Maybe they're trying to kill me through boredom or something.

Looking around the mostly empty room, I can't help but notice the complete lack of anything worth doing.

It's starting to be the only thing that makes any sense. I mean, after all why would they put me in a room like this if they weren't trying to kill me? Pushing all my buttons by having people come in here from time to time, seemingly at random, just to taunt me and try to screw with me. Only to leave again and force me to stay in this really boring place. There's basically no other explanation that seems to make any sense at this point.

Except that I know that killing people isn't really their thing... at least for most of them anyway. So it's hard to make that idea work in practice. More likely they think that if they leave me in here like this that at some point I'll get tired, both mentally and physically, and then admit how wrong I was to think all the things that they keep telling me I'm wrong about. That at some point they'll just wear me out and then they can mould me into the obedient little idiot that they want me to be.

And it's not a terrible plan if that's what they're doing. It is exhausting listening to them talk about all the ways in which they feel bad for me and feel guilty for all the things they did to me in the past. If I wasn't already trying to find a way to die, it might actually drive me to want to kill myself. But as usual, they're too wrapped up in their own crap to see what's really going on. I can save them all, it's just that they have to let me.

Just then, the door opens and I just know I'm going to have to go through this all over again.

Who the hell is it this time?

I turn my attention to them and can't help but smile.

"Hello Dawn."

"Angelus."

He doesn't react at all to using his name.

Well, this might actually be worth my time.

"It's Angel, and you know that. But you said Angelus just to try and get a rise out of me. It's very clever."

At least he's not a total idiot like the others. Probably something to do with all the evil he did.

He makes his way into the cell as the door closes behind him. Unlike the others, he makes his way right up to me and sits against the wall, next to where the chains are fastened to it.

"I'd ask how you are but that's pretty obvious."

Of course it is.

"Right, because before you came in here, my sister and the bitch gave you all the gory details."

Again he doesn't react.

"No, because it was obvious on your face the second I saw it."

This should be good.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

He takes a moment before saying anything, watching me.

"You hate yourself and you don't know what to do about it. I get that."

Really?

"Is that what you think this is?"

"I know what that's like... to hate yourself so much that you can't stand it. To feel so bad that you can't even look at yourself in the mirror."

That has me chuckle at his words.

"That's funny. You talking about looking at yourself in the mirror."

"Actually not that funny. With my new gig? I had them install a special type of glass that allows me to look in a mirror and see myself. It's a really interesting experience for a vampire at my age to look at himself in the mirror. All the things I've done, the things I've seen. The horrors I've committed for hundreds of years. Do you know what I see in the mirror?"

"A violent mass murderer?"

"Yes, actually. I see in my face all the people I've ever killed, or maimed or tortured. I see all the misery that I've caused over my very long life. I see the way you looked at me after I grabbed you and tied you up back in Sunnydale, just to screw with Buffy's head and make her mom crazy. I see every little mind game I ever played and everyone I ever killed just for the fun of it. But it's not the only thing I see."

He pauses for a moment.

"I also see all the lives I've saved as Angel. The look of gratitude and joy someone I saved has on their face after I've done it. I see the people who's lives I made better because I was there to rescue them when they needed."

Again he pauses.

"I see both. And I know that there's nothing I can say to save you from yourself right now. Because all you can see is the bad. It's all you want to see. But when you're ready... you'll realize it isn't all there is."

He's such an idiot.

He doesn't say anything for a while and I think he's done.

"Are you done? Is your big speech finished?"

There's no response to that.

"Look, Angelus, I know you're all about being good and helping people these days, but that was pretty pathetic. Is that how you help your helpless? Being all noble and making big speeches about how we're all going to be okay? Because from where I'm sitting it's kinda sad. If that's your big strategy, I'm not surprised that you drove your son insane and had to fix him. I'd probably go insane too if I had to listen to you all the time."

He barely reacts when mentioning his son.

"And by the way? Bringing up the things you did to me as a kid? Kinda obvious and pretty lame. First of all, none of it was actually real. Those were just things a bunch of religious fanatics put in your head to make you think that you remember me. And secondly, in terms of the crap that's happened to me in my life? What you did barely even registers. Since then I've had way worse things happen to me and you don't even come close. I've realized my entire life and memories were a lie, I nearly bled to death to destroy the world, I had my mom die, my sister die, a friend who was basically a cross between my sister and a mother figure was shot and died, which made another friend try to end the world. I had my whole life turned upside down by a bunch of pathetic wannabe slayers, who then became actual slayers right before the only place I've ever called home became a hole in the ground. I had the woman I gave my virginity to betray me, the only guy I've ever slept with turned out to be my sister's ex's son and a friend of the woman I gave my virginity to. I've been tortured, had a sociopathic pretender god come after me, and now I'm chained to a wall by people who claim to love me."

I give him a minute to let that sink in.

"And that's not even counting all the times I've nearly died from various demons and monsters in Sunnydale. Your little sob story about how you hurt me? It barely even registers."

Eventually I turn to him, though he doesn't move except to look back at me without even flinching.

"You can't save me Angelus. I'm not one of your helpless victims that you need to save."

He watches me for a moment.

"I can see that."

He gets up, basically ignoring me as he turns to the door and goes.

"I'm just wondering if you know what you are."

He opens the door and walks out, never looking back.

Well that wasn't entirely boring, so that's something. He didn't make some big plea for my soul like I would've expected. He didn't whine and complain about how good a person I used to be and how I can be a better person. He was actually honest and didn't try and make himself out to be something he's not.

And yet despite all that, he was clearly still trying to save me. Trying to find some way to make me see how wrong I am being. That I can be better. It was so obvious. But unlike all the others, he didn't try to hide it behind some false concern for what I am. Out of some horrible attempt to make it look like he cared about me.

That's at least something.

I look around at the empty room as the door closes.

But it doesn't solve my boredom problem.