Dear Nobody,

Well, today's the day. I'm not sure how I feel about this but over a very long period of time, in the few months that I've known her, Danni has now convinced me to go on a college visit with her. West Virginia University is two hours away and she's coming to pick me up soon, skipping a day of classes at Fairmont to go with me. Probably because she doesn't believe that I'll go if she doesn't go with me to make sure that I don't back out. It would be the easy thing to do to just go up to Fairmont because it's only about fifteen minutes away and that's where Danni goes but she insisted that we go somewhere else because she didn't want to be biased.

I don't know what to expect from this but I miss a day of school for it with a legitimate excuse and after I exploded on my mother, I realized how important it is that I get out of here and I think that the best way to do that is to get into a school far away from here. Of course, the other part of that is getting a shit ton of scholarships and although I applied to a shit ton, I can't imagine many people picking me to give money to. I mean, when you have hundreds of people with awesome resumes, extracurriculars out the ass, and good schools with gold stickers on their diplomas, I highly doubt that they'll pick the one essay that was basically "I'm a piece of shit but please". If I can't afford school though, I'll still get out of here. If anything, I'll use my savings to get an apartment out of the city and just figure something out from there. I don't know, I guess we'll see.

Included Picture: The city from afar—so beautiful, right? You can't even tell that it's hell on earth

Sincerely
Luna Rose

I'm putting my letter away when I hear a knock on the front door which is confusing because Danni shouldn't be here for another fifteen minutes and when she does get here, she just texts me, she doesn't actually come into the building to get me. Thinking that it's most likely not her, I hurry downstairs to see who it is. I'm the only one home right now so I can't just leave it to somebody else to answer either.

Looking out the peep hole in the front door, I see Grey standing on the other side of the door. Confused, I open the door. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't go to school," He explains to me.

"Yeah, that's because I have plans," I confirm with a nod as I check the time on my phone. "And I have to get going soon."

"You have plans? Everybody's at school, who do you have plans with?" He wonders invasively as he steps into the apartment and I shut the door behind him.

"Just plans," I respond vaguely. "Do you need something?"

"Well, since you weren't going to school I just figured that you'd want somebody to hang out with," He shrugs at me, sitting down on the couch. "You know that Cece and Jules are fucking now?"

"They're dating," I correct him. "But yeah, I know that."

"How did you know?"

I shrug at him. "I just know, Grey, look. I really am going to go soon. I don't know if you planned on trying to seduce me or something but you know that it won't work. I appreciate that you offered your company for me today but it's unnecessary."

"You thought that I was going to try and seduce you?" He raises his dark eyebrows at me.

"That's really the only reason you ever want to talk to me one-on-one," I mumble, running my fingers through my hair as I wait for Danni's text so that I can get out of this situation. Not that I don't love Grey, because I do (as a friend, obviously), but now really isn't the time for his stupid games.

"I just wanted to hang out," He justifies. "You have your small stash of weed upstairs, right? Let's go smoke that over in the Ronlux and chill for a few hours."

"I have somewhere to be," I remind him again. "Maybe tonight when I get back, we can go up to the north side and have dinner if you really want to hang out with me, alright?"

"You're really going somewhere?" He wonders, apparently just now starting to believe me.

"Yes, Grey, I really have somewhere to be," I mumble drastically and as if on cue, my phone buzzes in my hand and when I look at the message, I see that it's Danni telling me that she's here. "And that's my ride, so you have to get out of here too."

"Alright," He grumbles unhappily, standing up from the couch and then he follows me out of the apartment as I'm impatiently nudging him to go faster. Just outside of the door, I lock it and Grey takes that moment to lean in toward me and when he talks, his breath fans across my neck. "You know, there used to be a time where I'd be able to drive you wild."

"You've lost your touch," I respond breathlessly, knowing how untrue that is. He still drives me wild inside, I've just grown to have some more self-control, I guess. He's so hot but he's such a mess and I can't deal with him like I used to be able to.

Once we're outside and I start heading towards Danni's car without even a goodbye for Grey, he suddenly calls over to me. "Wait, isn't that the rich girl from a while back? You two are hanging out now?"

