Third person pov

"Well, the bad news is that there's not a single puppy on this entire island." Kakashi says once he and Sakura finally stumble back into Tazuna's house hours after leaving. "The good news is that there's an abundance of raccoons, and Naruto was stupid enough to mistake the Nine Tailed Fox for a giant rat. I think we can sell it." 

Sasuke shot them both an unimpressed glare from where he'd been moving through various stretches, having long since sent the fake letter off. Kakashi didn't have a hair out of place, brandishing the baby raccoon he'd pilfered forward like it was some sort of a weapon. 

In contrast, Sakura looked like she'd just come back from the trenches of war. Mud smearing her face, hair in disarray, and clothing stiff in a way that implied she'd gotten soaked by salt water at one point and had it dry. She looked like she'd been gone three years, not three hours.

"Are you serious? That thing probably has diseases." Sasuke scoffed out. Sakura made a face that heavily implied she'd already tried this argument with him. Clearly, it hadn't worked. "You do realize that means we have to take care of that thing now, right? Until that moron finds his way back."

"If he finds his way back." Sakura muttered under her breath. 

Kakashi gave a closed eye smile. The baby raccoon in his hand made some vague squeaking noise. It had its tiny hands smacked over its eyes, as if to shield itself from the horror before it. Sasuke could honestly relate right about now.

"This is a wonderful teaching opportunity." Kakashi seemed to decide, because of course he did. "Discipline is vital for any shinobi! However, it's important to retain a soft, caring touch when dealing with any children or civilians that may get caught in the crossfire. Being able to do so under any circumstance, and in any state, is going to be a core skill."

Sasuke eyed him dubiously, wondering where this was even going. His eyes widened when Kakashi took a hobbling step towards him, his crutch still jammed under one arm. With the other, he reached out. 

The raccoon was small. In a certain light, Sasuke could maybe see how it would be mistaken as a puppy. Maybe. Excusing its opposable thumbs and the fact that Naruto, though an idiot, had grown up with dogs. Sasuke would know-- the moron had brought that asshole pug with the smoker voice with him to school every day whilst he was in the academy. 

Surely he wasn't actually stupid enough to mistake a raccoon for a dog. Sasuke has zero faith in Naruto's intellectual abilities, but come the hell on. Even if Naruto is stupid enough for it, no way in hell his dad buys their story.

"Don't you dare." Sasuke hissed out. Kakashi dropped the raccoon. Sasuke's hands flew up, catching it on reflex.

"It needs milk every four hours on the dot! It eats in another two." Kakashi chirped out joyfully. Sasuke stared up at him in horror, raccoon cupped precariously in hand. "Good luck! You and Sakura can take shifts!" 

And then he cheerfully swept his way out the door, leaving Sasuke and Sakura to stand there staring at one another. Sasuke could feel his eye twitching, chakra swirling in his temples, threatening to make his Sharingan bleed through. Sakura just looked defeated. Clearly, she'd seen this coming.

Grimacing, Sasuke slowly looks down at the raccoon. He holds it as far away from him as possible as it shakily tries to balance itself up. It's young. Tiny, fragile, and with beady black eyes. There's a distinct lack of coordination as it tries to mindlessly pull itself out of his grip and flop onto the floor.

It's just a baby. Now that they've all touched it, there's no way the mother will be wanting it back. They're stuck with the thing. Based on the growing grimace on Sakura's face, she knows it too.

Silently, they look back up at one another again. A wordless communication passes between them. Sasuke will take the first shift. Sakura needs a shower.

"This better be worth it." Sakura says darkly. Sasuke scowls. 

"Either way, I'm killing that orange idiot." He lowers the raccoon awkwardly, peering down at it with narrowed eyes. It looks utterly terrified. "Wait. Where the hell are we supposed to get milk?"

"I just spent three hours trudging through the middle of the rainy, foggy woods. I fell in a sinkhole and almost drowned. I'm pretty sure Naruto's weird, feral clone was still out there and stalking us from the shadows trying to decide if it could eat us." Sakura shivered slightly, sending Sasuke an uncharacteristically sharp look. "All you had to do was write a letter. You figure it out."

