---

I never trusted myself this way before. And I wished that I stayed that way. There were so many things I wished I didn't do anymore. The pageant. Telling Chris I could actually win. Receiving the beret Chris gave me.

Carefully, I reached for the expensive beret Chris bought for me. I was holding something worth a lot of Town Bills. I shouldn't actually be holding it. It should have been another lady's.

It could have been someone Chris should have loved instead of me. Hindi ko deserve 'to. Nakakahiya. I couldn't even win a fucking pageant.

I felt like I wasted his time and money. I didn't just feel it. Because I really wasted a lot.

I sighed as a few raindrops trickled down the beret I was holding. Quickly, I ran for shelter. But I did not seek for Town in a Building. I did not want to face Chris yet. After all I told him. I was a disappointment.

But before I could go to the nearest overhanging roof, I felt arms around my waist, and I could feel someone was hugging me from behind.

The world, I realized, felt slower. Maybe a whole lot slower or just a little bit slower, but it was definitely slower than how time went by when the pageant was still something I could participate in.

But then, again, Chris was hugging me from behind. Ang taong ayaw kong harapin. Ang taong hindi ko pa handang kausapin. He was the person I let down.

"Chris, I'm so sorry," I mumbled, wishing he could hear it.

"You don't have to be sorry," Chris said, opening an umbrella to protect us both from the rain before it could soak our clothes.

I faced him.

"I'm so sor—" I didn't finish my sentence when Chris pulled me so I could cry on his chest. I just cried. Kahit na nahihiya ako sa kanya at kahit na pakiramdam ko na wala akong kwenta, alam kong hindi niya ako sasabihan ng kahit anong masakit. He was all I could talk to at that moment, and he was everything to me.

"Let's go home?" Chris said, caressing my shoulder.

"Home?" I said.

"Our home is in Town in a Building, right?" Chris smiled as if nothing was wrong with me. "Chris and Cerulean's home, right?"

"Sorry for not being able to give you the gift of winning," I said, still crying.

"Shh. . . ."

But I still continued talking, "Sinabi ko pa sa letter ko na," I started hiccuping, "baka manalo ako. Tapos, ikaw pa ang bumili sa akin ng beret na 'to. Ang mahal daw pala nito. Ta's dapat, kakain tayo sa The Philippine History as a celebration, but I didn't even win a single place on the top ten."

I looked at Chris, handing the beret back, as if.

"That is yours, my lady," Chris said, smiling as he sturdily held the umbrella. "I really wanted you to feel the best during the competition."

"Huh? What do you mea—"

"Paris told me you never actually believed you're beautiful. Paris told me you never actually have a good self-esteem. She told me to take good care of you. And do you not know how happy you get whenever I call you 'gorgeous'?"

I was dumbfounded by his words as we stood under one umbrella, Chris looking into my eyes, the rain pouring.

"So I wanted to make you feel the best feelings in the world," Chris said, his eyes filled with concern. "You are not beautiful, Cerulean. Because you are gorgeous. And I want you to know that with all your heart."

"B-but why today?"

"I don't care if it's my birthday," Chris said, leaning forward. "I'll give you my day if that's what it takes to make you feel gorgeous."

"Chris. . . ."

"Let's go home now, my lady," Chris said, lifting my chin up then kissing my forehead. Chris carefully took the beret in my hands and placed it on my head.

"You already won in my heart, Cerulean," Chris added. "No need for the approval of others."

"Chris," I started, "thank you for everything."

"You're my everything, so I'll give you everything I could."

Chris placed an arm on my shoulder, guiding me as we walked back to Town in a Building's entrance. The road was slippery, the sky was dark, and the air was cold, but the way Chris held me was, like, the most beautiful thing I had experienced yet. I wasn't in the best place, but I was finally feeling better.

"Cerulean," I heard, so I looked, and I saw Paris, Veronica, and Carrie all under one big umbrella.

"Guys, I'm so sorry," I said, lowering my head as all of us entered the Town in a Building.

"Kayo naman talaga ni Paris ang panalo para sa amin, e," ang sabi ni Veronica.

"Tama, tama," Carrie said, jumping. "Ang galing niyo kaya."

"Talaga namang may chance kayo," ang sabi ni Chris na parang naiinis siya. "Pakiramdam ko, sikat lang 'yong mga nanalo. Puro may organization silang sikat, e."

"Ayos na 'yon," I said bravely. "Basta't masaya tayo, we'll survive!"

"Tama, tama!" Carrie smiled as she initiated a group hug for us four. "Alam niyo namang mahal na mahal ko kayo."

"Thank you, guys, ha," I said. "Nandiyan pa rin kayo para sa amin ni Paris. Tapos sorry rin kasi tinopak ako."

