k a r r i s

✖

I woke up with an odd peacefulness that morning. It was quiet, serene, and warm. When my eyes fluttered open, I innately began to stretch, but then I felt a missing element. Ashton was nowhere to be found. The warmth I felt was from my blanket, not from body heat, and to be honest, I missed the feeling.

I missed Ashton.

I sat up, and noticed a pad of my Post-Its sitting on the side table. I lifted the purple stack, and read the messily-written memo on the top page.

Thanks babydoll.
-Ash

I smiled to myself as I thought about last night; thought about Ashton and how well he fit in my arms. I thought about his life, and how it shattered my soul to think about his mother, his siblings, and his own well being.

When Ashton opened up to me last night, something in me shifted. Did I want to compare it to the idea of imprinting as popularized by Twilight? Maybe. All I knew was this feel was strong, and it gripped onto every fibre with tenacity.

Damnit, Ash!

My stomach was growling, so naturally I headed down to the kitchen with the hope that my dad was already awake. I had a craving for french toast and I knew my dad's kitchen skills were best used when creating his favorite daughter's favorite breakfast item. But when I got downstairs however, my life took a huge 360.

I noticed a large black luggage in the foyer, and as soon as I tried to examine it, my dad walked from around the corner with another suitcase in his hand. When he and I locked eyes, his facial expression was one of guilt. And then, it was sadness.

"Dad, where are you going?" I asked, my raspy morning voice in full force. "Do you have another business trip?"

Dad let out a breath, putting down the suitcase that he held, "anak ko, I love you. You are my entire life."

(translation: my child, my dear)

"I love you too, dad. But where are you going?" I asked again, confusion laced every brain wave.

My dad stepped forward, and grabbed both my hands. He looked down at me with hurt in his eyes, and before I knew it, a solitary tear dribbled from his eyes. He quickly wiped it away, because he was my dad; my Superman, and he never liked to cry in front of me.

"You're scaring me," I told him. "What's going on? Why are your bags packed?"

"Anak, I'm moving out for a little while," dad dropped the bomb, and my entire world as I knew it, turned upside down.

It felt like my lungs were going to burst into rapid flames, and I didn't know what to do. My breathing hitched as my brain replayed my dad's words over and over again, like a broken record.

"Bakit? Did I do something wrong, tay?" My voice was weak as I spoke, trying hard not to break down then and there.

(translation: why; Dad)

"Karris, no," Dad shook his head and pulled me into a hug. "There's nothing you can do that would make me leave you. I promise, you."

I stepped away from my dad so I could look at him, and also so he could also see the pain searing my heart, "then why are you leaving me?"

"I... I..." dad shook his head, losing his words suddenly.

"Where's mom?" I turned around, powering myself away from my dad. "Mom! Mommy!"

I found her sitting at the end of the dinner table. She was still in her uniform, heavy bags beneath her reddened eyes. Mom looked up from the crumpled tissue in her hands, and when her eyes met mine, she began to cry again.

"Mom, why is dad leaving us? Tell him to stop, please!" I begged my mom, running to her side with pleading eyes.

"He has to go," mom whimpered.

"But why? Will someone please tell me?"

"Karris," dad's deep voice rang in my ears and I turned in the direction. My mom did too, and sparked an anger I've never seen in her before.

"What are you still doing here? I told you to get out! Lumayas ka!" Mom screamed at the top of her lungs, as she sent deadly glares to my dad before completely breaking down before me.

(translation: get out)

My dad quick scurried out of my mom's sight and I followed after him. He opened the front door wide and began to gather his things. As he reached for the smaller suitcase, I grabbed it before he could.

"Tell me the truth! Why are you leaving?" I demanded to know why my father was suddenly about to walk out the door; why my mom wanted him out.

"Anak, please give me my bag," he reached for the black luggage, but I swung it away from him.

"Dad, no," I shook my head. "Not until you tell me the truth. Why are you leaving? And why didn't you say anything beforehand? What if I didn't wake up till later? Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye to me? Dad, please! You're hurting me."