And then she was sweeping out the door with as much dignity as someone who looked like they'd lost a fight with a mud puddle could. Sasuke glared after her as she went, though he couldn't really find it in himself to begrudge her. They were both stuck in this shit together.

Sighing, he looked down at the raccoon again. It was starting to give up its struggle, seeming to realize it wasn't going to be able to escape and instead settling for going limp and covering its face again. It looked cold.

"Alright. Baby raccoon, then." Sasuke muttered sarcastically. "The epitome of the ninja life. How hard can it be?"

~~~~~~~~~

So like, remember when Naruto went down that super secret staircase and came to that super secret door? He'd sort of thought it would be an in and out job. Like, he'd go into the vault, get what he needed, and see himself out. 

Turns out that was like, the most wishful thinking known to mankind. What the Uzumaki made beyond that door wasn't just a little room full of their most precious secrets. It wasn't a come in, find what you need, come out situation. Not even close.

Naruto opens those doors and there's... there's no words to fully describe it. The space is cavernous, so incredibly massive that Naruto can hardly wrap his head around it. An entire carved out den of space, with ceilings so high he has to strain his neck to see them. It's packed to the brim with rows upon rows of towering metal shelves, the etchings on them just as unique as the ones on the door.

It's all scrolls and books for as far as the eye can see. Seals light up the ceiling in a stretch of color, like the Uzumaki clan created and mapped their own constellations out just for this. Swirling depictions of whales and other sea life decorate the roof above him, pulsing bright with blues and purples so rich they seem alive.

Chakra is already otherworldly, but Naruto thinks this is the closest to real magic that he's ever seen.

It's unreal. Naruto spends so much time just standing there and taking it all in, breath stolen from him. It's the same feeling of awe that overcame him when he took in the enormity of the warship out at sea, but somehow so much more. For as old as Uzu's village is, this feels so much older.

The energy is palpable. The life of Uzu is concentrated here, and Naruto feels respect on the deepest level for all they did here. The sheer amount of knowledge here is enough for several lifetimes, and there's no telling if it extends beyond just this space. Naruto sees doors off to the side and can't help but wonder.

Swallowing thickly, Naruto takes his first step into the space and lets the chakra of the seals overhead wash over him. Kurama is quiet again, and Naruto can feel his wonder. It's a true testament to just how amazing this place is that a being as old as Kurama would be struck speechless by it too.

For a while, Naruto just walks the aisles. There's no dust down here. Everything is clean and the metal shiny, and the scrolls look well cared for where they sit in their respective spots. Everything has an allotted space. It's neat considering it's a stronghold, but maybe that makes sense. 

Naruto has come to find, in his time studying seals, that power can come in many forms. Sometimes, there is nothing more valuable than words. Than brushstrokes on parchment, passing on techniques that would've been lost otherwise. A chance to keep memory alive where it might've been forgotten. 

This place is sacred. Sacred like the shores of Uzu, like the streets of its colorful village, like the bows of its warships. Naruto takes a deep breath and the air is fresher than it should be. It smells like new paper and freshly cut wood, and he grins with the next breath he lets out. 

"Alright! This is gonna to take forever!" Naruto decides, because he knows without anyone or anything having to tell him that he won't be taking any scrolls out of this room. Anything he does bring with him will have to be a copy. "Shadow clone jutsu, go!"

He does the hand signs and watches as a few dozen clones pop out. Even then they're still dwarfed by the space, boggling around at it. Naruto sniffs a bit.

"You'll be here a while." Kurama noted idly, not sounding upset by the fact. 

