✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"tae!" upon hearing his name, taehyung turned around.

his eyes widened and body frozen by the younger's action.

jungkook had bent down and angled his head to peck taehyung's cheeks.

the brunette male mildly enlarged his eyes as he touched the spot the raven head kissed him on. his cheeks turning crimson red as he stared at jungkook who was smiling like an idiot. a cute idiot.

"what was that for!"

"hyung. don't forget, i still like you. i. . ." jungkook stepped closer and leaned down to meet taehyung's face. "— have feelings for you" the raven head gave his bunny teeth smile leaving taehyung awestruck.

he parted his lips to say something but just the mere smile on jungkook's lips took his words away. did he mention earlier he loves jungkook's smile?

he probably did a gazillion times already.

because heck, he really loves jungkook's smile.

"you. . . you" taehyung blushed hard, his eyes staring deep into the raven head's squinting eyes since he was smiling like an ecstatic kid. god, taehyung wants to take a picture so bad off that handsome face.

"BYE!" not knowing what to say taehyung walked out, shutting the door on his way out loud enough for jungkook to know, he lost to the raven head's charms again.

after the brunette left, jungkook slouched against the wall as he touched his lips. sighing to himself he looked down at his feet, a pout on his pierced lips, "i really wanted to kiss him on the lips. . ."

⋉⋊

it takes taehyung solid five minutes to gain the strength to open the door. honestly, he was rather baffled than nervous considering the door was unlocked. bogum is always very cautious about security so seeing the door unlocked made the brunette bewildered.

it was a weekday. there's no way bogum is at home. that man is a work freak, the world can end but he won't ever skip work. at least that's how it always has been.

maybe after having such a horrendous drunk night, bogum rushed out of the house, forgetting to lock the door. it makes sense since bogum also can't hold his liquor like taehyung; he probably had a bad headache and woke up late and hurried to the office.

yes, that probably would be the case.

at least that's what taehyung thought.

until

he opened the door and entered in.

taehyung was stupefied by the sight in front of him the moment he stepped inside the house.

bogum was on the couch, tapping his foot on the floor nervously while biting his thumb, something he does when he's overly anxious.

taehyung stood in the doorway with a rattled look morphing on his face.

and then,

their eyes meet.

taehyung almost recoiled when bogum bellowed his name before the male scurried to him, hugging him firmly.

"i'm sorry tae! i'm so so so sorry! please. . . don't leave me!" bogum despairingly embraced the shocked taehyung, his hands all over the brunette's body as if bogum was trying to feel his warmth.

as if he really missed taehyung.

"h-hey"

"i thought you left me for forever. . . i was so scared tae. shit, i feel like crying" bogum didn't know that he was already crying, he didn't know he was sniffling and sobbing silently while tightening his arms around taehyung's body. on the contrary, what he knew was, he missed taehyung.

but exactly what part of taehyung did bogum miss?

the brunette wondered and wondered. not knowing when tears produced in his own eyes, threatening to fall anytime.

"why now, why do you need me now bogum?" taehyung spoke sternly. he tried to not let his voice break and be as emotionless as it can be.

bogum drew back from the hug, tears trickling down his face as he with anxiety looked into taehyung's teary yet enraged eyes.

"i know apologizing won't be enough. . . nothing i do can be enough— i have hurt you so bad, haven't i?"

there was regret and sadness in that voice taehyung longed to hear. but when he actually heard his husband speaking, he wasn't so sure if he wished to hear that voice in the first place.

"so what if you did hurt me? it doesn't matter right? because you're gonna be like before again. so what's the point of all this crying and apologizing? are you trying to gain my sympathy? or are you trying to guilt trip me into thinking it is all my fault? huh tell me park bogum!" taehyung shoved the crying man away and yelled his feelings out.

it felt good.

speaking his feelings for real.

although, something cracked inside him at the same time.

"n-no. . ." bogum didn't know how to respond. he didn't know what he was doing till now was so monstrous.

has he always been this horrible?

"you're ashamed of me. right?" taehyung asked in a broken voice. to hell with keeping his composure. after all, everything started hurting him so bad the moment he saw bogum.

bogum enlarged his eyes and shook his head with aggression. "never! there wasn't even once in my life i was ashamed of you!"

"if that's the case then. . . why do we not use the same surname?" taehyung's question halted bogum's attempt to explain.

he lowered his head and thought of what to say. taehyung sneered bitterly watching his husband go speechless.

"why do you never take me to your office parties when you can clearly bring your significant other? why do we not hold hands when we are outside? why have we never kissed in public?"

"tae. . . i– we live in a conservative country. it's not easy to–"

"to what? to love a man?"

