( HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND? )

EVERYTHING SEEMED TO HURT.

A month went by. A month since Gordon was pronounced dead. Killed in action, the telegram had read. Edith was barely living, praying that Steve would be home for leave soon, to hug her and comfort her and just be with her. She didn't want to be alone anymore.

She tried to act like everything was normal. The only normal thing was that the plumbing was acting up. The bath would run so cold she'd get into it and shiver, even when the only tap she'd turn on was the hot one. The pipe under the sink would drip, but only at night, as if mocking her. It reminded how alone she was because Steve and Bucky were still at war and Gordon was dead. She had called two plumbers and apparently the water would work for them just fine.

Connie said it was the grief. Dorothy and Colette just gave her pitying looks as she sipped on tea that tasted like ice. The world just seemed bleaker now that she didn't have the hope that Gordon was coming home.

Edith spent a lot of time in the church. She usually wasn't very religious. But, every time she glanced down at the blue ribbon on her left hand, this feeling of hopelessness came over her. Even though, if anyone could get back to her, it was Steve, she couldn't help but feel an impending doom about the whole thing. Like this World War was really sent to take away millions of lives and the hero that had become the symbol for freedom for not just America was going to be on the casualty list. On the top of the casualty list because he had such a hand in the defeating of the Axis.

The dread is probably what kept her shivering underneath the blanket as she held the pillow that was starting to smell like Steve against her chest. Sleep evaded her most nights, that or she woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of the pipe dripping and Gordon calling out to her for help.

It was in March, at least, she thought it was March, when there was a knock on her door. It was another one of those knocks, those ones that held dread and damning knowledge behind them and Edith almost didn't get up from where she was fixing Steve's shirt. It hadn't even really been that wrecked, it was just a small patch, and she was determined to get it fixed before he came home but her hands just wouldn't stop shaking.

The second rap of knuckles made Edith sigh and put the shirt down, getting up and move to answer the door. She didn't want to, didn't want the news that she already knew but didn't want to hear. Steve wasn't home for leave, Bucky wasn't out with his family. Plus, neither of them would knock like that. They both knew where the spare key was.

When she opened the door, a woman was on the other side. Edith blinked, taking in the pressed shirt, Oxford heels, and the white blouse, her brunette hair in immaculate curls, her lips painted red. She was absolutely gorgeous. This woman exuded authority and if Edith was feeling anything but cold, she probably would have smiled and complimented her. However, in this circumstance, she's pretty sure that she was going to break her heart.

"Edith Rogers?" The British accent took Edith by surprised. She watched Peggy stick her hand, taking in the manicured nails, "Agent Peggy Carter, I've come to discuss the issue of Captain Rogers'--" Edith nodded, opening her door wider so that Peggy could come in.

The woman clenched the hand that Edith hadn't shook into a fist before relaxing it and wiping it on her skirt. She entered the room, noticed the table, and made right for it. Edith found herself offering to make her some tea or get her some water. Peggy shook her head, smiling politely as she held a file that was going to tell her what exactly had happened the Steve. She honestly didn't want to know.

Still, she heaved herself into the chair that was closest to her.

"I'm sure you're well aware of the circumstances of Captain Rogers'--"

"Please," Edith croaked, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "Call him Steve."

Peggy cleared her throat, looked down at the table, where her hands were clasped together, sitting on the file. "I'm sure you're aware of the circumstances Steve joined the Army."

"Not really," Edith shook her head. "All I know is he went away small and an asthmatic and came back basically perfect."

"Yes, well, Steve was chosen for a secret project that enhanced his body and made him the perfect soldier. And for the past two years, he has been fighting the Nazi Deep Science Division, or so we thought it was, a cult-like group called HYDRA. Last month, we lost Sergeant-- Bucky during a mission to capture the top scientist of HYDRA." Peggy stopped and let Edith process, the blonde shaking with the sudden chill that went through the room. She could feel her eyes tearing up, blinking away the burning behind her eyes. Gordon, now Bucky. And with the fact that Steve wasn't here... She had lost everyone.

"We stormed HYDRA's main base, because Johann Schmidt, the leader, had a plane full of bombs that he was going to use to take over the world. Steve was able to infiltrate it and stop Schmidt."

"So where is he?" Edith let herself have a little bit of hope. Maybe he was just in some special military base, healing from wounds that were too severe for them to let him be in a hospital for. Or maybe they didn't want to freak out nurses and doctors because of Steve's ability to rapidly heal. But, when Edith looked into Peggy's eyes, the flame that had been that hope was snuffed out, leaving her shivering worse than ever. She felt the sob building in her throat, "He promised."

"There wasn't any other way," Peggy told her, her voice filled with a deep amount of pain. Edith felt the sensation of her hand touch Edith's, but Edith couldn't feel any of the warmth from it. "The bombs were on course to New York and there wasn't time to find an alternative. He had to down the plane."

Edith looked up at Peggy, tears in her eyes as she tried to hold back the sobs, "You don't understand, Agent Cater-- Peggy." She gripped onto Peggy's hand, squeezing it tightly, like it was some sort of anchor. "Before he was even enhanced, he promised he would come home to me. He was supposed to come home."

"He mentioned that," Peggy told her softly. "I was-- I talked to him, when he was trying to figure out what to do. He told me he was going to come back to you and start a family. Said he had a nice house picked out for you two and maybe Bucky and someone named Gordon, if they needed a place to stay."