"You're telling me. This is going to take ages." Naruto sighed. Hopefully his dad didn't catch on and flay Kakashi alive. He clapped his hands together, shaking his head and banishing the thought from his mind. "Nevermind that, though! Everyone, listen up! We're here to find information on cursed seals for Neji, got it? Anything that looks like it could be related, don't even worry about reading it all! Just bring it here!" 

"We can look for blank scrolls! For copying!" A couple of clones chime from off to the side in ringing unison. Naruto snaps his fingers and points at them. 

"Alright, you guys are on that! Everyone else, go look! If you see anything else interesting, bring that here too." Naruto scratched his cheek, squinting. "And, uh, try to remember where we got stuff? And also be careful! These are like, super ancient grounds. Believe it." 

The clones erupted into various salutes and confirmations, looking just as excited as Naruto felt. With one last nod, they all scattered. Naruto watched them vanish between shelves with a growing sense of adrenaline, planting his hands on his hips and looking up at the shelf right next to him.

It was ginormous. Naruto wasn't even sure where to start, there was just so much. He wanted to consume it all. He wanted to sear it all into his mind, but there just wasn't time. They'd come here for something specific. 

"There'll be time to come back one day." Kurama rumbled out. Naruto pouted a bit. "Gather and learn what you can. The rest will wait."

Learn what you can. Naruto can do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So." Kushina whispered as lowly as she could. "We both agree that letter is total bullshit and Naruto is definitely missing and/or unavailable for some reason, right?"

Next to her, Ayumu winced and gave a miniscule nod, not looking away from Minato for even a second. Not that the man was paying them any attention.

The letter from "Naruto" had come half an hour ago, but Minato was still huddled in the corner reading over it obsessively. It was actually a little concerning, as was the hysterical giggles he'd give out in three-to-five minute intervals. Kushina hadn't realized just how deeply his separation anxiety ran. 

It was out of hand. Like, so extreme that it almost seemed exaggerated. Like something out of a really cringey fanfiction written by someone who had no idea what they were doing. Minato had experienced at least four separate mental breakdowns since Naruto left and was seemingly doing very little to cope.

Him starting the reestablishment of the council had been good. If he could just stay on that vein of productivity without falling into a weird, twitchy episode of sheer panic-- where his mind came up with every scenario that could've possibly gone wrong with Naruto-- that'd be great. 

(Not that he was wrong, since that letter was definitely forged. Something had happened. More than likely, it had been Sasuke who wrote the thing, or maybe Kakashi if he'd memorized Naruto's handwriting.)

"Him finding and befriending a group of puppies is what really put it into unbelievable territory for me." Ayumu murmured, shaking his head slightly. "The Land of Waves is a poor country. Many people can't afford to have pets."

Minato let out another round of giggles. Kushina and Ayumu winced.

"We can't tell him. I'm sure they'll work it out. If it were serious, they would've sent for help." Kushina ran a hand through her hair a bit anxiously. "I already had to stop Minato from mailing a thunder kunai to him. He's barely holding himself back from storming all the way down there himself. Naruto had six Hiraishin seals on his person before he left. It took two hours to go through all his stuff to peel them off."

"It's not healthy." Ayumu agrees, grimacing. "We have no choice but to keep up the guise for now, however. If he thinks Naruto is having a good time full of sunshine and rainbows, that will at least keep him at bay this time. I think a new round of therapy is definitely in order."

Minato hiccupped a bit, his giggling turning into what sounded suspiciously like tears. Kushina's wince deepened.

"Yeah. I love him, and I love Naruto, but he's got to let him grow up." Kushina shook her head. "Not that he's completely wrong to be worried. Naruto does have incredibly bad luck. Even worse than mine, ya know?"

Yeah, Ayumu knew. Naruto dying in the woods and getting kidnapped several times over was enough to prove that. Maybe Minato wasn't overreacting, actually. Maybe they should all be more worried. If all Naruto's casual excursions out of the village had gone sideways, who knows how wrong an actual mission had gone.

