A/N: Hey everyone. I just want to let you all know that Larry's counseling is in this chapter and although it may not be as powerful as Laurent's it may still be emotional for you.

AUTHOR'S POV

~days after Laurent's session~

Larry is awake...but has yet to get up. The darkness in the room pretty much mirrors the darkness that he's feeling inside. He's still extremely depressed and he's also a nervous wreck at what today holds. Going through the abuse was already hard for him to come to terms with but now he has to talk about it...and to a complete stranger. All of his life he's had family and friends to go...but mostly family. That's been his comfort zone and speaking with this person is forcing him step out of that zone so naturally it's a little unsettling for him. In moments that brought strong feelings of nervousness the main person he had to lean on was Laurent and when they became lovers Laurent was more than simply a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, he was there to calm, kiss and caress him. He's not here to do that for him now and sadly Laurent is the sole person behind the reason why...but the love Larry has for him is still as strong as ever. It's been a little over a week since he left the madness yet he still craves Laurent. He craves his smile, laughter and playfulness. He craves his sweet Vanilla scent that Larry always got lost in. The warmth of his body when Laurent would hold him in his strong arms at night and the way his lips felt when he kissed his forehead before whispering goodnight. The touch of his hands that would send chills up his spine and cause his heart to race. Then he remembers that for reasons still unknown to him Laurent's touch turned into one that was filled with anger, malice and contempt for all of these elements combined have brought Larry to this point...confused, hurt, and lonely... 

*knock on the door*

"Larry"?

He turns his head in the direction of the door and sees Stephanie coming in with a breakfast tray. With a soft smile... 

Larry: "Good morning".

Stephanie: *smile* "Good morning. I know this is a big day for you so I thought I would bring breakfast to you".

He sits up and rests his back against the headboard just as she's bringing it over and placing it on his lap... 

Larry: *smile* "Thank you but I was coming. You didn't have to do this".

Stephanie: *smile* "I wanted to".

She smiles before walking over to the windows to pull the curtains open allowing the beautiful sunlight to come through then turning back around to face him... 

Stephanie: "You nervous"?

Larry: "Very nervous".

Stephanie: "I understand. I felt the same way". *pause* "I just want you to know that even though I'll be in the lobby I'll be next to you in spirit".

Larry: *smile* "Thank you Stephanie".

Stephanie: *smile* "Anytime my friend. Enjoy your breakfast and I'll be ready when you are".

Larry will eat as much as he can...but his nerves are getting the best of him so he just decides to get up and get ready... 

~meanwhile~

It's a beautiful day outside so Laurent decides to go out and enjoy it. When he sees no one in the pool area he lays down on one of the lounge chairs. He's looking up into the sky which is clear for the most part with the exception of a few clouds here and there. He thinks about various things like his therapy and how eager he is to go back because he didn't expect it to be so powerful. Of course therapy leads the way to thinking about his love which allows a smile to cascade across his lips...but that quickly fades at the sound of an unfamiliar voice... 

"What's up man"?

Laurent looks to his right and up at the person speaking to him...

Laurent: "Uh. Just relaxing". 

*smile* "I'm Jason".

*smile* "It's nice to meet you Jason. I'm Laurent".

Jason: "It's nice to meet you too. You mind if I join you"?

Laurent: "I don't mind".

Jason takes a seat on the lounge chair next to Laurent and begins talking to him...

Jason: "So how long have you been here"?

Laurent: "Not long. About a week".

Jason: "Who are you seeing for therapy"?

Laurent: "Dr. Hall".

Jason: "I like her. She's good".

Laurent: "Yeah she is".

Jason: "Excuse me for being nosy but how long have you been on drugs"?

Laurent: "A few weeks".

Jason: "That's it? Wow".

Laurent: "Yeah but it was time to get help".

Jason: "I hear that. Now me? Pssh, man I've been doing drugs since I was 15. I'm 28 now".

Laurent instantly looks at him as if he's seeing a ghost...

Jason: "Yeah I know. My story begins when I was about 10 years old. I had a mother who cared more about her man, my stepfather, than me and she let him abuse me...physically that is. She would just watch or go into her bedroom while it was happening. And that wasn't the only abuse I went through. He had a friend who apparently liked little boys and whenever my mom wasn't home he would come over and after a while he would ask my stepdad if he could take me in the bedroom to "show me something" where he would do all kinds of things to me. He would even make me do stuff to him".

