Cameron was running late. Carter's birthday was important and he promised they would celebrate at a newly opened trendy restaurant a couple of blocks away from Carter's apartment. An unexpected emergency surgery that involved removing a few bullets from the arm and a leg of a victim of domestic violence had run a few hours past his shift. He had waited until the patient woke up, gave his recommendations on heavy sedation she would need till morning and ran to his car. It was almost 9pm when he made it to Carter's apartment. The lights were off.

"Carter must have gone to bed."

Cameron decided to still go up and apologize to him in person for being late. He grabbed the wrapped gift from passenger seat, locked his car and briskly walked into the building. Running up the stairs to the third floor, even after a tiring shift had never been a problem, especially more so today, when Cameron felt he screwed up epically and needed to apologize as soon as possible.

Cameron used his set of keys to unlock the front door, walked in and flipped the switch. Everything was immaculate. That's just how Carter was, a neat freak; and he taught Cameron the same.

It must be later than he thought. Carter never went to bed this early. Just to be sure, Cameron checked his watch, which had been Carter's gift for his high school graduation. It showed 9:10pm. Cameron kept looking at the time, wondering if the watch had stopped working. It was very unusual for Carter not to be watching one of his favorite shows or movies at that hour.

Suddenly, yesterday's conversation with Carter came to mind and he remembered that he thought Carter sounded very tired and emotionally drained. A little chill made its way through his body covering it with goosebumps. He dropped the gift on the small end table at the door and rushed to Carter's bedroom, calling his name. He didn't care if he woke Carter up, he needed to apologize anyway.

As he stopped at the closed bedroom door, another wave of goosebumps hit him. He was suddenly scared to open the door and find a confirmation to a crazy thought that pierced his mind. What if he's late?

With a shaky hand Cameron opened the door and yet again turned the light on. At first glance Carter was asleep, but the more Cameron observed him, the more details registered in his mind. Carter was lying on top of the comforter, fully dressed in his favorite navy blue slacks and a frost white shirt. He even had his dress shoes on. There were also a few bottles of over the counter and prescription medications, uncapped and an empty glass on his nightstand.

Cameron knew it was a stupid move, but he still called Carter's name, shaking him awake. Carter wasn't waking up. Cameron frantically tried to pull him up, grasping Carter's hands. A folded piece of paper slipped from Carter's hands. Choking on a sob, Cameron took it and unfolded.

"Cameron, I have always been so proud to be your dad. Be happy in life, find a nice woman and start a family. I only regret that I won't be able to spoil your kids like any self respecting grandpa should. Thank you for keeping me in your life for as long as you have. My time is now, my life has come a full circle. You're an adult now and don't need me anymore. I served my purpose. I love you, Carter."

Cameron swiped the tears off his face and with a sudden determination started medical evaluation of Carter's condition. It looked like he was breathing, but since he wasn't waking up, he was most probably passed out. His pulse was very slow and Cameron had hard time picking it up on his wrist in the first place.

Without giving it another thought, Cameron lifted Carter's limp body from the bed and ran out of the apartment. He was going crazy with worry, so waiting for an elevator was out of question. He took stairs as fast as he could. Carter by no means was light; he was a nicely built man of 6'2, and although he seemed lanky, he definitely had some tight muscles if strained shirt around his biceps was any indication. Having a quiet and somewhat withdrawn personality, Carter always walked around with a bit of a hunch in his shoulders.

Finally, Cameron made it to his car. He unlocked, sat Carter in the passenger seat, buckled him up, got into the driver's seat and floored it. The hospital he worked in was the closest, so he drove there. He had called the front desk on the way there to let them know that he'd need a gurney.

When he arrived at the hospital emergency entrance, his friend and the head of ER, Armand Bissou was standing outside, leaning on the gurney. Armand helped Cameron get Carter laid on the gurney and pulled him into the hospital while Cameron went to park the car. By the time Cameron hastily ran inside, Armand was done taking vitals and in the process of hooking up the equipment to pump Carter's stomach out. He wanted to know what Carter took. Cameron listed the names of the meds he found on the nightstand. Even in a distraught state of mind, his inner doctor kicked in - he couldn't believe he had enough brainpower left to remember what those medications were. Once Carter was out of the weeds, they were going to have a serious conversation about keeping old prescriptions. Who kept the meds that doctor prescribed for a one time health condition years ago? Carter was smart, but maybe he just forgot to throw the leftover meds away once he didn't need them. Cameron refused to believe that Carter kept them deliberately. He wasn't suicidal, was he? He knew Armand would ask questions, and a lot of them, come morning. He, himself, wanted to know the answers, too. He, however, decided on the spot - no matter what the outcome of the conversation in the morning, Carter would not be admitted to a psych ward. He was going to keep an eye on Carter and get him through this.

