Please read the author's note at the end.

Translations at the bottom😊

When I wake up, I'm still feeling tired despite the nap. The sun has already risen but the rays are not strong yet. I walk out of my trailer, a Phoenix USA TRX, leaving behind a peacefully sleeping Enos curled up on the couch. In the circus crowd of mismatches, hardly anyone cares about their morning appearances, so I never bother. Everyone will see everything and know every little thing, in the matter of a few hours at the most.

Unless a very closely guarded secret.

As soon as I open the door, the sultry humid air hits me like a slap. This is what I hate the most about the tropics, too much humid, sweaty and too many insects. I walk out and close the door quickly to prevent the cool air conditioned air from escaping.

Few people are out and about, mainly those who have to pitch the tents. There are others too, people who have to use the latrines. Apart from them, nobody is awake yet. 

I stroll quietly around. My own tent pitching activity is entrusted to Enos. I generally go around minding other people's businesses in the mornings.

Inhaling the free morning air, the smell of wet mud, green leaves, faraway sweet flowers and fruits assault my senses. I love being awake this early, when the world is not overly bright and glaring at me like I've made the mistake of my life. This is the perfect time to see the Earth at its finest, everything, every being turning over a new leaf, being busy and scuttling about getting ready for the day's work.

The night time is for the predators. The dangerous, sly, scheming people, the darkest minds who leave their confines to make plans of harm. People who use the shadows to hide their flaws and delve in the temporary bliss of being unnoticed. But it is not necessarily bad, for the night is also the time when the moon flowers bloom, when the moon rises and dips down to meet the silvery river. The earth floods in a silvery sheen amidst darkness, a thin slice of goodness among treachery and deceit.

The only time I feel myself.

I stop walking abruptly and turn around. Jenera freezes with her hand in midair, her face curled up in a mischievous smile that drops quickly when I smirk at her.

"Morning to you too Jenn," I chirp.

She frowns and shakes her head before falling into step beside me. "Woher wusstest du, dass ich komme? I am pretty quiet."

I shrug. "Obviously you're not, for I could hear you approaching," I comment evasively. The less she knows the better. Sometimes people poke too much at my vampire senses.

She looks at me curiously before beaming brightly. "So, you were thinking about the good and bad?"

I still fo a moment before immediately trying to clear my mind. Of course, the job becomes even harder when you try to do so. One will think after all these years of living with this girl will knock some sense into me, but no. I continue being an idiot. One day, my idiocy will expose me, that's for sure.

Jenn pouts from beside me. "Ah, come on. It's not like I'm going to announce your thoughts to the world. Ich bin es nur!"

I shake my head. God knows what happens if this girl knows about my killings. "Nuh-uh. Use your damn power for either earning or helping others. Not for prying into others' business."

"Aw man, you're no fun."

"You still hang out with me," I grin down at the sixteen year old.

She scoffs. "And I don't know what for. Du bist so angespannt. I know how your laugh sounds only because I've been spying on you and Enos. Ich bezweifle, dass jemand anderes es gehört hat."

I blank out at her. One reason being that I only know so much German. The second being that she's been spying on us.

The amount of things she can hear...

"What?!"

"Oh come on--"

"For how long?"

"Oh you know," she gives me her 'Jenera-smile'. Even a demon will not be able to resist it. Thankfully, I know better. She is about to drop a bomb on me. "Since I know you are together and whenever I can."

"The fuck!" I gasp out. And I'm getting to know about it now...

"And when you keep the window open."

I sigh out in relief. Right, I never keep my window open.

Jenera can read minds. Not the entire life story, just whatever one happens to be thinking at that moment, she knows it. The word privacy doesn't exist in her dictionary. Not that it exists in anyone's belonging to the circus, but Jenn is the most ignorant. Thankfully, just as she is young and inexperienced, half the time she is wrong in her findings. But it's almost eerie how close she can come. She is one of the major news reporters in this family.

"But I still know you were getting frisky last night."

I blanch at her reveal. Bloody what! Now even my time with my boyfriend is not private. I rack my brains and realize that last night the windows were indeed closed. So she got the video only.

"Oh that also was pretty hot, even if you were just kissing."