"Yes, Grey," I turn back around to say to him, my breath becoming visible in the frigid air. "I'm actually a closet lesbian and that girl is my lesbian lover and I skip school sometimes to fuck her instead of you. That's truly why I won't sleep with you anymore."

"Seriously, what's up?" He wonders curiously, eyeing Danni's car over my shoulder before looking at me again for a serious answer.

"Seriously, butt out," I respond quickly with a shrug as I step off of the curb in front of the apartment building and walk across the parking lot to where Danni is parked. Grey stares at me the entire time and the only thing I do is wave to him a goodbye as Danni's driving us out of the parking lot.

"What was that all about?" She wonders curiously.

"Nothing," I sigh. "Just Grey being really weird."

"Okay. Well, anyway, are you excited about today?"

"Sure," I mumble, looking out the window as we're driving toward the freeway to get out of the city toward the university.

"Well, that's good. I printed out the itinerary for the day. I know that it looks busy but you don't have to go to everything, just anything that looks important to you. There's a financial discussion at two, which I think is important but other than that, you can choose what else we go see."

"Oh, that's... thought out," I mumble slowly, taking the paper from her to look over it. She was right when she said that it looks busy, this paper has events scheduled every hour, some events even overlap so I really have to choose which ones that I want to go to. "But none of this looks interesting. Just the financial presentation will be fine."

"What? No, Luna, come on," Danni whines. "They have campus tours."

"It's like, twenty degrees outside," I remind her, almost cringing at the idea of walking around a huge campus in this terrible weather. There's no snow anymore but it's still freezing.

"Okay, well everything else is inside. What about the dormitory tours? Or the extracurricular displays? You have to take this seriously," She defends as we're getting on the freeway. Just two hours to go before we get to the university.

"I am taking this seriously," I assure her, looking down at the schedule again.

"Not really. I mean, I got you in the car which is more than I was expecting, to be honest, but you have to really get into it. You have to really want to look at this stuff, really want to learn about it," She explains to me. "This is a really good school."

"Okay but a dorm tour? Why do I need to see where these college people sleep? College kids are disgusting," I refute, saying it in a joking manner so that she knows that I'm teasing her considering Danni is a college kid.

"You're not going on a dorm tour to see where they sleep, you're going on the tour to see if that dorm building is a good fit for you. What the laundry room looks like, how big their elevators are, what the layout is, the furniture, the room size. I mean, you're hypothetically going to be living in this building for eight months, it's important that you really like it there."

"I probably won't stay at the dorms though."

"Most schools actually require that you stay in the dorms for the first two years so the dorms should be really important for your decision," She explains.

"My decision to pick a college that I won't afford to actually go to?" I wonder with raised eyebrows.

"You know, if you stopped looking at this like it's just a pipe dream, I think that it'd be a lot more exciting for you," She explains to me. "I know that you don't want to get your hopes up and all of that but you really deserve this, Luna."

"What I deserve doesn't really matter," I refute quietly. "The world doesn't care about who deserves what, you can't really believe that."

"Well, no, but you still have a shot at this. You can look into loans and grants and stuff like that too," She continues to explain.

"I know that you know all of this from experience but it was a lot easier for you than it would be for me," I try to explain to her why I'm so pessimistic about this whole thing.

"I know," She sighs. "I mean, I know that I've got more privilege and to be honest, I never realized how much privilege I have until I started getting your letters but I do realize that it was easier for me than it will be for you but it's still possible. You just have to work a little harder and I know that it's not fair but that's how it is, and that's okay. You have help and support and we'll get you through this."

"That's very motivational," I mumble, trying not to look as uplifted by that as I really feel. She always has a way of making things seem more positive than they really are. Which, honestly, I guess kind of balances off my incredible pessimism with a chemical reaction. "What even is a 'career center'?"

"It's the department that helps you get jobs and internships," She explains. "They help you build your resume, do mock interviews so that you're prepared. Do you want to go to their presentation?"

"I... guess so."

"You should also look at all of the clubs that they have. You should join at least one club, they really help you make friends, which is important."

With a loud groan, I rest my head against the head rest. "You went through all of this when you were looking for a college?"

