(prologue)

TW: MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS (kinda)

Word count: 997

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How can you miss someone you've never met?

'Cause I need you now but I don't know you yet

But can you find me soon because I'm in my head?

Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet

A man who's kind, gentle and sweet. A guy who's understanding. Someone who'll protect me. I need someone who'll save me from this nightmare.

Many search for someone who's exactly like their parent. Not me. I want - no, I need someone who's the opposite of him.

Day in, day out. The sun rises and the sun sets. Each day that passes, empty promises and empty apologies are made galore. Yet nothing changes.

The building others would describe as 'a beautiful home', 'a mansion of happiness', was nothing more than a prison cell to me. God forbid I left my cell at the wrong time.

The intention behind the action always hurt ten times more than the impact. Maybe that's because I've built resistance to it over time. How could I not after 18 years of this crap?

My house was a warzone. My sister and I would try so hard to protect each other. But sometimes we betrayed each other. It was nothing personal. 'Better her than me', right?

She found freedom. Now it's just me living in this hellhole. One less target, one easier target. 2 vs 1, it's simple maths. She's living happily with her own prince charming and her kid. She got to experience what it was like to have a home.

A home. That was a foreign concept to me.

Please. Wherever you are. Please just come and save me.

I can't be who I want to be, and I'm getting tired of keeping up the facade.

I'm tired of being the girl he wants me to be. You would too if you had 100 million rules to abide by.

I can't even seek refuge in others. They don't even know the half of it, yet all I see in their eyes are pity.

Of course, they probably have some inkling as to what goes on behind those tall gates. After all, what 18 year old has to ask her parents for permission to walk to school, and get rejected most days? And even then, what 18 year old has to take one of her parents with her wherever she goes?

They claim they trust me, but they rarely let me leave my room. One outing every half a year.

No parties.

No discos.

No trips to the park.

No concerts.

No music allowed.

No singing.

No dancing.

No tv shows allowed.

No movies allowed.

No trips to the cinema.

No acting.

They took away everything that makes me me.

It's hard to stay alive when everything that makes me smile is forbidden. I no longer see the fun in life.

I don't want pity. I already have enough self-pity to be sick of that emotion.

I just need someone to save me from my corona castle. I need someone understanding. I need a shoulder to cry on. And I desperately need a hug.

I guess I can kinda relate to rapunzel. I can't leave my room. I have to put up with all of trash that comes out of their mouths.

"I know better than you, I've lived longer."

"I'm not going to apologise for hitting you because you deserved it. I've told you a million times to not talk back to me. Plus, it wasn't even that hard."

"I'm doing this because I love you."

"You can't survive without me, so you better stay where you are and abide by my rules."

A warm embrace and someone who wouldn't dare be like my father. That's all I wish for in life.

People say that school is the worst place to be, that it's basically a prison. I say otherwise.

If you think this, then you've never experienced what it's like to be in solitary confinement your whole life. You probably have a happy family with stellar parents. And good for you. No, genuinely. I would hate for anyone to go through what I went through. Good for you. But me being happy for you doesn't mean I'm not jealous.

To me, school is a break from it all. A place where I can actually be me. A place where I can excel. A place where adults don't look down on me - or at least the majority of them. A place where I'm actively encouraged to pursue my passions and show off my talents and be as smart as I want to be. A place where I'm listened to. I don't get called disrespectful whenever I speak my mind. In short, school is a place where I'm safe.

The only thing keeping me going is daydreaming of you. Dreaming of the day you find me, and the day I'll finally be free.

How can you miss someone you've never seen?

Oh, tell me are your eyes brown, blue or green?

And do you like it with sugar and cream?

Or do you take it straight, oh, just like me?

I wonder what you're like. I wonder what you like, absolutely can't get enough of, what makes you sad, what makes you angry.

I wonder if you're anywhere as near as good as the you I've made up in my mind.

Or am I just setting myself up to fail?

My experience of love has been nothing but watching my parents.

They say - wait, actually they don't. I think they love each other. I've never heard them say it. But the way they act towards each other, voices louder than the neighbour's stereo that is always blasting, sleeping in separate rooms - it makes me doubt that that's what love is.

I hope it isn't. If so, I don't want it.

If love is still real, then I believe soulmates must exist.

Please. I'm begging. Come find me soon.

Give me a reason to keep going.

Because I don't know how much longer I can do this.

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Soooo I hope you have an amazing day today!

My dms are always open if you want to talk.

I'm a strong believer of "all children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children."

I should update this sometime soon (either today or tomorrow) with the *actual* oneshot haha.

I'm sorry if I made you sad 🥺

I promise I'll make it up to you 😫😉

PLUS SKZ COMEBACK IN D-2!!!!

HOW CAN YOU BE SAD WHEN LEGENDS ARE COMING?

I MEAN JUST LOOK:

Okay I hope you're happier! 🥺
Don't forget to smile! ☺️🥰
Things will get better, I promise.