November 7, 2010
Sunday

We had pot roast and mashed potatoes, but I could hardly eat because I was waiting for Jay.

I watched the door and fantasized about it flying open with men in steel-toed boots and thick uniforms. I saw a SWAT team barging in, arresting Lou and her men, and taking me and the other girls somewhere else.

I saw debris falling, dust lifting, and the end tables rattling under their weight as they marched throughout the house.

Sometimes, when I'd turn to the dining table, the other girls were staring at me confused. I want to tell everyone—or just Anna—that Jay will be back and we'll be able to go home.

On one hand, their knowing will keep them from feeling afraid. On the other hand, for all I know, there could be one person who's been here for so long they're comfortable. One rat could ruin the entire operation.

I sat by the window after dinner, staring at the sky and admiring the stars. I saw the crescent moon just above an oak tree, glowing like a halo and a sign that we were being watched. For once, I feel safe with that feeling.

I hadn't spoken about the situation in the basement, how I saw copies of the same entity. Anna kept pestering me for an explanation, but she wouldn't understand. Hell, I don't even get it and it's happening to me.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's because of Kristin. I noticed that when I relive the night she died, I see that thing more and more. Well, except when Claire visited me, but perhaps not then because she kept telling me not to blame myself.

In this situation, I can't help but blame myself. I was so out of it, I sent Jay those entries. It still burns me that he told my parents, but I understand why he did.

I have to put myself in his shoes. If Lauren texted me that she was depressed because of her husband—whether it was intentional or not—I would go straight to Mom and Dad. Honestly, I'd even call Cole.