k a r r i s

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Mom didn't answer her phone. She probably wasn't expecting a call from me so early, or was in her office discussing options for her patients, or delivering the horrid news that a loved one only has months to live. Whatever the reason as to why my call went straight to voicemail ultimately didn't matter. With dad on a business trip in San Francisco, I was stuck-- stuck at school, or stuck walking home. I had to get out. My heart was in shreds and I needed some tranquility. I needed room to breathe, to think, to cry. I needed...

I knew where I wanted to be.

I walked to the bus stop at the corner of June Avenue and Bristol Place where the school's football stadium was. I stuffed my hands into the small pocket of my backpack, dishing out some quarters before readjusting my school bag. I danced at the balls of my feet, anxiously waiting for bus number 121 to arrive. I kept looking behind my shoulder, not in fear, but in hope.

Hope that Calum would chase after me, take back his words and take me into his arms. Hope that Michael or Luke would come rescue me from my emotions, or hope that anyone would come out, see my distress and just hold me. But this was me we were talking about, and besides Berkley, I didn't really have anyone I could depend on.

After what felt like five years, the bus made its way to me, stopping against the curb. The glass doors swung open, leaving me to glance at the driver who stared back at me. I walked up the black steps, dropping my spare change into the slot.

"Thank you, have a good ride," the bus driver beamed at me, and I forced a tight-lipped smile before walking towards the back of the bus.

It was relatively empty, only a few locals taking two seats to themselves. I rested my head against the cool window, watching the streets of Arden Heights pass before me. I took breaths in and out, my mind replaying Calum's words over and over again.

"...I hope you understand."

Understand? I didn't want to, but I did. I was smart enough to understand that intelligence was all I'd ever have. Imperative yes, but sometimes I wished I were more than just smart. I wondered what it'd be like to be flawlessly stunning like Berkley, or Tegan or Mollie. I sometimes wondered what it'd be like to be fashionably sound. Sometimes I wondered what it'd be like to not be me.

It was a thirty minute bus ride before I pressed the white button near the window next to me. The driver slowed down, pulling up to the bus stop. I grabbed my backpack and stood up, scooting out of the seat and walked towards the door. I gave the bus driver one last smile before descending the steps and leaping out of the public vehicle.

I walked about half a block up the sidewalk till I made it to Mission Boulevard. I crossed the street, stopping at the pristine, white building looming before me. My eyes darted from every part of the edifice I knew so well-- the pillars, the floor length windows, and the bright flowers that embellished the front lawn. I shuddered from the dark memories that flooded my mind.

With a sigh, I turned away from the building, noticing a few people saunter out of the main door. I instantly felt sorry for them; I knew what they were feeling. There was a black wrought-iron gate and I walked through the opening, diving into the serenity of the entire area. It was quiet, and not in an eerie way, despite the circumstances. When I was face to face with the large elm tree did I hold my breath, turn to my left, and take approximately fifteen steps till I was met with my best friend.

"Hey Righty-Tighty,"

I smiled to myself, gazing down at the intricately designed tombstone. I dropped my backpack onto the lush grass before pulling off my jacket and draping it onto the ground. I took a seat with an exhale, my nostrils flaring slightly and I knew I was about to burst into tears.

"I miss you Gabe," my voice cracked, "It's hard without you here and I was doing okay but today just sucked. Like, really, really sucked."

Gabe's tombstone was made of granite and instead of flowers engraved into the shiny piece of rock, my brother's headstone was embellished with inscriptions that were quintessentially Gabriel Villanueva. Tiny eighth notes to represent his love for music decorated the edges of the tomb, and those music notes seamlessly morphed into hockey sticks. Then those hockey sticks transformed into small etchings of two cartoon heads-- one with long hair, a bow and a tiny indent on its left cheek, and the other head had messy hair, a big grin, and an identical indent but on its right cheek.

My twin and I.

"Kuya," I paused, remembering how Gabe always made me call him that despite the fact that he was only twenty minutes older.

(translation: older brother)

"I hate life and I hate me, and I hate your stupid hockey teammates and I just hate everything right now," I cried, sniffling and wiping the tears with the back of my hand. "I miss you. You know, sometimes I wish it were me six feet below instead."

I looked up into the sky-- it was so blue with sparse clouds. The sun shined beautifully, its rays cascading through the branches of the elm tree that stood at several feet high. With ease, I lied down, closing my eyes and welcoming the warmth. It was nearing sunset and I had no desire to be home. Even though I was in the middle of a cemetery, I felt no greater peace than in that moment. My mind was in a whirlwind of thoughts but my heart, so close to my the one that use to beat with mine, was at peace.

"Are you fucking kidding me Karebear?!" Gabe hollered at the top of his lungs, his eyes wide with absolute bewilderment.

I giggled, skating circles around my twin, "its all science bro!"

"Not fair, you're cheating," Gabe objected, watching me as I happily skated around the rink with an ear to ear grin etched on my face.

"How is it cheating if I'm using my brains?" I questioned, "its not like I'm downing steroids."

"You should say 'fuck it' to Brampcrest little sis--"

"Excuse me? Little sis?" I came to a halt, slamming my hockey stick to the ice, "you're only twenty minutes older than me."

"Which is basically thirty minutes older, which is basically an entire hour older which is basically a whole day," he reasoned playfully.