"Yes," She says with a small laugh. "I know that it sounds overwhelming, but it'll work out. Joining a club is actually how I met Bailey. We were both in this exercise group that jogged around campus when the weather was warmer."

"Romantic," I confirm with a small nod.

"It's more romantic than it sounds," She defends. "My point is that you have to really try. You're going to have a much better time at this school if you really try. You don't have to worry about that stuff right now, you just want to get the basic idea of how the financials will work out and to get the vibe of the campus, to see how you'll fit in."

"Awesome."

"Hey, totally changing the subject but how are things going with Grey?" She wonders and I guess that she's assumed that she has waited an appropriate amount of time before asking me about seeing Grey coming out of my apartment building with me.

"Fine," I say with a small nod. "We didn't have sex, which is what you're probably assuming. He just came over to... well, he said that he wanted to hang out but I'm sure that he wanted to hook up."

"And you're not tempted to hook up with him again? I mean, it has been a while so do you miss him at all?" She asks me.

"Oh, yeah, I miss him like crazy. We do still hang out as friends but, God, I don't think I've gone this long without sleeping with somebody in a really long time and he was so fucking good at it. But I've been ignoring that as much as possible and I know that my dignity isn't worth an hour of insane bliss."

"Good for you," She chirps at me with a proud smile. "That's so good. And, hey, you'll find somebody else. Somebody who really cares about you and who is probably just as good as Grey in bed."

With a small scoff at that last part, I look over at her. "I honestly doubt that."

"Okay, well he'll really care about you," Danni laughs at me. "And, you never know, he might not be better than Grey but he can still be good. He might even be better than Grey. I mean, I dated a guy in high school, the guy who took my virginity, I thought that he was the best I'd ever have ever. And then I met Bailey, and he rocked my world."

"You've only slept with two people?" I raise my eyebrows at her in shock. I mean, it really does make sense because she's pretty young and only having sex with one person in high school is pretty reasonable, I guess. It's just different than what I've grown up with, being around people who fuck a guy just because that guy compliments her hair. Me being one of those people.

"Yeah, why?"

With a small shrug, I look out the window. "I don't know, it just doesn't seem like a lot."

"How many guys have you slept with?" She throws my question back at me.

I open my mouth to give her a numerical answer but before I can, I realize what the truth really is. "I... I don't know."

"Really?" She seems shocked, almost as shocked as I am to really be realizing that right now. I should know how many guys I've been with because that's something that people should just know. Even if it's a big number, you should know.

With another shrug to attempt to seem nonchalant, I respond again and I feel my face starting to blush, which is something that really never happens to me. "Yeah, I, uh, I mean it's a lot. But a lot of the times, I'm really drunk or high and I don't remember it, so I when I wake up the next morning, I don't know if I had sex or not. Sometimes, it's obvious like if I wake up and the guy's still in the bed with me. Other times I'll wake up and I'll be alone but I can just feel it, you know? But there are other times that I wake up and I'm just not sure. Wow... I'm really a shitty person."

"You're not," Danni argues quietly. "You're trying your best."

"You'd only had sex with one guy when you were my age," I state the obvious. "My number has to be at least ten."

"That number doesn't define you, Luna," She tells me. "You shouldn't let it get to you, alright?"

"It's not getting to me," I lie, crossing my arms over my chest. "I just never really thought about that before, I never realized that I don't know how many guys that I've slept with."

"Well... that's alright. It's in the past. Just start over now," Danni suggests with her usual optimism. "You've made mistakes, regrets, all of that stuff. It doesn't matter though, because it's over. The guys that you've slept with don't define you. The amount of times that you've gotten high or wasted don't define you. I don't really know what defines a person to be honest, but it isn't that crap. You're smart, you're caring, stubborn and passionate. That kind of stuff defines you, I think."

"I'm obviously not that smart," I mumble bitterly. "I can't even count how many people have seen me naked."

"It doesn't matter," She decides with a stubborn shake of her head. "You know, Luna, someday you'll meet somebody who makes you feel so good that you won't even care about that stuff anymore. He'll love you so fucking much that it hurts, and you won't ever think about the guys you slept with in high school or any of those mistakes that you've made."