By this point Laurent's eyes have widened as he can't believe what he's hearing. He also can't help but notice how they don't know each other at all yet Jason is sharing what has to be the deepest, darkest part of his life with him...

Laurent: "Wow man. I'm sorry that happened to you". 

Jason: "It's cool man but I appreciate that. It went on for years before I said anything and when I finally got the courage to tell my mom she didn't believe me at all. All those years of being abused I don't think I ever felt lower than I did when she didn't believe me. My own mother. First she lets her husband abuse me because she was too afraid to lose him but why she would want to hold on to someone who abuses her child is beyond me. Then to not believe I was being sexually abused is something I still can't understand. I mean, why would I lie about something like that"?

Laurent just exhales as he shakes his head...

Laurent: "I don't know bro. That's messed up".

Jason: "Yeah. Anyway, I got so pissed that in the middle of the night I packed a few bags and ran away from home. I lived with random people then one night I was at a party and I smoked some weed. Then before I knew it I was doing a little bit of everything. My drug of choice eventually turned into heroine. I would have flashbacks of that time in my life and the addiction just got worse". *pause* "There was a silver lining because I went through rehab once about five years ago and I was doing well. I even met an amazing woman, got married and had a son. Then one day I ran into an old friend. He brought it out and it was downhill from there. I tried to hide it from my wife but my behavior was too out of control for her not to suspect anything. Needless to say, my marriage crumbled and she left and took our son with her. I haven't seen either of them in about a year now".

Laurent is speechless. He isn't sure if there are any words of comfort he can bring him and he tries his best to say something...but Jason is already miles ahead of him... 

Jason: "Listen man. I know you're probably wondering why a complete stranger is telling you his story but I always share my story with many newbies and I do it because I want you to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may look bleak at times but if you stay determined you will see it and be able to walk towards it. My determination is my son. I may not get her back which sucks because I'm still in love with her". *pause* "She's probably already moved on anyway. She's too good of a woman to not be with someone else...but the last thing I want is for my son to have bad memories of his father and continue living his life without me so I'm going to get him back in my life. I've been here for months now but each day gets easier and the day I see his face again my struggle in here will be well worth it".

Laurent looks at him and softly nods...

Jason: "Well I better get to therapy. It was nice talking to you and I'll see you around".

Laurent: "Yeah you too".

He extends his fist for a pound and Laurent watches him walk away until he disappears. He goes back to looking up at the sky but is still in complete disbelief at everything he just heard. He starts to beat himself up on the inside because in comparison to Jason's story Laurent feels that his issues and how they relate to abusing Larry are so trivial now. This causes his heart to ache and now he can feel tears sliding down his temples...but before they completely consume him he decides to go inside and see if there's any way he can see Dr. Hall before his appointment next week...

~meanwhile~

Larry has been waiting in the lobby for roughly fifteen minutes with each minute becoming more intense than the last. Stephanie is next to him with her legs crossed and reading a magazine. He takes the time to tell her how appreciative he is for her being there but before she can reply the door swings open and his name is called. He stands up and nervously walks over to greet her...

*smile* "Hi. I'm Dr. Ethridge. It's nice to meet you". 

 Larry: "It's nice to meet you too". 

Dr. Ethridge: "Thank you. Just follow me to my office and we'll get started".

Larry nods and when she turns around to lead the way he looks back at Stephanie who sees the nerves written all over his face so she gives him a smile and reassuring head nod. Feeling slightly better he smiles back at her then turns to follow. Now inside... 

Dr. Ethridge: *smile* "Have a seat".

Larry nervously takes his seat and she goes right into it...

Dr. Ethridge: "I have to start by informing you that everything you share with me will be between just the two of us".

Larry: *nods* "Oki".  

Dr. Ethridge: "I was looking over your intake form and you described changes in your sleep, eating habits, crying, as well as a loss of participation in activities. These are symptoms of depression and my job is to help you get to the root of it so it will require you to say some things that will bring on some strong emotions, ok"?

Larry: *nods* "Oki", he whispers. 

Dr. Ethridge: "The first thing I want to begin with is the loss of participation in your activities. Now that's not to trivialize your other symptoms but if it's an activity that you were highly active in and enjoyed very much that can be just as devastating". *pause* "What activity is it"?

