The bargain I got was a fucking nightmare.

They say your teenage years contained the best and worst years of your life, all rolled into a ball of raging hormones, figuring out who you are, and making a ridiculous amount of questionable decisions. I have no idea who they are, but I know they're dead wrong.

The thing is, there was no 'best' in my teen years so far. It's not an exaggeration, because I certainly didn't see the 'best' part in the acne breakouts that appeared out of nowhere, popping up before Picture Day and leaving behind scars when they finally went away.

There was no way a 'best' managed to wiggle itself into the situation with tripping on the staircase while practically the whole school was watching. It was the worst feeling ever, especially when I had to pretend the fall---which landed me on my hands and knees and left me decently grazed---didn't hurt. To top things off, once I got on my feet, I lost my balance and fell... again.

Even at home, the teenage 'worsts' didn't leave me alone. It said 'what's up' in my parents expecting me to make grown-up decisions while treating me like a child. Flaunted around in a rainbow cape and a sombrero while I had to bite down on my tongue and remain in a dark, damp closet---because God forbid I, Adrian Luis Gonzalez, actually had the courage to tell my parents about a date who wasn't female. And it said 'hola' whenever a random boner decided to grace me with its presence at family events. I couldn't tell whether it was a sick attempt at a joke my body pulled, aimed at putting the 'fun' in Aunt Camila's funeral.

I had the 'worsts', sure, but what hurt was that the good parts seemingly tried to avoid me altogether. Teen years are supposed to be laced with a bunch of firsts---first kiss, first date, first love, first emotional meltdown---that sort of thing. The only parts of the above I managed to bag so far was the kiss, the date, and my first emotional breakdown. The latter was less awkward and went much better, if I do say so myself. I was on my thirty-sixth one now.

It was aggravated when one of my teachers decided that it would be totally logical to give our class a major assignment which carried fifty percent of our grade---in the first week of school. For Biology.

The only thing I'd consider eerily close to a 'best' was seeing Parker Thompson, in all his loveliness, two seats in front of me when Mrs. Smith was giving out her death sentence of a project.

Parker groaned with the rest of the class when we were told the project was due in a week. He even made a mild protest, smooth voice pleading with the teacher for an extension, while he riled up the class to join him. They did; I did.

It was a low chant. More time, more time. Repeated and repeated and repeated until Mrs. Smith finally unfolded her arms and pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose with a defeated expression. She gave in; we got an extra week.

I could only see the back of Parker's head and the slight rise of his cheek, but I knew he was doing it---displaying his full-toothed smile, which had been barred by braces but a summer ago. I could picture how gorgeous he looked as his laughter rang out in the air, blending in and standing out amongst the cheers that rose.

In my semi-dazed state, I picked up my own chant, my own plea, which flowed out from parted lips in a silent prayer. Look at me look at me look at me.

He looked at me.

Big mistake. Beautiful mistake. I was right about the smile, and yet I was so very wrong. It was beyond gorgeous. Like always.

My phone was hexed.

It was vibrating non stop, pinging in a continuous and distorted rhythm as the screen flooded with notifications from some group on Instagram I had never seen before.

As I alternated my attention between my phone and the bag of potato chips I had stashed away in one of my drawers, I recognized a couple of the usernames which belonged to people from school I happened to have certain classes with.

I checked the chat details at the top. The group was created four minutes ago. And yet the notifications were steadily approaching a hundred. What the fuck were they talking about?

KevinBaller: I dont know how to even start with this stupid assignment.

Mickyyy: When do u know to start anything Kevin?

KevinBaller: Yo what's that supposed to mean??

Marie-Biscuit: don't start here ugh.

Mickyyy: well CLEARLY we're supposed to start sumtin. Who made this grp even?

Laura.aura: I think it's Rowan.

Mickyyy: right who else would it be? Just wants us to do everything for him.

KevinBaller: just checked the group details. He added the whole freaking class.

CerealKiller: Are you talking shit about me?

Mickyyy: we're about to. You made this group for your benefit, right Rowan?

Marie-Biscuit: my notifications are blowing up. I'm muting y'all.

KevinBaller: No one cares.

