Amanda

May 18, 2021

The shrill and tinny ringing tone of my phone pierced through the silence in our room. I struggled to open my eyes, and my head throbbed so badly that it felt as if I had been asleep for just a few minutes.

I hadn't turned off the ringer on my phone for the past few days—something that I had never done consciously in all these years—while desperately waiting for any kind of hopeful information from the police. Squinting at the bright light on the phone's display, I deciphered that the call was from the police station.

At this hour??! Oh my God!

With trembling hands and with a small sliver of hope, I sat up on the bed and answered the call, "Hello?"

My eyes wandered over to Jungkook's broad frame that was curled up inside the sleeping bag on the cold floor, completely immobile and deaf to the sounds in the room.

"Dr. Amanda, we're calling from the Gangnam police station." An indifferent male voice came crackling through from the other end of the line.

"Yeah. Any information yet?" I asked, sounding nervous, desperate, and extremely anxious while trying hard to suppress the upwelling of pessimistic ideas within my head.

"I'm afraid we do have something at hand. You might have to come in directly," the voice informed me, sounding almost apologetic.

My heart was racing a mile a minute. I had already peeled away the blanket covering my bare legs and landed my feet on the cold wooden floor; the sudden contact causing goosebumps to sprout on my skin.

"I will come there right away, but is it anything bad?" I asked him, following my feet that had already guided me to our shared walk-in closet. I pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a coat, and contemplated waking up Jungkook.

"Yes. Let's talk about it when you're here. Arrive safe," said the Police Officer, and he ended the call before I could probe him for more details.

Confusion settled over me as I changed into my sweatpants and wore my coat. I picked up my purse and phone and slipped them inside my coat pockets. After thinking about it for a few seconds, I crouched down on my knees and gently tapped on Jungkook's shoulder. He was sleeping like the dead, and I felt terrible to wake him up. But I feared the worst at the police station, and I felt that I might actually need someone with me.

After a few taps and a vigorous shake, he woke up with a start and squinted at me; his droopy eyelids struggling to stay open.

"I'm sorry for waking you up, Kook. But I got a call from the police station. Can you go with me?" I asked him.

"Right now?" He propped himself up and sleepily scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah" I nodded, feeling sorry for my friend who had to give up his sleep tonight for my sake. 

"Alright.” He unzipped the sleeping bag without any hesitation. “Let's go. What did they say though?" Jungkook croaked in his sleepy voice as he got up from the floor with his eyes that were still puffy and only half open.

I got up, too.

"They told me to come in person..." my voice trailed off.

Jungkook stopped running his fingers through the thicket of his ebony hair and averted his gaze to me; his eyebrows shooting upwards in doubt. Then, he looked away, nodding a few times.

In a few minutes, we were out of the house, and a taxi was driving us to the police station. It was almost midnight, and it was indeed a blustery night outside that was causing the dried leaves and dust to swirl all over—the very sight and the whooshing noise perfectly reflecting the turmoil brewing within me.

Arriving at the police station after an eerily silent ride, Jungkook and I swiftly walked over to the cubicle of the Police Officer who was in charge of the case. His tired eyes lifted to look at us before he gestured for us to sit down. We obeyed immediately.

"What is it, Officer? Did you get any clues? Any other information?" I demanded impatiently.

He nodded, letting out a dire sigh, "We found some of Kim Taehyung's belongings covered in blood."

WHAT THE HELL??

Those words, which were among the dreaded worst that I was subconsciously preparing to hear since these three days of Taehyung's disappearance, caused all the blood from my face to flush out abruptly. My shoulders slumped, my hands became like frozen solids and began trembling, and my vision was clouded with tears.

"What?" I uttered in total disbelief of the disquieting information that I had just gleaned.

My chest ached so bad, and it felt like I was experiencing tremors within. Jungkook held my shaky hand as a source of support, wrapping his warm fingers around my cold hand.

The Officer nodded mournfully.

"We received information from the crime branch that they located a bag with his ID and a watch and ripped clothing, which we believe could be his, too, near a creek on the outskirts. There is blood stained all over it and we've sent his belongings to the Forensics department. The reports will be handed over to you once the formalities are done."

Sitting next to me, Jungkook was totally silent, as if letting the moment of grief settle over him. The Officer's words literally felt like a rusted knife was stabbed and painfully twisted right into my heart.

I buried my face in my hands and broke into tears as Jungkook wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders, stroking and squeezing, hoping to calm me down.

My heart shattered into a million pieces, and I felt utterly lost and helpless. My husband who was happy, healthy, active and making passionate love to me on the kitchen counter only three nights ago, had now shrunken to just this bag of belongings that this lanky officer was referring to.

The Officer answered a call from the Forensics department and quickly returned his attention to us.

He let out a long and deep breath.

"And it looks like the blood belongs to Dr. Kim Taehyung." The Officer added, causing the movements of Jungkook's hands and the beats of my heart to come to a screeching halt.