thirty.
[flashback]
Taekook's Anniversary
5 years ago

"Guk! Can you please pick me up? I'm inside the company. Jennie and I had a big fight and I honestly don't know where to find her. Please help me!" Lisa said through the phone. Jeongguk was now torn between showing up at the restaurant Taehyung just texted him a while ago, or picking up Lisa, his childhood best friend, who was now his fake girlfriend just because of her father. With a sigh, he replied unwillingly.

"Be there in 10. Please stay there and don't do something stupid!"

Jeongguk cursed himself for being such a jerk, and for being this cruel to his lover. He then thought that maybe this was the time that he would finally break up with Taehyung, so that the other will not suffer in his own hands anymore.

Kicking the tin can that's in front of him, he stomped his foot so hard before making his way towards his car that was already parked outside their building, probably because he was really planning on going to Taehyung, but his plan got cancelled because of Lisa's call.

He drove his car faster than the wind, and he swore he got at Lisa's company less than a minute. He honked, catching Lisa's attention, who was currently squatting beside the gutter outside of their company. With a frown, she went inside Jeongguk's car and slammed the door shut.

"Be careful with the car's door!" Jeongguk scolded her. The younger just rolled her eyes before slumping down her seat, not even bothering to buckle her seatbelt.

"Why aren't you driving?" She asked.

"Safety is a must for me, young lady. So if I were you, I'd waste no time and buckle that fucking seatbelt so if we are to meet an accident, you will not fly outside the windshield and die!" Jeongguk explained to her with a sarcastic grin plastered on his face. Lisa scoffed in return, but buckled up otherwise. Jeongguk started the engine once more, not sure where to take her.

"Where do you want to go?"

Lisa looked out the window, amazed by the city lights that the car passed by.

"Can we go to the beach? I want fresh air."

"As you wish."

Jeongguk changed route and drove high speed towards the nearest beach he could ever think of. Because one thing was also invading his thoughts right now: how to fix the shits he's done to hurt Taehyung.

He turned off his phone, annoyed by the constant beeping of notifications. He knew all of the calls and messages were from Taehyung, but he thought this time would be the final wave for him to break free from Taehyung. Not because he doesn't love him anymore, but because he knew that he's the shittiest person alive for being too impulsive and a jerk, and he just wanted Taehyung to love someone else and be happy.

A few minutes later, Jeongguk and Lisa arrived at the beach. The only thing that surrounded them were the tall palm trees which leaves would sway whenever the cool wind would hit them. They could clearly hear the waves that cleanses their footprints whenever it meets the shore. They sat side by side with each other, staring up at the infinite cosmic.

"Jeongguk, I'm sorry," he heard Lisa whisper. He turned to look at her with confusion.

"Why are you saying sorry?"

"I ruined your relationship with Taehyung. I know how much you love him, and how much he loves you. But here I am, taking you away from him, without even thinking about the outcome just because I wanted to make my father happy. I'm really sorry," Lisa answered his question. She sniffled, wiping the tears that fell down from her eyes. Jeongguk looked at her sadly.

"There's nothing we could do to turn back  time, Lisa. I regret being so impulsive but whatever we do, we just can't rewind the past and pick another option. We have to continue and live with whatever we chose to do. So stop apologizing, yeah?" Jeongguk put his arms around Lisa's shoulder, letting her head lean on his shoulders. But don't get them wrong though, they're not in love with each other. They just look like it, but never have they developed feelings for each other because they have their significant others, with whom they chose to sacrifice and leave behind just to make Lisa's father happy.

"Isn't today your anniversary? Why aren't you with him? Why are you here with me instead? You're making me feel bad," Lisa broke the silence once more. Jeongguk heaved a deep sigh. Right, he almost forgot about that one.

"I'm gonna break up with him, Lisa. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve his love, because I'm a fucked up person."

They stayed at the beach for another 30 minutes before returning back to their company. However, Jeongguk decided to drop by their dorm first.

Once Jeongguk got what he needed, he went back inside the car. But as cruel as life can be, Jeongguk was taken aback when Lisa kissed him fully on the lips, not saying a word.

Jeongguk closed his eyes, and gave in to the kiss, probably because he was missing Taehyung. He misses him but Taehyung wasn't the one he was kissing.