"tae babe, please—"

"i understand if you're scared. because i am too but damnit, i'm always trying my best to love you, not caring what others say so why do you not do the same?! if you're not ashamed, then what are you?!" taehyung cried out, fat drops of tears rolling down his face as he gazed into bogum's shocked eyes.

taehyung yearned for a different reaction. anger or pain; so that taehyung can tell himself that his assumptions were wrong and bogum will never feel that way for him.

but the shocked look in his eyes shattered taehyung.

taehyung laughed. laughed so loud until his laughs turned into heart-wrenching sobs.

"it's been five years! five fucking years of our marriage! and it took you this long to realize that you are ashamed of me? that you are actually. . . disgusted?" bogum widened eyes as he shook his head slowly, unsure of his own response.

"guess what i said is the truth" taehyung breathed out, finding it hard to breathe and talk in this situation. so is his husband, the man he loves to death actually never loved him the same way he did?

however, bogum finally got the courage to do something rather than standing there all mum.

so what he did was, grab taehyung by his arm before,

locking their lips together.

taehyung flinched as he tried to pull away but the grip the other male had on him was so firm that he couldn't do anything but kiss him back.

the kiss was rough, sloppy with tongues and suffocating. however, none broke it. the heartache they both felt taking control as bogum stepped ahead making taehyung pace behind until his back hits the wall, but bogum didn't stop and kissed him even harder. both of their tears smudging on each other's faces as they tasted it along with the saliva and bitterness of their own actions.

the kiss was melancholic; both to heart and soul.

after a while both of them drew back when oxygen became a major problem. a saliva string still connecting their mouths as they stared into each other's tearful eyes.

"taehyung-ah. i love you, okay? i fucking love you"

taehyung sucked his breath in and shook his head while holding his tears. "n-no, you don't"

"i do. . . god i love you" bogum mumbled, placing his head on taehyung's shoulder and gripping the brunette's arms he sobbed further. small whimpers leaving his lips making it hard for taehyung to not give in.

"then why do you treat me like this?"

"i'm sorry. i. . . i don't wanna be a burden on you yet i manage to become one" bogum's words baffled taehyung.

burden? what did he mean?

"i know you want me to love you openly without being so scared of people all the time. i know you feel like i'm always hiding who i am in front of the world because i'm ashamed or disgusted with you— but no tae, i'm not ashamed or disgusted by you. if anything, i'm ashamed and disgusted by myself. i fucking hate myself. i'm such an asshole, always running away from the problems i created in the first place"

there was sincerity in bogum's voice, but there was this uncertainty too. as if bogum didn't know his own feelings until now. he seemed devastated by his own actions.

taehyung almost felt bad.

"trust me taehyung-ah. not for even once, i doubted the love we share. not for once have i felt like i am falling out of love— because how can i? when you're the one i love? kim taehyung anyone will be lucky to have you in their life. and i'm lucky as hell to have you. i'm so grateful, i'm so damn grateful" bogum took taehyung's hands, pecking the knuckles affectionately.

but instead of having butterflies in his stomach, taehyung shivered and took his hands away when,

he recalled how last night jungkook kissed his knuckles the same way bogum did.

the feels were almost the same. almost.

however, jungkook's one left a tender memory while bogum's? it made taehyung guilty. it made him feel horrible.

bogum gloomily looked at the brunette. seeing that horrid expression on taehyung's face bogum felt his heart breaking.

no, he can't let things get any worse than it already is.

he can't let taehyung fall out of love.

"do you hate me tae?"

"i don't" the answer was almost instant. taehyung knew for a fact that he didn't hate bogum, he could never hate his dear husband.

however, he did feel bad whenever he was with bogum.

things didn't feel the same with his husband anymore.

he doesn't know if the reason is bogum's cold-blooded behavior or. . .

his neighbor. jeon jungkook.

no, taehyung couldn't effort to think about the raven head right now. was he even in his right mind to think about another man when his husband is desperately trying to find out what his current feelings are for him?

how disgusting kim taehyung— he thought to himself.

"then do you love me?" this time taehyung didn't answer instantly. heck, he couldn't answer even after a minute passed.

he just stood there, speechless and miserable. looking anywhere but at the man who waited for his reply to be a yes eagerly.

but when bogum saw taehyung not uttering a yes like how he should, bogum felt his world-shaking.

"tae? you love me, r-right?"

"i— yeah. . ." taehyung could have said a yes confidently but knowing he had another man in his mind even now, it sickened him with his own self.

would he have any conscience left if he lies right now?

"i knew it. . ." bogum gritted his teeth, as he clenched his fist and jaw when he stared longer at taehyung's guilt morphed face.

"you—"

"you were with that jungkook, weren't you?"

━━━━━━━━━━

q. what are your thoughts on bogum's character?