What is the life of a pushover?
One of a social outcast?
Do they ever get their happily ever after?
Who would even love a person like that?
Aren't these people created to be ostracized and made fun of and taken advantage of?
And what is the purpose of one's life if they leave you high and dry once they don't need you anymore?
What is happiness? And what does it take to be happy in a world where people would walk all over you if you only act kindly?
Does your life even matter?
Just because you're breathing does it mean you are living? Or are you taking up space and oxygen from somebody who would be better at this "living" thing?
Loneliness isn't pretty, but being used and abandoned is downright ugly.

"Well, that's my life." Carter thought, glancing again at the big grandfather clock in the living room, as it chimed 7pm. Today was his birthday, he was turning 40, and nobody remembered. Frankly, he didn't expect anyone would anyway. His parents were deceased, his ex-wife disappeared years ago and his only son was a no-show.

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As far back as he could remember, Carter was a lonely kid. Growing up he had one friend, Andrea Runson, who lived next door to his parents' house, went to the same school with him and who had been his only crush all throughout the high school. She was a beautiful girl with olive skin and chocolate brown hair, which she promptly dyed into platinum blonde the sophomore year because it seemed that would be the only thing that could get her noticed by the school's heartthrob, Ashton Wair. Carter never told her about his feelings, seeing as she was running hundred miles per hour to catch the coattails of all the popular kids in school and only talked to him when she needed him to do her homework or act as coverup for her escapades with Ashton.

Still, Carter spent days talking to her about the importance of education and how bad of an influence Ashton was on her. Nothing worked; she was determined to have Ashton at any cost. One quarter into the sophomore school year she severed her ties with Carter and even started calling him a pushover and a loser every chance she got. She finally got her wish when Ashton asked her out for the winter social.

Carter didn't go; he had no friends and had no desire to be a wallflower.

Carter was an only child to a lovely couple that had him at an advanced age of 42 and 48. They were very supportive of their child and did everything to help with Carter's shyness and introverted tendencies. They loved him dearly; even though they were never well off, being a laborer and a social worker, they made sure Carter didn't need for anything. He never gave them much trouble, he was a quiet kid, if not a little geeky, very well rounded and extremely respectful towards his parents. The only time they seemed disappointed in their son was at the end of the sophomore year when Andrea knocked on their door and then flung herself on Carter's neck in hysterics.
Ashton got her pregnant and left, refusing to acknowledge the child. Andrea's parents had no qualms about throwing her out of the house and telling her to go and live with her boyfriend, who in their mind was Carter, since she never told them about Ashton. Carter never said otherwise either, so in the end, his parents came to believe him to be the child's true father as well.

What does one do when their crush shows up at their house, 6 months pregnant with the child of a 16 year old spoiled brat? Many would refuse to acknowledge the girl and deny help, but not Carter. Even though Andrea didn't love him, at 16, Carter couldn't find it in himself to push her away. He had a huge fight with his parents, but in the end, they had allowed her to stay.

Carter spent the next 5 years hoping that Andrea would fall in love with him while he put himself through high school and college, and picked up a second shift full time job to support her and her child. She saw nothing wrong with dropping out of school after she had the baby, a beautiful little boy, Cameron, who Carter promptly adopted as his. Andrea spent her days lounging on the couch, watching sitcoms in between taking care of Cameron's needs. At night, when Carter came home, she dumped the kid on him and locked herself in a spare bedroom that was designated as hers when she first moved in. Carter's parents helped with expenses and babysitting, they adored little Cameron. Pretty soon Andrea was out partying, justifying her behavior as having had no fun while she raised a child.

The first day of kindergarten Carter took his little angel to school just like any other proud parent. What happened afterwards had left Carter dumbfounded for quite some time. That evening when he and Cameron got home, his mother helped with dinner, then gave him a sealed envelope and left the room.

"You are such a pathetic loser. What kind of a man agrees to raise another man's child in hopes of gaining my love? Well, you can have him, he is all yours. Don't look for me. Andrea."

Carter couldn't believe what he read. He rushed to her bedroom. Everything seemed to be nicely organized, which was already out of norm, but he still went into the closet and then opened the drawers of the nightstand. Empty. Absolutely bare. She was gone.

It was a hard task to explain to little Cameron why his mom was not there to take him to school, or feed him lunch, or take him to the neighborhood park to feed the ducks in the pond. Not that she did any of those things when she was home, but it was twice as hard to explain to a child that the woman who gave birth to him didn't want him; especially since he was a spitting image of her. It took years of tender loving care on Carter's part to make sure Cameron didn't feel abandoned.

They were such a cute father and son. Carter spent all his free time taking Cameron to sports practices and doing homework. Carter never had time to think about his personal life. All of his life revolved around Cameron and he couldn't imagine bringing anyone else into the picture.

When Cameron turned 10, Carter's mother passed away unexpectedly, then his father followed two years later. Carter was left alone to care for Cameron. He sold his parents house and moved to a two bedroom apartment close to the high school where he taught history and literature. Cameron's middle school was right next to it, so father and son walked together every morning. It was their bonding time.