"That's how it is with you and Bailey?" I ask her with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, that's how it is with me and Bailey," She confirms. "I wasn't perfect in high school- I'm still not perfect, obviously- but Bailey... he makes me forget about all of the imperfections. He makes me think that everything is going to be perfect, no matter what. And you'll find that. Not with Bailey, I hope, but with somebody. Not Grey either, because he's scum."

"I don't think that I'd ever be able to get a guy to like me that isn't scum," I say and I can't believe that I'm telling this to her but ever since I met Danni, she's known more about me than anybody else in the world and especially now that I know more about her, I feel safe talking to her because she's really stubborn so I don't think that I can say anything that would make her judge me or scare her away.

"That's not true," She denies which was obvious due to her continual optimism about the world and about me. "My brother seemed to take a liking to you while he was here. And he's not scum. He's a pretty cool guy, actually, one of my best friends."

"Really?" I snort in disbelief. "He talked about me?"

She shrugged. "A little bit. I mean, he has a girlfriend so he was modest about it but I could tell that he liked you. I'm not saying that you have to get with my brother, I'm just saying that good guys like my brother are out there, and they will love you because you have the ability to be loved."

"How are you always so positive?" I wonder, looking over at Danni as she focuses on driving on the freeway which is kind of tricky in the winter with the black ice and everything.

"I'm not always positive," She argues, laughing just a little bit. "I'm just always positive around you because it takes a whole lot of positivity to outweigh your undying negativity. And I firmly believe that if I'm always painfully positive that it'll start to rub off on you and you'll start to believe in yourself. Which I really want to happen because I care about you."

I offer her a small, forced smile and then I say, "Thanks. And for what it's worth, I care about you too."

"Of course you do," She pipes jokingly. "If you didn't, you wouldn't still be putting up with me."

~*~*

An hour and a half later, we arrive at the busy campus and Danni's dragging me around the freezing sidewalks as we hurry past the stressed out college students with ear buds in their ears as they look down at their feet and bustle off to class. The first place we go is to the "Union Ballroom" where we have to sign in and grab our welcome gift bags full of freebie stuff emblazoned with the university's logo. In the ballroom, there's rows and rows of tables set up for all of the big clubs, sports, and departments of the school.

"Let's go look around," Danni suggests. I nod, knowing that I have no choice, and follow her through the throngs of people. I don't really expect anything to stand out to me but there is one booth that catches my eye.

"Garrison's Charity," I say, pointing to the purple banner across the front of one of the tables. Danni looks ecstatic beside me, proud that I'm actually getting involved now, and leads the way toward the table.

"Hello! Welcome to West Virginia State and to our chapter of Garrison's Charity," The tall guy who is operating the table speaks to me as I approach with a loud, deep voice and a bright, wide smile. "Let me tell you guys about our charity."

I want to stop him there, to tell him that I already know about the charity because they've come to my school before. They mostly go to the elementary school because once we get to high school, we're lost causes, but I have heard a lot about them. However, I remember my manners and I just let him speak.

"We are a charity for inner city youth who don't have great access to an awesome education. We raise money here on campus by throwing benefits and 5Ks or even smaller things like having bake sales. We also visit the cities biweekly and actually go to these lower class schools where we talk with the elementary and middle schools. Mostly, we read to them or tutor them in their harder classes. Do you have any questions that I can answer for you today?"

"Yeah. So, say that I join this club- or charity- and I wanted to go to the middle schools and talk to the boys about not being complete assholes when they grow up, could I do that?" I ask him with raised eyebrows as I'm taking my coat off because with so many people in this large room, it's getting kind of stuffy.

He seems just a little taken by surprise by my question. "Well..."

"Okay, have you ever been an inner city youth?" I ask him.

"No," He shakes his head, his smile not so bright anymore.

"Right, well I have. I guess that I still am, technically, and let me tell you something about us inner city youth. We appreciate what you do, it's really amazing to have you guys coming in and reading to us and teaching us basic math skills and telling us that somebody cares. So good for you. But the thing is that it only lasts for a day because then you're gone and nobody cares again. And then, you guys are gone altogether because we become teenagers and if you haven't really gotten to us by then, we're lost causes. And those boys that you're reading The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar to grow up and they rape girls like me and they mug us and they drug our drinks and treat us like shit. So I think that it'd be really fucking cool if there were people in our middle schools and high schools telling boys to respect girls and telling girls to demand respect."