The Yamanaka shook his head, letting out a sigh. Naruto would be alright. With Kurama at his side, there was little he couldn't face down. What they needed to focus on now was keeping Minato here, in the village and distracted.

The pandemonium that would break out if he found out something was up... Ayumu didn't even want to think about it. Perhaps they should look into getting Minato a therapy animal. For his obvious anxiety.

"Naruto's a shinobi now. Minato will come around to the idea if Naruto can make it back unscathed." Ayumu sighed. "Until then, we just have to keep him calm."

Easier said than done now that Minato was crying. It didn't seem like distressed tears, at least? More over the sheer cuteness the mental image of Naruto befriending a bunch of puppies evoked than anything.

"Calm. We can do calm." Kushina nodded dutifully. Bravely, she took a step forward. "Minato! We should go get pet supplies for the puppy Naruto is surely going to bring back with him. He'll be tired once he definitely comes home super safe from his threat-free mission, ya know?"

The sobbing stopped abruptly. Minato's head popped over the side of the desk. He hiccupped slightly. 

"Pet supplies?" He asked, sounding tired. Kushina didn't allow her grin to strain around the edges. If they so much as breathed wrong about this, he was going to be gone.

"Pet supplies! We should get him a super cute bed of his own, since all the rest belong to Kakashi." Kushina nodded rapidly. "Come on! Let's go right this second. Just put the letter down nice and slow on the desk, alright? I love you and we should also go on a date that will take up the entire rest of the day!" 

Minato sniffled some more, hesitantly setting the letter down on the desk. Ayumu was furiously writing on his clipboard, offering a brief thumbs up when Kushina glanced back at him. Kushina gave one of her own back at him, letting out a breath of air.

Slowly, Minato stood. He looked like he'd just been through the emotional upheaval of the century. Longingly, his eyes fell on the letter again, fingers ghosting along its edges.

"Are you sure I can't bring it with us?" Minato asked sadly, staring at it. "I want to relive this moment forever. Also, don't the A's look a little off to you? Naruto writes with a very distinct slant, and--"

"Nope! It has to stay here!" Kushina clamped a hand down on her husband's wrist, eyes a little wild. Minato leaned away from her slightly as if she were the crazy one here. "I'm glad you love our son so much but you need to calm down. So, let's go! Chop chop! We can even get barbecue instead of ramen!" 

Minato let out a despairing noise as he was pulled away from the letter, but he didn't complain. As if he'd ever say no to his wife. Just the thought sounded like a sin. Kushina's always right, after all. 

Ayumu waved pleasantly at them as they went, holding his neon green clipboard in front of him like a shield. He felt exhausted. If someone came and told him several years had been shaved off his lifespan from this day alone, he'd completely believe them. 

Minato vanished around the corner, Kushina already jabbering his ear off about something or another. Ayumu waited a few seconds until he couldn't hear their voices anymore before he dropped his gaze down to the letter, his eyes narrowing. 

The letter is definitely not done by Naruto. Ayumu can tell because asking Naruto to write in a straight line would be like asking Kakashi to attend therapy with a positive attitude. It's not going to happen. And as soon as Minato calms down and comes back from his date, he's going to know that. 

Or he would, anyway. If the letter were still here.

"My first official duty as a council member." Ayumu decides, swiping it off his desk. He eyes the ceiling where the ANBU stationed still rest. "None of you saw anything."

There's no response aside from a faint tapping noise. Ayumu takes it as a confirmation. The ANBU aren't new at this-- they know what will happen, how Konoha will fall apart, if Minato suspects his son may in danger. He gives a curt nod of thanks, making to jam the paper in his pocket before pausing.

Slowly, he turns towards the oil lamp still flickering on the desk. He looks down at the letter. Really, the decision is an easy one to make.

(After all, Minato can't sniff the letter back out if it's ash, can he?)