I groan loudly. Wait for it, she'll soon have my entire sexual activity out on the open. If she hasn't already. She has made it her life's motto to know everything possible. I frantically look around hoping to find anyone who can save me. Hell, even if the job is cleaning Mahiria's poo, I'll take it.

"Luke cleaned her poop, don't worry," the annoying girl gives a laugh. "Thank God you didn't have to clean that elephant's crap. You would have been smelly for the entire day even from a mile."

I scowl at her. "You're a pain in the ass, Jenn. Has anyone told you that?"

"Many people, too many times," she sings.

I keep the frown on my face. She is damn annoying. But try as I may, it is hard to. The sight of her carefree nature, laughing freely, it melts my heart every time. I've probably spoilt her more than her father has.

A thought goes in my head. "And exactly what were you doing at three in the morning outside my car?"

The giggle freezes on her lips on the way out. Aha.

"I told you, I was spying--"

"Apart from that."

"Umm...."

"Oh, she was out the entire night."

Jenn turns to see who just rattled her out, a glare ready. I keep my eyes on her, the frown making its way back on my face. Damon, one of the clowns, grins back at her, perfectly innocently. "So you left at freaking three in the morning? When did you return?"

"Das geht dich--"

"I'm assuming just now," I cut her off. Considering how her eyes grow wide, it's correct. "Am I right Jenera?"

"Oh crap, I'm in trouble when you say that," she groans. "Are you telling Jude?"

I shake my head. "Not you." Oh.

"No no," Damon sings. Jenn sighs. "But I'm sure Dave will love this new bit of detail." And then he runs off.

Jenn screeches loudly and runs behind him. I wince at the shrill sound. Guess her father knowing her whereabouts is more dangerous than her mother knowing it.

Speaking of her mother....

"Come here Mara dear," I hear Jude calling. "I need help with the tent, as always."

I smile and make my way over to her. Jude is a tall thin woman, with hair the colour of molten gold, and a slight tanned skin. She always adorns long colourful skirts, even if the temperature outside is close to boiling point. Multiple necklaces of cheap beads hang around her neck, and equally colourful rings on her fingers make her look totally like the fortune teller she is.

Ma was the one before her.

I shake my head and get to work, hauling the tarpaulin out from the car. Dave is helping the other clowns to pitch the larger tents, so as usual, she is left to fend for her own. Otherwise, he never leaves her on her own. I rather think Jude must not do such strainful activity. She looks frail enough as it is. But that doesn't stop her from trying every single time.

"I don't mind, you must always call for me," I tell her.

She laughs. "You're the one saying. You're looking weaker than ever. Are you eating well? I can always cook for you."

I smile thinly before getting back to work. I guess the lack of blood has affected my physique more than I cared.

"None of you visited me even one last week." Jude leans against a tree, watching me.

"Ah yes," I say dryly. "We were um... tired. You can guess, with the driving and all--"

More likely, dying of thirst.

"Oh"

I nod. Jude is the closest one I can call mother. She reminds me too much of Ma. She even has the same job as her before being too ill to work.

She was a fortune-teller, and a damn good one. She could communicate with the spirits and souls from the air around us. She could foretell many events, mostly minor, as the spirits did not like to tell major events, for they believe it defies destiny. Ma took to bed just when Jude got married and joined our circus. As the much demanding position of the fortune-teller was empty, everyone approached Jude to take it up. Ma was at first dead set that she would not let anyone take up her place for she believed that everyone was a fraud but when she met Jude, she was practically forcing the poor woman to start as soon as possible.

We had a period of work shortage for three months during that summer, when Ma died. The medicines were too costly and I could hardly manage to buy them. She was mostly living off drugs to ease the pain. She could never see Jude work.

Jude had tried hard after that to force me to live with her and her husband Dave, the clown and Jenera. But I had put my foot down and refused. For one thing, it would be difficult to hide my true self in a household of a mind reader and a fortune teller. Also, I had less control over myself and tended to burn down things during strong emotions. Perhaps the real reason was that Jude was too much like Ma. And I hate Ma for leaving me. And I hate myself for being the cause of her death. I believe that she is still sad that I had refused. Come on, I can't live with some humans, especially those who can read minds or tell the future.

Vanessa, Elyss and I often stay over with Jude. Jenn thus became like a sister to us. 

