AUTHOR'S POV  

Laurent: "Hello"?

*silence*

Laurent: "Hello? Is someone there"?

Larry's heart has completely dropped at the sound of his voice. His mouth is also slightly parted as if he's on the brink of saying something but he simply can't even though there was a lot he wants to say. He sees his chest heaving because of how nervous he is and in fear that he's breathing too hard into the receiver he places his hand over it so Laurent can't hear him. Meanwhile, Laurent's face is reading complete confusion as to why whoever this is hasn't said anything so he momentarily takes the phone from his ear and looks at the screen only to see a private number. Larry called him from Stephanie's house phone just in case his words halted just as they're doing now and since he can't say anything he takes the phone from his ear and quietly places it back on the receiver. Even though it's a conversation that needed to take place he has his reasons why he didn't go through with it. He looks to his left at the journal given to him and what better time than now to make his first entry as he's feeling several emotions. He retrieves a pen from the nightstand and already on the bed he crawls back then presses his back against the headboard and begins writing...

"I just called my baby. His beautiful voice always makes me weak. Even now I can hear the things he says to me when we make love. The way he whispers in my ear and says he loves me. The sound he makes when he explodes inside of me. And his laugh. It's so sweet. His smile. It shines like the sun. I miss him so much. It sounds like he's better and I really do want to know but is it wrong of me to feel like he should call me? That's why I hung up. I want him to get help and I would be so happy if he is but that's something he has to tell me. Since I don't know what's going on I wonder what that call would be like. If I'll get mad all over again and say things that bring back all that pain. Well, it's not like the pain ever went anywhere but...I don't know. I'll just wait and if he calls me I hope it's good news because I want him better. I love him".

After ending his entry he sighs softly then slowly closes his journal, places it as well as the pen inside the nightstand then turns to his side to lay down. He allows the voice of Laurent to enter his mind again. All he said was hello and Larry instantly felt butterflies in his stomach. He allows that word to echo in his mind to that beautiful voice before he feels the slow fluttering of his eyes and eventually falling into a deep slumber... 

*****

Several minutes after the call dropped, Laurent's face is still reading confusion. He asks himself, "Who was that"? He entertained the idea of it being Larry which of course makes his heart skip a beat just at the possibility but then he convinces himself that there was no way it could have been. Larry left him, and for good reason, so why would it be him? He just blows out a sigh and plops down on the bed. His mind goes back to Jason's story and how bad he feels that he went through so much all of his life which only leads him to think about how horrible he feels for the reasons he allowed himself to hurt Larry. At that moment he's very grateful that Dr. Hall is able to see him tomorrow for he simply can't wait until next week. His heart is completely shattered and he's hoping that she can help him understand why he turned into this person over reasons that seem so small when there are other people in the world who's had such bad things happen to them and live to tell about it. The more he thinks about it the more he feels frustrated...so frustrated that he turns to his side just as his love is doing at that very moment and goes to sleep... 

~next day~

Laurent is finally on his way to see Dr. Hall and he's extremely relieved because he spent most of the previous night tossing and turning. Now he can finally talk about it as his heart is extremely heavy... 

Dr. Hall: *smile* "It's good to see you again Laurent".

Due to his heart in despair Laurent only returns half a smile...

Laurent: "You too. Thank you for seeing me so soon". *sigh* "I don't think I can wait for next week".

Dr. Hall: "It's my pleasure. What can I help you with"?

Laurent: "I met a guy yesterday and he told me his story. I don't want to put his business out but it was a lot and I can't really say much to him because I was so surprised that one person can go through so much. It made me sad but also very mad too". 

Laurent begins to get highly emotional so Dr. Hall passes a few Kleenex over to him...

Dr. Hall: "Well allowing yourself to feel sympathy for someone is a great thing Laurent. It shows that you care". *pause* "But I'm hearing your anger and I get the feeling you're torn about something as it relates to him". 