A sob escaped Edith's throat when she heard Gordon's name, her hand not holding Peggy's grabbing onto the dog tag that was hanging around her neck. Peggy watched the movement then looked down, something that looked a lot like guilt flashing through her features. As much as Edith wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault, how could she have known, another sob escaped her body.

They sat there for however long, Edith clutching at Peggy's hand like it was some kind of lifeline. Peggy didn't seemed to mind, running her thumb over the back of Edith's hand in soothing motions.

"He talked a lot about you," Peggy spoke softly, once Edith was a little more put together. "Bucky used to get on his case all the time. Would make fun of him because he thought Howard Stark and I were seeing each other and thought fondue, of all things, was code for sex. You were always with him. He had your picture in the top of his compass. Always told me he couldn't wait to introduce us. I'm sorry it's on these terms." She slid the file over towards her, not opening it or anything. "In here were some of the photos we got when he was in basic, a few from after Proj-- the procedure that changed him, some of the notes we had written about him. A box should be coming later this week with the personal effects he had at base, the medals he's been awarded for his service."

Edith didn't notice when Peggy let go of her hand, getting up and dusting off the imaginary dirt on her skirt, only really stared at the manila of the folder that was slid over to her. She didn't want a fucking file and a fucking box of his personal effects. "I don't want any of this," Edith said, blinking, turning her eyes back to Peggy, "I want my fucking husband."

"I know this is hard--" Peggy started, but Edith found herself shaking her head at the other woman's words.

"I'm sorry, Agent Carter, but do you have any idea what it's like to plan to have a family with a man who was so adamant on fighting for the freedom of his country that he would let the military change his body so he could? A body that I was loved, by the way. Do you have any idea what it's like to love someone who promised you that he would come back after he fought and probably seen things that I couldn't imagine on my worst days, only he didn't. He decided to give his life for the world to be safe, and I don't even get to carry on that legacy, to teach his son or daughter about the heroic man he was, because despite how hard we tried when he was around, I couldn't get pregnant. I just lost my brother to the war, Ms. Carter, someone who wanted to grow old and have a big family, no matter the times he'd deny it. That one of the last conversations I had with him was that I was gonna name my child after him, no matter what the gender was? I also lost my husband's best friend, apparently. The man who probably helped the two of us get together, who complained about missing our wedding and not being his best man, even though he was captured and behind enemy lines. How can you possibly understand how hard this is?" Edith asked, her voice hitching every now and then with emotion as she tried to stop herself from crying. Her hand had came up to hold onto Gordon's dog tags, the metal digging into her palm as she squeezed them. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she wiped the tear tracks under her eyes. "I think you should go, Agent Carter."

Peggy didn't say anything, just looked at Edith for a second longer before she was making her way out of the apartment, the door closing quietly behind her. Edith sat at the table for a while longer, feeling numb, not sure how much time was passing. She couldn't move, because moving would acknowledge that that conversation had happened. And Edith wanted-- she just wanted everyone home and safe.

But that wasn't going to happen now.

The emotions came rushing back to her, all at once, and Edith wasn't even sure what happened next. She remembers screaming, clutching at her chest because it felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest. The sink behind her exploded in a jet of cold water, spraying over the kitchen and soaking Edith. The pipes shuttered loudly, and Edith's pretty sure the bathtub and bathroom sink exploded in the same way, flooding the apartment with water. It was all so cold, drenching everything as it spurred. Edith couldn't find herself caring, her heart ash in her chest as she sobbed. Her eyes caught the file, about to swipe it off of the table and into the small amount of water that was now building up on the floor.

But something stopped her. Instead, she opened it, her eyes still bleary from tears and sobs still making her chest hurt with their power, escaping her mouth in broken sounds. There was a picture of Steve on top of the pile of papers tucked into the file. And it wasn't even 'perfect' Steve. It was the Steve that Edith fell in love with. Small and caring and had the biggest heart. The man who was cursed with a sick body but the will that could rival anyone. The man that had told all the things knocking him down that he could do this all day as he stood back up.

The pipes quieted down, the water pumping at a less steady pace out of the burst taps as Edith brought the photo to her chest and just hugged it. Steve in the picture had his hair blowing in the wind, white t-shirt too big for him, his dog tags dangling on his small chest. He was squinting at something in the distance, the sun probably too bright for him. Edith wished the photograph was in colour, so she could see his blonde hair halo his head and his eye gleam like a cloudless sky.

When a sob escaped her mouth as the shocking realization hit her again that she was never going to see him with their kids filtered through her mind. Behind her, the taps started up, gushing water. That made Edith pause, confusion overwhelming the grief and sadness that gripped her mind. The water slowed down with her attention shifting.

Blinking, she stood up on shaky knees, stepping forward until she was in front of the kitchen sink, staring at the dripping tap. Edith felt something stir inside of her at the way the water was dripping, making a ping ping ping sound every time it hit the sink. Not sure why, but she focused on that stirring, that little tickle in her mind, watching as the water became a steady stream as she put more focus and energy into it. Edith cocked her head to the side, feeding more of her energy into the feeling, watching the tap burst with a surge of water. She could hear the other taps in her apartment doing the same, the bathtub the loudest as she fed even more energy into that feeling.

When she cut it off, the tap stopped immediately.

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i have been hinting edith being a mutant able to control water for the whole book lmao. the pipes groaning? edith. the pitcher of water smashing? edith. the fact that the water is cold? edith.

steve dying just showed her that the power was there. sorta like how its hinted in the x-men universe. she has unlocked her powers!

i can't wait for the next chapter, you guys are in for a treat! it's also the last chapter in this volume!