"Luna," Danni is about to tell me to stop talking but I have just a little big left in me.

"Because I don't have a number. I have no idea how many guys I've fucked or how many guys have fucked me because I'm passed out drunk. And I think that if somebody was there when I was thirteen, telling me that I didn't have to live like this, I think that it could have been different."

He nods at me, making it look like he was listening to me when I'm sure that all of my ranting just went in one ear and out the other. "What did you say your name was?" He wonders as he puts his hand out for me to shake.

Hesitantly, I do shake it while responding quickly. "Luna."

"That's a pretty name, Luna," The stranger says with a small smile as he extends his hand again, this time with a business card wedged between his fingers. "Here's my card. If you end up coming to WVU, we would love to have you in our group. We would really love to hear what you have to say."

"Really?" I wonder, definitely not expecting such a warm response. Danni takes the card for me when I don't make a move to do so.

"Absolutely," He confirms with a nod. "I don't think that we've ever had a student coming from the cities. It was nice meeting you."

"Okay..." I say slowly as Danni thanks him for his time and then she's dragging me away from the table.

"So that was... interesting," She trails off. "That's the kind of club you should join. Just then, watching you talk about it, you're so passionate about going back and helping those little kids that are where you used to be. You could make things different for them."

"Okay," I sigh as she wraps her arm around my shoulders so that we don't lose each other in the crowd. "I guess that this place doesn't seem too bad... so far."

And the place really doesn't seem so bad at all. We take a tour of the campus (which is absolutely fucking freezing by the way) and although it's big, the buildings are really cool-looking and according to the tour guide, they all have some interesting history behind them. We also go on the dorm tour, which I was hesitant about, but the dorm that we looked at actually looked really cool. Like, I could see myself living there, which is absolutely insane to me. They have a little store inside of the building where you can buy snacks. There's also a pool table, ping pong table, and foosball inside of the lounge. Even the people inside of the building seemed really nice.

Danni and I ate lunch in their dining hall and then sat in on one of their basic math classes, which is a thing that we were allowed to do because they were still having class today. I sat beside a girl wearing pajama pants, winter boots, and a sweater who sloppily wrote down everything on the chalk board while sipping her Starbucks drink. I can't explain it, but part of me thinks that it looks like so much fun to wear pajama pants with winter boots and to drink Starbucks in math class. It doesn't seem like a fun thing to do, but I just want to do it.

The last part of the day is the financial presentation, which I was dreading. I mean, I spent all day walking around this campus, seeing all of these awesome things, and now I'll be told that I can't afford it. I will never join the Garrison's club or play ping pong in the dorms or go to class in PJs and Starbucks. This isn't my life, this doesn't get to happen to me.

After welcoming us, the lady at the front of the lecture hall starts to speak. "My name is Martha and I'm with the financial department here at West Virginia State. I'm here to talk to you about the many ways that you can pay for your college education."

She drones on a lot about payment plans (which I can't afford) and stuff like that and then she mentions the different types of loans, which I'm assuming is going to be my best bet if I'm going to really try to go to school. But I'm assuming that I won't even be able to afford those even after I graduate.

"You can pay some now, while you're still in school but you can also wait until after graduation. The pillow area is about six months after you graduate, so you even have some time after graduation to find a job," She continues to explain. "The interest is very low on these loans and you can spread out your payments to up to thirty years, or you can shrink it to maybe even just five years. Whatever works best for you."

"See?" Danni whispers to me from the seat beside me. "It's totally doable."

"Our main priority is to give everybody the chance at higher education, no matter what your financial background may be," The lady up front says with a broad smile and then starts talking on and on even more about applying for scholarships and stuff like that, which I already know about thanks to Mrs. Wilcox.

"See? You can totally do this," Danni pipes as we're leaving the building to get to the car so that we can leave.

"They said that just tuition alone is like, seven grand a year," I tell her. "I can't do that."

