Jude Christopher Brahm,

Can you hear it?

Can you...?

Because I can. I think I can hear my heart breaking. It's been cracked for a long time, but it's finally splitting down the middle, jagged edged and raw.

Please wake up.

Please.

I know that I'm going against everything I know I should be doing. I should be positive and I shouldn't beg things of you like this. But I'm hurting... I'm hurting so badly, and I'm afraid that I might bleed to death inside.

The doctors didn't bother to look at me oddly when I wandered in an hour ago, clothes wrinkled from a day at work and climbed into bed with you. They didn't say anything to me.

Not a word.

I'm still lying beside you, if you don't already feel me there. I'm listening to your heartbeat, because you're alive.

Please, stay alive. Please, wake up. Please...

~ ~ ~

Life commenced as usual for several months after you killed your parents' hope of having their firstborn son graduate from Yale.

It wasn't much of an adventure. I made you lunch once a week and took it to the grocery store where you worked. You came and got me every Friday afternoon for snowcones.

I didn't come over to your parents' house as much because they were irritated at me for convincing you not to go to college.

That only made us more likely to hang out at my house, though.

Today I was without you, though. I was lying on my bed in my room, staring at the ceiling and talking to you on the phone. You were on your way to work.

"Do you have any plans for today?"

I cleared my throat, smiling at the smile in your voice. "No. Just at home." I kicked a discarded shirt off the end of my bed. "I don't have anything planned at all. Do you?"

"Not unless you count work and a lunch of salmon and rye."

"Ew," I laughed. "That's disgustingly boring."

You chuckled. "Not disgusting, but boring. Do you have any thoughts on how we could fix it?"

"We?" I teased. "I don't have a car."

"You have a bike."

"I also have a pet frog. I don't see your point."

You laughed and I grinned, cheeks warming.

"If you come to the store, we could hang out over my lunch break."

"The allure is crippling," I groaned, rolling over. "So crippling that I couldn't even peddle if I tried."

"C'mon, Aurora."

"But why?"

"If you want to hang out today, you'll show up. I just pulled into my parking spot. Love you." You made a kissing noise and I sighed as the line clicked.

That was it. I knew that I wouldn't stay away. You were too cute and the store was too near to justify not going.

"Mama, I'll be back later," I called as I grabbed a pair of flip-flops from the floor. "I'm going to go eat lunch with Jude."

"Blaire, it's only eight. What are you thinking?" She popped her head out of the bathroom door and I chuckled at the puffy mass that was her hair.

"I'm not entirely sure. Do you need help with your hair?"

"Help would be nice, yes."

I chuckled. "That solves my timing issue then."

"Maybe," my mother chuckled, handing me a clip. "Because this may take until lunch time."

. . .

I pulled my bike all the way through the back door of the loading dock of the store and set it against a pallet of sugar sacks.

"Jude," I called in a sing-song voice. "I'm here."

"You have arrived?"

I walked toward the sound of your voice, my flip-flops slapping the floor obnoxiously. "I have. Did you eat your sandwich yet, or am I safe?"

You laughed. "Safe."

I looked up at you, and then back down, shaking my head. You were too cute. It bothered me.

"I was thinking we could go on an adventure."

I raised an eyebrow. "Like what kind?"

There was silence as you thought. "The 'escape from work during break' kind." You held up a finger like that was an epic answer and grinned at me.

I laughed. "Don't do anything that would make you lose your job, okay?"

"We'll be back before two. The manager won't mind."

"Are you sure?" You took my hand and began leading me toward the back door.

"Of course I'm sure," you said, and grinned.

I smiled at your grin, glancing up at the sky as you unlocked your car. "It's kind of cloudy."

"It won't rain." You unlocked my door and held it open for me.

I laughed. "Whatever you say, Jude."

We pulled out of the parking lot and you drove for twenty minutes before claiming that we were "there." I didn't know where we were, but it didn't look like "there."

"Are you sure that this is the place?"

You didn't reply, instead you opened your door and got out. "Come on. It's beautiful out here."

I had to agree with that. We were at the base of a big hill in the middle of what seemed to be a patch of thick forest.

And we were parked in a mud puddle.

I pulled off my flip-flops and stepped out into the mud, squeaking when it was colder than expected. "It's kind of... wet."

"It rained this morning," you said in reply, tilting your head up to look at the trees. "Do you want to hear the plan?"

I walked around the front of the car, every step slopping with mud, and sat on the edge of the hood. "That might be a good idea."