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, "now explain to me why I should, quote unquote 'eff it' to an academic institution that is the building blocks to an incredibly bright future?"

"Because you're great at hockey," Gabe declared, "sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if you joined the team. You are better than most of them."

I contemplated my brother's claim for a quick moment, before nodding my head in agreement, "number twenty-four isn't the strongest, and number seven could improve greatly. Number 15 however--"

"Hey Villanueva!"

I snapped my attention in the direction of the booming voice that echoed in my ears.

"Hey Villanueva!"

"Hey Villanueva!"

"Hey Villanueva!"

My entire body jolted, my heart pounding against my chest as I sat upright. When my eyes opened and my vision focused on my surroundings did I realize that it was no longer daylight. Darkness enveloped me and the only illumination that existed came from the full moon and the lamp a couple of yards away.

"Hey Villanueva!"

The deep, loud voice that rang in my ears forced my attention to shift in its direction. I wasn't exactly sure what I would see-- I mean it was nightfall, I was sitting in the middle of a closed cemetery, and I was alone. This was a recipe for a perfect horror flick. And it was-- kinda. When I turned my head to search for the voice, I found the source in a form of not a ghost, but a dimpled monster.

"You might wanna get that," Ashton's head nodded towards my backpack as he sat diagonally from me with his knees up and his arms resting atop them.

I narrowed in my brows at him, shocked to see him here. I darted my puzzled eyes from the hockey captain, to the area around him. He was sitting on the grass with a box of Poptarts next to him and a few issues of Playboy magazine sprawled around. I stared and stared at Ashton, complete confusion glazing my entire being.

What the nuckin' futs was he doing here?

"Seriously Karebear," Ashton leaned over with a sigh, snatching something on top of my backpack. He waved my cellphone, its screen glowing for a moment before it stopped and faded into black.

Ashton tossed my phone onto my lap, and when I looked down to get it, I noticed an anomaly. I remember sleeping under my jacket, but as I scanned my body, did I see one blanketed over me. However, it wasn't my own, as my maroon sweater was still beneath my body. This article of clothing, that was conveniently draped on my body like a blanket, was a letterman's jacket.

Buzz. Buzz.

My cellphone glowed again, and when I picked it up I saw a slew of missed calls and texts from an array of people. Twenty missed calls from my mom; fifteen from my dad; several missed calls and texts from Berkley; even a few from Luke, Michael, Calum, Coach Benson, and the rest of the hockey team.

"You've got the entire town looking for you, and the one place they didn't think to look..." Ashton shook his head, chuckling in amusement.

"If everyone has been looking for me then why the heck wouldn't you say anything? Ashton you're a jerk face," I sneered.

Ashton held up his hand in defense, "hey, I wasn't exactly looking for you. I found you, knocked out. I told Luke, and I trusted him to tell Berkley."

"What are you even doing here?" I questioned. Without really thinking about it, I found myself clutching onto Ashton's jacket to keep myself warm. There was a slight oceanic breeze from the Pacific near by and I shivered.

"I came to visit an old friend," Ashton simply answered, picking up the box of toaster pastries, "want a Poptart? They're--"

"--blueberry," I finished, looking at the bright blue box. "Gabe's favorite."

I denied Ashton's Poptart generosity, and stood up from my spot. I stashed my cellphone into my back pocket and tossed Ashton's jacket over to him.

"I gotta go," I told him, "as you can see, I've been missing for several hours."

I grabbed my backpack and threw it on, dusting off the grass that coated my jeans and shirt. Without saying goodbye-- I was still very bitter about Ashton-- I walked away from my brother's grave. I looked up into the evening stars, knowing that somewhere out there my twin was watching, and bid him a silent farewell.

I walked down the gravel road, fishing my phone out of my back pocket to call my mom. I was in deep poop, and I was for sure going to be grounded. My mind was also swirling with all the possible explanations as to why I went missing. I for sure wasn't going to tell my mother that my heart broke by some stupid eff-boy and I ran away to have conversations with my dead brother.

"Hey wait up,"

I turned over my shoulder to find Ashton jogging behind me. I rolled my eyes and scoffed to myself.

"Don't give me attitude Karebear," Ashton demanded as he caught up to me.

"What do you want? I'm not exactly very pleased with you," I told him, feeling all the anger bubbling inside of me, ready to spew out like hot lava.

"I'm giving you a ride home," Ashton told me.

I stopped in my tracks, taken aback by his words, "you're what?!"

"I'm giving you a ride," he repeated, "if I let you walk home and you get murdered, I'm technically an accessory to murder. And I can't go to jail... I've got a hockey championship to win."

I shook my head, walking away from Ashton. While a car ride back home was tempting and very much ideal, I didn't want one from Ashton. His behavior and emotions were giving me whiplash. One minute he's angry and fired up, then the next it seems like he cares about me. Which I thought to be very odd because Ashton is the spawn of Satan.

"Look, I'm sorry," Ashton apologized, catching up to me and placing a hand on my shoulder, "Let me give you a lift back home. We can't win any hockey game if Coach Karebear is murdered."

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There's chapter 20 and I'm hoping you liked it. It's a bit short and I had more planned for this chapter but I decided to spread it out because there's some vital information about Gabe's past that I need to introduce.

Please don't forget to vote for this chapter, comment, and also share this story with all your friends!!! Thank you all so much for being awesome readers! <33