Mickyyy: wait whats the assignment abt?

CerealKiller: Weren't you in class today? Because I'm pretty sure you we're around

Laura.aura: You know all he does is sleep.
Don't bother asking😂

Mickyyy: Laura I used to think u were kul.

KevinBaller: it's cellular respiration and then genetics and inheritance.
Maybe you gon learn why your brain's so small

Mickyyy: maybe you'll know y your dick's so tiny mf

Laura.aura: Guysss. Chill

Laura.aura: Have you finished, Parker?
Parkerrrrrr?????????

Forever_Parker: havent started yet. those questions are a mess, and it's not a hot one.

Forever_Parker: what about you?

I got to the end of the chat, and I figured the least I could do after all the lurking, was to contribute to the conversation. My eyes skimmed the last message before I typed in a reply.

Me: Me neither. It's a freaking dumpster fire and I know it's all going to shit. Worst part is, Mrs. Smith probably won't read it before grading. Slaving our asses off for a low score she'll no doubt give us anyway.

I dropped my phone, munching on a potato chip which I popped into my mouth. It crunched and crackled like the fire that ignited in me when I realized what I had just typed---when I realized I had replied to Parker, and his question wasn't even directed at me.

For some reason, I hadn't noticed his name, and I didn't know why it surprised me when the realization finally dawned. Of course he'd be in the group, we had the same Biology class.

And holy fuck, I'd just talked shit about my teacher in the group meant for a project she gave out.

My hands scrambled around for the device, and I mistakenly knocked over the bag of chips. Shit. But I didn't stop until I found my phone, buried between creases in the comforter. The time I would spend cleaning up the chips was more than enough time for the class to see my message. I couldn't risk that.

As soon as the screen came to life, Parker was there. I saw evidence of him in the text bubbles that popped up, the same ones that began to taunt me when my gaze flitted over the text I sent.

I didn't know how I would feel if Parker replied, particularly because I didn't know what his mind breathed into the fingers that were going to type my ruin. In that moment of panic, I listened to the only reasonable voice in my head as my fingers slid against the screen once more.

You deleted a message.

For a while, I stared hard at the screen. Hard enough for it to erase any indication that Parker won't let the matter go. It worked... for a while.

Forever_Parker is typing...

My breath caught in my throat, forming a lump I couldn't swallow no matter how hard I tried. I should have been gathering the chips that still lay in wait on my bed, instead, I watched the bubbles jump up and down in a subtle dance. I watched them disappear, then reappear.

Forever_Parker: i saw that

Me: No you didn't.

Forever_Parker: yes i did

Laura.aura: Saw what

Parker and I responded with the same answer, within milliseconds of each other. It made my heart do a backflip in my chest, made my face heat up from the toasty feeling of replying in unison.

Forever_Parker: nothing

Me: Nothing.

Mickyyy: You two are super weird.

Forever_Parker: We two are not. You're just bitter cos we won't let you in on our secret.

I read over his text. Once. Twice. It was too much.

Phone pressed to my chest, I fell onto my bed, the chips crumbling beneath my body. I should have been more concerned with the little creatures I was inviting to bed if I didn't get the crumbs off. I should have cared more about my hair swallowing a good number of chip pieces. But I didn't. I was too full, overflowing with an unexplainable feeling which flooded my lungs and elicited a content sigh from me.

Parker had acknowledged me, had implied that we hid something. A secret. We. I couldn't process my thoughts enough to think of a reply, and I ended up closing the groupchat altogether and muting it just to be safe.

Standing up, I tugged the ends of the sheets and bundled them up, intending to dispose of the chips as I wasn't sure I could stomach any more with how everything churned inside. Or maybe I could give them to Jellybean. Cats can eat potato chips, right?

Just as I was leaving my room, my phone pinged. It was an odd phenomenon because I was sure I'd disabled the notifications meant exactly what it said. Nonetheless, I hopped onto my bed and reached for the device.

My heart no longer seized. It was doing freaking back flips, and I can't even do a cartwheel.

I fully understood why the most recent text had caused my phone to sound out upon its arrival, but it didn't make any more sense than if the group chat had been the reason.