Larry: *clears throat* "Dance and I'm not dancing right now because, um...."

Dr. Ethridge: "It's ok. Just take your time".

*brief pause*

Larry: "I was dancing with my twin but we're on a break right now and that's one reason I'm so sad".

Dr. Ethridge: "How long have you been dancing together"?

Larry: "Since we were babies but as professional dancers it's been about five years".

Dr. Ethridge: *smile* "That's awesome. It must feel great to have a career together so I can certainly understand why being a part is hard for you. I'm sure it's equally as hard for him...but was there something that happened between you two that caused this break"?

Larry's head has been down the entire time so he nods again before replying softly...

Larry: "Yeah".

Dr. Ethridge: "Ok. Now before we get into that I would like you to start by describing what your relationship with your brother was like before things changed".

Larry: "We...we had a great relationship. We always talked to each other for whatever. I never judged him. He never judged me. He was always so affectionate with me too and he didn't care who saw it. I wasn't as open with my love for him but the truth is...he's my world and I thought I was his but...." *starts to cry* "I don't know what happened".

Just as Dr. Hall did for Laurent she hands him some Kleenex as she sees his emotions spilling out in the most vulnerable way... 

Dr. Ethridge: "It's ok. Continue when you're ready".

He nods then takes a few deep breaths before continuing... 

Larry: "The first time he hit me was six months ago. I didn't see it coming and I was so surprised that I didn't even fight back". *pause* "After that he beat me almost everyday".

A few moments go by as the only audible sounds in the room are Larry's sniffs. Then... 

Larry: "I know what you're thinking". *sniff* "A grown man in your office crying because I got beat by my own twin and I did nothing"!

She sees his anger of course but she also knows there's a bigger emotion behind it...pain and in her softest voice...

Dr. Ethridge: "Not at all. I'm thinking that there are so many male victims of domestic abuse that don't get the sensitivity and the understanding that they deserve. Society says you should just man up but society fails to realize that it's not that simple and I want you to know that just because you didn't fight back that doesn't make you less of a man. Most people can't understand a situation like this unless they're in a situation like this and in your case this is your brother, your twin, of whom you've shared a connection with since the womb. Perhaps because of that you found it difficult to fight back". *pause* "Is that correct"?

Larry: "Yeah. I love him and I know he loves me and that's why I'm so confused! Why was it so easy to hurt me when we're supposed to be so close"!

Dr. Ethridge: "I'm afraid the answer to that can only come from him". *pause* "Do you ask him why"?

*brief pause*

Larry: *sniff* "Can I have some more Kleenex please"?

Larry's head is still down so he doesn't notice the look on her face but it's clear that even as a therapist who's seen her fair share of clients like him her heart is now feeling very heavy. As she hands him the Kleenex she tries her best to keep it together while he answers her question... 

Larry: "I...I did ask him and he just said he didn't know...but one time he told me that something snaps on the inside and that's why.

Dr. Ethridge: "I noticed you said did meaning past tense. Can you share with me why you said it that way"?

Larry: "Yeah. I moved out almost two weeks ago. I left because I just couldn't take it anymore. He tried to stop me and said he would get help but he promised that before and he lied. So I did what I had to do". 

Dr. Ethridge: "I know this is difficult but I assure you, you made the best decision. You were being abused and almost anyone in your situation would have done the same thing".

Larry: *sniff* "I know. I just...I just really wanted to help him but he left me no choice".

Dr. Ethridge: "I understand but in situations like these the only person that could have helped him was him".

Larry: "My best friend told me the same thing and I know that in my mind". *pause* "I just wish my heart knew the same". *cries harder*

Dr. Ethridge: "I know and it is difficult when all you want to do is help, especially when it comes to someone that we love so much, but when there's deception sometimes we have to be our own hero". 

Larry: "Yeah. I just don't know what changed him so much. The last time he beat me he kept saying how perfect I am but I don't know why he said that. Was it something that happened when we were kids, teenagers or when we started to travel for us career? He knows he can talk to me for whatever so I don't understand why he stopped talking to me. I would do anything for him. We're twins which means he wasn't supposed to come into this world alone and I feel bad because whatever happened I was supposed to protect him and I failed him". *pause* "But he hurt me too and not just when he beat me but because he never trusted me to tell me what happened to him. Why did he have to beat me? I'm his enemy now? Was I a bad brother"?  

