Whether I loved you,

You loved me too,

Whenever I devoted myself to you,

You utterly focused on your divine dreams,

Whenever I trusted you

You betrayed me,

Whenever I told you the truth

And opted to persuade you,

You were blinded and went to speak

To the foe though he convinced you

I was actually the bloody menace;

Then you played as a team player in the wrong team,

Against the wrong frenemy,

Stripping me off my position,

Everything I had and I used to be

Are just like collapsed sand castles,

I'm not Judy Martin anymore,

I became a madwoman,

Encompassed by insane inmates with

Variety of misfortunes that fated them

To be committed and locked up in

A madhouse for the rest of their days,

Renamed under the name of an unknown woman

Betty Drake;

You promised me to rescue me

Even once we shared along a golden,

Pious, Rome miracle,

You as the Pope by his side

With the Mother Superior,

You addressed me a right hand,

A rara avis or to be exact rare bird,

You liked my cooking,

We had similar opportunity,

Saving lost, wretched, lunatic

Souls to find the path and light to God;

If I need to be candid and prime,

You visited my dreams every night,

You were part of my impure thoughts,

Your smooth, secure hands on my waist,

Holding me in grasp,

My legs dangled around your waist,

Our faces scarcely withdrawing

A single inch to have a fair proximity,

My soft, elegant hands snaked

Around your neck,

My fingers travelling passionately

Through your dark hair,

Sitting on your lap by wearing

Nothing else but a ravishing red negligee,

A chaplet,

My long flossy wavy golden hair coating down my shoulders,

A mane of gold glowing a halo of brightness

Of the lights,

My soft lips pressed on yours,

Wine-stained breath pinching my face and tender nostrils,

Velvety, sultry moans escaping our lips

And the top of our lungs,

Yearning not only for the sinful,

Mouth-watering red wine,

But also to savor your mouth,

Sensing your essence,

Dwelling underneath my skin,

Leaving a track of sweet memory,

Nonetheless unachievable marvel,

Since we gorely married ourselves to God,

The lust's a sin,

However, who said the love is?

Where's all this gone, dear Prince Charming?

Where have you gone when I needed you to bones and ashes?

Have you gone to Rome?

Did you achieve your "desired,

Prosperous" dream?

Do you care about me at least?

Can you hear my subdued roar?

To save me from the melancholic blood and ashes,

Of course, not!

You left me your beloved rare bird to root;

Melancholic blood and ashes settled down in my veins,

Melancholic, thickly onyx blood,

Igniting beneath my skin,

Envenoming me with losing hope in everything

I have been promised and believed;

Melancholic ashes remnants after burning

To basics the built towers of ethereal hopes to save me

From the dark of my past,

From the woman I used to be,

Judy Martin,

The alcoholic, selfish, impulsive, lustful,

Tempting woman I never demand to resurrect her and the demons,

Who corrupted her ever again;

From my fears, once desired suicide, my desolation,

Melancholic blood,

Oozing from my blood and flesh body,

My gory, bittersweet tears;

The candle of light to life stopped flaring,

Guiding me to life,

I was rescued by one of my former inmates who I used to torment,

He gave me reason to live,

I got what I have always wanted,

Family, lovely children and felicity,

I died a half a year later,

After experiencing the genuine meaning of happiness and being loved,

I embraced the death with open arms,

At last but not least,

I found peace with myself but not ultimately.

I realize I am missing something...

Something that's absenting as a fragment of my constantly,

Downhearted, somber soul,

I have truly missed you;

Melancholic blood,

Boiling reluctantly in my veins,

Melancholic ashes encircling like gates where

We will meet very soon,

Unite altogether,

Seeking a redemption from one another;

Join me in the purgatory,

Sooner or later we will see

Again, howsoever,

For final, lethal time,

I can't wait for our encounter,

Choosing our eternal nest in our afterlife,

Spending the eternity along

Whether as innocent, saint angels,

Servants of God and the love with its unlimited

Border lines in heaven,

Or rather as the peccant, brash devils in

Our new, searing hell;

Where would you like to go, dear Timothy?

Choose your destiny...

With me,

Be wise,

You have time to think about it as you are still alive,

Don't be grated with complex thoughts now,

Unless you arrive in the purgatory;

Melancholic blood,

That's the blood every wretched,

Miserable, oppressed soul has in its veins,

Melancholic ashes,

Our remnants after our death

With our ivory bones;

Our flesh vanished in the hollow,

Memories disregard fantasies,

We are up to a salvation;

Indeed, Melancholic blood and ashes,

Honing blurriness everywhere

A mist fog swimming in front of our eyes;

Join me in the purgatory,

I invite you with an old friend,

Come with me!