JACE

The rainy days continue to bathe the city of Seattle. I find it depressing. The environment matches my mind. Loud and conflicted. I pace past the windows as a patrolling soldier would. My mind flashes just as the lightning does outside; only my blinding brain doesn't cease. My thoughts flicker back and forth between moments Madi and I had. All the sweet moments race within my mind.  

The office. Where I waited on her to give her a dress tailored just for her. Our first date, where I felt my heart crippling and thrashing, yet I hid it. Our first kiss...her feisty mouth vacuuming mine. Pressuring me, pushing my limit. I wanted to take it further. If she knew the things I wanted to do to her...and how much strength it took me to stop. 

I knew Madi was different, so I was strict with myself. Probably the most tamed I've ever been in my life. The fact that I placed Madi above cravings showed that I loved her. Of course, I didn't say it. I needed to wait and see if we worked together. I knew we could...Madison brought out another side of me. 

A side that wanted to settle down and find meaning. To find love. Is that side of me still alive? Can all the good times keep me wanting her? Wanting a wife and a family? Or will the bad times outweigh the good? Because right now, my mind keeps visiting the last day I saw her on the jet.

I leave the trickling windows and head upstairs. Pacing around is starting to lose its comforting impact. I decide to head up the steel staircase to the gym room. Being active always pacifies my mind. Racing and skydiving were the best methods. 

Since I can't go away for days on end, my only option is lifting or running. I choose the treadmill since it requires the most endurance. I work my legs and arms like a track star. The peddling sound of my feet and the whirling machine don't do much to distract me. 

The past comes back tenfold. The memories return. I gaze at the weight area to fend this off. I think lifting will help. More energy goes into arm exercises than running. I near an obliques section to a standing machine. This one is for the arms. I grab the drawstring weight and begin a static hold. Extending my arms and holding in my core. 

I perform 3 reps for 30 seconds. My muscles engage. I focused hard on this, breathing as needed-all the way in and all the way out. But this testy exercise doesn't cure my reminiscing. I think I still feel the same. If I don't...if I have decided to leave. Then why did I express so much? Not just to Madi, but to my investors? 

FLASHBACK

TWO MONTHS AGO

I keep looking at the French doors, hoping by some miracle that Madison is working. She isn't. None of the busy bar stations hold her. As if Madison would be back on the job this soon. She only left my place 3 days ago. All healed up and set to stay with that nutcase, Brad. I should've asked her to try me. I should've let her know I'd never put her through so much drama. "She still has you chasing, huh?" Chester leans against his golf stick with a comical expression. 

I glance away instead of answering. I twist a wedge onto the bottom of my putter. Jim eyes me as if I'm a mystery. "I don't get it. Why haven't you drilled her?" 

"Some women take time to finesse," Ren, who angles his club against a white ball, comments. "But they all give in." He says cockily before swinging. The golf grounds are pure green and full of miniature hills. The ball trots above lumpy grass and towards a hole. It doesn't make it in, but it's close. 

"I'll ace it." Jim gloats as he steps ahead. "And that's ridiculous; you either bag a chick or take the loss."

Chester nods. "That we agree on."

I place the club onto the grass. "And if she has a boyfriend? Then what?"

"Who cares?" Ren shrugs. "Obviously, the bartender is sending signals, right?"

"Yeah...." is all I say. I can't admit that Madison has a strong hold on me and that I take more action. I can't reveal how intense my attachment is.

"She's a flirt." Chester rolls his eyes. "She's not looking to play just to fuck with your mind."

"Those chicks are the best." Ren grins. 

"For a little bit...then it gets annoying." Jim aligns the edge of the club at a 90-degree angle. Shifting his upper body to a parallel position, then whacks the ball hard. It flies far and rolls toward the hole. He turns away and wipes off his shoulder. The white ball topples into the hole. "Aces, baby. Your turn." He beckons to Chester. "And I say, do the hottie anyway. It's not complicated, Jacy boy." 

Chester lowers the ball before him and takes the same stance as Jim. "You slept with women who weren't single. Why is this different?" Ren surveys me.

"Those women were down for cheating. Madison isn't." I conceal my joy of speaking her name.

"Oh...her name is Madison? That's hot...plus she's a blonde. I bet she's a sparky little thing."

"Sparky, blunt, and flirty all in one."

"Wait...Why is that name ringing a bell?" Chester stops measuring his aim and turns.

