not much happens but fuck it we ball

Third person pov

Naruto's not going to lie here. It's... pretty gruesome.

Zabuza puts up a good fight, Naruto will admit. Just not a good enough one. Whilst he managed to take out clones One and Two, he failed to account for the third stalking him from behind in the bushes like a rabid honey badger. The poor guy never stood a chance. 

When he says that Zabuza's face gets torn to ribbons, Naruto means it looks like a barbecue platter gone wrong by the end of things. It's brutal. Naruto's definitely swearing off red meat for at least a month or two following this, and he's pretty sure the sentiment is shared by his teammates.

Sakura has to physically turn around about halfway through the assault just to keep her lunch down. Sasuke still has the same, twisted up expression on his face. Naruto's starting to think his eyebrows are going to get stuck scrunched up like that if he doesn't relax them soon, believe it.

It's not pretty. The screams are even worse. Tazuna looks an unhealthy shade of green by the time Zabuza finally goes quiet. Naruto half expects the remaining clone to turn around and maul them, but instead it just hisses furiously and bounds off into the woods. Naruto doesn't have the spine to try and follow and get rid of it, since dispelling it remotely sure as shit doesn't seem to work.

"Not sure where we went wrong, but let's never do that again." Naruto decided after a beat or two of silence, all of them staring off in the direction the clone fled with varying degrees of horror on their faces. "At least we're alive!"

"Your bare minimum will never cease to astound me." Kurama sounded deeply disturbed which is how you know it's bad. "Next time you ask for my help, know that I will be saying no. There will be no chakra from me unless it's a life or death situation. I want you bleeding out on the ground before you so much as think about tapping into my reserves."

Arguably, that was a life or death situation. But whatever, sure. Bleeding out on the ground-- Naruto can do that. With his luck, he'll be bleeding out on the ground before he knows it! 

"Alive is a low bar." Sakura murmured out dazedly, eyes still wide and unblinking. Naruto wondered what she'd say if he told her she was currently agreeing with the one and only Nine Tailed Fox. "Besides, one of those things got Sensei. I'm not sure why you're counting that as a win, Naruto!"

Ah, right. That had happened, hadn't it?

It's not as bad as it sounds. Kakashi was already on the verge of charka exhaustion, so really a stiff breeze could've knocked him over. The fact that one of Naruto's feral monster clones drop-kicked him halfway across the pond so hard he skipped like a stone has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

It's not like he's dead or anything. Is he going to be unconscious for several business days? Probably, but Naruto is sure that would've happened anyway. If Naruto's luck is the worst, Kashi is heading a close second. Likely, the curse is generational and Kakashi is gradually passing it on every time he and Naruto spend time together.

"He's fine! He's even breathing." Naruto nudged Kakashi with his foot, beaming down at him for a few seconds too long. He was breathing... right? Yeah. Yeah, no, his chest is definitely rising and falling right now. "This has totally happened before, believe it. He'll wake up in a few days and it'll be like it never happened!" 

Sakura didn't look like she completely believed him for some reason. Sasuke was still staring off after the clone, as though worried it might come back and leap out of the darkness at him. Naruto wanted to make fun of him for it, but honestly? It was a valid fear at this point.

Rolling his sore shoulders a few times until they popped, Naruto conjured up a few clones for the job of carrying Kakashi. Normal ones, thank you very much. He's not looking to have a round two with those things. Seriously, he hadn't even gotten their memories when they were popped. Almost like they were separate entities entirely-- he is not dealing with that shit again.

His clones looked irritated to have been called on at all. Naruto had no idea where they were getting the audacity from. Yeah, he got it, their legs hurt-- his did too. But either Naruto could help them carry Kashi's 170 pounds of pure muscle and they could all suffer, or they could take one for the team and lend a helping hand. 

Zabuza's body was... well, Naruto couldn't tell if it was growing pale or not seeing as it was literally coated in blood. Like, insane levels. Like, spilled a bucket of red paint over the top of your head, and then a second bucket flew out of a canon and exploded all over you, and then you also stepped in some. It's not pretty. 

"...I-I think that... might've been a war crime." Tazuna murmured, looking horrified. Naruto squinted. Zabuza hadn't been that brutalized, right? He should've seen it coming, waltzing out here in cow print like they weren't going to diss him for it. "Who are you people?"