~~~~~~~~~

The Uzumaki were beyond geniuses. They're so smart that Naruto actually sits back for a moment and genuinely contemplates how likely it is that he's actually related to them. He gets that he came out of his mom's womb and that's kind of hard to mistake, but come on.

This stuff is like, next level. This place is a well of knowledge, of techniques Naruto never could've imagined. He pours over it, invested in a way he's never been invested before. Suddenly, reading doesn't seem quite so hard anymore. Not when this is the content.

They were innovation given human form. Naruto had known that-- had known when he saw the seals incorporated into the village's architecture, into the ship's structure-- but this... they weren't just a threat. 

They could've taken down entire countries with this information if they wanted to. They could've leveled the other hidden villages, and they could've done it well.

He learns more than he ever thought there was to know about seal layers. His clones spend hours upon hours copying information down, and who would've thought that would make it stick better? Muttering it aloud to himself, jotting it down-- a lot of it implants itself conveniently in his brain.

Anything that doesn't, Kurama greedily devours. His memory is far better than Naruto's ever has been or will be. If Naruto's eyes glance over it, he knows it. If only that translated into the clones. If they could just master combining their chakra to make them...

"Absolutely not." Kurama's voice cuts through the train of thought before it can fully form. Naruto's nose scrunches up. "No. You make one of those things in here and it's going to start shredding scrolls with its bare teeth. We're not doing that."

Naruto thinks back to the way the clones had practically mauled Zabuza and yeah. Yeah, he really can't argue with that.

"Okay, but one day we're revisiting that. Believe it." Naruto sets the scroll he's reading down, sniffing a bit. "Can you imagine? Clones infused with your chakra that aren't the human embodiment of the rabies virus? It'd be epic!" 

"Epic." Kurama repeated dryly, apparently not sold. Certified killjoy.

"Epic." Naruto echoed with certainty, already imagining it. God, their enemies would never stand a chance. Naruto would never get kidnapped or almost killed in the woods again. Not if he could summon an army of non-feral attackers to do his bidding. "Maybe something in here can help us! I mean, we've already found the whole section of dual seals and how to combine chakras to activate them in different ways. Who knows what else there is."

Kurama hummed half-heartedly, though it wasn't a complete no. There was no way to say for certain exactly what was in here, after all. There was so much of it that it was hard to say exactly what the Uzumaki had dabbled in.

They'd been somewhat of a secretive clan. Kurama's lack of knowledge on them is evidence enough of that, seeing as he'd been in two Uzumaki's in his lifetime. Many of their ways had likely been lost when they died, laid to rest on this island. 

It might be better that way. Some of this stuff, nobody else had any right to touch. 

"Boss!" A clone hollered from... somewhere. It echoed oddly off the walls. Naruto and half his other clones twisted around to blink curiously as a group of five other Naruto's sprinted out from between two shelves, arms laden with scrolls. "We found it! We found the cursed seals section!" 

Naruto immediately lit up, popping to his feet. Several of his clones clamored to follow, swarming the others and snatching scrolls left and right.

"Alright! Neji'll be free in no time!" Naruto took a scroll for himself, grinning furiously. Fucking Hyuga clan, ruining his day. He's glad he came here, but he's serious. Lee owes him. Neji owes him. Both of them owe him. "Let's get reading, guys! This is why we came here!" 

The clones erupted with cheers. Kurama groaned.

"As if one of you wasn't already obnoxious enough. At least they're relatively quiet when they read." Kurama grumbled out. Naruto stuck his tongue out, plopping down hard on the ground. The scroll in his hands popped open with just the slightest bit of his chakra, unraveling smoothly. You'd never have guessed how old it was. 

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. I'm the most annoying creature on this godforsaken planet and you should've let me die." Naruto mocked, squinting down at the scroll. It was a lot of diagrams and tiny words in handwriting that was almost worse than his was. "You're in a bad mood today. Is it because you missed your nap?"

"No." Kurama scoffed, sounding offended and suspiciously like that may be exactly the reason. Naruto snorted. 

"I completely believe you." Naruto said wisely. He could practically feel Kurama's stink eye. "You can sleep later! This is important. Probably. What exactly am I looking at?"  

Kurama's pause wasn't very confidence inspiring. Naruto held his breath to prevent himself from blurting out some comment along the line of 'who's the slow thinker now, weenie', because he had a feeling that wouldn't go over super well. Kurama would curl up and go to sleep if Naruto dared.

