AUTHOR'S POV           

Laurent is in the facility's workout room on the treadmill and running at a moderate speed. Clad in a pair of basketball shorts hanging slightly below the belt giving a glimpse of his Calvin Klein boxers. He's also shirtless and as such his sweat is revealing a beautiful glisten as drops of it glide down his chest and over his hard abs. From behind it's slowly dripping from his shoulder blades down to the small of his back. He has his earphones in listening to the various music that he and his love have danced to throughout the years which allows him to have memories of certain battles and competitions they've been a part of causing a light smile to form...but before he becomes too enveloped in those memories he checks the time and realizes he has about 45 minutes before he has to go and see Dr. Hall. He looks at the numbers on the treadmill and he's proud of what he sees. His time on the treadmill has steadily increased with each run which means he's getting stronger and healthier. He turns off the power then steps off and grabs his towel that's draped over the handle to wipe the sweat away from his forehead and begins making the walk back to his room to take a shower...

With his now nude body ready to feel the warmth of the water he turns the handle to the shower. The stream shoots out and he closes his eyes as the hot water splashes him in the face and runs over his lips. He then drops his head and swirls it around allowing the water to saturate his hair before throwing his head back and running his strong hands through it. He begins to turn his body so the water can soak his backside and the moment he gets fully around he instantly sees himself having Larry pinned against the shower wall as he makes love to him. He can also clearly hear Larry's moans of pleasure. The sound as well as the image of it all stabs him right in the heart for he's been dreaming about making love to him for months. There isn't one memory of each time of lovemaking that doesn't go through his mind. The way Larry would wrap his arms around Laurent's neck causing Laurent to rub his hand down Larry's back feeling how soft and smooth his skin is to how amazing he always feels...but of course it's not just about making love He misses the intimacy such as the moments when it's just him, Larry and silence. Or the moments when Laurent would watch Larry when he's sound asleep and completely at peace...his chest softly rising and falling with each breath he took while taking Laurent's breath away with just the beauty of it. Oh how he misses him. He's extremely proud of himself and how well he's doing but that doesn't make the excruciating pain of being away from Larry any easier to deal with. He snaps himself out of the memory and finishes getting ready to meet with the lady that has helped him put everything together these past few agonizing months...but as painful as they've been he still allows a smile to form again as he thinks about being just one step closer to completion and hopefully one step closer to getting the love of his life back...

****

Dr. Hall: *smile* "Hello Laurent. How are you"?

Laurent: *smile* "I'm oki. Thank you. How are you"?

Dr. Hall: "I'm great. Have a seat and let's get started shall we"?

Laurent smiles and nods as he takes his seat... 

Dr. Hall: "So, you're down to the final stretch huh"?

Laurent: "Yeah I am. It's amazing".

Dr. Hall: "You've been doing a great job".

Laurent: "Thank you".

Dr. Hall: *smile* "You're welcome". *pause* "So we've been working on changing your negative thinking and we also had a moment where you felt as though your life wasn't worth continuing. I would like to reflect on that. After the time you've spent here, how do you feel about your life now"?

Laurent: "I feel that my life has a lot of purpose now. I know I did bad things and I will always be sorry for those things but I realize that I can't take them back. All I can do is try to do the right things in the future and before I feel like I want to hurt someone I'm going to stop and ask myself is it really about that person or is it about me".

Dr. Hall instantly reveals the biggest smile. She was hoping Laurent is in a better place in terms of how he feels about his life but her question was also a test...and he passed with flying colors... 

Dr. Hall: *smile* "Laurent, I believe you just successfully changed your thinking pattern".

Laurent: "I did"?

Dr. Hall: *smile* "You absolutely did. See, the purpose of my question was to see if you could use the cognitive restructuring technique without assistance from me and you did it perfectly. You acknowledged what you did but you didn't beat yourself about it. You simply realized that although you can't change the past you will make a conscious effort of not allowing yourself to go back to that place. You even took it a step further by saying what you will do instead".

Laurent: *smile* "Thank you".