"Are you seriously going to complain about our methods when you're the one who lied at the hiring desk? Man up, bro." Naruto clapped Tazuna on the back a few times. Even for as tall and sturdy as he was, he still stumbled. "Can we blow this popsicle stand already, or do we all want to spend another fifteen minutes standing here having existential crises? Because I'm starving." 

His clones all nodded in agreement, hoisting Kakashi up. Kurama muttered something about a one track mind, but that was big talk coming from a guy who's sole ambition in life was to burn Konoha to the ground for like, a good century and change. Nothing else, just that-- he could've at least like, added in a little side goal of learning to knit, or trying a new food. Just to be adventurous and switch it up.

"You want to eat after seeing that?" Sakura asked incredulously. The crack of a branch sounded behind them before Naruto got the chance to reply with an obvious yes. They all whirled around in near perfect sync, high alert.

Naruto fully expected it to be his own fucked up clone back to exact revenge. Revenge for what, exactly? Naruto doesn't think the clone even needs a reason. It had been created out of pure rage and Kurama's incessant need for destruction at every turn, or something along those lines. Don't ask him for the details.

The fact that Naruto didn't hear or smell the ninja in front of them approach goes to show just how quiet they actually are. Them having a branch snap under foot at all had to be completely intentional, because they gave off practically nothing else. Their scent was wet and mild, blending seamlessly into the climate around them.

They were dressed in traditional clothing, with a mask reminiscent of ANBU, though not depicting any specific animal that Naruto could make out. They crouched over Zabuza's body, fingers on his pulse point, seemingly unbothered by their presence. All red flag's in Naruto's admittedly miniscule book of known social and combat cues. 

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Naruto planted his hands on his hips. It was a pose his dad typically put on when he caught Naruto or Kashi doing something they absolutely weren't supposed to. He cocked an eyebrow as well just for good measure, doing his best to look as unimpressed as humanly possible.

Chirping crickets. Literally. And maybe a few croaking frogs or something. He's not super knowledgeable on what fauna they've got going on here.

"...You going to say anything?" Naruto asked after a moment of nobody moving. "Are you going to try and kill us? Because I know I said I wasn't going to make anymore rabid clones, but desperate times, desperate measures."

Kurama made a noise of discontent. Naruto resisted the urge to shush him, instead maintaining his disappointed post. The mysterious ninja let out an audible exhale, which told Naruto... nothing at all, actually. 

"He's dead." They said after another moment, voice smooth and toneless. Naruto nodded slowly. "I thank you for doing my work for me. My village will be most pleased."

Naruto's eyes flickered up to the symbol on their headband. Right. Mist village. His symbol wasn't slashed like Zabuza's, so that was a good thing, right? Probably not in cahoots with the enemy? That might be wishful thinking on his part, but a boy can dream.

The tension in the air rose. Naruto tilted his head to the side, listening close. The air smelt overwhelmingly of copper. Naruto's ears were still half full of water from getting tossed into the water one too many times, but even then his hearing was still better than most.

He couldn't hear a pulse from Zabuza. There was no breathing, either. His body was still, but something still seeming inexplicitly off. Naruto didn't know how to describe it.

"Who are you?" Sasuke's voice came out sharper than Naruto would expect seeing as he was coming out of a haze of shock. Good for him for not being a total loser. "A hunter nin?"

The ninja bowed their head in assent. Naruto squinted. Hunter ninja-- he'd heard of those before. 

"What, so you hunt bounties or something for your village?" Naruto eyed Zabuza skeptically. "Aren't you supposed to chop his head off or something?"

Naruto was pretty sure Iruka-sensei had said that once at some point. Or maybe it was his mom. More likely his mom, actually-- she was way scarier. If anyone was going to bring up decapitation, it was going to be her.

The hunter ninja didn't tense, but Naruto's strained ears could just barely make out the sound of their heart rate picking up. Definitely suspicious, because let's be real here. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all look like drowned rats. His clones look uninterested and annoyed enough to stage a mutiny. Tazuna is an old drunk guy, and Kakashi is basically a corpse at the moment. They aren't exactly the picture of intimidating.

"You're more perceptive than I thought you'd be." Kurama sounded mystified by his insight. His shock was understood, but not appreciated. "He isn't who has says he is. The senbon he inserted into Zabuza's neck are evidence enough of that-- enough to momentarily stop the heart and the body's greater functions."

Naruto's eyes ticked down to said needles. The quote-on-quote "Hunter Nin" was on the move before Naruto could get a good look. 