A few seconds passed. The muttering of his own clones doing their best to study was the only sound aside from the distant twinkle of the seals overhead. Naruto would've thought the shifting colors would give him a headache after a while, but so far that hadn't been the case. If Naruto didn't know any better, he'd say they were somehow helping him focus better.

Naruto squinted, craning his neck to stare up at them again. The seals were so expertly woven amongst the pictures that you could easily miss them if you weren't looking. Naruto felt proud to have recognized their presence at all. 

"Look down again. I didn't get a good enough look at whoever's shit writing this is." Kurama snapped out. Naruto's head bobbed back down, eyes falling incomprehensibly on the scroll. "...It looks like the deconstruction process of a three-gear, multi-layered seal. Up to eight layers of deconstruction. There's likely more if you unravel it."

Naruto tilted his head slowly. 

"Okay. Believe it." Naruto agreed, because that... seemed right? "...Does Neji's seal have gears in it?"

"Not a single one." Kurama offered nonchalantly as ever, ears flicking. Naruto pursed his lips. "Or rather, not one we can see. There's no telling what's beneath each layer that isn't yet visible."

Great, cool. So basically Neji's seal could be made up of literally anything and they weren't going to have jack shit of an idea until they actually started taking it apart, a layer at a time. Working seals backwards had always been ass, but this was truly like, bottom of the barrel work out here.

Naruto respects all the work the Uzumaki put in here. This stuff is beyond his greatest comprehension and, until Kurama takes the time to explain it to him like he's a literal three year old, it's going to stay like that. But--

They're going to have to go through it all. Every single bit of it. All because Neji's stupid seal has more than one stupid layer-- one on the outside and who knows how many others elsewhere, with those stupid runes and spiral joints-- and Naruto might run into something he doesn't even know is there yet. He can't afford to skip anything and get stuck.

Neji could die if he did. It was a possibility Naruto refused to consider. For all he complained that this was ass, Lee is one of his best friends. Naruto won't let him down.

"Does it have anchors?" One of his clones asked hopefully, waving the scroll in their hand vaguely in the air. "This one is all about unweaving anchors from multiple layers deep. Believe it."

Naruto has no idea what the fuck an anchor even is.

"What the hell is an anchor?" Another clone voices in a mutter, sounding a little scared of the answer. The clone in question gives a pained smile.

"Apparently you like, put it on last. And it sinks through all the layers of the cursed seal and roots in place." The clone gave a somewhat crazed laugh, unraveling the scroll again. "Most of the time you don't even know they're there until you start trying to take off the outer layer and it either won't lift or starts to have an adverse reaction! And then you have approximately fifteen seconds to work before the seal retaliates! I've copied it all down!" 

Alright then!

This place is great and all, but it also might be the ninth circle of hell. It's getting progressively harder to tell. Naruto is not an academic. He is so far from an academic that he's not even view of the scholarly building of people who are scholarly. He's not even on the same planet.

"Well then how are we supposed to know if it has anchors? We haven't tried to take it off yet, believe it." Another clone complained. There were several noises of general distress. "You should read it again, though. That sounds like exactly the kind of fucked up thing the Hyuga clan would do. Believe it."

It did, didn't it? Naruto scrubbed at his eyes, feeling exhausted already. He had his work cut for him.