"Okay lang 'yon," ang sabi ni Paris. "Ako nga rin, naiyak, e. Ayan tuloy, sabog-sabog na makeup namin ni Cerulean."

"Hala," I said, touching my face. "Kumalat nga pala eyeliner ko, tapos nakatitig pa si Chris sa akin kanina."

"Yieee!" ang panunukso nila sa akin.

"Hindi, nakakahiya kaya!" I cackled, looking at Chris.

"You're still gorgeous," he smiled, and I immediately looked away as I was already flushed.

"Let's clean our makeup na," I said, trying to divert the topic.

I succeeded, luckily. We already ran our way to the elevator, to the third floor, where we could remove my makeup and Paris'. Masuwerte kami noong nakita naming walang ibang tao, kaya ni-lock na lang muna namin ang mismong pinto ng washroom, at tinanggal namin ang mask namin para mag-clean up ng makeup.

I usually go to Town in a Building with no makeup, thinking that the mask is enough to hide my identity.

"Minsan lang kasi ako mag-makeup, kaya 'di talaga ako sanay," I said as I wiped the makeup off of my face.

"Same," Paris said, and you all ought to know she's a natural beauty.

When Paris and I finished removing our makeup and before anyone could knock on the door, we immediately placed our masks back on. Binilisan lang talaga namin. Takot lang naming makitang walang mask, e.

"Pagod na ako," Paris said, laughing as I got to Chris.

"Kabahan ka ba naman ng ilang oras, e," Carrie giggled.

"Gusto niyo nang umuwi?" Veronica offered.

"Oo," ang sabay na sabi nina Carrie at Paris.

"Ikaw, Cerulean, ayaw mo pa?" ang tanong ni Veronica.

Napatingin ako kay Chris. I would not like to leave him alone on his birthday. Kahit pa pagod na ako.

"I think I'll stay," ang sabi ko nang nakangiti.

"I'll just drive her home," ang sabi ni Chris.

"Sige, sige," Veronica said. "Ingatan mo si Cerulean, ah."

"Sure thing," Chris nodded.

" 'Wag mong bibilisan pagpapatakbo, iyakin 'yan," ang pabirong sabi ni Paris.

"Sige, una na kami," ang sabi ni Carrie.

"Ingat kayo," I said and waved as they walked to leave Chris with me.

I was still feeling awkward because I didn't win, and I actually told him in my letter that I thought I could win. I wondered, Even just for a bit, did I disappoint him?

"My lady," Chris said, smiling at me. "I wanna take you somewhere."

"Saan naman?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then take my hand."

Chris held his hand out, waiting for mine. I immediately placed my hand in his, excited for wherever he would take me. We then walked to the elevator, and when the doors of it opened, we quickly stepped inside. Maliwanag na ang langit, at hindi na umuulan nang makita ko ang labas through the glass of the elevator.

I turned to Chris, who was pressing the button "5."

Wait, 'yon 'yong sports area slash bar, ah, I thought. Will he take me there?

I got more nervous as every second passed by.

Baka dalhin niya ako sa bar. I don't wanna drink. Oo, nasa tamang edad na siya para sa alcoholic beverages, pero hello, I am still a minor.

"Chris, where are we going?" ang kinakabahan kong tanong ko.

He looked at me and just smirked.

"Chris," I repeated. "Ang sabi ko, saan ba tayo pupunta?"

"It's a surprise," Chris said as the doors of the elevator opened up. The lights were partying when we stepped outside the elevator. I could feel the vibes of every kind of a mature party. It was something I knew I wasn't prepared for.

"Chris," I said, tugging on his shirt, "ayaw kong uminom."

"Uminom?"

"Yeah, I don't wanna."

"Hindi naman tayo iinom, e," Chris chuckled, taking my hand.

"Eh, ano?"

Chris didn't speak. He just led me to a place where the people weren't partying anymore. Sa mas tahimik na lugar.

"Here," Chris smiled at me, caressing my hand as we approached the upper bridge to the B-Side. "We're meant to go here, not in the bar."

"Ah," I nodded in relief.

"Just look at the sky," Chris smiled at me then at the sky. "Bukod sa balcony sa third floor, dito pa ako tumatambay."

"Really?"

"Really! The sky looks so good from here."

I looked at Chris's wristwatch. 6:03 PM. He saw me looking at his watch.

"It's your time," he said.

"My time?" I asked.

"Yeah," he responded. "The time we see the shade Cerulean with some pink shades in the sky."

"Ah, gets," I smiled as I saw my name in the sky along the pink clouds.

"Let's go to the next stop," Chris said, still smiling at me.

"May pupuntahan pa tayo?" ang tanong ko.

"Yes," Chris said, holding my hand and leading the way.

