《Trigger Warning 》(self harm and sexual references)
   
     I'm addicted to you. You give me euphoria. But it never lasts long. Because when you leave, I remember and I let my thoughts consume me.
You're like a drug. So good. So sweet. I wish the high never ended. But it always does. I'm addicted to your smile. I'm addicted to your laugh. I love it. I love everything about you. I love you.... but it's one sided. So when you're with me, I forget. I forget my thoughts. The pain in my wrists and thighs. I genuinely smile, seeing you so happy. Even if I'm not the cause of it. Seeing you happy is enough. But Lisa is the cause of your happiness. You even confided in me how you wanted to give everything to her. Your precious flower. Your sweet lips.

I've gave nothing, because I wanted to wait for you. I wanted all my firsts to be with you and you, me. But that's not how it's planned out, right? The universe or fate, or whatever people call it, really seems to hate me. I wonder what I did in my past life to deserve this? I don't deserve you and I know it but why? I want to be selfish for a little while. I want you to hold me in your strong arms.

    Connected. Our sweat mixing. Our hands intertwined. Your lips on mine.
But things like that never happens for people like me. Do you know why? Because, I don't.
I love you so much.

    And I'm glad you're happy. Even if it's with her.
But you're still happy and that makes me happy.

                        Sincerely,
                                 Me