Dr. Hall: *smile* "My pleasure. So let's try it again. You told me about a comment you made to your friend Chris. I want you to state that comment then restructure it".

He vividly remembers the exact comment she's referring to so he clears his throat before speaking...

Laurent: "I told him that I'm such a fuck up".

Dr. Hall: "And how would you spin that comment into a more positive one"?

Laurent: "I'm not a fuck up. I make mistakes like so many other people because they're human just like me".  

*silence*

Dr. Hall: *smile and wink* "Great job".

If he was smiling hard before the smile evident on his face now is as bright as a beautiful sunshine... 

~meanwhile~ 

*happening at the same time as Laurent's session*

Dr. Ethridge: "It's good to see you again Larry. How are you"?

Larry: "Good to see you too. I'm doing much better these days. I'm not as sad as I was when you first saw me".

Dr. Ethridge: *smile* "I've noticed". *pause* "Now during your very first appointment with me you were asked to take an assessment that rated your symptoms and it was explained to you that after several visits you would take that assessment again. I reviewed it before I came out to get you and I have to say your numbers are looking much better. It appears as though you're eating and sleeping much better and you didn't report as much crying as before". 

Larry: *smile* "Yeah". 

Dr. Ethridge: "You've done a fantastic job pushing through Larry".

Larry: *smile* "Thank you. The journal helps me so much. I write in it all the time. Sometimes it's my feelings but I also write the poems I told you about". *pause* "I know this might sound weird but sometimes I can't wait for the day to be over just so I can write".

Dr. Ethridge: "That doesn't sound weird at all. That's great. I'm glad it's been helpful to you".

Larry: "Yeah, it really has".

Dr. Ethridge: "Awesome". *pause* "Well the first step in your treatment plan involved dealing with your emotions in a way that allows you to set them free versus keeping them in while at the same time changing your thoughts so you don't continue to blame yourself for what happened. It appears as though you're in a great place with that. The next step I anticipate being very difficult for you, however, we have to combat all of your symptoms of depression in order for you keep improving. The main physical activity that you were into is dance and we have to get you back into that. Have you danced or at least attempted to"?

Larry reflects on the Sunday afternoon he drove into town to grab lunch and danced for the fans...

Larry: "Just one day for fun...but I don't dance anywhere else. I heard a battle is coming up but I don't know if I should".

Dr. Ethridge: "Because you and your brother always dance together in battles". 

He pauses then nods solemnly...

Dr. Ethridge: "I understand. It's one thing to dance solely for recreation but when it's an environment that you're use to being in with your brother I can certainly understand the hesitation so I'll leave the battle up to you. Perhaps you can take small steps and go to a dance studio or dance in your home or backyard. The point is to simply get you started. You may not be ready for a battle but the idea is for you to achieve the euphoria you feel when you dance. It's sure to get you on the right path to your complete healing".

Larry: "I understand but dance is just not the same without my twin. That's why I haven't danced since that day".

Dr. Ethridge: "Well let's talk about your brother for a moment. I take it you still haven't spoken to him"?

Larry: "No. I tell myself that I'm going to let him reach out to me but it's been months and I still don't know what's going on. It hurts me because we have never gone this long and not talked to each other so it's very hard not to pick up the phone and call him...but I have to be strong even though I miss him like crazy.

Dr. Hall: "Well another way to look at it is knowing that absence makes the heart grow fonder so I imagine it will be a beautiful moment when you do speak".

Larry: "I never think for it that way".

Dr. Hall: *smile* "Just a thought". *pause* "How do you feel about what you disclosed to me regarding the abuse"?

Larry: "I'm not going to lie. I still wonder if there was some way I could have protected him from whatever happened that changed him. I would do anything to do that...but I realize now that he was supposed to tell me so I could try to help. I mean, I'm not trying to blame him but I can't do anything if I don't know anything".

Dr. Ethridge: "It sounds like you're slowly but surely releasing the blame you've been putting on yourself all this time".

Larry: "I don't blame myself anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still want to know and it breaks my heart that I still don't".

Dr. Ethridge: "I would imagine that's the most difficult part. The unknown is what gets us the most and when it's someone you really love that can be even more difficult".