Cameron's hands were shaking and he felt like his legs were going to fold under him. He needed to sit down, but yet the second he did, he had to get up. He was restless. Armand saved him a quick glance, assessed his friend's mental state and decided that the best thing Cameron could do was to go out to the front desk and finish up the patient registration procedure. Cameron nodded absentmindedly and walked out of the room, drawing the curtain shut. Carter never visited him in the hospital and this was not how Cameron wanted his coworkers to get acquainted with his father.

By the time the formalities were taken care of, Cameron went back into the room to see that Armand was finishing up. There was now a steady IV with saline solution attached to Carter's arm, providing the necessary hydration. A bag of nutritional serum was hanging from the hook as well. Armand handed the clipboard with all the patient information to Cameron and silently left the room. He was a smart man and he realized his friend was more than capable of reading through his notes, but at that particular moment should be left alone and allowed some privacy. He knew who Carter was, but now was not the time for questions. Those could wait till morning.

A few minutes later a nurse opened the curtains to help Cameron wheel the bed to the overnight room. Only after she left was Cameron able to finally calm down, read through Armand's assessment of Carter's condition and complete his own check up of vitals. It seemed Armand had added a dose of sleeping aid and a painkiller into the IV drip; the needles were still sticking out from the side of the saline solution bag. Cameron breathed a sigh of relief; that painkiller will be handy come morning. The intubation, no matter how well done, was going to leave his throat pretty achy.

Cameron propped the bed up a little to elevate Carter's head, pulled one of the big chairs next to the bed and settled in for the night. He had not had anything to eat since lunch, but that seemed so inessential now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course Cameron loved his dad. After all Carter was the only parent he knew; and Carter was an awesome dad, the best Cameron could hope to have, if he ever could choose. They have been the best of friends. Whether it was in education, hobbies, or sports, Cameron always looked up to his dad. True, Carter had a hard time connecting with other people and most of the time enjoyed the quiet solitude of books and movies, but he was still a very engaging person when it came to things he loved - his son Cameron and history.

Cameron spent years obsessing over every single of his interactions with Carter. He wasn't sure he was ready for Carter to find out about his secrets. He wasn't sure Carter would want anything to do with him if he knew.

Now more than ever his delicate situation was going to be front and center. If he was going to be around Carter for the bigger part of day, every day, he would have to come clean.

Ever since Cameron hit the puberty at the age of 14, he knew he had a major preference for his own gender. It freaked him out. He never discussed these things with Carter, even though they talked about everything. Carter was very good at communicating with him, and up to that point, so was Cameron. All it took was a dream and an embarrassing morning erection for Cameron to start pulling away from Carter. At first, he thought he could overcome this; he was sure this was a phase; maybe part of puberty and growing up. Surely this was not normal and it would go away.

By the time he turned 16, Cameron realized that nothing was going to change and he started hating himself for it. He dove head first into his studies, determined to get a good education - at least something that would make Carter proud of him, because let's face, when he found out about his secrets, he would probably consider exorcism. Forget about Carter being an atheist, even he would think Cameron must be possessed!

He needed to put some distance between himself and Carter to avoid spilling his secrets, he wasn't ready, so he did the only thing he thought might help- move across the country to go to college. He was lucky his hard work paid off and he was offered a full scholarship to attend University of California San Francisco Medical School and major in anesthesia. He up and left, even though it hurt him physically to see how his actions had hurt Carter. But he had to get out. After all, when Carter found out about him, Cameron would be shunned anyway, so he thought he was getting a head start in trying to live his life alone.

One thing he didn't account for was how much he was going to miss his hometown. He was born and raised in Boston, so it seemed like a natural progression of his life to return there after college. Carter had once again offered to open his door and invited Cameron to move back in. Cameron refused, he still was not ready for Carter to know. His new apartment was a few minutes away from hospital in one direction and a few minutes away from Carter's in another. He made instant friends with Armand the first day of his residency. Armand was the only who knew of Cameron's secrets. Having a great gaydar was one of his "super queer" talents. That, his quiet disposition much like Carter's, and being a few years older than Cameron, made the awkward conversation less awkward and painful.

This was it, Cameron was sure, he had to come clean to Carter, so as soon as the man awoke the following morning they were going to talk. As difficult a decision that was, Cameron had felt a lightness in his heart. Calmness overtook him. Or maybe it was the tiredness, but semantics were not important at the moment, and Cameron drifted off.