"because of him"

The drawing became more definitive and confined; it revealed to be a boy. I continued refining the lines and shapes in his features. I still didn't know what I was drawing but I let my hand take control in the strokes and lines of the pencil.

I was glad it was summer because I loved the feeling of the invisible rays of warmth when it tickled my skin and the tiny hairs of my arms. The sun became too hot for me as it rose higher into the sky so I resulted in sketching in my room.

"Iris," my father called and I turned around to face the door to see his head popping through the tiny gap. "your mother wants to speak with you."

I bit my lip and let out an airy breath through my nose. She hadn't spoken to me about coming home late from the fair and now would be her time to shoot her accusing laser guns at me.
"She's in her sewing room."

I nodded, silently thanking my father.
I heard my father go back to his room when the soft shutting of a door resonated. The sound of my feet pattering down the stairs echoed through the house because of the fragile wooden floorboards. Once I reached the bottom step, I heard the rumbling sound of the sewing machine.

I let out another breath and pushed the door open to greet my mother.
I knew that there was definitely something wrong by the look on mother's face. She wore a mask of stone and kept her expression blank which made it extremely hard for me to determine what she wanted to speak with me. She wore her usual t-shirt and sweatpants despite the boiling weather. Her hands kept a steady movement as she continuously slid the fabric forward.

Since she didn't say anything, I opted to speak first. "...Mum, dad said you wanted to speak with me?"

Mother stopped pushing on the foot pedal of the sewing machine and spun around in her chair to fully face me. Strands of her outcasted blonde hair were pulled roughly behind her ears and would've have fallen back out if it weren't held by her glasses that sat upon her nose and on top of her ears. Her expression stayed the same as she stood up and walked to me.

"Come," she said as she pulled my arm gently towards the middle of the room. Once I was standing there awkwardly, mother walked back to the door and shut it. Then she went back to her sewing desk and pulled out a dress.

She held it up for me to see.

"Iris, this is the surprise I've been working on for almost everyday. It's for your cousin's wedding." Mother explained as she walked closer to me. "Try it on. I need to see if I need to make any other fixes."

After trying it on, I stood in front of the length mirror and admired the dress.

It was a simple but elegant gown. It was a pastel lime colour and reached a few centimetres below my knees. It hugged my body and made my curves more prominent, which surprised me the most because it made me realise that they weren't non-existent after all. The off shoulder style left my shoulders and collarbone to bare but the fabric on my arms were loose so they could droop slightly lower upper arm. There was a slit at the bottom that allowed my left leg to peep through a bit but it was at least twenty centimetres so it didn't reveal too much.

Mother stood behind me, fixing every little crease and fold before gently pulling my hair tie out. She ruffled my hair a bit so the knots would seem less visible and placed my hair so it fell down to my chest.

"My beautiful girl..." she murmured breathlessly and then returned to her usual blank face. "Is there anything wrong? Is it itching you anywhere? Is it too tight? Can you breathe? Or is it too loose? Are you swimming in it? Is it too long for you? I can fix it."

I smiled at her bombard of questions and shook my head. "No, thank you so much mum. It's beautiful."

"All right. You're welcome. But just stay still for a little bit. I need to fix the zipper at the back and sew the parts there." She pointed to my shoulder and upper arm. "It's still a bit loose."

I nodded quietly and continued to look at the stranger who stared back at me in the reflective glass.

It was silent for a few minutes and then mother's stern voice echoed through the room. "I heard what happened."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper and I nervously pat the side of my legs as I glanced away from the mirror.

"You and Carson."

I didn't speak.

"You know I disapproved and yet you continued to disobey me." Suddenly, she pulled the dress back and I felt my chest constrict. "Of course Sam saw but he didn't tell me. He gave me rough information and I could easily guess what he had seen. Do you think I'm stupid, Iris? I already told you I knew what you were doing and you continued."

"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled incoherently as I bit my lip.

"You know I love you and I'm trying to help you. You need to focus on your studies and excel in school unlike I did. I want the best future for you and Carson will bring all that hope and hard work down." Mother released pull on the fabric but my breathing didn't get any better. She put a hand on my chin and lifted my head up so I faced the mirror again and mother's head leaning near me shoulder.

She looked into the mirror coldly, as if she was speaking to the person in the mirror and not me. "He's not a good person. He's exactly like his father, fishing for girls before dumping them back into the sea. I will tell you only once more, stay away from Carson. Stop talking to him. Stop meeting him and stop every single tie you have with him. Do you understand Iris?"

I hesitated to say yes because she was wrong. I release a shaky breath and turn to face my mother, leaving my distraught reflection in the mirror. "Mum, you're wrong. Everything you said is wrong. All of it. He's not bad and he's nothing like his father. You've never met him either way." My voice was cold and determined.
"Because of him, I had friends. Because of him, I got an A for a presentation. Because of him, I experienced fun. Because of him, I danced in the rain for the first time! Because of him, I actually lived!" I almost shouted as I shot my hands up in exasperation. "I wasn't all alone anymore. I had and still have friends. You didn't know how it felt to be lonely! The whole school worshipped you. Then you suddenly think 'no, it's better to be lonely' when you don't even know!"

"I was lonely! They were fake friends," Mother interrupted.
My voice became softer, realising that I was speaking to my mother and didn't want to show disrespect. "At first, I believed the same and always pushed Carson away but after a month, I soon came to realise how fun it was. The excitement when you wake up and have something to look forward to. Something different. He is nothing like his father. He is his own person and I like that person."
Mother shook her head. "You may think that now, but what will you think when you have no job and no future?"

I suddenly felt a rage inside. "I would be grateful to have a loving husband who works tiredly to support his wife and daughter. I would be grateful to have a family at all. I would be grateful that I have a home and enough food." I shot this at her and I could tell she had taken the wound badly. "You always say you want a better future for me because yours wasn't good. Well, look around mum. You have a family who loves you! Would you rather have me be a soulless person who worked and worked? I would have no family! Nothing to look forward to if I were to come home from work! I probably wouldn't even speak to you anymore because I have so much work. Well mum, I think that my studies are fine right now and I want to be able to live life like anyone else and I don't need to be successful just so someone can love or feel proud of me."

"I-I..."

"Do you see where I'm coming from now? You always, always say you want the best for me because you don't want me to end up unhappy like you, but tell me, mum, why are you unhappy? You have everything you need."

I sighed. "I know what I'm doing. Carson isn't bad and I like him so please don't judge my decisions. If anything goes wrong then I'll accept the consequences."

Mother nodded and I knew I had finally won this argument.

a/n: vote and comment x