When Cameron turned 14, things had started to get out of control. First Cameron refused to walk to school with Carter, then came the refusal to spend evenings and weekends together. No matter what Carter tried, Cameron was pulling away. Many a night Carter spent in his bedroom crying himself to sleep because he couldn't take the loneliness and the brash attitude from Cameron.

It was a pure luck that Cameron didn't fall with wrong crowd. Come to think of it, he was a loner too, but it seemed that loneliness didn't bother him as much as it did Carter.

Cameron spent his days studying in his bedroom and generally avoiding any contact with his dad.

Then, came a day when Cameron refused to call Carter dad. Suddenly he was just Carter. It broke Carter's heart but he couldn't do anything. He took it in stride and hoped that once the puberty and adolescence were gone, things would go back to normal.

Carter thought he was dealt a really bad hand at life, reminiscing about those days. Cameron concentrated on his studies and while he graduated with honors and received full ride scholarship to UCSF, Carter was left hurting more so when Cameron moved across the country to get his degree in anesthesiology. Of course as any good dad, he was immensely proud of his son, but Cameron's decision to move away when closer options were available made Carter feel even more lonely, even more abandoned and neglected. What hurt most was the fact that Cameron didn't ask for his opinion, quietly packed his belongings, said his goodbyes and left.

Carter offered a drive to the airport, asked to pay for his flight, wanted to go with his son and help with settling in - all the offers were declined in a firm but polite voice.

Carter couldn't stand the stoic expression on his son's face, which left him wondering just how much his son hated him. Why else would Cameron try to distance himself from the man that raised him, from the only father he ever knew?

Carter thought that Cameron surely hated him for being such a pushover; after all his mother walked out, Carter never dated anyone, and it seemed he didn't have any friends, either.

Not even colleagues from school would call or drop by for a social visit. They lived in the same apartment building for years and Carter didn't talk to any neighbors. All the expenses, including the rent, were set up on automatic payments plan and the only human interaction Carter had was with his students and a cashier at the neighborhood grocery store.

When Cameron graduated, he moved back, but rented a tiny apartment not far from the hospital where he did his residency and eventually got his job. He didn't completely cut Carter out of his life; sometimes he would drop by for an hour or two, but for the most part he had invited Carter out - for a lunch, or to see a movie. Carter didn't begrudge him his independence, he realized that Cameron wanted to be free to live his life, after all he was young, making good money and surely had a girlfriend, who he wouldn't want to bring to Carter's home. Carter couldn't understand, though, why Cameron didn't want to spend any time in the apartment he grew up in but after a few attempts to figure out, he simply gave up.

Over the years, the absolute loneliness had gotten Carter to the point where he started questioning his existence, because let's face it, what he had going on couldn't be considered living, could it? His parents were dead, he had no friends, his childhood crush disappeared years ago and never bothered to contact him or her son, and his son has been adamantly refusing to recognize him as his father for the past decade.

It was probably pretty pathetic, but at this point Carter didn't really care about appearances, plus he was alone, so breaking down in loud sobs was not going to damage any of his reputation anyway. All these thoughts jumbled in his head and he felt like his life has been wasted. Surely, he thought, that he wasn't any worse than some of his neighbors, yet nobody stuck around, nobody cared; and it seemed like word "loser" must be written on his forehead as people walked all over him daily.

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"Forty years and there is nothing to show for it."

Even Cameron didn't show up, although he called the night before and promised to come by the next day and take Carter out for dinner to celebrate his big anniversary and catch up on all the news of his career and life.

Carter checked his watch. It was now 8pm, Cameron was 2 hours late and probably not coming at all.

Carter felt drained. As he spent two hours watching the clock's hands tick his life away, he realized that nobody would care, either way, whether he lived or not, because let's face it, there was nobody to care. He had so much love to give; he wanted to feel that euphoric sense of happiness when you realize that you are loved and needed; he wanted to be an awesome grandfather to Cameron's kids some day and spoil them rotten; he wanted to feel wanted, not for the money, support or care he could provide, but just because he was him, but... He literally had nobody and nothing. Sure, he could shrug his shoulders as usual, find a nice book, a good documentary on History channel, or spend the evening watching his favorite geeks-galore sci-fi movies, but today it didn't seem like that was going to be enough. It clicked in his mind that he had possibly reached the last stop in the journey of his life. He chucked at the sheer cheesiness of poetic descriptions his mind conjured up, wiped the tears off and stood up with determination.

Carter straightened the decorative pillows and carefully laid Cameron's favorite baby blanket, which now served as an afghan throw, on the side of the couch. Slowly, he made his way into the kitchen, pulled out a notepad and a pen clipped to it, from one of the drawers and sat down at the kitchen barstool.

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After making sure the lights were switched off and everything around the apartment was nicely organized, Carter picked up a few little bottles from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, a glass of water and slowly walked into his bedroom.

"Yep. Nobody will care."