"What will I do with the top?" I ask. "Shall I put the pole in--"

"No, tie it to a branch, eighty two percent of customers bang their heads on the pole."

I finish hammering in the last peg, all the while feeling Jude's eyes on me. As I straighten up, I realise that we'll have to visit her soon.

"There you go."

"Thank you," she smiles. "You're always so helpful. By the way, get your hair up before your show. I'm sure Vanessa will help."

I grimace. "Yes, Lord. It will take a hell lot of time, though. I haven't brushed."

"At least it will not look like a black and white polka dotted bandana now," Jenn snickers running past up. I don't know if she heard or just read my mind. Dave chases behind and soon catches her, twirling her around as she laughs. I feel a pang in my chest. For a second, I am jealous of her- she has everything that I do not, a loving father and a still-alive mother, people who will take care of her.

"Not my fault you know," I exclaim indignantly. I look at Jude for confirmation and she nods, lips curved up in her sweet small smile. "It was Gabe."

It works, just the mention of his name, and Jenn blushes like a tomato fallen into red paint can. I smirk at her. Dave scowls. She has had a crush on him since forever.

Once, during my performance, just for fun, Gabe let one of his white mice up my dress. The creature made its appearance during the show, disgusting the shit out of me. I swung my hands to fling away, but I had forgotten about the fire blazing in my hands. You can guess the rest, the mouse got roasted, I got black burnt spots in my white hair. It was a disaster and an embarrassment. 

Gabe later charged me for killing his mouse. He claimed that its lover would die without it. I asked him to invite me to its funeral and promised to bring a cat with me. That shut him up.

To this day, everyone jabs at me by reminding me of this incident. They hardly catch my flaws, and when they do, they make it memorable. 

I turn around to survey the ground. Everybody seems to have settled pretty well. Strangely well. Unfortunately for me, I'm left without a job at the moment.

What am I supposed to do now? Pretend to sleep? No, that excuse is for the mealtimes. Besides, that is pretty boring.

I can go survey the surrounding forests. They look dense enough for carnivores to live in.

"You can clean up, you know."

I look down to see Jude eying my shirt. I wrinkle my nose at the smell of sweat. I'm dripping more than usual. The sticky feeling intensifies till I can't stand it anymore. I hate being sweaty.

"I will take a bath," I promise her. Later.

"During breakfast?" She raises an eyebrow.

Eh?

I'm hoping she just guessed that.

"It's not that hot you know, but you're sweating a river," Dave joins us. He puts a hand on my forehead. His eyes grow wide.

Oh lord.

He noticed how cold I am. That's why I don't let people touch me. To them I'm probably freezing. Now comes the questions. Of course they will. Just wait... wait--

"And you are burning up. Fuck, you have fever. Akos. Will. Be. Pissed."

Wa-hat?!

"Um, burning?" I blink. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, why?" He frowns. "I'm sure you're the same temperature as my coffee."

"But I'm not feeling feverish, at all!"

"But you're hot!"

"Thank you," I grin. Dave sighs and puts an arm around Jude's waist, kissing her forehead. He narrows his eyes at me. I raise my hands in surrender.

"Go lie down or else I'm calling Enos."

"He's asleep."

"Then, for fu--"

Sharp pain spread out throughout my body. So suddenly it erupts that I fall down on my knees. No, it doesn't spread, it appears out of nowhere, on every part, on every limb all at the same time. As if thousands of knives laced with silver are struck everywhere in my body.

A burning crawls forth from inside me, a white hot flash that renders me paralysed. I cry out and dig my fingers into the ground. Chunks of earth get balled up in my fists. At first, I think it must be an oddly set bone repairing itself. But what can be the bone inside my chest?

I let out a loud scream and throw my arms around, rubbing myself frantically, trying to squat away whatever invisible thing that is hurting. It doesn't help, if any, the pain worsens. It feels as if someone has poured hot lava inside my veins. The lava flows sluggishly through my entire being, being pumped faster by my heart, reaching my limbs even, burning me from the inside. I shout out again, before clamping my mouth shut. I can see through my barely parted eyelids a hell lot of people surrounding me. Am I that loud?

"A-ha! Of course I should have seen this."