In a flash, the ninja had an arm around Zabuza's shoulders and up under his knees, hoisting him up and blurring off into the trees without so much as another glance. Naruto watched the dude go, mouth still half open in preparation to call bullshit on what really wasn't all that fleshed out of a scam. His nose scrunched up.

Next to him, Sakura let out a sigh of relief, visibly slouching. Sasuke grunted a bit. Naruto eyed their lax shoulders, wondering if he should say something or not. It probably wouldn't be super great for team morale to mention that the dude that just tried to kill them definitely just got away with a friend. 

Naruto tilted his head side to side, considering. Ignorance is bliss, right? The news can totally wait. For all they know, Zabuza could still succumb to his wounds and leave them home free! Worst case scenario, Naruto can just pretend he didn't notice and act surprised alongside everyone else when the guy inevitably shows back up.

"I'm starting to think there's other factors aside from bad luck contributing to your propensity to end up in shitty situations. Like sheer idiocy." Kurama said in a flat voice. "On that note, that cow-printed insect is absolutely going to come back and kill you. And I'm going to watch, because you will have deserved it."

Naruto wished he could argue with that, but Kurama is like, never wrong. So that sucks ass. Zabuza is totally going to come back from the dead and kill them later-- if the rabid clone in the woods doesn't get him first, but that would work too well in their favor for it to realistically happen. 

"R-Right. That's--" Tazuna shook his head, eyeing the flask in his hand like he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep drinking more to make himself forget, or stop in hopes it might make things better. "My house is this way. My daughter is there-- she can help your sensei." 

"A-Alright! That's awesome. Let's go, you guys. Before anything else happens." Sakura gave Naruto's clones a pointed look, like she thought they were going to snap and lunge. If they're forced to stand around holding Kakashi any longer, they might. 

"Hn." Sasuke agreed. What a valuable two cents from him.

"Believe it! What a total win!" Naruto chirped out. Sasuke and Sakura both side-eyed him hard. Naruto ignored them, squinting. "Though... if my dad asks, this didn't happen, alright? Unless we all want to see the Old Man on a guillotine for lying about the mission details."