"It is..." Jim ponders.

"She's all over the news for that Uber incident."

"Wait...the Uber girl??!!" Ren's mouth drops.

"Yes."

"Oh, now I see why you're after that. The only reason I've been keeping up with the story is because of the eye candy."

"Oh, snap...I didn't know you're into patients." Jim winks at me. "You've unlocked a fetish."

"I would disagree, but the hospital gown does give her sex appeal...so do the bandages."

Chester chugs the ball high and watches it dart the air. It lands a few inches behind the hole. "Hold on..." He holds up a finger. "Wasn't she the blonde in the pic from TMZ?? The one leaving your place??"

"I thought that was just a rumor?" Ren looks between us.

"That wasn't a rumor."

"So, she was at your house? That means you at least got to first base."

"No," I admit. "We just talked."

"Nothing else?" Jim tenses his face as if this is odd. I mean, it is odd for a renowned playboy to only talk to a woman. His reaction is justified. So are the other two. I bet they think I'm joking or being sarcastic. I'm not.

"Nothing else happened."

Ren gives a surprised gaze. "Wow...I guess you drag out finessing a woman. Things would've got hot and heavy as soon as she stepped inside."

"Well, she was injured, so..."

"And now that she's not?" He squints.

"Like I said, she has a boyfriend."

"What's up with you?" Jim shakes his head. "You invite her to your place and don't get any...and just let her go? Well, no...you didn't let her go. You keep checking if she's working the bar today."

"People love what they can't have." Chester grins. "I told you before that you can't have it all. But forbidden fruit always wins." Why did he say people love what they can't have? Does he know what I'm hiding? "I say get a taste so you can move on."

"What if I can't move on?"

"Then keep her as a side piece, my guy. It's simple,"

Ren sucks in a breath. "Holy shit!" The other two survey him cluelessly. "No way..."

"Huh?"

"No way, what??"

Oh, no...I think Ren just discovered my secret. How? I made sure to conceal my sentiment. Maybe my word choice gave me away. He stares wide-eyed at me. "Put it together, boys. It's obvious. This isn't just a rejection from a hottie."

"Eh...I'm pretty sure it is." Chester disagrees.

"No...it's more like the one that got away." My face heats from the inside. Damn it...I've been found out. All three of them watch me as if I'm a rare test subject. Jim is speechless, same as Chester. Ren is stunned. "Tell me I'm wrong?" He studies me.

I don't answer. "It's my turn." I walk to the ball post and bend to add a new one to it.

"He's avoiding."

"Awww...is Mr. Hot Shot a Mr. Loverboy now?" Jim teases.

I posture my body before swinging. The ball flies sideways toward a tiny pond and splashes in. "Oh yeah, you're hazardous." Ren laughs.

"I'm not good at golf; you know this."

"Sure...use that excuse."

"It's not an excuse!" I say, annoyed.

"Then answer the question."

The three huddle around me like pests. Their wide grins and taunting eyes interrogate me. "Yeah, Jacy boy, answer the question." Jim beams. "And don't say no."

"You're outnumbered without your security guards." Chester cracks. "We can take you."

I let out a huff and stare ahead. I'm caught...I might as well tell the truth. "Maybe."

"That's not an answer; that's a neutral response." Ren exposes me.

"Fine...the answer is yes, now drop it."

"He's a lover boy now, he's out of the club." Jim pokes. "You can't sit with us anymore."

"Yeah, we revoke your privileges." Chester snickers.

"So..." Ren ignores them and puts on a critical demeanor. "Is she the one?"

"I wouldn't say that," I answer truthfully.

"But she was at your house."

"She was."

"Why?"

It's best I just tell them everything, so all the questions will stop. "Dignity Health wasn't providing the best care, so I decided to help. She spent a week and a half at the beach house with my doctors. Honestly, I wanted another shot; that's why I got involved. That's the only answer I have right now. I need more time to figure out this situation. So please stop with the questions."

"I get it," Ren replies. "Although I already know the answer, but I'll let you investigate."

This irks me. Ren doesn't know the workings of my mind. "I doubt you know the answer."

"I do." He cocks a brow. "You're falling, man. The longing looks, the savor complex, the confusion. I bet you're even protective of her." Okay...maybe he does know a little something. "And you're holding back just because she has a guy, although you can't stop thinking about her. Am I right?" Damn it. I stare to the side. "I bet you're keeping tabs on her too, getting a little stalker-ish?"

