"It's fine, it's just 1 pm here. What is wrong?" he reminds me of the time difference I almost forgot.

"It's...about y/n...Does she...Is she all right?" I worry about her, noticing and seeing in each of her texts and calls how different her mood is. "Well, so-so. I can't lie to you, she seems to be having a difficult time right now. I honestly thought this would disappear within a few weeks, but she must be very attached to you."

I sigh but do not even feel astonished. "I knew it. She tells me she's okay all the time, but I know she isn't..." I exhale, sharply and close my eyes, feeling horrible these last days the more I see y/n not handling the distance. "Hey, don't be worried, I and your mom are there for her, she's also been talking to her best friend a lot. She can stand it for you."

"What do you mean 'she's been talking to her best friend a lot'?" I frown and glance down at the floor of my bedroom, but a humming sound goes out of him. "I think she's been spending some time every week-end with him lately..." he tells me what I, thank goodness, already got to know from her. "She told me about that..." I barely voice out, feeling some jealousy since those moments between them only have been repetitive. "Are you worried about their relationship?"

"I..." my answer doesn't leave me, my guilty uncertainty making it hard for me to say what I truly think. "No...and yes...I don't know. I want to trust her."

"I think you can trust her, Jungkook," he reassures me as much as he can. "She's really a sweetheart, and if she was cheating, or trying to, I don't think she would talk about him at all. She would try to lie, wouldn't she?"

"I guess," I try to agree with him, hoping for his assumptions to be right. I lie down on my bed but pull my hair back. "Has she been talking about me?" I ask, feeling like she might care about Minjae a lot more. "Not really, and I even try to avoid talking about you because I can feel that hurts her, but whenever she says something about you, it's like to tell me she misses you and that she wishes you were here. It's like everything she sees or hears reminds her of you."

I do not answer anything to this, fearing that she might be losing her feelings for me. Maybe I expected it, but I shouldn't assume anything, I might be wrong. "What has been going on in your head exactly?"

"I'm having bad thoughts, I know I shouldn't think that way, but I know she's not happy, she's hurt because of me, and she's been failing a lot of her tests...maybe..." I hesitate before telling him the truth. "Maybe I should...put an end to it...or try to let the distance just...drift us apart...everything is replaying again, dad...I'm not there for the one I love...I'm hurting her."

"Jungkook...don't say that," a heavy exhalation from him makes me a second thought. "You know this is completely different. That woman didn't love you while y/n truly loves you, she's doing her best at school just for you, she wants to make you proud, she even spends her time sending you some gifts every time she can...she's maybe hurt because of the distance but breaking up with her won't solve the problem. I'm sure of it."

"Dad..." my eyelids shut, and I rub one of them, attempting to calm my headache. "This is better for her if she finds someone of her age, it's only been four months, and she hasn't been able to be all right at all. She will never stand it, I can do it, I can wait as much as I have to in order to see her again because I'm happy with her, but the fact that I'm only causing her to lack love, affection, and all that someone needs in a relationship, just ruins me."

"Answer me honestly, do you think she'll be happier once you tell her you want to break up? Whether this is by phone, or by coming back home just to tell her this," he tells me the right words, leaving me speechless. I cannot say anything, I know this will make him be right. "See. You know this isn't a good idea, you should not even have it on your mind."

"She'll be hurt at the beginning but not for two years, and maybe even more. My fucking boss might prolong it just to earn more money through me. We could still stay in contact...we don't have to end things in bad terms..."

"Jungkook, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but just think thoroughly, please," he doesn't insist, hearing in my voice that I'm serious. "I also noticed that she lost weight...I told her that I mentioned it, but she tells me this cannot be possible because she's still the same. However, I can see how skinnier she is."

"I kind of noticed it in the pictures she sends me, I thought it was maybe because of the phone...I don't think I'm ready to see her in real life if you tell me she's obviously skinnier..." I put one hand in a pocket of my sweatpants. "No but seriously, I see her often and I can still perceive it."

"Gosh..." I breathe out, sharply. "I need to talk to her..."

"Hm, I think you should," he answers. "Do you know if she's with Minjae right now? She told me she would maybe go out because the weather is good today...but she hasn't talked about Minjae so...I hope she won't be with him."

"No, actually, she's going out with me because she asked for my help, I'm going to use the car for the grocery shopping, so she will take more food and drinks in once," he quietly laughs. "Ah, all right. That's a relief."

"You should have a conversation with her tonight, I'm going to ask how everything is going with Minjae, you know, subtly. I'll tell you about it afterwards," he finds a way to make me feel a bit better about this situation, and I smile, faintly. "Thank you, I'll call her later. Have a good day with mom and y/n, and try to make her eat please."

"I will, don't forgot to rest and eat as well," he puts an end to it with caring words. I hang up and lock my phone to put it on my nightstand. I stretch my body but cover my face with my hands to rub it. It's really difficult to handle this situation. I comb my hair back and look up at the ceiling.

I wonder how y/n truly feels inside...she must be lying about so many things to not hurt me.

I take a break and leave my bed, feeling too bothered by many thoughts. I get in the other room where is the kitchen, dining, and living room, I take my favorite glass and pour some whiskey into it. This will maybe calm me down.

•••

5 pm.
[ 4 am in New York. ]

'YOUR P.O.V'

I go out of my bathroom in a rush after coming back home and taking a shower to get in my pajama. I hurry to grab hold of my phone which I left on the sofa, and I pick up the call that comes from Jungkook. "Hello?"

