4.h.v5

"What do you mean, stay?" Blue set his camera down and sat up, peering through the darkness for me.

"Stay. You're still here. You could've left me alone."

"Hmm," I heard him reply in a musing tone. "I don't know how to respond to that, but if you want me to leave you alone, just say so." He chuckled lightly after, and used his phone to navigate through the dark living room.

"Don't turn the lights on!" I stopped him. He was startled with my sudden panic, so I added, "I wanna stay in the dark for some more time."

He turned his screen off. I wanted to tell him that he should leave me alone.

"Are you still on the couch?" I asked him. I looked up, but it was so dark that I couldn't tell the difference between my eyes closed and my eyes opened.

"I am. What's wrong?" There was worry in his voice. "You've been acting really odd today. And it's not the Sky-weird that I'm used to. What's happening?"

"You should leave."

"What?" Then there was hurt.

"You should leave. You being here doesn't help. Your approach doesn't work anymore. You don't tell me what's real and what's not, and you playing along with the psychoses only makes them worse."

There was a profound silence between us, as the fleeting moment of clarity swooped down on us, hitting both of us at the same time.

"I won't indulge the hallucinations anymore," Blue finally said. "Tomorrow, let's go to your psychiatrist. Tonight, take your meds."

"I will."

For a moment, it sounded like we had a concrete, solid plan. For a moment, it sounded like we finally had our lives back.

Blue's phone lit up. Someone messaged him. It's probably a client, the same person who had been bothering him for the past few days. He declined so many times, I couldn't even begin to fathom how someone could be so persistent.

"Huh." Blue's reaction was different this time.

I raised an eyebrow. "Who was it?"

"It's the same client. He's asking if I was okay and that he's getting worried that I kept on declining him."

"What are you going to tell him?"

"Well, I'm afraid we'll have to decline him again because we're going to the psychiatrist tomorrow."

"Hmm." 

I waited for Blue to finish sending his message. I sat up and felt the floor under the couch, checking if the papers were still there. They were.

"Oh," Blue said. "He's fine with it. Said he won't bother me anymore."

I rested my head on Blue's lap. "You should've told him we're going to the psychiatrist the first time he messaged you."

I felt him shrugging. "I mean, if someone didn't lie about taking his meds . . ."

I grasped the hem of his shirt. "Are you saying it's my fault?" My voice came out higher than I ought it to.

He paused for a while, let me calm down, and gently put a hand on my head. "I have a fair share of the blame too. Let's get some rest for tonight, and tomorrow we'll get some help."

I nodded, believing him.

There was nothing I can really do but believe him, was there?

m.2Hd.

I woke up with a start when I heard the creature scream in my ear. It was vivid, and so high-pitched. It echoed in my head seconds after I awoke.

We were on our way to the city, and Blue was driving. I fell asleep after some hours of driving past trees and the mountainside. Or maybe they were minutes. I didn't know, I had a very bad sense of time. Sometimes time accelerated, sometimes time decelerated.

"Did you say something?" I rubbed my eyes, hoping that nothing outlandish would greet me once I opened them.

"Hmm?" Blue spared me a glance. "I wasn't saying anything."

"Oh, I thought I heard a scream." I pressed my face against the window. "Where are we?"

"Almost there."

Where is "almost there"? Are we on our way to the psychiatrist or are we going back to the Sunken Gardens again?

"Where are we?" I asked in a clarifying tone.

"Just a few minutes away from the Sunken Garden. I brought a mirror so we can take a photo of us together."

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

"Turn back," I said, my voice shaking.

Blue blinked, confused. "But we're already here, look."

He rolled down the window for me and I saw the vast green fields. The sight filled me with horror. Blue slowed down. I could hear my heart beating wildly as he pulled over. It was like a countdown to my doom.

Blue was not aware of what's happening.

He was not aware that we had been the past two days again and again.

He was not aware, and he won't be able to do anything to stop the loop.

Because . . . 

"It's all in my mind, isn't it?" I asked, realisation dawning. "I was hallucinating the whole time, wasn't I?"

Blue knitted his eyebrows together.

I couldn't trust Blue.

I can't trust Blue.

The moment the car stopped, I kicked the door open and ran into the field.

I need to find someone else. I need to talk to someone else. I need to make sure that Blue . . . is not a hallucination.

I ran and ran, but I didn't even make it that far. Soon Blue was running after me, pale with worry.

Are you real?

I opened my arms and waited for him to crash into me, tackle me into the ground, and hold me close even for a moment.

But he didn't.

Instead he wrapped an arm around me and kissed my forehead. "Calm down," he said, puffy and still a little breathless.

"You didn't pass through me," I whispered audibly, falling to my knees. "You're real."

"Why would I pass through you?" He chucked his bag on the grass and caught his breath. 

"It's nothing." I watched him sit beside me and hold my hand. What if he were a visual, auditory, and tactile hallucination? That would explain why I could touch him.

But he drove the way here. He cooked breakfast this morning.

But—

"Hey, Blue?" I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't we go to the psychiatrist?"

"Oh, we were—"

We heard a bus pulling over near our car, followed by a hubbub of middle schoolers. I clicked my tongue, annoyed, but partly relieved that there were other people here now.

But if this day had happened already and . . . 

Huh?

"I'm sorry, have you seen this student?"

I almost jumped when a teacher approached us, holding a phone up with a picture of a student. Blue averted his gaze. He didn't bother looking at the picture, he wouldn't be able to recognise the person anyway.

I narrowed my eyes at the picture, feeling a little lightheaded and sick in the stomach.

I bit my lip before I replied, pointing to Blue, "It's just me and my boyfriend here."

I waited for her to acknowledge Blue's presence. She didn't. I waited for her to realise . . . that the person on her phone was Blue, when we were in seventh grade.

We were in that bus trip. We were classmates. That's why this place had always been special to us.

"Can you look after the kids whilst I run back to the other bus? I'll be quick." The teacher almost ran back to the bus, but I grabbed her arm.

This was seventeen years ago. Our teacher found Blue in the bus almost immediately. He was hiding under the seats because he didn't want to interact with people. Then our teacher forced him to pair up with me, and we never separated since then.

This was seventeen years ago.

This shouldn't be happening right now.

This shouldn't be real.

This can't be real.

"Please!" I yelled so loud, my throat hurt right after. "Please bring me to a hospital!"

The teacher and Blue stared at me, shocked.

Blue stood up and grasped my arm. "Sky, calm down—"

"Anyone!" I yelled, unsure if my voice was even real. Unsure if this was real. Unsure if someone could even hear me. "Please!"

The teacher left, weirded out. She didn't even walk away, she simply turned her back and—pop!—disappeared.

Blue held my shoulders. "Sky!"

I shoved him away. "Leave!"

"I thought you wanted me to stay?!" he raised his voice. He was getting angry too. Great. "What is wrong with you?!"

I screamed at him. I couldn't even figure out what I was screaming, nor could I hear myself, but I there was the pressure, and the feeling of being out of breath.

I screamed, and screamed . . . and screamed. I was just so angry, and frustrated, and scared.

I didn't stop screaming. I couldn't stop.

And in a split second of lucidity, I knew I should stop screaming. I was getting out of breath. I was losing air. I was losing consciousness. I would die.

Everything was getting dark, and yet I—

I suddenly gasped, as if I had just gotten out of the waters. I shut my eyes tight and panted, composing myself from what seemingly was a nightmare.

When I recovered, everything cleared up and it was bright again.

I was in a moving car, and Blue was driving. He noticed me awake, smiled, and rolled down the windows for me.

There was the vast green fields.

Waiting for me.

Smiling at me.