Aleksandr's a beautiful disaster. Valarie knows it's weird to call a sibling beautiful but he's an exception. He's ten years sick and it shows. God does it show, but he looks like he has a few years left. She knows now that she's the one pushing life into his veins, and she knows that it's a selfish thing to do but she can't let him go.

She isn't ready to let him be taken away from her. His face is sunken and his cheek bones and jaw bone are the most prominent part of his face. His skin is dreadfully pale and his body has gotten increasingly thin. Some nights he can't hold down food, and other nights she finds him in the bathroom on the floor by the toilet in tears.

The latter is how she finds him tonight; curled up in the bathroom on the floor tiles with his bone thin fingers hugging his chest. She finds herself nearly crying when she sees that he's sitting in a pool of his own blood with the remains of where it came from drying at the left corner of his lips. It's almost unbearable. She's disgusted by herself. She's repulsive for everything she puts him through but she has to remind herself that she can't let him go. Letting him die is not an option. Especially now that she knows that his death will bring a sense of euphoria to Harry.

The blood on his pants is dry but the puddle on the white marble is new. "Aleksandr." She barely gets his name out. It's a name she's always struggled with saying. It's beautiful and fits him perfectly. His hair is jet black, framing his face in a way that makes him look healthier than he really is. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She puts her hands under his arms and pulls him up to his feet with little effort.

Aleksandr doesn't say a word as they walk out of the bathroom and away from the heavy copper smell. He turns his face away from her like he's embarrassed, and that's pretty much her breaking point. Her left arm tightens around his waist while her free hand cups his face and forces him to look at her.

"Please don't ignore me. Don't do this again."

"You walked in on me."

You needed help. "I said I was sorry." Valarie forgets sometimes that he's not only sick. He's still a nineteen year old kid who needs his own space. She knows she can be suffocating and she knows that's something that gets under his skin, but she's afraid of what will happen if she leaves him alone for longer than a day. He has his own house and god forbid she thought that was enough space for him without him getting upset whenever she checks up on how he's doing. "I was waiting in the living room for over twenty minutes. I was scared."

"Scared of what?" He detangles himself from under her and slowly walks to the table in the living room, still covered in dry blood. He's collecting energy so he can go take a shower. "Scared that you'll find me choking on my blood by the toilet?"

"Alek." Her tone is clipped now. She wipes under her eyes quickly and hopes he doesn't notice. She doesn't want him to worry too much about what she thinks about. "Don't ever say that out loud. Don't put that out into the universe."

"Where do you think this is going, Val? You think I'll be playing ball next year? I give it a few more months until-"

"I'm not playing with you. I hate it when you talk like that."

He must hear the edge in her voice because it's enough to make him stand up and rip his shirt off before slipping on a loose one from the back of one of the chairs. He dusts off the shoulders before walking over to her with his arms outstretched. "I'm not making jokes," he promises with a hushed voice. He pulls her in gently for a hug, careful not to press too much into her body so his stained pants don't brush her legs. His body is as warm as it can be for a dying boy. "I just want you to be ready for when it happens. I don't want you to think you had so much time after I'm gone, you know? It's a coping method, I think, just try to roll with it."

She presses her face into his chest and breathes out. She wants to capture her brother like this; in her arms for the first time in a year, and actually talking to her. Most nights he just explodes on her and blames her for the smallest things that get under his skin. "I don't want to roll with it because I know we have a lot of time."

"That's my worst nightmare and you know it."

"You're my baby brother," she pulls away and pushes his hair back, admiring the little bit of life in his eyes. It's new and she knows now that he has enough life to go on for a while.

"I don't want to die knowing you aren't ready to let me go."

"Can we stop talking about this?" She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs heavily. "I'm done with this conversation."

There's a look of hurt in his eyes but it passes quickly. He looks over at the door and snaps his finger like he's thought about just the thing to change the subject. "Someone stopped by looking for you."

"What?" Valarie quirks an eyebrow. Aleksandr knows everybody she knows. "Was it Caspian?"

"Gross, I don't like him. I wouldn't tell you even if he did stop by. It was a different guy that I've never seen before."

"I haven't told anybody your address so..."

"He was tall. Looked pretty nervous and shady but had nice green eyes. He didn't leave a name so I figured you'd know who I was talking about as soon as I said someone stopped by."

Harry? She folds her arms over her chest and nods. "Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about." She's trembling with anxiety inside. Harry should definitely not know where her brother lives, and he should definitely not be asking around for her. They just became friends. Not even the close kind of friends, at that, just the beginning kind of friends. "I'll ask him about it when I go back home."

"Go now."

"Why are you trying to get rid of me?"

"I need to shower and I'm exhausted. I don't have time to entertain you tonight."

Valarie rolls her eyes. "You're unbelievable sometimes. Call me if anything, okay? Please call me if you need anything, don't get too proud. I'll always pick up."

"Okay." He brings both hands to the back of his neck and turns his back to her.

With that, she's out of his house and onto the side walk. The sun has long since fallen and now the sky is a midnight blue color. She's thankful for times like this when she's outside so late after visiting her brother because the apartment complex is only a few blocks away. She suggested that he get a house closer to where she lives since he refused to take a room in her building.

The air is cold but she enjoys the wind on her face. It isn't until she's a block away from the building that she has to pause her steps.

She feels him. That's the only way she can describe the feeling now. Harry.