I wiped the tears with the back of my hand, which cued my dad to step forward. He lifted his shirt slightly to wipe my face with it— something he used to do for both Gabe and I when we were kids.

"Tama na," dad pulled me into another tight hug, rubbing my back as I broke down in his arms.

(translation: stop, enough)

"Please don't leave us," I pleaded. "Please, dad."

"Karris, listen to me," dad pulled us apart, resting both his hands on my shoulders. "For your mom's sake, I have to leave... I haven't... I haven't been the most loyal with her."

"Wh-what does that mean? I don't, dad, I don't understand,"

"I wasn't faithful to your mom,"

"Dad," I shook my head, not wanting to believe a word. "Why would you do that? Do you not love mom?"

"Your mom is and will always be the love of my life," he told me, only truth in his eyes. "But, I made a mistake. And I hope one day your mom can forgive me. But for now, anak, I have to give your mom some space."

"When will you come back?" I asked him.

"Hindi ko alam... if your mom will have me, I'll be back," dad once again reached for his luggage, and this time, I didn't stop him.

(translation: I don't know)

With his two pieces of luggage in hand, my dad made his way out the front door. I watched with my shoulder against the door panel, and tears trickling down my face. Dad unlocked his car, opened the trunk, and proceeded to place the suitcases inside. From the curb he waved to me one last time, before rounding the front to slip inside the driver's seat.

My dad drove away thirty seconds later, and within a blink of an eye, he was gone. I threw my hand to my mouth as I let myself cry, let myself spill everything that was in me. I slammed the front door shut and ran up the stairs to my room. I needed to get out of the house; I needed to be in a place where every corner did not remind me of my dad and his relationship with my mom.

True love was encapsulated within my parents. The real, genuine, companionship love was invented by my mom and my dad. Romance films and novels had nothing on their relationship. I grew up admiring their love, and now, it felt like love never existed in the first place

"Pick up, please, pick up," I paced my room, with my cellphone to my ear.

I knew Berkley was still angry with me, and maybe she was right— maybe I was a little too clingy with her, but in those moments where it felt like I had hit rock bottom, I needed my best friend.

Of course, Berkley didn't answer her phone. I didn't blame her either. She and I finished our night off with some tension. So instead of trying to call her again, I grabbed my purse, took the car keys, and headed for her home. When I arrived at her front door a few minutes later, I bounced on the balls of my feet, trying to calm myself down.

"Mija!" Berkley's mom opened the door with a glint of happiness in her eyes. I caught another bruise on her upper left arm as I went in for a hug, and winced from the thought of how she received the purple blemish.

(translation: daughter)

"Hi Mama Ramos," I greeted, forcing a kind smile to hide the fact that I was still hurting. "Is Berkley home? She didn't answer my call."

"She's not. You just missed her," she explained, a look of remorse painted on her face. "She went to Coronado Beach with Natalia."

Oh.

"But mija, come inside! Did you have breakfast? I can heat up some pupusas," she continued, tugging onto my arm. "I know they're your favorite!"

"You're so kind Mama," I smiled. "But I really have to go. I'm pressed for time. I just wanted to ask Berkley something."

"Oh okay sweetheart," Mama Ramos pulled me into another hug. "I'll let Berkley know you stopped by. Thank you mija."

I gave her one last wave before I turned on my heel to walk to my car, and drive back home. I didn't know where to go, really. I didn't want to be home, but I didn't want to be surrounded by people. Despite the fact that it was the 1st of November, it was still a decent day with perfect Cali weather to take a walk on the pier. However, just the the effort of getting myself out there, only put a sour taste in my mouth.

Maybe if I take a nap? Maybe if I play my favorite music, lie on the bed, close my eyes and try to not feel, I actually won't? It seemed like the best plan cultivated yet, and I decided to go with it. Until, I saw a familiar head of long, silky, black hair swaying in the breeze. My eyes were closed in on the rearview mirror as I sat in the car and watched my neighbor saunter her way over to our house.

"Sophie!" I yelled, stepping out of the car and slamming the door shut.