He opened his eyes when Lisa's lips finally detached from his, and rested his forehead with hers.

"I... I'm sorry..." Lisa sobbed. Jeongguk panicked as to why she suddenly cried after kissing him.

"I had to do it because dad's car is parked behind us. I'm sorry because... because Taehyung had to see it too..."

Jeongguk felt like his blood was drained out from his system. He went pale as he immediately opened his car door, scanning his surroundings for any traces of Taehyung. As soon as he got to the other side of the car, he felt something crumple under his foot.

Flowers.

"Fuck."

〰️

"Gukkie! I love you!" Jeongguk smiled brightly when he saw Taehyung wrapped inside his embrace, his eyes beaming with so much joy. The younger kissed his lips lightly.

"I love you too, baby," he responded to his lover. He tucked a flower behind Taehyung's ears, caressing the older's cheeks with so much love.

In a span of milliseconds, the setting changed. Pure darkness swallowed the room which made Jeongguk's eyes brim with tears. He tried squinting and adjusting his eyes, hoping that he could see in the dark even just a little bit, but no matter how he fooled himself because of that, he still couldn't get a hang of it.

He started moving his hands towards certain directions, trying to feel Taehyung's hand or just anything, but to no avail.

Jeongguk's body roused from bed, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. His chest felt heavy, as if he was struggling to find air to breathe. He looked at the bedside table and scanned the time which read, 6:55 AM. He groaned when he felt his head aching.

"Fuck. I'm not gonna drink that much again," he mumbled before forcing his body to roll out of the sheets. He brushed his teeth before cooking something that can cure his hangover.

As Jeongguk was eating and drinking coffee in peace, the doorbell rang for at least 5 times. Annoyed, he lazily walked towards the door, unlocking it, and was ready to shut off whoever was ringing the doorbell at 7 in the morning, but he was taken aback when he saw him.

"Tae?"

The older looked up to him like a lost puppy, his bloodshot eyes staring directly at him, begging for something he's quite unsure of.

"Can we talk?" Taehyung whispered. Jeongguk then opened the door wide enough for Taehyung to enter.

"Do you want some hot chocolate? Do you want to eat pancakes? Wait, I'll just cook for you," Jeongguk offered awkwardly. He was just about to go back inside the kitchen when a pair of arms encircled his waist tightly, restricting him from walking away.

"Why? Why are you hurting me? Did I do something wrong? Don't you love me anymore? Jeongguk, it hurts. It hurts that I love you so much. It fucking hurts and you don't even give a damn about me!" Taehyung started crying again.

His shoulders shook violently, gasping for air amidst his sobs. Jeongguk turned around with an irritated expression, but deep inside he was hurting for him too. He just thought that this was the best way for Taehyung to stop hurting.

"If you feel like I don't give a single damn about you, then I think it's better if we just break up, Taehyung. I'm hurting you, right? Why would you ever stay with someone who's hurting you?" Jeongguk asked in frustration. Taehyung's arms dropped on his side, speechless on what Jeongguk just asked.

"You changed, Jeongguk. You told me you love me, but that does still mean anything to you now? Do I still mean something to you? Or are you just having me around for fun? Fun, because you have someone that will chase you around, fixing up your mishaps in life. Have you ever asked yourself if you were still treating me right, Jeongguk?" Taehyung said in between his cries. He clutched his heart, rubbing it slowly to stop it from aching so much.

"Just leave, Taehyung. I don't want you anymore," Jeongguk said sternly.

"How can you do this to me?"

"You're not worthy to be loved, Taehyung. This is not worth it. We're over," Jeongguk said without even looking at Taehyung.

"I love you, Jeongguk. I'm sorry for even trying," He heard the older whisper before leaving Jeongguk alone in his apartment.

Jeongguk wanted to stop him from leaving, he wanted to say that he loved him too, and that it never changed nor faded, however, he knew everything was all too late. If it weren't for his and Lisa's stupid agreement, Taehyung would never suffer and get hurt.

He blinked his eyes a couple of times, trying to get rid of the tears that were continuously falling.

Jeongguk knew that letting Taehyung go was the biggest mistake he ever did in his entire life, and he would definitely let himself live in remorse for the rest of his existence.