Laurent: "Yeah I am. I just...I'm so mad at myself because I listened to what he went through and my problems seem so...so...."

Dr. Hall: "Minor"?

Laurent: "Yeah".

Dr. Hall: "Laurent. I can assure you that your issues are not minor. Just because your story isn't as deep as others doesn't make it irrelevant. There's always going to be someone who has it worse but you're still human so you're not exempt from the trials of life. No matter how big or small the issue is if it's preventing you from the living the best quality of life you possibly can then it deserves just as much attention".

Laurent: *sniff* "I hear what you're saying but I hurt Larry so bad! Why didn't I get help before it got to this point?! I wouldn't be here right now! Larry would be with me and everything would be oki"!

Dr. Hall: "Everything will be ok Laurent. With the progress you're making I'm sure you will be reunited with him in no time. By the way you describe him he seems like a wonderful person so I don't think he will hold it against you".

Laurent: "Larry is the best person in the world but I don't know about that. You don't know how bad I hurt him and for what? Because some stupid girls turn me down? Because other people didn't know how to treat me? How can I let that get to me so much that I hurt the one person I love more than anything in this world"?!

She brings her chair closer to him as he's crying and shaking uncontrollably and in her softest, most soothing voice...

Dr. Hall: "Laurent, please don't do this to yourself. I understand your pain but remember what I said in our first session. Hurt feelings are still hurt feelings and you shouldn't feel bad about yours, ok? I realize the unfavorable behavior that's resulted from those feelings but that's one of the reasons you're here. To understand what role they play in your current life and to learn how to deal with them".

Feeling defeated he just inhales and exhales deeply. Then...

Laurent: "I just think for the times I look at him and see how scared he was but it never stopped me from hurting him! Then I think for the times I looked in his eyes and they were so empty! It's all my fault and to know that makes me not want to live anymore"!

Dr. Hall: "Laurent please. I know your heart is breaking right now because I see it, I hear it but your life has meaning...it has purpose. Life is a journey and in that journey we will have bumps along the way that includes doing things we're not proud of but it doesn't mean we put an end to the journey. We just deal with those bumps and keep going". *pause* "I think this is a great time to introduce you to another branch of psychology we call Existential Therapy and it means what I just said...seeing and understanding the value of our lives even when it's hard. Because of your pain you can't see your purpose right now but it's there. You just haven't tapped into it yet. Believe me, you have every right to feel what you feel but please don't let it take you to such a place. You were put on this earth for a reason and you will get through this. If it helps, I will see you whenever I can".

Laurent's trembling and crying begin to settle as he looks at her with the most innocent eyes...

Laurent: "You will"?

Dr. Hall: *smile* "Of course I will. I want you to conquer this but you have to want it too because the more you want it the quicker you will achieve it". *pause* "Now you may struggle at times but your life is worth it. You're worth it and if I'm not mistaken, Larry is worth it too right"?

Laurent: "Larry is worth everything and so much more".

Dr. Hall: *smile* "Ok. So let's do this".

He returns a small smile as he looks at her...

Laurent: "Oki", he whispers. 

Since Laurent wasn't scheduled to be seen that day they're unable to have a full session but he's already feeling better as it was a huge release of emotions. Within minutes he's back in his room and on his bed thinking about Larry as he whispers, "You are worth everything bebe and I'm gonna work so hard for get better and make you proud of me. I love you".

~a few weeks later~

It's a beautiful and bright Sunday afternoon. Stephanie and Larry started their day with breakfast like they normally do and for the first time in weeks, Larry is feeling better than he has in a long time. He goes to see Dr. Ethridge only once a week so he hasn't had many visits with her but she's already helping him deal with his depression in the most amazing way. He never imagined that he would be writing in a journal about his feelings but it turns out that it's the best thing she could have presented him with as it's helping tremendously. Day by day he's slowly but surely learning the importance of releasing his emotions instead of keeping them bottled in because keeping them in only leads to more despair. He's also getting to a place where he isn't blaming himself as much although a part of him still wonders if he could have protected Laurent somehow from whatever happened which is still something he desperately wants to know. He can only hope he will get the answer some day. There's also something else he discovered in the midst of his journal writing....that he's a poet and didn't know it. Since it's Sunday, he's currently working out in the garden with Stephanie and a snippet from the poem he wrote shortly before he went to sleep the previous night comes to mind...