Harry. Only a sense of nervousness comes with it now. Something feels a little off but she can't put a finger on it because she doesn't know what's wrong. There's a silhouette of a person standing by a broken lamppost up ahead; lean body and long legs. He's wearing a hat so his hair can't be distinguished but she knows who it is just by the feeling. She's scared but she at least knows who she's scared of.

"Harry?" Her voice carries off into the distance.

The man up ahead turns his head to look at her. She can't see his face but the throbbing in her chest has become erratic. Something is wrong. Something is definitely wrong. She remembers this feeling from whenever she's around something dead, only it's more demanding than that.

"What's wrong with you?"

Valarie remembers learning about how some dogs can sense when other dogs are sick or dying. It's never been something that's ever really stuck with her until now as she feels something shifting between herself and the frozen person up ahead.

She can sense it, though he hasn't spoken up about it yet. The closer she gets, the more strained she feels. It's an uneasy feeling crawling up her body and heating up her neck.

When she's close enough, she notices that the man only a few meters away from her is not Harry. He has a very hard face and looks like he may be the angriest person alive. The only similarity she finds between him and Harry is his white, pale skin. Still, she feels as if he's near. Just as she passes the man by, increasing the distance between them, his hand flies out and yanks her by her arm back to where he's standing.

He practically sneers down at her. "Hey, doll face."

Valarie shoves him hard and swallows. She refuses to show him any weakness she may have. She's been rough handled before; this can't be worse than any other experience she's ever had with an aggressive person before. "Don't fucking touch me."

The man smiles and runs his tongue over his top row of teeth suggestively. "So you can be rough? How tough can you get, doll?"

Val doesn't give him an answer before ripping her arm out of his grip and storming off. It's hard to understand why he doesn't follow after her, but she doesn't go back to ask him. She crosses the street and makes sure to turn her back every few seconds to make sure he stays where he is. As she walks away, the feeling in her body simmers down to a subtle ache.

She's inside the building in a matter of minutes, breathing out like she just finished running a marathon. She wants to knock on Harry's door and ask him why he stopped by her brother's apartment and how he happened to find out the address, but it's already late. She doesn't think it's that important to wake someone up about.

She decides to just take a shower and head to sleep. Her thoughts get pushed aside until she's laying in bed. That's when her mind starts to race with possibilities. Maybe she was feeling Harry and feeling like something was wrong because he was hurt.

Maybe he was somewhere between buildings bleeding out. Maybe you shouldn't be thinking so morbidly, Valarie. He could be perfectly fine. Maybe the man by the lamppost was just dying. It was more of a Harry feeling, though, wasn't it?

"Shit." She gets out from under the covers and grabs a sweater before making her way down the hallway and out the front door. She doesn't want to be an inconsiderate neighbor but she has to know if he's okay. She wouldn't be able to sleep if she found out that she may have possibly felt him when he needed her.

She walks over to his door which is just a door over from hers, surprisingly, and knocks on the heavy metal. She starts to think the worse when he doesn't answer but by the third knock the door is being swung open. Harry stands with a look of irritation creased between his eyebrows, wearing just a pair of boxers before her. "What are you doing bothering me past twelve?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Her heart jumps. Or maybe it's Harry's heart that jumps that just happened to transfer to her simultaneously. She knows it happened the first time he visited the flower shop and was drumming his fingers on a counter to the beat of her heart.

"I'm just tired." His voice is softer now. "Should I not be okay?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well now you're making me worry so I think an explanation is in order."

Valarie's face twists. "I don't owe you shit." She watches as he rolls his eyes and clears his throat, then she decides to get all of her thoughts out of the way while she still has him. "Did you stop by my brother's house?"

"Are you sleeping right now?" He rubs his eyes. She can see him physically fight off a yawn by forcing himself to swallow. "What you've said since I opened this door has sounded absolutely ridiculous. How would I know where anyone you know lives?"

"It's a question." She looks down at the floor with a new feeling in her chest. There's no one else she knows that would be looking for her. No one with green eyes as tall as Harry. It doesn't make sense to her.

"You're anxious," his voice speaks up. "Why are you so worked up?"

"I'm sorry." She bites down on her thumb's nail and barely spares him a glance. "I'll leave you alone. Sorry for bothering you so late."

"Should I find out where your brother lives? I'll go see him if that's why you're so scared."

"No, just forget I even said anything. Goodnight, sorry again."

She can see that he's conflicted as he swings the door side by side over and over again. She doesn't think he wants to close it just yet. "You know you can talk to me about anything you want, right? We're friends now. Not that strong, but we can get stronger. And I'm not a judgmental person."

"I know, I know. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Can you just calm down before you leave? I don't want you to leave when your heart is beating so fast, I don't like it."

"Harry, goodnight."

He frowns but nods anyway. "Goodnight, Valarie. I look forward to that talk tomorrow."

And with that, she walks away. She hears his door close when she gets hers open.

A.N. I did not mean for this chapter to get so long so I'm really sorry for not cutting out parts to make it shorter. Also, I only proofread this once so I'm positive there are mistakes. I'm sorry for errors.

**** One last thing, though. I want to be completely honest:

I really like the story plot I have planned for this but I feel like I'm the wrong person to be writing it. I don't think I'm writing the story the way it should be written, I guess?? Maybe I'll get over it but I really think I'm butchering the whole story with the way I'm writing.