Larry: "Yeah it's very hard. I just hope that someday he will trust me with whatever it is".

Dr. Ethridge: "Perhaps it won't be a bad idea to try that phone call again. You never know".

Larry: *shrugs* "Maybe", he whispers.

*Laurent*

Dr. Hall: "Well our time is almost up but before I let you go I want to re-visit the empty-chair technique. You've come a long way so I expect that this time will be a very different experience for you".

She flashes her bright smile then stands up and walks to get the same chair to bring over and place in front of him... 

Dr. Hall: "If you can please stand and take your place in front of it".

Unlike previous times Laurent doesn't hesitate to stand up and do as requested. Although he's doing much better with his emotions overall he's reminded of the intensity of those emotions the first time around and although doing much better those emotions can easily resurface so he prepares himself for it...  

Dr. Hall: "So you know how this works but this time I'm going to pick who's sitting here. The first person is Marie. I want you to say whatever you feel you need to say to her this time".

Laurent wastes no time whatsoever and completely surprises himself when he speaks...

Laurent: "I'm over you Marie. You no longer hold me back. I realize that the things you said to me wasn't about me, that was all you. To think someone is too goofy says something about you. You like people who are too serious and don't enjoy life. People like yourself. That's not me. Most people like how funny I am so that won't change and even though I may not look good to you I'm pretty sure I look good to someone".   

*silence*

Dr. Hall: "Laurent? You have officially taken all of your power back from her. Congratulations".

Still gazing at the empty chair, he allows a big smile to spread as he replies... 

Laurent: "Thank you".

Dr. Hall: *smile* "My pleasure". *pause* "Are you ready for the next person"?

Laurent: "Sure".

He said that so casually because he's completely unaware of who she's going to pick next... 

Dr. Ethridge: "Now imagine it's Larry".

Laurent feels his stomach turning and he instantly becomes emotional. Yes, he is doing much better now but that won't make it easier to pretend that Larry is sitting there because all he can think of is how much he hurt him. He then feels his tears building so he immediately looks up to the ceiling to keep them from falling... 

Laurent: "I can't do it Dr. Hall".

Dr. Hall: "You can do it Laurent. I know you can. You just did so well".

Laurent: "No! I can't do it! If I look down at that chair I'm going to see his face and see all that pain and I don't want to see that"!

She then steps closer and speaks softly to him... 

Dr. Hall: "Laurent. You've come so far. Believe me, you can do this". *pause* "Remember when you shared with me that Larry is a large part of the reason you're here"? *Laurent nods* "I know it may be difficult but if you can do it now just imagine how much easier it will be when you see him again".

Laurent: "I hear what you're saying but it's been so long! I don't even know what to say"!

Dr. Hall: "I understand it's been a long time but just say what you've been feeling. Say what's in your heart. You can never go wrong when you speak from the heart".

His tears are steadily sliding down his temples as his head is still tilted back...

Laurent: "But I hurt him so bad"!!

Dr. Hall: "I realize that but remember what you said about ten minutes ago. You can't change anything that you've done. All you can do is the right thing from now on". *pause* "You can do this Laurent. Just take a few moments to breathe through it. Then I want you to bring your head down and look at Larry. Look at your brother".

Laurent keeps his head to the ceiling and takes slow breaths in to calm himself down. He realizes she does have a point. There's nothing he wants more than to see his Larry again and say all the things he's been wanting to say since coming to Melbourne. Being presented with this challenge while having to remember what he did to his love is without question extremely hard...but after several moments he finally pulls himself together and slowly brings his head down. When he does he sees exactly what he knew he would see. Yes it's Larry's beautiful face but he can also see the sadness in his eyes. He also pictures him shirtless which allows him to see the many bruises that he put on his body causing him to shut his eyes tightly and shake his head catching the attention of Dr. Hall...

Dr. Hall: "Laurent are you alright"? 

Laurent: "No! I see exactly what I was scared to see! How bad I hurt him"!

Dr. Hall: "Ok. So use that".