Tazuna looked a few shades paler at that, sweat beading his brow. Naruto hoped he had ramen at his house.

~~~~~~~

Ughhhhhhhh. 

So, the thing with dispelling the council for sucking is that now there's no council. Which is bad because, apparently, they need one. For balance, fairness, and representation of Konoha's vast civilian population. According to every rule book he's painstakingly read so far, the "shinobi folk" weren't entirely capable of thinking on their behalf. 

There are exceptions to the whole council structure, he's come to find. Danzo was a former Shinobi after all, there to weigh in from the perspective of a former service member and active member of the community. Or that was the thought, anyway. 

Turns out the only communities he was into were creating secret underground organizations to potentially take Konoha over one day, orchestrating the annihilation of entire ancient clans, and experimenting illegally on children. Not the picture of a noble and wise voice for the people, but what does Minato know?

Anyway. Minato should've booted him and his buddies out ages ago. If he hadn't had his hands so full of trying to reintegrate the Uchiha into Konoha's little society without anyone killing each other, he probably would've. Do you know how hard it was to restructure the entire Uchiha police force? He still has nightmares about it sometimes.

There was also all the traumatized soldiers-- kids and adults alike-- that Danzo left behind. It had taken a long time to get the cursed seals off their tongues so they could speak. Many had been brainwashed into loyalty to Danzo, and that wasn't something they could just sort out in a day. Finding out their real names, reconnecting them with their families, and making sure they all settled down had been Minato's job to head.

Beyond that, there was the rebuilding of international treaties, strengthening bonds with other villages, and in general just catching up with the six years he missed. They'd made changes, but they needed more than that now. It was time to start hammering away at Konoha's finer points-- leadership included.

That brings them to now. They need four council members, including the one who will lead the council. Minato can think of no better candidate. 

"No." Ayumu says the moment Minato pitches the idea, not even looking up from his clipboard. "Besides, I'm a shinobi. It's not allowed."

Minato offered a closed eye smile, unfazed. Ayumu thought he hadn't already gone over every possible loophole and demolished it? The far wall of he and Kushina's bedroom was covered in sticky notes and red string. Ayumu was a difficult fish to catch, but not if you knew how to hook him.

"Actually, you haven't been on a mission in over a year. That puts you off active duty and into a state of 'retirement'." Minato slid the stack of papers on his desk forward, propping his chin on his other hand. "Every single clan head has signed and thus sworn you in, appointing you to the position via the village's collective authority. Congratulations!" 

Ayumu very slowly looked up from his clipboard. Minato couldn't tell if the creepy creaking noise was coming from his neck or from somewhere else, but he willed it not to phase him. This is fine. He has this under control.

Was inviting Ayumu here under the guise of wanting to talk about Naruto's mission a bit underhanded? Maybe, but Minato had spent an entire two hours talking about it, so really it wasn't a lie. He just... also had other motives. 

He's playing the long game. And he also misses his son and is going to cry himself to sleep later, but you get the point. Minato wouldn't be a very good Hokage if he didn't use every available resource.

"I went on a mission last month. And another a few months before that." Ayumu's eyes flicked from the papers to Minato's face, his eyes narrowing. Minato's smile widened.

That was true. Minato had thought a lot about how to get around that little fact in order to get Ayumu classified as qualified to sit on the council. It helped that he had what was widely considered to be a civilian's profession, but even with that they were cutting it close. And with those active missions-- there was only one thing he could do.

"I burned them." Minato beamed. "I destroyed every single physical record of them and swore everyone involved into secrecy!" 

Which was super illegal, but if you asked anyone involved, they'd have no idea what you were talking about. Since those missions never happened.

Ayumu took in a very deep breath. Minato held his, not daring to blink. Ayumu could try to run, but Minato had long since motioned for his ANBU guards to barricade the door. The only way out of here was through the windows, and he'd had the glass replaced with ballistic grade in preparation for this alone. Just in case.

Every base was covered. Now, all they needed was Ayumu's agreement to seal the deal. Ayumu was the most realistic choice for council leader. He was smart, intuitive, and had the ability to put himself in the shoes of just about anyone whilst also looking from outside the box. If anyone was going to find happy mediums that the civilians and shinobi populations could both be happy with, it would be him.

He was also a Yamanaka-- a neutral, well-respected clan. Not as ancient as the Uchiha, but old and deeply rooted within Konoha's community all the same. They were trusted, and the other clan heads were content to have him serve as council leader. Though the issue of finding two civilian members to advise alongside him still remained, that was something they could get to later.

"You do realize that this is very illegal, don't you?" Ayumu sounded more done than he did annoyed. Minato perked up hopefully.

"I do. Unfortunately for everyone, there's currently no council to try me for my crimes." Minato scooted the papers a little closer. "It comes with good dental. And you can nominate someone to take your place after a month of service."

That nomination would require approval from all the clan heads, and from Minato himself as Konoha's leader. Which he would roll over and die before giving, but he wasn't going to divulge that right now.

Ayumu tapped his pen on his clipboard a few times, staring at the stack of papers like he thought they were going to bite him if he reached out. He had a sour expression on his face that was gradually growing more and more defeated. With each downtick in his eyebrows, Minato sat up a little straighter.

Minato knew it was underhanded to force him into it, but Ayumu was the only one he knew and trusted in a position to take this on. After Danzo's scandal, everyone was on edge-- civilians included, because many of their children had been casualties of ROOT's recruiting operation. Konoha needed someone with a good head on their shoulders.

Ayumu would be amazing at it. He'd probably even enjoy it once he got into it, with how promptly he seemed to jump into managing things when it was needed. For all he moaned and groaned about paperwork, he was excellent at it.

"...Fine." Ayumu sighed after a second. "I'm double-charging all your sessions from here on out for conflict of interest. Do this again and I'll tell Naruto to never draw you another picture again."

Minato broke out into a grin despite the absolutely horrific threat, leaping out of his seat. Ayumu sighed again as Minato whooped in victory, throwing his hands up in the air and cackling wildly. Kushina was going to be thrilled when he told her their plan worked. 

"Yes!" Minato laughed. "Yes, yes, yes! Now all we have to do is wait for the ANBU to unbarricade the door and we can go straight to the meeting!" 

Ayumu clicked his pen and started to write something down, looking tired. Minato couldn't imagine why.

~~~~~~~~ 

Kakashi was down for the count. Tazuna's daughter Tsunami did, in fact, have ramen. Tazuna's trick ass little grandson tried to nail Naruto in the balls, and it's by the grace of god (AKA Kurama trying not to laugh because he saw it coming and Naruto realizing something bad was about to happen to him) that he wasn't victim. 