(Never let it be said that Naruto Uzumaki backed down from a challenge, though.)

~~~~~~~~~

The letter being gone when Minato gets back to his office sets him back three days. He almost falls into a state of mild psychosis. It takes several home videos of Naruto doing cute things played on a TV dragged to his office and set directly in his line of sight to snap him out of it. 

Does Minato have a problem? Majorly. Is it justified? In his eyes, absolutely. His son literally died once. He gets kidnapped two-thirds of the times he leaves the village. Minato's one singular baby, and you think he's not going to dote on every facet of his existence?

Hilarious. Yes Ayumu has put him in for twice a week sessions. But let's move on to the point.

The whole plan to give Konoha some sort of newspaper, beyond the cost of said newspaper, brings with it another issue: who's going to write the newspaper.

The idea would be that selling the newspaper at a decent rate would pay for the bulk of printing, and the addition of Konoha citizens being able to put out ads would pick up the rest and give them some wiggle room to save in case they had dry months. 

They'd start printing on a weekly basis. Four papers a month, maybe increasing to more if it were popular. Word of mouth simply wasn't working anymore. A flyer every so often wasn't cutting it. The civilians couldn't keep getting their news from faint rumors.

Minato was Hokage and couldn't write it himself seeing as that would be a huge conflict of interest. Not to mention his proposal draft for the first paper had basically been a dramatic ballad on how he had the best son in the world. Which he didn't really see a problem with, but come on now.

Ayumu would sooner die than put anything else on his plate, so he was off the table. They weren't willing to push it with him. The whole council wound was still fresh. They couldn't lose him to the madness or they'd all drown.

Kushina didn't have a very good way with words, nor was she a strong writer. None of the clan heads could do it because again, conflict of interest. That left Minato with... limited options.

"You want... us." Ino Yamanaka pointed at herself, gesturing to her two teammates with a flick of her hand. "To write the newspaper?"

"Isn't that still a conflict of interest?" Shikamaru yawned out, scratching the back of his neck and looking for all the world like he'd rather be literally anywhere else. "We may not be clan heads, but we're the heirs of three. We're also like, thirteen."

Minato nodded wisely. All amazing points, but they had yet to consider this: Minato has no friends. 

His social life is his immediate family and therefore he has no idea who else to nominate. The only reason he has any notion that these three may be a good fit is because he loves his son and pays attention to every single miniscule word he breathes. 

Said words have, at times, included the Ino-Shika-Cho trio. Shikamaru in particular. Minato had practically watched his son grow up next to the Nara. If Minato was going to trust anyone with this, it was going to be someone Naruto trusted.

"You'll have to sign NDAs that will prevent you from mentioning this to your parents. You're heirs which means your affluent, but you're still too young to be embroiled in the bulk of politics. I trust you to be impartial." Minato offered. "You'll be anonymous authors, but on the off chance that your names do get out, this will at least save face."

They overheard just enough of politics from their parents to report on the general goings on. They were all like, fairly reasonable. Right? For teenagers. They had graduated the academy, which made them legal adults. They could totally handle this. 

None of them looked convinced or particularly enthusiastic. They were all staring at him like they were trying to sus out whether or not he was crazy. Minato tugged the rim of his Hokage hat down slightly, clearing his throat. He was only wearing it to hide his red-rimmed eyes.

The loss of Naruto's letter had been devastating, alright? He's in mourning. He has every right.

"...Alright. So basically you can't think of anyone else." Shikamaru deduced. Minato cleared his throat again, louder this time. "Why us specifically? Why not-- Lee, or something?"

Lee, like Rock Lee? Minato was half tempted to pull his hat off to give him an incredulous look.

"If I wanted a bible written on the springtime of youth and all its covenants, I'd have said so." Minato folded his hands atop his desk. "My process is simple. You three hit all the major groups. It's a no-brainer to assign you to this."

Choji chomped loudly on his potato chips. Shikamaru and Ino shared a look, clearly trying to figure out what about this situation was a no-brainer. Which was... fair. The newspaper would sway the entire village. 

Sure, it'd be proofread before they published it to make sure they weren't promoting weird propaganda, but it would still have a massive influence. Putting that in the hands of children was probably his worst move yet. Or, arguably, his best. The new generation seemed to have far more sense than their predecessors.

