole life, and although it got you in trouble from time to time, you always got what you wanted in the end. Now though, you've been through a lot of things and your emotions are mostly negative ones. You want to stop depending on them and let your brain take ahold of them, but your body isn't trained to do that, and that's what led to that outburst you had."

"Dumb and emotion driven? Wow someone seems to have read my bio!"

"That's nothing to be ashamed of Tommy, it's not something you can control after all-"

"It sure doesn't seem like it. Have you seen how they looked at me when I yelled at that ghost?! It almost seemed like it was wrong for me to feel angry about this whole thing!" Ranboo couldn't help but notice how Tommy was still refusing to refer to Ghostbur as his brother, but that wasn't the main issue he was focusing on at that moment so he just let it be.

"Well I'm not going to lie, yelling at Ghostbur wasn't really an healthy way to bring your emotions out-"

"See? You're literally siding with the-"

"BUT, and yes there's a but so don't you dare interrupt me."

For the first time in the past few minutes, Tommy's red and puffy eyes finally met Ranboo's red and green ones.

"But how they acted was really unfair towards you: they should've tried to sympathize with you and not just side with Ghostbur blindly."

"I am not sure if you're saying that just to make me happy. Although I honestly don't understand why the others, and especially Philza, care about him so much."

"Maybe it's because he's also grieving..."

"Him? Grieving? How so? He didn't really hesitate that much when he planted a sword through Wilbur's abdomen before leaving to help his poor and innocent other son, who just so happens to be a terrorist and a mass murderer, although those are just details to him apparently, to settle down." Tommy rolled his eyes.

"Philza had to kill one of his own sons, you can't expect him to just be able to walk that off. I think he was just trying to distract himself." Ranboo tried to reason with Tommy.

"I mean if I was him I'd probably do the same but since no matter what I do I can't stop thinking about Wilbur, which makes me suffer almost every second of my miserable life, I'm not really feeling sympathetic towards him."

How could Tommy feel sympathy towards other people's struggles? He was facing even harder ones and nobody seemed to feel sympathetic towards him!

"Yeah I do admit that it was a bit selfish of him to just leave you behind like that, but after all using that logic your outburst would also be considered selfish. What I'm trying to say is, grieving people tend to do anything in their power to distract themselves from ever missing them..."

But I'm forever missing him

"But I'm forever missing him..."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Tommy's eyebrows furrowed.

"It's clear that it was hard for you to vent with me and I probably brought back some pretty painful memories." Ranboo admitted awkwardly.

"It's fine really, I actually haven't felt this good in weeks. Besides, it's not like these memories ever went away in the first place and I think that actually talking about them for once in my life wasn't really that bad of an idea."

"So what do you plan on doing now? With Ghostbur, Phil and Tubbo I mean-"

"I'll probably have to apologize, although I honestly can't bring myself to do so right now. I think I'll just chill here for a while."

Ranboo nodded and gave him a warm smile.

And you caused it
And you caused it
And you caused it

Tommy stared at the seemingly endless horizons opening up before him.

The sun was setting behind some mountains probably thousands of blocks away and the clouds that until that moment had completely blocked the blue sky were now drifting away.

He watched in silence as the brightest star completely disappeared, Ranboo doing the same as him.

Tommy had a lot to deal with and a lot of things to fix, but would've really been that bad if just for a few hours he closed those problems off completely?

He sighed heavily.

What was he going to do next? Was he going to accept the death of his older sibling and move on like everyone else did?

Hell no! He was going to wholeheartedly support Tubbo while also carrying on Wilbur's legacy as best as he could.

And sure, maybe if he actually forgot everything that had happened and ignored it like everyone else seemed to do he would've been happier, but why forget something bad that happened when you can grow from it?

Tommy had always been by Wilbur's side, he had seen his highs and his lows, his successes and his failures and even seen him slowly drift into insanity but at least he was able to learn how the seed of hate spreads and how to save himself from being consumed by it.

But as for now, Tommy didn't want to think about it.

"Hey Ranboo?"

"What's up?"

"Have you heard about how George just built a house while the rest of us beat the shit out of one another?"

"Uuuh, yeah I think so...? Where are you going with this?"

"Well I was thinking that maybe it would be a cool idea to...you know...check it out! So what do you say, wanna raid the pussy's house with me?"

"Oh, do I?" Ranboo laughed.

Something that Tommy often seemed to forget was that he was just a child and since he hasn't gotten the chance to let his wild side out for a long time, he saw nothing wrong in trying to have some fun.

Tommy was just a kid and instead of worrying about wars, relationships and deaths, he decided to cast them all aside to do what he wanted to do since he joined the Dream smp:

It was finally time to live his youth.

UGH THIS CRAP IS FINALLY OVER YIPPY

Ok so, back to the technical stuff

I am a very stupid person, "how so?", you may ask

Well I basically started working on three different books (this one, my Living In A Nightmare one with ProtogéInnit or whatever y'all call it and the rewrite of an old Hermitcraft/Evo fanfic of mine) at the same time and it's just been a mess to keep up with all that

So I decided that I'll be concentrating on this book a little and I'll post the finale of Kill The King to then put this book on a temporary hiatus until I finish at least one of the other two books

Will I do the requests I still haven't done?

Yeah, one day I will I swear

So uh, thank you for reading and make sure to stay tuned for when I post the ending of Kill The King, I'm sure y'all are thriving to finally read that

And with that said I swear I'm never gonna write 6000 long oneshots ever again