"Okay, you know what? Let's get back home and I'll introduce you to one of Bailey's friends who is majoring in some sort of finance field. We'll sit down and calculate just how possible this is for you. I'm biased because I really want you to go and you're biased because you're so pessimistic, so-"

"Realistic," I correct her.

"So we'll talk to Johnny and he'll tell you just how doable this is, without any bias," She continues talking.

"Okay," I decide, knowing that this is the only way that I'll get her off of my back about this. It's also the only way that I'll know for sure if this is possible or not.

"Okay, good. So not thinking about the financial crap, what'd you think about the school?"

I shrug as we're getting into Danni's car and I'm desperate for the warmth that it'll bring once she starts it up. "It seemed nice. I don't really have anything to compare it to though considering I've only ever been to that campus and to Fairmont."

"Could you see yourself going to school there though?" She asks me with excitement lacing her voice.

"Yeah," I let out a long sigh. "I guess that I could."

"Good. I really am so happy for you. I think that everything will work out for you," She tells me.

The ride back into the city seems to be pretty quick because for the most part, I pretend to be asleep so that I don't have to discuss college with Danni. Not that it isn't just a great time, but it's very exhausting and although I wasn't able to really fall asleep, even just faking it for a while was calming.

"The roads are getting icy," Danni says just as we're outside of the city. "But it's not that bad, we'll just be getting back a little late."

"Okay," I say, opening my eyes and turning to face her. "I don't have anywhere to be tonight, I don't care if we're late or anything."

"I might speed a little bit," She admits with a small shrug. "I have dinner plans with Bailey tonight."

I lean back in the seat. "Just don't kill us."

"I'll do my best," She offers me with a joking laugh as we continue into the city. About every five minutes, the car will start slipping on the black ice in the road and every time, I can feel myself panic but Danni seems to have control over everything and the car's only sliding for a few seconds before she gains control again.

"Slow down, Danni," I scold her when I see that she's actually speeding and everybody else on the road is being so cautious that they are going below the speed limit.

"Sorry," She sighs. "I just really want to make it to dinner on time tonight."

"Something going on with you and Bailey?" I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Not really anything special it's just that I've been hanging out with you and Bailey's taking some really tough classes so we don't get a lot of couple time."

"And by 'couple time' you mean sex?"

"I haven't gotten laid in three weeks," She admits with a miserable sigh. "And mark my words, I will sleep with my boyfriend tonight."

"Go get 'em, tiger," I laugh jokingly as we're approaching a green light.

"I can still hook you up with somebody if you want. Bailey's friends are really cute," She reminds me with a pervy grin.

Looking straight again, I roll my eyes at her and then say, "The light's turning yellow," That's a nice way to avoid that question, right?

"Oh, hush. I think that Kyle would really like you," Danni assures me with a wide grin. "But you know, not if you're not up for it."

"Danni, I'm serious, the light is turning yellow," I insist, pointing to the light in front of us as we get closer and closer to the intersection.

"I know, I'm stopping," She assures me.

"It doesn't feel like it."

"It's just the ice," She says with a small shrug. "Now, let me tell you a little bit about Kyle."

"Danni," I start feeling a little bit alarmed as we're getting closer to the intersection and the light is red now but we're still sliding toward the white line on the road.

"Okay, yeah, now it's a problem. I'm not stopping," She finally realizes that she needs to start panicking as well as she starts pumping her foot on the breaks while gripping the wheel until her knuckles go white. "Okay freaking out now."

"There's people driving," I state the obvious. "There's people going through that intersection, you have to stop."

"Yeah, I'm trying," She insists as we're getting up to the white line and then we're gliding past the line that's supposed to stop people from driving through the intersection during a red light. Then, there's horns honking at us as the cars pass through the intersection.

"Shit," I breathe in a panic but then, as we're getting right in the way of the other cars, Danni gets control of the car and she stops the car. Taking a deep breath, I lean back and close my eyes. "Well, that sucked."

"Yeah," She sighs. "My bad."

But then I realize that it's not over when I look over and see another car crossing the intersection in the other direction, coming toward the right side of the car, toward my side, blasting his horn. Even before Danni has a chance to get into gear and reverse out of the situation, the car is speeding toward us until he's right there and the breath is swept right out of my lungs just before his headlights are pushing their way into my ribs.