Sophie's face lit up with excitement as she quickened her pace. I imitated her movements and when she was finally toe to toe with me, I lost it. My knees buckled and I collapsed into Sophie's arms, burying my face into her shoulder. I cried, and cried, my body hiccuping with grief.

"Karris, oh my gosh," Sophie breathed, reciprocating my desperate embrace and holding onto me tightly. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Ate," I cried.

(translation: older sister)

"I'm here," she assured me. "What's going on? Why are you crying?"

"My dad left,"

"What do you mean he left?"

"My mom kicked him out," I looked up at Sophie with tear-streaked cheeks and swollen eyes.

"Okay, that's it. You don't need to tell me anymore," Sophie hugged me again, giving my back a warming rub.

"I don't want to be home," I told her. "Can I stay with you at yours?"

"Absolutely! Nandito ako, always, always, always," she promised, sending me a sweet smile.

(translation: I'm here)

"Thank you," I sniffled, continuously wiping my face to rid any evidence of my moroseness.

"Hey!" Sophie pipped up, a spring to her tone. "I have a great idea! Instead of spending the night at my parents for the weekend, why don't you come back with me to the sorority house?"

"Wait, what?"

"Yea! It'll be fun! The girls I live with are amazing!"

"Are you sure it'll be okay?" I was hesitant.

An entire weekend at a University sorority house made me nervous. I'd be surrounded by a ton of girls I didn't know, who probably were as beautiful and confident as Sophie. The thought of having to socialize with them didn't excite me, but scared me.

"I promise I won't drag you to any parties. We'll just stay at the house, bake some cookies, watch a movie... we'll keep it simple. I just want to take you out of this environment," Sophie illustrated.

Each word spoken was fortified with sincerity. I let those words mull over in my mind, vacillating between taking her offer and not. But the more I took glances at the pretty girl before me; my sister from another mister; my mentor of life, did I want to jump headfirst.

I sighed, followed by a smile, "alright, I'll come with you."

"Yes!" Sophie squealed and jumped in hysteria. She hugged me tightly again, her feet bouncing with buzz.

"Let me go in to pack some clothes, tell my mom, and I'll come to meet you at your house," I suggested.

"Okay, okay, sige. I'll see you in a bit," Sophie let out another energetic shrill.

(translation: go ahead, go on)

When I strolled back into my home, I felt nothing but coldness. It was the same coldness I felt coming home the hours after Gabe's funeral. Our once happy, welcoming home now embodied an arctic glum, and I had my dad to thank for that.

I gathered only a few items and carelessly stuffed them into a deep maroon duffle bag. I topped off my clothes with toiletries, body spray, and my phone charger. I slung the strap on my shoulder, closing my door behind me and headed for my mom's room. I gave the shut barricade a light knock, pressing my ear against it to listen for any movement.

When I didn't hear any noise from the other side, I turned the doorknob and waltz right into the room. I found my mom on the bed lying on her side, her face towards the window. Slowly, I approached her and laid down on the bed too.

"Mom," I hugged her. "Will you be okay?"

"Yes, anak," she responded, her voice distant. "Thank you."

"Would you be angry if I went to spend today and tonight with Sophie at her sorority house? I won't get into any trouble, I promise,"

"It's okay Karris. You can go,"

"Are you sure you don't need me to stay with you?" I asked her, squeezing my mom a little more tightly.

"You go have some fun. I'll get some work done around the house," mom gave my hand a reassuring rub.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning," I told her.

"Text me when you get there," she requested. "I love you very much, anak, okay? Mahal na mahal na mahal kita."

(translation: child, dear; I love you very much)

"I love you too mommy," I leaned down to kiss her temple. I gave her another hug, before slipping off the bed.

My mom was sad, of course. But her strength was admirable and indestructible. I saw her supermom qualities through out life, and especially after Gabe. I knew she'd pull through this bull crap, and her heart would be whole once again. It'd just take a lot longer this time around.