"What?" I grit out at Jude. The surroundings feel extremely harsh. The air gets coarser around me, laced with sharp edged stones. The grass is poking needles into me. The sand seems to be filled with biting insects. It is torture.

"Your fire! It's been two years! This should have happened long ago."

I peek open my eyes to see the black sand and burnt grass around me. Wispy tendrils of smoke rise from the ash, signifying it's still hot. I'm not burning myself, but it feels like there is a furnace in and around me.

"Dear child. How painful it must be. Wait please. Dave is getting the ice."

I don't tell her to not bother. Because I can't. The ice will be steam even before it touches me. I'm feeling lightheaded way too much. Of course this should have happened long back. But I didn't want to. I have been trying to prevent this very thing. I don't tell her of the silver that I've been injecting myself with. It's this very thing that I wanted to avoid. Guess that's not possible anymore.

I sway down as black spots dance before me. The burnt ash rushes up to me and I feel two strong arms holding me up from slamming my face as I lose consciousness.

---------------

To say that I woke up will be a huge understatement. Seeing the sun in the west and the already darkening sky, I jump five feet in the air, hope three feet towards the door and then bang myself on it as it all of a sudden swings open.

I groan and glare up at Enos, who looks like he's having a hard time controlling himself. 

"It's not funny," I practically fume.

"Of course it isn't," he snorts.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, cause it's hilarious!" He jumps upon the bed and continues laughing.

I roll my eyes at his antiques. He has yet to act like his age. I pull back the bedsheets and look around. "Why am I here?" I'm in Enos's part of the Airstream.

"Well," he stops huffing long enough to weave out a complete sentence. "You were burning everything and your cooler was doing nothing to cool you down. Akos has to set this one at a Subarctic temperature before he could put you down."

Subarctic? Is that even possible? 

"And your cooler needs to be fixed. It shakes worse than a lawnmower."

"Yeah I know, but I don't have the money yet. Thank him for me," I bend down to kiss him on the forehead before rushing out. "I think I have the first show today."

The stalls are already set up and in full swing with people lining up before them. Like any other circus, we have all the attractions possible, and just like any else, our games are also rigged. Don't judge, it's actually a pretty good source of income. Ronan, who is in charge of the stalls, is the most shrewd person you can come across. He is sly and shrewd and has a hell lot of ideas about anything always up his sleeve. Albeit a good man. There is not much that you can complain about him. Except Akos always reprimands him for looting people.

Which is a major part of his income.

The rides have already started. The giant Ferris Wheel (don't ask me how they transport it or set it up, for I don't know) is rolling up in the air. The game stalls are also up and the air is filled with shouts of amusement, fussing from children and excitement from us. The shows start in about two hours approximately. We all have our individual tents for performance so as not to keep each other waiting. And also not to force people to see us when they don't want to. It is one of the worst things circuses can do.

I lift my palm and feel the energy concentrating on the centre, and soon enough I have a blazing ball of fire. Peering down into the swirling masses of energy, I can feel the intact structure, stronger than ever.

I can control fire since I was eight and fire has taken over me several times since. Taken over practically means my temperature rising up close to boiling point which char everything in contact with me. Everytime after it I was able to do new things. At eight, I could only burn toast with my hands pressed to the side of the piece of bread. Then I could burn things by touching and finally, at twelve, I could make fireballs, and a year later, I could throw it. I wonder what new thing I will be able to do now.

I go over to Jerry to help him feed the bears so that they don't get hungry during the show and start eating humans, and then to Mean to set up her haunted house and soon enough, it is time for me to get ready.

I rush to Vanessa who does my hair up in a messy bun, yanking out many strands in the process before rushing back to Phoenix to dress up. As I put on my short black number, I remind myself to go shopping. The cheap material is over seven months old and has chances of tearing anytime soon. I put on some makeup and smirk at my reflection in the mirror.

This is my favourite outfit. The blood-red lipstick just truly portrays what I am. Just the eyeliner left now.

I am attaching the hooks to my high heeled shoes, when Enos bursts in through the door and falls on the sofa, grinning from ear to ear, a proud look of self-accomplishment on his face. I roll my eyes at him. He has been my ticket collector for the night. Apparently, he has managed to earn me enough.

