thirty-one.
[flashback]

It's been a week since Jeongguk chose to leave Taehyung just because of his impulsiveness. And it honestly felt like years to Jeongguk.

He would wake up each morning, leaning towards the other side of the bed, hands clasping the bedsheets, forgetting that there was no Taehyung already. There were no cuddles the night before, no kisses, no sweet words exchanged, and it was a living hell for Jeongguk.

He would cry himself to sleep, anguished because of the thing he chose to do. He couldn't blame anyone else but himself.

He couldn't blame Lisa because she did not force him to play along with her plan, he voluntarily agreed to it without even thinking.

He couldn't blame Taehyung because the older didn't even commit something bad for him to act this way. So all of these were his fault.

Jeongguk groaned as he ruffled his hair harshly, his face buried on the pillows. It was already midnightㅡ the time where you start to overthink and these thoughts will keep you up and awake for the rest of the night. You'd think of your what if's in life; all the things that you've done in the past that made you regret even doing it.

Jeongguk began to sob, though it was muffled because of the pillow. He turned around, his back flat on the mattress. He searched for his phone and when his hand felt the cold material, he then unlocked it and tapped on his photo album.

He knew he's torturing himself but did not complain because he doesn't have the right to be in pain. He deserved all of these because he was the one who started everything.

He scrolled through the album, smiling at every pictures he had with Taehyung.

"This was the time we went to Busan to spend summer. You were so clingy, I honestly got annoyed but shrugged it off either way because seeing you happy makes me soft," Jeongguk whispered.

"I had dance practice that time. You went to the company to pay us a visit and watched us practice but you fell asleep. I thought you got bored but you honestly just forced yourself to go even though you had only 2 hours of sleep due to your work. You wanted to see me badly and cheer us up, but you dozed off. My poor baby... I hope you're getting lots of sleep right now..."

Jeongguk's eyes glistened with tears upon seeing the picture. He caressed his screen while he forced himself to release a small smile.

"I miss this..."

"I miss how your hands fit so well when it's intertwined with mine, making me feel the warmth of your skin as you hold it tightly, never wanting to let go... and it makes my heart skip a beat all the time..."

"I miss how you would always lean on my shoulder whenever you feel drowsy. I miss those times when you couldn't go to sleep just because I'm not there to cuddle with you. I miss how you'd look for me, whining when I say I couldn't lull you to sleep. I miss you..."

"I fucking miss you so much, Tae."

And that was what it took for Jeongguk to lose himself in the midst of the night. He was mourning; mourning for someone who was still alive, mourning for someone who he chose to leave behind because he was such an insensitive, impulsive, and a messed-up idiot.

He clutched his phone tightly so close to his chest, as he kept whispering Taehyung's name.

"I love you, Taehyung. I'm sorry..."

He continued to cry, lips almost turning into purple because of the lack of air.

Whose fault was it again? His.