"I don't know what I miss more

The comfort I feel when I heard your voice,

Or the way you sweet whispers drown out all of life's noise.

I don't know what I miss more,

The way you hold me in you arms

Or the way I melt at the knees when you flirt with me with all you charm.

I don't know what I miss more,

Each moment you look in my eyes,

Or the time you pick me up as if I you life's biggest prize".

~end of snippet~

*poem does not belong to me but is altered slightly*

Larry is so deep in thought that he doesn't even hear his best friend... 

Stephanie: "So I was thinking about planting some peonies over here. What do you think"?

She instantly sees the smile on Larry's face and just his overall glow. It's a beautiful sight to see but of course she's curious. She calls out to him and when he doesn't respond she waves her hand to get his attention...

Stephanie: "Good morning. Earth to Larry".

His head pops up as he looks at her with the same smile on his face... 

Stephanie: *smile* "What is up with you? You're different". 

Larry: "I...I'm not different? How am I different"?

Stephanie: "Uhhh, you can't stop smiling".

Larry: *smiling* "I...I'm not smiling. Am I smiling"?

Stephanie: *smile* "Like a fool". *pause* "Tell me".

Larry: "It...it's nothing".

Stephanie: "Then stop smiling".

*pause*

Larry: *laugh* "I can't".  

Hearing such a hearty laugh from him causes Stephanie to laugh as well...

A/N: Can anyone tell me what movie the above conversation is from? Of course it's altered a little to fit this scene but what movie is it?

Stephanie: "Well it's great to see you smiling again".

Larry: "Thanks. I'm doing better. I mean it's still hard and I miss him like crazy but all I can do is take one day at a time".

Stephanie: "And dancing"?

Larry: "Yeah that's hard too. I don't post on Instagram a lot because I know the fans are still upset and I know they have questions but...I don't know the answer to them right now".

Stephanie: "I understand but the fans are great. They will support you guys no matter what happens. I'm just glad therapy is working for you".

Larry: "I really like her. I didn't think it would help because I was just so sad but it helps a lot. Thank you for talking to me for that".

Stephanie: "You're welcome. You know I'll do anything for you".

Larry: *smile* "I hope you know the same".

Stephanie: *smile* "I do".

After another smile at each other they go back gardening as they talk about various things. Larry's smile will stay plastered on his face. He really is in a better place but of course the icing on the cake will be to know how Laurent is doing. The past few weeks he's had to fight the temptation of calling him and he wonders if Laurent will call him soon. When he told Dr. Ethridge about his failed attempt at the phone call of course she wondered why but as his therapist she understood his decision when he explained. Until he does hear from Laurent Larry will continue to work on himself and pray that everything will work out in the end. Even though it's rather warm outside Larry's smile never fades from his lips. Little does either of them know a certain someone is across the way and completely inconspicuous. Laurent. He's sitting on a step with his elbows resting on his thighs, the palm of his hands together with his fingers intertwined as he presses his lips against them just watching Larry from afar. He knows Sunday is gardening day for Stephanie and he also knew Larry would be outside helping her so for the last several minutes he's been watching his beautiful smile and although he can't hear him he can always tell when he's laughing because it seems his smile becomes even bigger when he laughs. Laurent just sat there and basks in the beautiful sight before him internally wishing that he was the reason for that smile. He use to be...and seeing it now just makes him even more determined to be the main reason for his smile again...