After meeting up with Sophie at her home, she and I were on the road in less than fifteen minutes. We drove through Starbucks as her treat, and sipped on the sugary indulgence as I said goodbye to my side of Arden Heights. Newcoast University was on the other side of our coastal city, and was known for both their extensive communications and psychology departments. It didn't take long for us to arrive to the mini city that is Newcoast University, and when we did, I was in complete awe.

"See that big white building over there?" Sophie pointed towards a gargantuan building where one entire side was made of glass windows.

"Yea, it's really pretty," the edifice was surrounded by vivacious trees, and a few students walked in and out of the many doors.

"That's Edison Hall," Sophie disclosed. "I have a lot of my communication classes in there."

Sophie continued to drive along Newcoast Avenue for about half a mile, pointing to different campus buildings, and eateries. When we arrived to Hillcrest Street however, was when I really found myself in a state of wonderment.

"Welcome to Greek Row!" Sophie announced with a playful grandeur.

"Whoa," my mouth fell agape, and my eyes widened in a spellbinding gaze.

Greek Row, for Newcoast University at least, looked like it stepped out of a movie set. Each different, the homes that lined the short street, were pristine and charming.

"How many Frats and Sororities does Newcoast have?" I asked, taking a sip of my iced tea.

"Well since we're a small-ish, private school, we only have twelve, in comparison to the 25 plus other universities have," Sophie explained. She slowed down her car and with ease, parallel parked beneath a tree.

I began to gather my things as Sophie cut off the engine, and when I stepped out of the vehicle, I was met with the most stunning home my eyes had ever laid on. It was a simple, light grey, French style, two story home with marble tile.

"This is Kappa Iota. My home away from home," Sophie announced with a grin. "Come on."

I followed Sophie up the steps to the front door where she stuck the key into the knob. She opened the door, and just like the outside, the inside was quite mesmerizing. We were met with clean, porcelain tiles and a grand staircase. There were two large openings on either side, and there seemed to be two different lofts. The home was relatively quiet inside, however I could hear music playing from somewhere within.

"Sophie? I thought you were going to stay home for the weekend?"

A stunning girl with golden-honey hair and tanned skin approached the two of us. Her bare face was radiating and her thin body was drowning in an oversized Don Broco shirt.

"I changed my mind," Sophie said. "I decided to bring my little sister from another mister with me for the weekend. This is Karris."

"Hi Karris," the girl, who I expected to brandish her arm for a handshake, instead pulled me into a hug. "I've heard a lot about you from Sophie. I'm Mali."

"Nice to meet you," I smiled.

"I hope you enjoy your stay here. But don't mind me, I gonna go into the kitchen and look for some snacks before I binge watch Lost," Mali laughed, trudging away from us and disappearing into the living room on the right.

"Mali Hood is one of the only girls who's here the majority of weekends. Most of the girls are visiting home or out for the weekend," Sophie explained.

Hood?

She continued, "normally there about twenty-five girls running amok in here. But at least it always smells like the inside of Bath and Body Works."

I laughed, as did Sophie, but at the back of my mind, I thought about the coincidence of last names between Mali and Calum.

Sophie and I walked up the staircase, and I admired the wall. It was filled with framed photographs of past Kappa Iota girls. Her room was the first one on the right side of the hallway.

"You get your own room?" I noticed only one bed in the corner of the small space.

"All the chapter heads get their own room, and everyone else gets a double," Sophie clarified. "Again, not as bad as other universities. One of my friends is in a sorority at USC and in her freshman year she shared a room with four other girls."

"Wow, I barely can share a room with just myself," I joked.

Sophie giggled, "well, make yourself at home Karris. Set your things anywhere, take off your shoes. I have extra house slippers if you want to borrow a pair."

"Thank you... for everything," I took off my flats. "Seriously, I just needed to get out of the house and you saved me."

"For you, anytime," Sophie promised. "And we don't have to discuss anything that has to do with your family until you're ready. So instead, tell me about Calum. The last thing you told me, was that he serenaded some other chick?"

"Oh do I have some tea to spill," I hinted with a giggle, jumping onto Sophie's bed with a loud plop. "Calum is dating Mollie Santos— the girl he serenaded. Which of course broke my heart but I'm over it now."