He takes a moment to turn and look at her with his tear-filled eyes...

Laurent: *sniff* "I don't get it. Use that"?

Dr. Hall: "Yes. Take what you see in front of you at this moment and let your words build from there as well as your heart. Whenever you're ready. This is your time".

He gazes at her for another second before turning his attention back to Larry where he finally musters up the courage to say something...only for it to be short-lived... 

Laurent: "Larry".

His breathing becomes erratic as if he's having a panic attack...

Dr. Hall: "Deep breaths Laurent and when you're ready, try again".

He stops then takes a final deep breath in and slowly releases it. Now ready to start over...

Laurent: "Larry. I don't blame you for leaving me because I look at you and I see all the pain I caused you. Not just the physical pain from the bruises but the pain I see in your eyes and I'm sorry". *sniff* "I'm so sorry that I let my problems build up so much that I hurt you....."

He then starts to think about Larry's words on the beach that night and repeats some of them...

Laurent: "Every slap, every punch, every slam against the wall. Even all the ugly words I said to you. I'm just sorry for everything I did and there is something that I really want to tell you...." 

*Larry*

Dr. Ethridge: "Well if you could speak to your brother right now what would you say to him"?

Although in two different places, Larry and Laurent utter the exact same thing...

"I love you. Forever and always".

*brief pause*

Dr. Ethridge: "That was beautiful Larry and I'm sure he would love to hear those words directly from you when the time is right".

Larry: "Yeah". *pause* "When the time is right".

*Laurent*

After his very last word the entire office goes silent with the exception of an occasional sniff from Laurent. He then feels Dr. Hall's hand gently touch his arm...

Dr. Hall: "Was that all you wanted to say"?

Laurent: *nods* "Yeah", he whispers.

Dr. Hall: "Ok. Well please take your seat".

Just as he's taking his seat her office phone rings...

Dr. Hall: "Excuse me for a minute Laurent".

This is the perfect time for him to retrieve some Kleenex and compose himself. The phone call is relatively short and now she's walking back over...  

Dr. Hall: "I know that was tough and unexpected Laurent but you did a great job. You have accomplished so many things here and you should be really proud of yourself. That being said, you are officially finished with me. That was Rob on the phone and he will like to see you now".

He softly nods then stands up. He walks towards the door but abruptly stops then turns around to say...

Laurent: "Thank you for all your help Dr. Hall".

Dr. Hall: *smile* "Anytime. You take care of yourself, ok"?

Laurent: *smile* "I will".

*****

Laurent: "Hey Rob".

Rob: "Hey buddy. Come on in and have a seat".

Laurent: *smile* "So I'm finished"?

Rob: *smile* "You certainly are and I must say your progress has been astounding. I know you've mentioned your love several times and this must be an extremely special person because you completed this program in what seems like no time at all".

Laurent: *smile* "Well this person is the perfect motivation".

Rob: *smile* "Excellent". *pause* "Ok, now for the main reason I wanted to see you. Whenever our patients have completed the program we invite them to speak at an event. It's put together by us of course and it will be held at a banquet hall close by. What happens is you and everyone who has completed the program receives a medal of completion and you give a speech. The crowd typically consists of staff members and very often people from other clinics come as it's not restricted to patients of Melbourne. Since your progress was so amazing we definitely want you to be a part of it".

Laurent: "Will Jason be there"?

Rob: "We reached out to him and he certainly will be".

Laurent: "Cool. Can I invite someone"?

Rob: "You sure can".

Laurent: "Perfect. Then I do it".

Rob: "Great". *pause* "Well that was all I have for you. When you're ready you can go back to your room to get yourself packed and ready to go". *pause* "Excellent job Laurent. We're very proud of you".

Laurent: "Thanks man".