We ran our way to the B-Side, our hands tied. It felt carefree and cool and sweet. When we reached the B-Side, the well lit space of bookshelves and coffee tables suddenly welcomed us. We were in the café of Town in a Building.

"Do you drink coffee?" Chris asked, looking at me. "You wanna order?"

"No," I said. "I only drink milk and chocolate drinks."

"That's adorable!" Chris chuckled, squeezing my hand.

"Ikaw, do you drink coffee?" I asked, thinking about how I could finally repay everything he had done for me.

"Yeah," he said, "but I'm not in the mood. I know that you wanna buy me coffee, but I don't want it."

Eh, paano naman kaya ako makakabawi sa kanya?

"Eh, bakit tayo nandito?" I asked, looking at him.

"I just thought that you drink coffee," Chris laughed awkwardly, rubbing his nape.

"Well, mali ka sa akala mo," I giggled.

"Yeah," Chris chuckled. "But I know where we could enjoy our remaining time."

"Saan?"

"Do you trust me?" he asked me again.

It didn't take me a while to answer. "Yes."

---

"Wow," I spoke upon seeing the self-made murals.

Chris took me to the Freedom Floor, the wall and colorful walls behind the B-Side. On one side, the names Celine and Harry were written using spray paint. I wonder if siya rin ang Celine na nakalaban namin sa pageant. The other parts of the walls had drawings on it, and it looked like graffiti. And never had I felt that I wanted to use spray paint, too.

"This is where people write or draw anything they can think of," Chris said, looking at me. "You wanna write our names?"

"Yeah, sure," I said.

I turned around to see the also masked vendor of spray paint. He was smiling at me, already knowing what we would be doing with the spray paint we would be buying.

"Magkano po sa isang bottle?" ang tanong ko sa vendor. "Ito pong blue."

"60 Town Bills, hija," the vendor said. "May kasama nang surgical masks 'yan para hindi niyo ma-inhale ang spray paint."

I quickly rummaged my bag for Town Bills, but Chris was also doing the same.

"Chris, no," I said. "Kahit ito lang, hayaan mo akong magbayad. Wala pa akong nabili para sa'yo."

"Okay," Chris said, amused.

Inabot ko na ang bayad ko sa nagtitinda, at binigay niya na sa akin ang dalawang surgical masks at ang bote ng spray paint.

"Saan natin ilalagay 'yong pangalan natin?" I asked, shaking the bottle of color.

"Sa taas," Chris said, "para sana 'di matatabunan agad ng gawa ng iba. Dito tayo sa wall na 'to." Chris walked towards another wall. I followed.

"Saan?" I asked, wanting Chris to repeat himself. Parang hindi naging tama ang pagkakarinig ko.

"Sa taas," he said.

"Hindi naman natin abot 'yon," I said, laughing.

"Bubuhatin kita," Chris said, smiling.

"Ayaw ko!" I said. "Ang bigat ko kaya."

"Please, as a gift for me."

I rolled my eyes, taking them back as if I could before he could see me rolling my eyes. The tirik-mata thing had me on the verge of rolling my eyes again.

We then wore our surgical masks, and our faces were almost wholly covered already.

"Sige na nga," I said, preparing to feel lighter in order to help Chris in lifting me.

"Uupo ka sa balikat ko, ah," ang sabi ni Chris.

"Hala—"

"Please?"

"Okay."

Yumuko si Chris para bigyan ako ng chance na makaupo sa balikat niya, so when I did, he carefully stood up.

"Don't look down, my lady," he said.

"Okay, okay," I said, shaking the bottle in my hand.

I felt Chris's hands on my legs as I lightly gripped his hair. Naalala kong nasira nga pala ang fishnets ko when I felt that he held my legs to prevent me from falling.

"Ceru. . . lean," I said as I spray-wrote my name on the wall and continued, "and. . . Chris."

"Tapos na," I said to Chris so he could bring me down, and when he did, we placed our masks down. I was shocked when Chris immediately faced me and wrapped his arms around my waist, looking into my eyes. In return, I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the moment and the slow song that played in my head.

"Thank you for never failing me, my lady," Chris said, smiling.

"What do you mean?" I giggled. "I literally didn't win the pageant."

"I don't care," he said seriously. "You already won my heart a million times."

"Th-thank you for this love," I said, almost teary-eyed as I remembered everything he had done for me. He drove me home. He bought me an expensive gift on his own birthday. He made me feel gorgeous. He loved me.

"I should be the one thanking you, my lady," he said.

"Why?" I said, chuckling. "I literally haven't gotten you as much as the things you gave me. Nakaka-frustrate kaya."

"Thank you, still, my lady," he continued. "Thank you for making me the happiest man today. Everything about you made everything about today special."

And there, we stood for moments that I wished were never going to be over.

---