"We're going to hike all the way to the top of this hill. And when we get to the very top, let's lick a tree."

I studied you briefly. "'Lick a tree'? Why?"

You shrugged. "Just so we can say that we did."

"That's really strange."

"You're really strange," you said, grinning. And with that, you started up the hill with big steps, leaving me behind you.

I watched you for a moment, then I went after you, jogging through wet leaves and over slick, mossy logs. "Wait for me!"

"No way. I'm going to lick the tree first." You walked faster, laughing.

I took bigger steps, faster steps, and was almost close enough to pass you when a log jumped out at me and caught my ankle. I yelped in pain and fell facedown into the slimy forest floor.

I lifted myself into my elbows and took a deep breath as you helped me up.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, hands shaking. "Just... surprised." I gulped a deep breath and looked ahead to the top of the hill. My ankle hurt, but I wanted to beat you.

I took one careful step with your help, but as soon as you let go of me, I began running.

"Hey!" You crashed through some underbrush behind me. "What are you doing?"

"Defeating you!" I screeched, laughing. "Hurry up!"

You laughed. We both stumbled over the uneven, slippery ground.

I reached the top of the hill before you did, and touched the tip of my tongue to the nearest tree. "Ha! You have been told!"

You slowed to a stop in front of me, out of breath and laughing. "I didn't say which tree."

"You didn't say there was a specific tree." I crossed my arms and grinned at you. "You should have gotten specific if there was a certain tree that was to be licked."

You shrugged. "Fair enough."

I leaned back against my tree and closed my eyes. The sounds of the forest were soothing in the same way that slow, soft cello music was soothing. Peaceful. Sleepy.

I screamed when a clap of thunder sounded from the darkening clouds overhead.

You looked up through the treetops at the sky and furrowed your brow. "I think it's going to rain."

I looked up as well and a fat raindrop nailed me in the eye. I squealed and rubbed at my eye, then glanced over at you. "I think so, too."

A streak of lightning flashed across the sky and you jumped, looking back up. "This doesn't look like it's going to be pretty."

"It'll be fine," I whispered breathlessly, grinning at you as the rain started.

You grinned back as dark spots of water overtook the light gray of your t-shirt until the whole this was dripping.

I laughed. "You sure know how to plan dates, my dear. Does it always rain when you take girls on hikes?"

"You're the first," you shouted above the crescendo of falling rain.

I laughed again, but I couldn't hear it above the rainfall. The sky was only growing darker as time went on, with most of the light coming from a patch of clear sky on the horizon, and lightning splashing across the dark clouds.

You grabbed my hand and walked quickly off the top of the hill, slipping and sliding in the mud.

You were laughing so painfully hard, and the rain was pelting us through the branches of the trees, but we ran. We ran until we reached the clearing where your car was, and when we slowed, we slipped.

My feet were swept out from under me, and yours were, too, as I clung to your arm. We both ended up on our backs in the mud, the rain pouring down, and laughing like a pair of lunatics.

"Are you okay?" you shouted over the rain.

I laughed, climbing out of the mud. "I'm great!"

You grinned, standing still for a moment.

We locked eyes, staring through the rain, laughing breathlessly, and it felt as though, for a second, time paused. I was on an adventure. Your glasses were spotted with raindrops.

I really wanted to kiss you.

I did.

We got in the car after the kiss ended, and you drove us back. We talked the whole way, about college, the lack thereof, licking trees, and kids.

I don't know why we talked about kids. Do you remember why? What crossed your mind when we were talking?

What crossed your mind when we got back to the grocery store and your boss got mad at you?

I know what crossed my mind, even if I don't know what crossed yours.

I was hopelessly in love with a gray-eyed boy who ditched work to lick trees and play in the mud with his girlfriend.

~ ~ ~

I still am.

And I'm still here. I'm holding on to you. My head is against your chest. My fingers are wrapped around your wrist. Your pulse presses my fingertips.

Did you feel when I kissed you a moment ago? I kissed your forehead. I've kissed your hand several times throughout the evening.

I wish you'd wake up. I miss you.

I love you so much, Jude. So much. To Polaris and back, right? (I just kissed your hand again. Your fingers are so warm.)

Goodnight. I don't want to go home, but I don't know what I can do.

I love you. I miss you.

Sincerely,

Aurora, who is pitiful without you

~ ~ ~

Dedicated to hayley15 for her support. :)