*in his room*

With all of his bags packed he sits on the bed looking around completely amazed that he spent so many months there. He then takes several moments to reflect on everything. From the intensity of his detox and all of the bad dreams that consisted of what he did to Larry with him waking up in cold sweats and crying. The sleepless nights because of how much pain he was in and how much regret he had in his heart...and all of it happened in this very room. He's thrilled that he's finished and he's even more thrilled that he was asked to speak at this event and it makes him happy to know that he can let others know that no matter how hard it may be they too can overcome addiction. When Rob said he can invite someone he can't think of a better person to ask than his love. He looks on his nightstand and sees his notebook with his cell phone right beside it. Of course it's easy to call him but there's just so much that he wants to say to him so he picks up his notebook instead, grabs a pen and allows his words to flow directly from his heart...

~three days later~

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Larry is in the kitchen making lunch for him and Stephanie who's out at the moment but called not too long ago saying that she's on her way back. Larry is keeping busy preparing the lunch that he's making from scratch but now she's pulling up in her driveway. Of course being a creature of habit she checks her mailbox as she's sure the postman had already been by. She flips through the mail and sees the usual things, you know, bills and such then she comes across an envelope that's addressed to Larry but doesn't have a return address on it. She scrunches her face in confusion but it's his mail so she will give it to him right away...

Stephanie: "Hey. It smells good in here. What are you cooking"?

Larry: "Grilled Chicken Alfredo".

Stephanie: "Mmm. It sounds and smells delicious".

Larry: "Thank you. It will be ready soon".

Stephanie: "Great. I'm starving". *pause* "Hey you have some mail".

Larry: *looks confused* "It came here"?

Stephanie: "Yeah. Here you go".

She hands the envelope to him as he stands there confused...but when he looks at it he instantly recognizes Laurent's handwriting and his face softens. Stephanie quickly picks up on it and decides he needs some privacy so...  

Stephanie: "Well I'm going to get changed and relax for a bit. Will you call me when the food is ready? *pause* "Larry"?

Larry: "Yeah...yeah I'll call you".

She smiles and nods then leaves to do as she said. Larry opens the envelope, slowly unfolds the letter and starts reading... 

"My life...my love...my everything. It's been so long since I talked to you and as bad as I miss you there's a good reason for that. I got help bebe. All this time I was getting help. That's why you haven't heard from me. The day you left I had Chris pick me up and take me to a rehab center. I feel much better physically, but I'm empty inside because I'm away from you. You don't know this but I got my first day pass a few weeks ago and because I knew you would be outside with Stephanie I watched you from across the street. I saw you smile and laugh. I saw how beautiful you were in the sunlight. It took everything in my power not to run to you but even before that day every night my wish was that I was holding you in my arms, kissing you or making love to you and it tore me a part that I couldn't do any of that. Bebe, since I've been here I've been going to therapy and I realized a lot. I want you to know that what I did to you was never about you. You're so wonderful it can never have anything to do with you. It was all me. I let things from the past hurt my relationship with you and I have never felt so horrible about anything in my life. Besides you, coming here has been the best thing that has happened to me because I know now. I know what my problems were bebe. They were there the whole time. They were just hiding. My therapist calls it suppression but no matter what it's called I let it hurt you and I am so sorry. I wanted to call you so bad and I came close so many times but I wanted to be all better before I did because that's what you deserve. I wasn't ready then but I'm ready now my love. I finished the program and they asked me to speak at an event where I will be recognized for my hard work. I can invite someone and I can't think of a better person than you so will you please come? It's next Friday at 7:00 pm. 1604 Oak Ridge Rd. I understand if you don't come because I put you through a lot, but it would mean so much to me if you do. I would give anything to see your face. That would make me so happy". 

Forever in love with you,

Laurent      

Tears are streaming down Larry's face as he reads Laurent's beautiful words. The unknown he's been living all this time is now known. He did get help and Larry is elated because there was nothing he wanted more so the fact he finally did makes him smile. He slowly re-folds the letter as he stands there reflecting on what was said. Then his mind shifts and he can't help but focus on the latter part of the letter. Laurent is requesting to see him...and in less than a week. Yes, he misses him like crazy...but is he ready to see him? That's the question that he doesn't even have the answer to at this moment...

--------------------------- 

A/N: Hey my loves. Hope everyone enjoyed! As always, I can't wait to read your comments. Love you guys. :)