《Trigger Warning 》(self harm and suicide attempt)

I did it again. I'm so sorry but I couldn't stop myself. You yelled at me again today and it hurt so much but this time something changed. Do really think I'm a whore? Do you really think that I would just give myself to just anyone? You were always the one who proved me wrong when someone called me hurtful names. You were always the one who made sure that I never resorted back to my old ways.
We made a pact remember? If I stopped self harming, you would stop beating up the people who hurt me.
That doesn't matter anymore does it? Since you are one of those people who now hurt me continuously.

As soon as I came home, I did something that I promised never to do.
Promises are meant to be broken anyways, right?

In my bedroom, hidden somewhere you would never find was an old friend.
This 'friend' never failed to leave me. I left it. I smiled as I saw the glistening metal. I ran my finger over the edge.

Not enough to puncture my fingertip, just enough to feel the cool metal against my warm skin.
I brought it down to my thin wrist and moved it along my tan skin that started paling and started to be painted with a shade of a beautiful red.

Your favorite color, I think... I made dark, angry lines across that beautiful skin you used to adore. Not giving a care about my hyungs downstairs. Not giving a care about my bestfriend running up to my room. I smiled contentedly as the color gushed out of my deep wounds. I smiled as I started to black out. Not noticing the screams of my name being chanted over and over...

Now I'm in the hospital. Jiminie caught me just in time or I could've died. I wish he came later. Then maybe my heart wouldn't hurt so much. I don't know if you heard yet but I suppose you don't care anymore.

I'm sorry I broke our promise. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I did it again. Most of all, I'm sorry I fell in love with you. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,
Me