"I apologize for Inari. He has a difficult time sometimes, but he's a good boy." Tsunami smiled kindly as she settled a sixth bowl of ramen down in front of Naruto, apparently unfazed by his appetite. "Ever since his father passed, he's been bitter. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive him if he's rude."

Naruto slurped down some noodles, nodding. Yeah, yeah. Tragic backstory, now you're angry at the world and hate everyone in it-- he knew the drill. Trying to kick someone in the nuts for saying they were going to dribble Gato like a basketball straight over the edge of the bridge was a little far, but whatever, sure. 

"No, no! We should be apologizing. Naruto can be a bit... crude." Sakura had her customer service voice on, sweet and syrupy. "Thank you for your hospitality, and for the food. It's very kind of you!" 

Sasuke grunted in... Naruto wasn't sure if it was agreement or if he was just making noises. Seriously, what was up with him today? Did one of the clones bite him? Was he turning? If he and Kurama triggered the downfall of humanity somehow and victim number one was Sasuke, Naruto--

Wouldn't be that upset, actually. Or surprised for that matter.

"It's the least I can do! You're out here risking your lives when you're only children yourselves..." Tsunami trailed off, looking guilty. Naruto slammed down his empty bowl. Tazuna looked disturbed by his speed.

"We signed up for this, believe it." Naruto patted his stomach, still vaguely hungry but equipped with enough social awareness to know he was pushing the line here. "We're also getting hella coin. So."

Sakura reached out to smack him. Naruto dodged, giving her the stink-eye as he did so. Tsunami laughed at their antics, seemingly more amused than offended. That, or she was just really good at pretending. It was impossible to say.

Tazuna's home was modestly sized, set on the edge of the water enough for them to put out fish traps and throw out lines. It was probably what they primarily survived off of, the island's economy was so wrung out and restricted. Gato's fist was iron, and this bridge was the only way to get The Wave out from under it.

Sakura continued to chat with Tsunami, helping gather up dishes. Sasuke was dozing off at the table and trying to pretend he wasn't, blinking rapidly and straightening out his spine anytime his head started to dip forward. All he'd done was get punched a few times, so Naruto had no idea why he was so tired.

The house was cute, but not very secure. Naruto poked his head through all the rooms, eyeing the rickety windows and sliding back door. Apparently all his reading up and practicing with seals was actually good for something because scratching security seals into the frames and popping his chakra into them was practically cake.

"This place is about as secure as a cardboard box against someone like Cow Print." Kurama muttered out, sounding disgruntled. "You brats should've turned back when you had a chance."

"And abandon the mission? Are you crazy?" Naruto scoffed, like he wasn't planning to sneak off, highjack a boat, and... hope he ended up in Uzu? The plan was still shaky. "Besides, my dad would wrap me in bubble wrap and force me to stay on the couch for the rest of my life if we'd gone back. With breaks to go out into the backyard and run laps for enrichment." 

Kurama grunted but couldn't deny it, since Naruto is stone cold right for once in his life. He loves his dad, but his dad's default assumption when he and Naruto aren't together is that something bad is going to happen to him. Which is totally justified, since that does usually happen, but still.

The sky outside was rapidly beginning to darken. The Wave was quieter than Konoha, the lapping of the water on the island's bank rhythmic and soothing. The salty smell of the ocean seemed soaked into everything here, even the wood of the house, and something about it made the tight ball of tension in Naruto's core loosen.

He was close. Naruto could feel it like a whisper against his skin. The wind seemed to tug at him, urging him out the back door. He resisted the pull, putting the finishing touches on his seal instead and pressing his thumb to it. It flashed blue briefly before it settled more firmly into the grain, almost imperceptible unless you knew what to look for.

Kashi's breathing had evened out after a brief transfusion of chakra. He and Naruto weren't an exact match, so there was a limit to what Naruto could safely give him. A little bit wasn't going to hurt though, and a soldier pill crushed up and fed down gave him the boost he needed to stabilize. His heart was thumping stronger and firmer now-- from Naruto's experience, he'd be just fine so long as they tended to his wounds.

"Are you heading to bed?" Sasuke asked in a tone that was damn near civil. Naruto eyed him suspiciously, looking for evidence of a bite wound. "Why the hell are you looking at me like I'm diseased?"

"Are you diseased?" Naruto asked under his breath. Sasuke's eyes flashed a brief red. Naruto held his hands up in surrender. "Anyway! Yeah, I'm bunking with Kakashi! Catch you on the flip, see you never, I hope you sleep like shit."