"That's good to hear," Sophie was bent over in the bottom drawer of her dresser. She pulled out a bag of cookies and brought them over to the bed. "Are there any other boys in your radar?"

I grabbed a cookie from the bag, "I think so."

"You think so?" Sophie raised one of her perfectly sculpted brows.

"I might have a thing for the captain," I admitted with a frown.

"Stop!" Sophie gasped, her eyes glinting with excitement. "Dish! Give me every little detail!"

"Detail? There's no detail. Like literally none. I'm so awkward so nothing has happened," I frowned, remembering all the times I sputtered random alpaca facts due to nervousness.

"Okay, but when did you realize you had feelings for him?" She questioned, stuffing a cookie into her mouth.

I pursed my lips and thought about it. When did I catch feelings for Ashton? Was it when he saved me after Calum totally humiliated me when he asked Mollie out? Or maybe it was when he defended me after Sebastian messed with my head during a game? Or was it when Ashton took care of me after I got too high off of weed brownies? I couldn't pinpoint the moment when the dimpled hockey captain stole my heart, but what I did know, was that he had it— he had my heart.

"Do you remember that quote from The Fault in Our Stars? The one when Hazel is like, falling in love is like sleeping?" I brought up.

Sophie nodded her head, "yea. Um, something like, when you fall in love it's slowly and then all at once."

"I think it's like that for me," I bit my bottom lip. "Not that I'm in love with Ashton or anything, but I think that's how it happened. One day I despised him, and slowly I started to develop feelings. Then bam! It's like all I can think about is him."

"Oh my gosh! Sobra kilig!" Sophie gushed, grabbing onto one of her throw pillows and hugging it tightly. Her eyes were shut tight as she squealed as she were watching one of those cliche Filipino soap operas she's addicted to.

(translation: giddy, extreme excitement)

"I just don't know how to un-awkward myself," I sighed, falling backwards onto the bed.

"I can share a few pointers with you," Sophie smirked, standing up. "But give me a few minutes, I gotta poop."

"Alright. Don't forget to use the tabo," I laughed.

(translation: pail, small bucket. used to grab water & clean your butt...lol) 

Sophie hurled the pillow at my head before walking out of her bedroom, throwing her head back in laughter. I continued laying on the bed, enjoying the peace and quiet, while I examined the little knick knacks and decorations.

Sophie had several photos hanging in her room — a few were of us. Above her desk, hung a white board filled with exam dates, sorority functions, and special notes in a diverse spectrum of colors. As I slowly read each line on the white board, a muffled voice filtered into my ears. I didn't think much of it, until I heard a familiar name echo in the hallway. Curiosity got the best of me, and I quietly slipped off of the bed. Carefully, I inched myself closer to the door, while trying to keep out of sight.

"...little brother don't be so hard headed. Just take your medication and I promise it'll help."

Mali stood in the hall with a phone to her ear. She casually paced across the carpeted floor while speaking to a boy I didn't know was her younger sibling. She and Calum had the same last name, and in hindsight, shared similar facial features. But I still couldn't assume. However, when Mali continued her conversation, I knew— holy nucking futs, did I knew.

"Calum, I know, I get it... just listen to me... You're head is going to keep messing with you and your anxiety will get worse unless you follow your doctor's orders, okay? I love you, Cal. You got through this before, and you can do it again. This time Gabe won't be there to distract you, and..."

Mali's voice became distant as she continued down the hall to what I presumed was her room when I heard a door shut. While the conversation was out of context, and I couldn't hear what was said on the other side of the phone, I knew one thing for sure: my twin brother seriously messed up Calum.

✖

This chapter was definitely one of the heavier ones I've written, but it was also one of the easiest for me to write. A lot of these feelings that Karris has felt when it comes to loss, puppy love, and even with her parents, are all things I've felt before.

Also, I updated the Synopsis with a character list that includes gifs of how I imagine each character in Slapshot.

Hope you all liked this chapter. Thanks so much for reading my story and for your constant support!