---

"Cerulean," Chris spoke, caressing my cheek as he stared into my eyes. His eyes were, as if, locked. All he looked at was me. And it was so confusing. It was like that was the last time he could see me.

"Yes?" I answered, looking back.

"Cerulean," he said, "I'm so sorry."

It was the sixth month of our relationship. It was supposed to be sweet and happy, but he was just looking at me, saying that he was sorry. And I knew I was too worried, but I didn't know what to expect anymore.

"Why?" I said, my fingertips shaking as I placed my hands on his shoulders.

"I haven't responded to your letter yet," he said. "Kasi I hate to say important things through a letter."

"Ano ba ang sasabihin mo?" ang tanong ko.

"Cerulean," he inhaled sharply. "I'm so sorry."

I could feel my tears as I held them back delicately.

"Why are you saying sorry?" I asked, looking down.

"I'm sorry. We have to do it again."

"Do what?"

"End this relationship."

Napatahimik ako sa sinabi niya, at para bang gumuho na naman ang lahat ng binuo ko kasama siya. Parang nasira ang mga pangarap ko. The whole time, I felt happy with him, but I guessed it would really have to end.

When I finally had the courage to speak, I asked, "But why?"

I already knew it—that we simply couldn't be, but it felt incomplete. It felt useless. I always thought we could be even if there were forces against us. I always felt that we could always fight. It was something I would do—fight for our love, but was it something he would do?

"I mean, you said that we simply can't be," I swallowed, smiling through the pain. "Pero kung puwede tayo, sa tingin mo ba, tayo pa rin?"

He left my question unanswered. He just stared at the bare sky, trying to search for something he could say to me.

I wanted to know the answer to my question, but he brushed it off like he didn't hear it. I guessed he still didn't know the answer.

When he said nothing at all, I turned my back on him, knowing all too well that he would hug me from behind because he loved hugging me from my back. He always does it whenever I turn my back on him.

But a few seconds passed, and he still didn't hug me. It was like he had something to say, still, and he didn't want me to disentangle myself from him again, just like what I did on the day of the ball.

I turned around to see him.

"I love Cerulean," he said, "but not Stephanie."

My jaw almost dropped because of something I thought I already knew.

"Do you know what are those two weaknesses of each mask?" I asked. He shook his head like I hadn't told him before.

"The apertures where you see the eyes," I continued.

"Hindi ka kayang mahalin ng maskarang 'to," I said. "Hindi niya kayang magmahal, Chris. The lady behind this mask is the one loving you."

With that, I looked away and left. I couldn't cry again in front of him. We were not the same Cerulean and Chris that met in the elevator and on the Truth or Dare table. We were not the same Cerulean and Chris that fell in love under the pink and cerulean skies.

---

I sat by the table we used when we first went to this library and café of Town in a Building. I still couldn't fathom that Chris and I were not together anymore.

I'm not his lady anymore. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love Stephanie. I didn't know. He was just afraid to tell me and hurt me.

But I guessed he was right all along when he said, "Please don't let yourself fall deeper. Because I don't want someone to be hurt just because I can't like them back."

I sighed as I heard his voice in my head.

Napakahirap paniwalaan. Ang akala kong ayos na ay hindi na pala maayos. I thought that we were already okay. Akala ko lang pala.

"Nandito ka rin pala." It was Chris. He stood in front of me and took the same seat he took on his birthday.

"Hi," I lamely said, wiping my tears away.

"I guess we really reminisce when we are broken-hearted," Chris said, looking at me.

"Siguro nga," I said. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Hindi ko dapat sinabi 'yo—"

"No, it's okay," he smiled. "Tama ka naman, e. Cerulean can't love me if Stephanie doesn't."

I didn't speak, and so did he. There was just silence until he broke it.

"Oh, you are wearing the same shirt you wore when we first met," Chris said, eyeing my leopard print shirt. "You still look stunning."

"Thanks," I smiled, and as much as I thought I would be flushed, everything just felt painful. "But I'll never be as beautiful as Blair."

I inhaled sharply as the thought of other girls capturing Chris's heart crossed my mind. I couldn't accept that he could actually be in love with someone else after our little story. I couldn't think of it without feeling hurt. It pained me so bad.

"I'll never be as good as your class president," I said. "I'll never be as awesome as that basketball player. I'll never be as perfect as Cerulean."

I looked away and said, "But after everything I assumed, I'll never be the same. But after feeling that I am worth loving, I'll never be able to forget you."

"Stephanie, listen," Chris mumbled. "You're not as beautiful as Blair because you are gorgeous, and she's just beautiful. You are not as good as our class president because you are the best."

I sighed, not knowing what to feel. Kinikilig ako and at the same time, nasasaktan. I knew that after this, everything wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be Chris's lady, and I wasn't even his lady anymore. But he would always be my man.

"You are not as awesome as that basketball player? Pft, I never liked a female basketball player yet," he continued. "And of course, you are not as perfect as Cerulean because Cerulean is living in a town full of lies, and even though you have your flaws. . . you will always be worth capitalizing for." Then, he kissed my forehead and left.

I almost cried like a baby when I heard his words. He always loved Cerulean, yet he also made me feel lucky, as Stephanie.

It felt so real. Everything he said. Everything he did for me. Everything about us. It felt like I really was his lady even if we were in a town of lies.

Town in a Building was more complicated than what I thought.

I couldn't draw at that moment, and there was only one thing I could do to ease the pain. I took my earphones from my bag and plugged them to my phone. I opened the music app, playing the last song I played, "Tied Together with a Smile." It started playing on the second verse.

Once I heard Taylor sing again, I realized one thing—one week na akong 'di nakapakinig ng music.

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