Harry

It was strange how time repeated itself.

My mother was around my age when I began looking ill. She noticed how my skin had become delicate to the touch and how quiet I had become, compared to months before as a screaming baby. She had noticed all of these things and my father thought it was nothing.

One day she took me for a checkup and the doctor told her I had all the signs for an immune disease that could be serious. After so many tests and doctors, they realized it was leukemia. My father was so upset at himself and hasn't let it go even today. He blames himself for not looking at the warning signs.

I felt responsible if something was wrong with my daughter, and ignored my instincts.

Of course, Alex didn't see it that way. Even after we had been going through a bit of a rough patch, she held my hand tightly as a neurologist looked at our baby. "I'm sorry for getting angry over the money thing, it was my ego and pride that got the best of me," I whispered to her. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I know, we should have talked about it. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I went behind your back." I put my arm around her and held her tightly as the neurologist picked up Emery and turned to us.

"We just have to wait for the scans and blood work to come back. She does seem behind on her growth, and her eyes look a bit droopy." He sighed. "Listen, I'm gonna be honest, something is wrong. We should prepare to hear the bad stuff, but no matter what, your daughter will get the best care available."

Waiting, that's all we did for hours while tests came back around. Emery took a nap on the hospital bed while we sat on the chairs. "What if it's cancer?" I thought aloud.

"Don't say shit like that." Alex cursed and placed her head in her hands. "A part of me knows that anything is possible, but another part of me doesn't want to listen to it. I don't want to have to think about you being sick and then her as well." She began sobbing into her hands.

I felt so useless at a time like this, no matter what would happen, I wouldn't be any help to Emery. There was a knock at the door and another doctor came in with the original doctor and smiled at us. "For Emery Styles?" We nodded. "How about we talk in my office?" We both looked at each other and nodded.

I carried Emery in my arms down a hallway, past hospital staff, and patients. We finally made it to an office and were told to have a seat. A woman came in and sat down as well, another doctor. "Alexandria and Harry, this is doctor Wendy Kooper, she is our pediatric surgeon and this is doctor Lucas Kooper, the oncologist."

"Oh my God." Alex looked the opposite way.

"We each took a look at your daughter's scans, your daughter has a mass around her temporal lobe, which we took a closer look and it seems to be benign." Alex looked at me and I nodded.

"That's good because that means no cancer baby." She nodded. "You said 'seems' what does that mean?"

"We would have to do a biopsy- just because the picture was a little fuzzy. This would require surgery since the baby is so young." They began explaining to us all the medical stuff, how the tumor looked, where it was, and that all the signs Alex mentioned, are possible signs of the tumor.

"How do you do the biopsy?" Alex spoke up.

"We make a small hole in the side of Emery's head and use a small needle to get a sample. It's quick and when we get those results back we will come up with a plan on how to remove it."

I felt my stomach turn and I knew I wasn't going to be okay. But I had to be strong for my family.

When we arrived home after we set up an appointment, I put Emery down to the bed and stood in the middle of the studio as Alex took off her shoes. I began to have flashbacks of being prodded, all the machines, and the sight of my mother crying when they had to be more aggressive with the treatments.

I had a small friend, my second time with cancer. He was a young boy who had a brain tumor. His was malignant and very severe that it caused him to lose his sight. He would smile at me and said he wanted to be as tall as I was some day. And then one day he just stopped smiling, and eventually, he lost his fight.

I felt my stomach flip and quickly ran to the bathroom where I dropped onto my knees against the tile floor and emptied out everything I had in me. I groaned, leaning my head against my hand when I felt a gentle touch against my back. "do you want to talk?"

"Yeah." I stood up off the floor and flushed the toilet before washing out my mouth twice. There was nothing worse than puking from your nervous system going haywire.

I took a seat on our couch and laid my head back against the sofa, watching as Alex poured me a glass of water. She set the kettle on the stove for tea then walked over to sit beside me. "You are graduating in a few weeks, she is going to be fine and we are going to get through this."

"How am I supposed to work twelve hours a day and be there for her at the same time?" my job would be hell, but when the program was over, you had to begin working on the field.

"Once we figure out her treatment, I'll quit my job and I can take care of her while you work-"

It frustrated me because after I graduated, Alex was supposed to go back to school so she could begin working on her degree. "This wasn't the plan-"

"School can wait, I don't care about that. Your job will pay more than mine does- I'm not worried about all of that, my concern is going to be the bills while Emery is in the hospital, we can't-" Her voice began to break. "I don't want-" she laid down against my chest and began crying. I cried too, feeling helpless.
"She would get headaches remember, you could tell by the way she would grab her head and scream her lungs off. Why didn't we do anything?"

"Because we're young, and we thought we just had a crazy baby." She wiped her eyes. "I miss her running around- and screaming when she laughed." I pulled Alex towards me and cradled her in my arms.

"I love you." I looked down at her.

"I love you." We kissed once and just hugged each other for comfort.

Things were a bit stressful as we waited for certain dates to get closer. What stressed me out was the fact that this morning I woke up from a nightmare, covered in sweat. I don't remember what it was about, but it was enough to scare me.

There was a pounding at the door so I got up to answer it. Alex was in the shower and Emery was laying next to me, sleeping like an angel. As soon as I opened the door, my eyes widened at my mums face. "Surprise." She had her bags and had stopped to buy breakfast as well.

I helped her inside and she told me she had just gotten in from the airport. I had a sense of panic because I knew I had yet to tell her about Emery. "Tell Alex I'm here so she doesn't come out naked." She joked.

"Mum." I rolled my eyes but also went to get some clothes for Alex. The last couple of nights she tends to cry herself to sleep when Emery doesn't smile anymore.

I walked into the bathroom where she was already out and brushing through her wet hair. "Morning."

"Morning baby, my mums here." I set the clothes down.

Alex looked down and nodded. "Great, we will have to tell her and she'll start crying." I didn't say anything, simply kissing her cheek and telling her to get dressed.

I walked back into the kitchen area and sat with my mum who was holding a newly awakened emery. "Look how big you've gotten, so calm for grandma." She tickled under her chin and didn't seem to acknowledge how she didn't giggle or smile.

"Mum we have to talk." She looked up and nodded. I took a seat about to begin explaining to her what was happening. After hours- or days actually, I looked into what type of tumor Emery could have. I saw photos read stories from families and completely became obsessed with what would happen.

"Is everything alright?" I shook my head.

"We went to the hospital this past week." I began but was cut off.

"Oh darling, is it back again?" My mom's voice became nervous.

"No mum listen-"

"Is Alex pregnant again?"

"Mum, no! Just listen to me-"

"Emery has a tumor." We both turned to look at Alex as she walked into the room. My mum gasped and looked at both of us. "We took her in because she was ill and I asked the doctor about her behavior and that sometimes she gets headaches, they took a scan of her, and they found a mass in her brain that's causing her to not speak and she's not silly anymore or laughing-" her voice cracked.

My mum turned to me looking completely gobsmacked. "Is it cancer?"

"They're doing a biopsy soon, we didn't want to tell anyone until we know what it is." My mum suddenly stood up and handed me, Emery.

She went to her purse and pulled out her phone, dialing someone and grabbing a paper and pen. "Hi, doctor Shelby, please? It's Anne twist." she nodded. "I'll hold."

"What are you doing?" My mum looked over at me and sighed.

"Getting my granddaughter, the very best care, I can't believe you weren't going to tell me until after they poked a hole in her head!" She turned away from us and I could tell she wasn't mad at me, but at the situation.

Thank you for reading. Xx

-k