A/N: So is he finished with rehab? Continue reading my loves :) 

~flashback~

Laurent: "Hey Rob. You wanted to see me"?

Rob: "Hey Laurent. Come on in and have a seat".

Laurent: "Oki". *pause* "So what's up"?

Rob: "Well I just wanted to congratulate you on how well you've been doing. Your physical health overall is going extremely well. Your vitals are always good, your endurance is becoming stronger which I'm assuming is in large part to the working out you do in the gym and the swimming you've been doing. Dr. Hall is also proud of your progress. Of course she can't share what you two discuss but she says that you've been very active with sharing your thoughts and feelings as well as completing the exercises she gives you. That's the kind of compliance we like to see because it shows your determination".

Laurent: *smile* "Thanks man. I have to admit, I'm proud of myself too but like I said before I have a very good reason to be here and I hope I finish the program soon".

Rob: "Well just keep this up and you will finish sooner than you think". *pause* "Now, discussing your progress isn't the only reason I wanted to see you today. One thing I didn't share with you when you first arrived is our 30, 60 and 90 day checkpoints. What that simply means is if we feel that progress is above what we anticipate at those checkpoints we give our patients a day pass. It's usually on the weekend and you choose which day you want to use it. You're allowed to do anything you want that day. We only give these day passes to the patients we feel are not in any danger of a lapse and taken into consideration what I discussed with your doctor and therapist we feel that you are in a great place to be given this opportunity. We're confident in you".

Laurent: *smile* "Really? Wow. Thank you for believing in me".

Rob: "You're welcome. It's our pleasure".

Laurent just dropped his head and smiled. He's so shocked but excited nonetheless... 

Rob: "So with that being said, you can take your pass tomorrow or Sunday".

Laurent: "I pick Sunday".

Rob: "Ok. All we ask is that you're back by 8 but you can leave as early as you want".

Laurent left Rob's office elated at what he heard. He meant what he said about being proud of himself and to get this opportunity proved just how hard he's been working which made him even more proud...that's why he couldn't stop smiling but he was also smiling because he knew exactly what he wanted to do that day... 

~end of flashback~

Laurent starts to get teary eyed as he observes his love for his heart aches desperately for him. He wants to go over there and just wrap him up in his arms but he knows there's a time and place for that reunion and as bad as he wants it to be right now in his heart he knows there will be an absolute perfect moment to do that. Still, temptation is very hard because Larry looks insanely beautiful in the sunlight. Well, Larry is beautiful any given day but today is different. Perhaps it's because Laurent hasn't seen him in a month and has been missing him like crazy...but even with that Larry's beautiful and lustrous fro is glowing from the sun beams that are radiating off of it and it makes Laurent want to run his hand through it. Working in the garden also shows a hint of sweat on his caramel skin as evident from the short sleeve T-shirt he's wearing which also accentuated the works of art tatted on his arm. Getting to the point where he can't take anymore he's about to leave until he notices that they're now finished working but instead of going in the house Larry says something to Stephanie and ultimately getting in his car... 

Larry: "Working in your garden always make me hungry".

Stephanie: "I can whip something up for us".

Larry: "No you always cook. I'll go and get us some lunch".

Before she can protest he's already off to his car and taking off. Laurent quickly stands up and ducks behind the staircase so he won't be spotted. Once the car is out of sight he looks back in Stephanie's direction and notices she's already in the house. That's when the words of his therapist came to his mind and he thinks this is the perfect time to take her advice. He quickly walks across the street and up the stairs. Now at the door he rings the bell. Within seconds the door is opening and revealing a confused Stephanie...   

Stephanie: "Laurent"?

Laurent: "Hey Stephanie".

Stephanie: "Hey. Um, Larry isn't here". 

Laurent: "I know". *pause* "I'm here to see you".

----------------------- 

A/N: I know what everyone is thinking. He's talking to Stephanie first?! Please just trust me!! Love you guys. :)