"Babe..." some sniffles resounds through the phone, his unsteady voice setting me in a worried state. "Jungkook? What's wrong?" my heart already races with fear. "Baby...I can't take it no more..." he cries, breaking my heart but making me feel like he drank a bit too much. "What? What are you talking about...?"

"You can't stay with me, baby...I'm a fucking asshole who hurts you...it needs to stop..." he speaks some hurtful words, probably not being conscious of what he is saying or doing. "What are you saying...Jungkook...you're drunk, aren't you?" I try to remain calm even though his sentence just made my entire body freeze with fright. "We don't care about that. I drank my entire, fucking bottle of whiskey because I'm damn tired. All right? You're not okay because of me, you're losing weight, and I know you're losing your feelings because I'm never here for you—"

"You stop that right away, Jungkook," some tears grow in the corner of my eyes, my heartbeat racing and getting stronger. "I'm happy with you, all right? Do not say that."

"No, you are not," he acts like he would never do if he was sober. I cannot believe he drank a whole bottle of whiskey, he knows he has to be careful and not do anything stupid. "You're not fucking happy! You keep on lying to make me believe you are, but you're not! I know it! This is exactly like in the past! I'm not there for the one I love, and I'm just hurting them, again!"

"You're just drunk...you don't know what you're saying..." I refuse to hear him. I break down into tears but wipe them away, feeling the rush of blood through my veins. "You don't mean anything of those words..."

"I do, y/n. You know it. You know this can't work out...this is just going to destroy you...you deserve better in a relationship, baby...I know this is going to hurt us...but we can't keep going like that...this is only harming you...we can stay in contact...but I can't keep doing this...I hate myself, and it's too hard for me to handle the fact you're not feeling okay..." he speaks without ever stopping, sobbing, not controlling his words anymore. "I'll wait for you...I want you to know that I'm not doing this because I don't love you anymore, I still do, you mean the world to me, and I'll be here for you if you still need once I'm back in Korea...but this is too long and painful, y/n...I want you to live a happy life without being alone all the time..."

I hang up without saying anything but burst into tears like I've never done before, my entire body trembling from everywhere, I bend over the kitchen counter and rest my head on my arms to let all my emotions out. This can't be real, this must be a nightmare and nothing else. He cannot do that after all the things he told and promised me.

•••

1 am.
[ 12 pm in New York. ]

'JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V'

My puffy eyes open with difficulty, my head aching like hell, I cover my face with my hand, and a moan of pain escape my mouth. I try to understand what caused this and take a look at my nightstand, only to fall upon an empty bottle of whiskey and glass. I grab hold of my phone, but right at the sight of the missed calls, the stress creeps up in me.

I check my last calls to see if I've done something, and at the moment that my eyes land on y/n's number, the memories of last night come back into my head. This must be fake, I must be misunderstanding this.

I call y/n with a shaking hand but feel my breathing hastening. I'm worried, terribly worried.

"Why do you still call me...?" she sobs on the line, in one of the most heartbreaking manners. "Are you finally sober?"

"Baby..." I lose my words, my husky voice rasping my throat. "I...I know that I must have done something bad, and I'm so sorry for getting drunk, but...but I can barely remember anything..." I bite my lips, shameful about what I've done thoughtlessly. "Why are you crying, baby...?"

"Why are you still calling me baby if you want to break up? I know you mean what you say whenever you're drunk...! How could you not talk about it without drinking and just cutting off that way with me?!" she answers with wrath and disappointment in her voice, getting my heart to clench in my chest. What the hell have I caused?

"Y/n, listen to me, please," I sit up on my bed to get on the edge of it, feeling dizzy and weak, both physically and emotionally. "I...I planned to have this conversation with you last night, but I was lost and fearful, so I drank...but I just didn't stop myself at the right moment..." my breathing shudders, the acute pain inside of me tightening the more I'm hearing her cry. "I love you more than anything, and you know that, y/n, but I just feel like this is too hard for you. This situation is already complicated for me but knowing that you're not feeling all right, that you're losing weight and lying to me in order to make me believe everything is going well on your side, tears me apart...That's not how a good relationship works, y/n...the distance is going to kill us the more the time will pass...two years without seeing each other is extremely long..."

No answer comes from her, but only the sound of her weeping. I try to find the words to comfort her, to help her to take this without being deeply broken, but nothing wants to go out.

"After all the things I've done for you, Jungkook...I love you like I've never loved anyone and will probably never do again..." her faint and trembling voice cracks into cries, a knot obstructing my throat. The effect of her words do not allow me to hold my emotions back, some tears grow into my eyes and blur my sight. "We can just take a break...I'll be there if you want me to once I'm back in Korea. I'll always be there for you if you need to talk to someone, if you don't feel good...I promise you...I love you too, and I want you to never doubt that...and even if you meet someone good, I'll be the happiest man to know that you're living with someone who loves you more than anything...the pain is going to drift you away from me, and I swear you'll forget me and find someone better who will be there for you all the time..."

"I don't want anyone else but you..." she refuses to hear me, making it hard for me to not do any mistake while talking to her. I feel like I'm not doing it right, I'm only worsening the situation. The tears roll down my cheeks, and the knot in my throat only becomes even more snug. I clear my throat for her to not hear what this does to me. "I'll always be here for you, y/n. I promise..." I say without even realizing this will not help her. She sniffles but forces me to place my hand over my mouth to hold in the sobs. "I'll always be here for you too..." she hangs up without saying more.

I drop my phone next to me and bury my face in my hands to regret and dissolve in my tears. I never thought I would have to face such a horrible thing, I truly believed we would live together. I hate myself for letting this happen without putting a stop right at the beginning.

I knew this would end like that once I told her about my feelings, I should never have touched her.