Sasuke's eye twitched. Naruto scratched his cheek... with his middle finger. Sasuke looked like he was genuinely debating setting a fireball on him right there in the hallway.

"Whatever. Just stay out of my way, loser. Or I'll kick you in the shin." Sasuke grunted, bumping his shoulder hard into Naruto's as he passed. Naruto pursed his lips slightly, turning to stare after him. Just how tired was he to come off that weak sauce? Jeez.

Overall, things could've gone worse. Everyone is alive and all their limbs are accounted for, and Tsunami is a killer cook. There is the slight downside of the clone being missing, Zabuza getting away, Kakashi being out, and Sasuke existing. But honestly? Not the worst go of things he's ever had.

"You've literally died before. It can't get much worse than that." Kurama muttered, which was an arguable point. "Just shut up and go to sleep, brat. We have things to discuss and I'd rather do it face to face."

Ominous. Naruto sniffed a bit, tugging off his orange jacket and tossing it off into the corner. Kashi was laid out flat on his back, blanket pulled up over the bridge of his nose. Naruto had protected his honor, even when Sakura and Sasuke were circling like sharks wanting a glimpse of his face.

It felt like he was on the cusp of something. Uzu was just out of reach, hovering in the peripherals of his existence. The answers to the Hyuga Clan's problem could be found there. Naruto had promised Lee he'd get Neji his freedom and he was too far in to back out now. 

Was it all chance that his first mission out of the village had been here? As close as they could conceivably get to Uzu without stepping on the toes of another great nation or hidden village? It seemed almost like fate that they were here now, like Uzu itself was pulling strings just to get him there. Or maybe that was a stupid thought to have.

"All thoughts you have are stupid on principle." Kurama informed him. The fox had been antsy all day-- what was up with that? Did he sense the shift in the air too? Hear the weird whispering in the wind? "Are you hearing voices other than mine? Because you're not supposed to."

Naruto hunkered down into the futon laid out my Kakashi's. Something in him loosened having him close. Kakashi was his sensei now, but he'd always be his pseudo-brother first. For as offhanded as Naruto acted, he was glad he was alright.

"I'm not hearing voices. Sometimes I just swear I hear someone calling my name or something." Naruto muttered, turning over onto his stomach. He propped his chin up on his pillow, frowning a bit. "And it sort of feels like I've got eyes watching me or something, you know? I might be imagining it."

Kurama didn't say anything for a moment, so maybe Naruto's not imagining it. Go figure. What's next? Is he going to find out he's the reincarnation of the son of the legendary Sage of the Six Paths and is destined to wield his ancient vitality and strength in an all out war against the forces of evil that seek to destroy the world via the moon or something?

"That felt oddly specific." Kurama said, sounding weirded out. When wasn't he these days? "And I... don't think you're entirely imagining it, but that's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. So hurry up and fall asleep already. I don't have all day."

Naruto wanted to point out that technically, he did, since he's sort of sealed in Naruto and has nothing else to do. He decided he'd wait until he was there in person to do it.

~~~~~~~~~

Thank you to everyone on Patreon for helping me avoid college debt <3 You can read there up to chapter uh 12 there, as well as the series called "Death's Door", in which Naruto can see ghosts. 

Sneak peek of the next chapter of this book:

No one should have to live under the expectation and restraints of others, and especially not against their will, with no hope of escape. Naruto's committed himself to getting that seal off. If he gets to learn some more about his heritage in the process? Bonus points.

Assuming Uzu is where he's going. Who knows.

"At least we get bragging rights for being the first to step there since like, forever." Naruto grunted as they went over another wave, hard. "If that's where we wash up. Alternatively, we could be sailing into certain doom, lost at sea forever! Believe it!"

Snippet of Death's Door for the pookies (will probably post on wattpad and ao3 eventually): 

Denial aside though, what is Naruto even supposed to do about this situation? Some random dude crops up and claims he's dead, and what is he supposed to say to that? Last Naruto checked, ghosts weren't real-- he's seven, not a superstitious moron.

"My name is Sakumo Hatake." The hallucination introduces after he stops panicking, because apparently Naruto seeing him means that Naruto should be dead too. Naruto squints at him. "I'm... I'm Kakashi's father. I've been right alongside him this whole time, watching you grow up."

Because that's not creepy at all. Cool.