"How much did you charge today?" I ask, putting on my eyeliner.

"Ten dollars," he says, putting up five fingers. "I thought it would be too much, but damn, Mara. Apparently people love you so much that they are ready to empty their pockets. There are over seventy people! In the first performance itself!"

I almost poke my eyes out.

"Enos," my tone shows my exasperation. "We charge more than seven for group performances only! As far as I know, I'm always solo!"

I shake my head as he keeps on grinning.

"Akos will roast me!"

"No he wouldn't." I roll my eyes.

"What?" he exclaims indignantly. "Don't I get a kiss?"

"No," I say and rush out before he can even get up. "That's for laughing at me before. And for charging too much today."

He curses and mumbles about how ingrateful I am as I laugh and walk towards my tent. I see Sarah leaning against the tarpaulin, biting her nails waiting for me. She grins when she sees me coming. From inside, I can hear conversations about how I might have wires attached to me and how my show will soon stop earning. My face breaks into a smirk.

Sarah shrugs. "They are just saying. No one wants to come out though."

I laugh. "I guess I'll blow some more minds today. What's the plan?"

She claps her hands together and starts explaining. I lean back against the bamboo that's supporting the tent. "Basically, you have a choice today. You either do an aerial act, or the hypnotic one that I love so much, with fire hoops and smoke and all."

Choice?!

I chew on my lip. Sarah never gives a choice. It's either her way or the highway. "Aerial means Seth will get mashed by Ronan the first thing tomorrow." She nods. "I hate indirectly beating up the poor boy. Let's go with the latter."

"Perfect," she grins. "But we have to alter you a bit."

I roll my eyes as she brings out the numerous accessories that she keeps around her being. I don't know how. She could be keeping a suitcase under her shirt and it will hardly show. She is the runaway thief after all.

She rips out the pins holding up my hair and ruffles it up, keeping just a few so that it doesn't get in my eyes. "Jude told me to keep that on," I mumble. Of course that falls to deaf ears.

She smooths out the dress, approves the heels, puts on lipstick again, puts on mascara and some other suitables before I'm announced ready.

"In you go." I salute her and walk around to the back. Sarah goes to adjust the lightings, developing the perfect effect for my act. Everyone needs a helper and she is mine.

I enter the stage by lifting the tarpaulin amidst pitch darkness. Positioning myself at the centre, I stand bowing my head, summoning the sparks from within me, trying to get the flame alight.

When I hear her high pitched whistle too low to be heard by humans, I know I have to start. She knows it's unusual that I can hear her, but she doesn't question it. Many of us in this circus are what the outside world will call freaks. People who have too many secrets don't question the others. 

I throw up my hands in the same second the light falls on me. Standing in the same position, the room quietens down as the audience notices me and all eyes turn to me.

All eyes on me, the curious, the excited, the judgemental, the greedy, the predatory. I have a pretty good shape, and in the short tight dress, I know I am looking hot and attractive for everyone present.

Slow music flows as I move my hands down, moving my foot in a slow circle and start to dance. Sarah is too familiar with this performance as she keeps the light on me while I move seductively. She keeps the focus on me while I move around the stage, lighting the flame torches places around. Collective gasps and mutters of disbelief escape from the crowd as they all inch forward in their seats trying to look closely. When the stage is thoroughly illuminated, I move back to the centre, assuming my previous position. 

Sarah cuts off the light and starts the actual music. Snapping my fingers, the fire bursts forth swirling around itself in a ball, one in each hand. The entity within me that always gets excited when called forth, relaxes back when it senses no danger. It gives itself up and blends in my being, allowing me to use it as I feel. I start the acrobatic part of my performance.

The flame is easier to handle now.

Translations:

Woher wusstest du, dass ich komme? ------How did you know I was coming?

Ich bin es nur!------It's just me!

Du bist so angespannt.------You are so tense

Ich bezweifle, dass jemand anderes es gehört hat.------I doubt anyone else heard it.

Das geht dich--(nichts an) -------That is none of your concern.

Phew, I just finished.😥😥😥

I'm too tired to even write the note. Anyway I know this chapter might be utter crap to you. But I promise, the next one has something too great coming up that I didn't want to write here.😆😆😆😆

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