Dr. Ethridge: "I understand you're hurting but you're going to a place where you're blaming yourself and I don't want you to do that. So just breathe, ok"? 

He takes a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm down then nods...

Larry: *sniff* "Sorry. I guess I just have a lot of questions I never realized I have".

Dr. Ethridge: "Have you talked to him", she asks softly. 

Larry: "No but I went to us house the other day to get my car and it looked like he hasn't been there in a long time. I don't know what's going on".

Noticing that his tears are settling and that it's nearing the end of their session... 

Dr. Ethridge: "I see". *pause* "I'm going to shift focus now and explain the homework I have for you".

Naturally Larry's face scrunches in confusion...

Larry: "Homework? Like I use to get in school"?

Dr. Ethridge: *chuckles* "No, nothing like that. This won't be graded or anything. It's something I give my clients from time to time who may have a difficulty with something. It usually consists of simple exercises. For example, breathing exercises for clients who have issues with anger. I usually request that the client record how often they complete the exercises and if they feel the exercises help them in a particular situation. Of course your assignment is different".

Larry: "What do you want me to do"?

She gives him a gentle smile then stands up and walks over to her desk. She retrieves a book from her drawer then walks back over and gives it to him before taking her seat again... 

Dr. Ethridge: "The first thing I would like you to do is keep a journal of your feelings and I would recommend that you write in it at the end of every day as it's a great time for reflection. You don't have to write a certain number of words or anything. Just your thoughts and feelings for that day. As I've said to many clients, words are simply our thoughts being put on paper so the purpose of this exercise is for the release of those thoughts as well as any emotions attached to them. You can also describe the intensity of those emotions if you like. I'll leave that part up to you but overall I really think this will help you as you begin the healing process. As you come to see me we will continue to discuss your feelings and I will also continue to assess your symptoms so I can get a better idea of what to put in your treatment plan".

Larry: "Do I have to show you my journal"?

Dr. Ethridge: *smile* "Only if you want to".

He gives her a small smile then drops his head again...but then he remembers that she mentioned another assignment for him so...

Larry: "So what else do I have to do"?

*brief pause*

Dr. Ethridge: "I want you to give your brother a call".

Naturally his head quickly pops back up... 

Dr. Ethridge: "Now it doesn't have to be as soon as you leave here or anything but it does have to be before you see me again for your next appointment".

Larry: "Wh...what am I supposed to say"?

Dr. Ethridge: "Just small talk. How are you? What have you been up to? Things like that".

Larry: "I...I don't know if I can".

Dr. Ethridge: "I can certainly understand being nervous with that but the purpose for this call is twofold. The first reason being is because you said you don't know what's going on and it's possible that he is getting help but unless you speak to him you will never know. And if he is, in combination with the two of us working to get you better, you will also be working on your relationship with him thus leading to the second reason for this assignment. To open the lines of communication".

Larry: "But what if he's not getting help"?

Dr. Ethridge: *smile* "We just have to believe that he will...but if he's not it might help if you tell him that you're getting help yourself. You never know. That could get the ball rolling".

Larry: "Yeah oki".

Dr. Ethridge: *smile* "Perfect". *pause* "Just stop by the desk and schedule your next appointment and I'll see you again soon".

He smiles and nods then stands up to leave the room and reunite with Stephanie in the waiting room...

Stephanie: "You ok friend"?

Larry: "Yeah. I'm oki".

Stephanie: *smile* "Good. Let's go".

******

Now back at Stephanie's Larry is in his room on his bed when he starts thinking about his homework. The journal writing isn't the problem., it's the call to Laurent that has him frazzled. Even though she said it didn't have to be when he got home he would be lying if he said he doesn't want to hear his voice or isn't eager to hear what he's been up to so he nervously picks up the phone to make the call...

Laurent is in his bathroom unaware that his phone is ringing and when he finally realizes it he runs to it in hopes that whoever it is won't hang up. Without so much as looking at the caller ID...

Laurent: "Hello"?

------------------------ 

A/N: Sorry guys but the update is coming soon. Hope everyone enjoyed! Love you guys. :)