"What three groups?" Choji asked, sounding like he didn't actually care all that much. Minato beamed.

"I'm so glad you asked! There's three things people are going to want to hear about." Minato chirped out. "Secrets and politics, gossip, and restaurant ratings."

The three genin stared at him. Minato beamed back. 

It was perfect. Shikamaru knew way more than any child his age should about just about everything. Ino had a finger in every pie if Naruto was to be believed. Choji was a food connoisseur and boasted as such. People loved to know where to eat-- Konoha's culinary scene was one of its biggest tourism draws.

He could see the realization dawning on them. Minato wondered what Naruto was doing right now. Probably playing with his new puppy. Being cute. Doing other amazing stuff, like breathing. Kakashi better be taking pictures.

"That... makes sense." Shikamaru said, sounding horrified. He frowned. "What a drag."

"Wait, does that mean I can talk about that fight that went down by the nail salon next to that second rate ramen stand?" Ino asked. Minato opened his mouth to respond, but the Yamanaka was already flying to her feet. "Because I can definitely do that. Choji! Get me a pen!" 

Shikamaru groaned as Choji popped out of his seat, his teammates already falling into a heated discussion about the literary future of Konoha's streets. Minato settled for waving at them as they left, beaming and feeling self satisfied. Kushina would be so proud of him for doing... literally anything, honestly.

"I should write another letter to Naruto and tell him all about this." Minato decided, nodding to himself. "Maybe two letters. Or even three. Would four be too many?"

No one answered, but Minato could practically feel the judgement radiating down from the ANBU in the ceiling. He pulled out a pen and fresh sheet of paper anyway. The more letters he sends, the more he'll get back!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for the delay everyone! On Patreon, we just had our 31 day October event, in which something was posted for every day of October. A six part series (about 30k words, maybe a bit more) about Naruto being a werewolf was released, so if you're interested, it's there and available to all tiers! I'll post a snippet below-- and as always, you can read up to chapter 15 of this story there too. There's also a series about Naruto being able to see dead people on there ((:

Snippetttt:  

Third person pov

In hindsight, the dog had looked a little weird.

Historically, Naruto has had a bad history with animals. It's not that he doesn't like them or anything, or that he's mean. On the contrary, he thinks they're the best thing ever. He wants to befriend and cuddle every single one he sees. That's not the problem here.

The problem is that, for as much as he loves animals, they definitely don't love him back. Like, at all, believe it. Every interaction he's ever had with them has gone sideways. Clawing and hissing cats, snarling and cowering dogs.

It used to hurt his feelings. Everyone in the village hated him, and of course animals couldn't possibly be the exception to that. It was only after learning about the Nine Tailed Fox inside of him that Naruto decided that the entire matter was out of his hands and that he shouldn't let it bother him anymore.

It became just another detail of his disaster of a life that he kind of put on the backburner. Like, what is he supposed to do about it? Eject the Nine Tails and go adopt a hoard of puppies? Only in his wildest dreams. Naruto did what he always did when faced with an inconvenience he couldn't change: he brushed it off.

It's his normal. He adjusted. Cats avoided him like the plague, dogs either tried to take out his ankles when he walked by or they ran for it with their tails tucked, and all other wildlife generally opted to give him a wide berth. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.

It's because animals hate him that he doesn't really do anything when he meets the dog and it takes a solid chunk out of his arm. He's pretty sure he's immune to rabies. The Kyuubi makes him immune to most things, so he shrugs it off, wraps it up, and goes home. It's not a shock. It's not a surprise.

What is a surprise, however, is when he wakes up the next morning with a blazing fever and his entire arm throbbing. His eyes burn, everything aching like he's one giant bruise. Inside him, the Kyuubi's chakra bubbles furiously. He can feel it stretching across his chakra pathways, hot and bright as ever.

Somehow, he can tell it's not the cause of his pain. His eyes immediately drift to the wound on his arm. It had come unwrapped sometime during the night. Unlike most of his wounds, it hadn't sealed up. It was still raw and open, blood crusted in and around it.

"What did you do, you brat? What the hell is this?" The Kyuubi has never once talked to him. Naruto hadn't even known he was conscious. "It's going to kill us both at this rate, you impudent being! Fix this!"