Why was he texting? Why was his username displayed in bold texts I couldn't look away from. Why was my heart hurting so good with the realization that Parker had slid into my Instagram Direct Messages.

Forever_Parker: don't you owe me a thanks for not exposing you?

Me: Thanks.

Forever_Parker: that's it? you've got quite the sharp tongue. was kinda expecting something more around the lines of 'i owe you my life'

Me: Well, I didn't expect you to text me.

He sent laughing emojis in response, the ones which had tears leaking from the corner of their eyes. I didn't know what to send; I let the conversation die.

Parker revived it.

Forever_Parker: you don't have any photos of yourself on your page

I didn't want to think about the fact that he went to my profile and looked at my posts. I especially didn't want to dwell on the fact that my first posts were from three years ago. The only way he would know that I had never posted a photo of my face was if he scrolled through a dump of 64 posts.

But it was true. Parker took the time to open my page and glance at all the pictures of sunsets I thought looked cool, the pictures I clicked of trees which bent in unusual patterns, the photos of my tabby cat, and weird paintings I made when I was bored.

It took awhile for my thump-thump-thumping heart to slow to a reasonable pace, for my fingers to stop shaking when I got around to typing out a reply. An extremely lame one.

Me: Nope.

Forever_Parker: oh so mysterious

Forever_Parker: but how am I supposed to know if you're a guy or a girl or a nonbinary pal like me? there's nothing in your bio to show either.

I couldn't tell why the corners of my lips turned up when I read his text. Maybe it was the way he took pride in himself, the way he told everyone who cared to listen exactly who he was.

It was for this same reason he explicitly told everyone about his gender identity after homeroom almost a year ago, right before everyone dispersed to their respective classes.

In the most effortless way, Parker blurted out how he would feel if he was judged for coming out. How he didn't give a fuck what anyone would say about him as long as he felt comfortable with himself. It earned him quite the reputation. Especially after his parents donated a huge sum of money to the school to build a gender-neutral bathroom.

There was no way I could forget that bold decision Parker made. Neither could queer students who also came out, following Parker's lead. Still, I didn't want Parker to know I was hung on his every word the way I was. I chose to be oblivious.

I wasn't one of them, even though I wished I had been. Things would have been easier had I come out as bisexual then. I wouldn't have been alone. But I wasn't brave enough then... and I was no less of a coward now.

Me: Wait, you're enby?

Forever_Parker: yeaaaaa.
oh you haven't stalked my page yet? that is surprising

Me: Nope.
I hope you enjoyed stalking mine.

Forever_Parker: i actually did. you take awesome photos.
does me being enby surprise you?

Me: Thanks.
And not at all.

Forever_Parker: that's gud to hear. Btw do you mind me askng who you are? Like i know we're in the same Bio class but i dont actually know who you are.

Me: I'm oh so mysterious.

Parker didn't reply when he read it. My text was marked as "seen," but for some reason, I could picture that a smile spread on his face after he saw that I had used his own words.

Both our profiles had the little green dots to show that we were active, but neither of us typed up a message.

I let my phone sit on the bed and grabbed the sheets once more, holding them against my chest. The melody of another ping prevented me from leaving, and I had never been more glad to have replied Parker in the group chat.

Forever_Parker changed your nickname to Mysterious

You changed Forever_Parker's nickname to Parks

Forever_Parker: you know something? i love going to parks

Me: Lucky guess then.

It wasn't a guess, not exactly. I had lurked on Parker's instagram countless times, enough to know that he spent a lot of time in the park with his friends, judging from some of his photos.

Still, I didn't open his account when he texted, so I was still the bigger person who had more self-control. Kinda.

Parks: uh huh. and i like the nickname.

Me: I like it too.

Parks: maybe I'll see you at school tomorrow, Mystery😊

I double-tapped his message and a tiny red heart appeared. Admittedly, I would have loved to assure him that he'd definitely be seeing me tomorrow. But in truth, Parker saw me all the time. Tomorrow wouldn't be any different.

He'd look at me, smile, then look past me. Like always.

Word count: 2579

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You have successfully made it through the first chapter of Sincerely, Mysterious and I wanna know what you think so far!