I watch the pond, where the floating ball is. "Only a little."

Ren laughs. "But that's how it goes; you're obsessing. You can have her instead of struggling. You're Jace fucking Harrison. What happened to the guy who gets everything he wants? Whenever and however?"

"That doesn't work with this one."

"Then make it work."

"I'd rather wait for her to choose." 

Ren clenches his teeth. "Sorry, bro, but it doesn't work like that. If you want this woman, you gotta demand it. If not, you'll be waiting on her forever." Hmm...is he right? Ren is older than me. He's 35. Then again, he's on his third wife. So, is his advice valid? Then again, he's right. I'm used to getting whatever I want...especially women. I'm not used to waiting on a prize. Madison needs to break things off with Brad...which she hasn't. My informant keeps me updated. She's still invested in a bad relationship. I can't make a move until that is over. If only she were working today, I'd have the perfect excuse to speak to her. Going to her hotel room would be creepy. This is the only place we can chat. Maybe she'll be back soon.  

ONE WEEK LATER

I co-sign blueprint designs for pending factories. There are 50 total. As I sign each, I eye my phone screen. I asked for an update on Madison a few minutes ago. I wonder what the hold-up is. My second informant, Charles, reports on her status. Recently, she's been close to her parents. I'm glad she has extra support. Charles hasn't seen Brad around, so that means she heeded my words. A text chimes. I pull the iPhone closer to read:  

Charles: Ms. Hart is heading to work.

Good. I can see her later tonight once all this paperwork is finished. I eye a stack lined neatly before me. I should invent a signature bot. Why haven't I done that?? I stand to walk to the windows of a corner office. The city streets bustle with cars, and the sidewalks are tightly packed with walking figures. The sun is high and bright. I would love to be out instead of behind the glass. The younger me would be a beach bum right now with two chicks on each arm. My present self just wants to see a blondie sparkling in the sun while handling bottles. Her beautiful hands, the Barbie doll fingers. I can't wait to see her.   

LATER

The banquet hall is full of visitors. Firecrackers explode the sky above the golf course. The music is sexy jazz. Many couples are on the dance floor, which is lit up below a chandelier. Madison is at the bar. There are no customers in line, so she watch the couples. There's sorrow in her deep blue eyes. Is she heartbroken because she's not dancing with someone? I know most people crash after a breakup. That's seems to be what she's doing. Her gloomy eyes fall to the bar. Madison can't hide her despair. I should fix that by asking her to dance with me. I already have a song in mind...I'll bribe the DJ. 

If only she had said yes and had a fun time on the dance floor. Instead, she made things difficult.So much that I had to walk out on her to blow off steam. Why does she think she's less attractive because of her scars?? She's not. Why doesn't she want myhelp? Why does she believe I just want sex? I get that I'm a man whore...but I explained that things are different now. She's so prejudiced!

I slam the door of an Audi A9 hybrid. I should go back in there and call her what she is! Judgmental and stubborn! But I know I'll lose the argument. She's an immovable object. There's no point. I gave it another shot. I won't make myself look stupid again. That was the last time!! My thoughts explode. I'd rather go to women who are easily accessible than put work into a broken one! I'm done! 

I get back into my old routine. I order hot women over to please me. My penthouse becomes an orgy hotspot. The chicks wear nothing but lace masks. The dangling titties and tight pussies dance before me. And they'll do just that until I command otherwise. I have them trained. I enjoy the view from the couch with a glass of wine. "Kneel," I order one with a blonde pixie cut. She drops to her knees like a dog. I eye a blonde one and beckon her forward. I open an arm compartment to pull out a strap-on. "Put this on." The cutie takes it from me and clips on the dildo. "Fuck her." 

I share a dominant gaze with another blondie who reads it without me having to say a word. She steps to me as the other ass fucks the fairy woman. The pegging sound stimulates my dick. The one I commanded unfastens my pants. The pegging noise increase: slapping ass cheeks bounce against a rubber penis. The strap on is humongous enough to cause cries of pain. I watch the two women fuck. My blow job barbie gobbles my cock. I yank a handful of her hair and pull her head deeper.  

I can have as many blondes as I want. I have a whole room full of them. I need to forget Madison. It won't work. She's not submissive. Obedience is what I want in a woman. I'll keep my collection of toy chicks and forget about one that'll never fall in line.