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I was buried in my thoughts as I was turning the pages of Cerulean's Scrapbook of Moments. I really admire the concept of the things in Town in a Building, I thought to myself. Ang pinakatumatak sa isip ko (so far) sa buong Scrapbook of Moments ay ang picture ng mask na sinusuot ko para maging si Cerulean. The mask is just so simple and pretty.
Town in a Building has something I couldn't explain since my very first encounter with it. But if it was a strange feeling, then. . . it's eccentrically beautiful.
Maraming mga bagay akong nalaman sa experiences ni Lannie in being Cerulean, but those were too many. Hindi ko na tiningnan ang mga bagay na maihahayin sa akin oras na paraanan ng mga mata ko ang bawat pahina ng Scrapbook of Moments ni Cerulean. I knew that when I estimate the number of the damn thick Scrapbook of Moments' used pages, I would know that I would not be able to surpass Lannie's moments as Cerulean. Hindi ko malalampasan ang mga kaibigan niyang nakilala, I thought to myself. Hindi ko makikita ang Town in a Building sa paraang nakita niya ito, at higit sa lahat, hindi ako ang unang Cerulean Hathaway na nakilala ng mga kaibigan niya.
Damn, ang drama ko.
The words of Lannie and Maddie—who had to drive as carefully as possible—slowly swam into my consciousness until my interest was finally dragged into their conversation.
"May shout-out daw para sa'yo kahapon," ang sabi ni Maddie habang natatawa. "Sayang. Hindi ko narinig, e."
"Mayroon nga," ang sabi ni Lannie, at sa tono ng mga salita niya, alam kong nakangiti siya. "Para kay Zoey 'yong shout-out. Ang galing daw kasi sa spoken word poetry."
"Ang dami na ngang messengers sa Messengers' Drive, e, 'no?"
My curiosity tortured my mind, and that was when I felt like I had to ask something about what they were talking about. I wanted to know what they were talking about. Zoey. Messengers' Drive.
"Who's Zoey?" I butted in. "Where is Messengers' Drive?"
Napatingin ako kay Lannie, and I saw the blank stare that she gave to the driver's seat. Sa galaw niya ay napansin kong parang medyo nagulat siya.
"Hindi mo pa pala sinasabi, e," Maddie chuckled.
"Sorry na," Lannie said then made the most obvious kind of a smileless face. "I did my best naman."
Her words were, then, followed by our giggles. The laughter was not forcibly stopped by any interruption; however, it faded to give way to Lannie's words.
"Zoey. . . she's a mask of mine just like Paris," she explained. "And. . . Messengers' Drive isn't a place. There's a thing called Secret Mail in Town in a Building. Ito 'yong mga messages na pinapadala sa loob ng Town in a Building. Secret Mail because. . . Town in a Building is a secret.
"There are two kinds of this Secret Mail. The first one is Degree One. They deliver normal letters. They say that these reliable Degree One's letters that are entrusted to them are punctual, but it still depends on the sender when it comes to time. May Degree One na raw kahit pa noong nagsisimula pa lang ang Town in a Building."
She paused for a moment. Tumingin siya sa side mirror. May mga bagay pa palang ganito sa Town in a Building, I thought to myself. I felt more amazed than ever. I didn't know why people would spend their time just to have lies covering them, but. . . I felt comfortable in Town in a Building yesterday, so I think it's a good environment.
"The second is. . . Messengers' Drive," Lannie continued. "They also deliver letters; however, this is a lot different. Ang mga messengers dito ay may choice na basahin o hindi ang mga messages mo para sa recipient, while Degree One is really sealed between the sender and the recipient. In Messengers' Drive, you can choose if it's a shout-out on a stage or if it's a letter that will be for the recipient. You have a choice to reveal your name, to give clues about who you are, or to make your name anonymous as the sender; you cannot make those choices in Degree One."
Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong maintindihan ang mga bagay na sinabi ni Lannie. Gusto kong makapagbigay ng message using any of those Secret Mail's services, I thought right after the concept was clear to my mind.
"Samahan niyo ako," I said. "Gusto kong makita kung paano 'yon gamitin. How do you send it? Saan kayo pupunta para. . . you know."
"May pagse-send-an ka na ba?" ang nakangising sabi ni Lannie. "Dear, is that kaibigan or ka-ibi—"
I cut her statement off by laughing, and I didn't know if I did it intentionally or not.
"Wala pa nga ako masyadong kaibigan doon, e," ang sabi ko. "Mayroon, oo, pero 'yong mga katropa pa lang din ninyo."
"Ah, okay," ang natatawang sabi ni Lannie.
Kahit naman magkaroon ako ng maraming kaibigan sa Town in a Building, baka gano'n pa rin kaliit ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. O baka gano'n pa rin ang turing ng ibang tao sa'kin. Hindi ko rin alam. Maybe my friends are just what I need—ang mga kaibigang hindi ko na kailangan pang piliting maging kaibigan ko. Maybe they're enough. Or maybe I just need something more distracting.
Ugh, I don't know what I'm feeling. Ano na naman 'to?
Napatingin ako sa labas ng kotse habang unti-unting tumatakbo ang negativity sa utak ko. Isa pa rin naman akong taong hindi kailanman mapapansin kahit na anong effort ko. I'll still be out of place whenever my friends in school are walking as a group. Kapag buddy system ang gala, still, I'm most likely the person to be alone because, probably, I'm a boring person. I'm not pretty.
I'm not cool enough to be with them.
All on a sudden, I felt like I was breathing heavily. Hindi ko sigurado kung ano ang nangyari sa akin, pero pakiramdam ko ay sumikip ang dibdib ko. Hirap akong huminga. Parang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko sa lalamunan at panga. Kahit gaano ka pa katagal mag-aral, hindi ka mapapansin ng mga kaklase mo, Stephanie. Damn, Stephanie. Calm down.
Hindi ka magkakaroon ng mga kaibigan sa loob ng classroom niyo. I inhaled sharply.
What is happening? I thought to myself. Bakit ko ba naiisip 'tong mga 'to?
I stared out the window, and weirdly, I saw a group of people I find familiar enough to recognize. Marami sila, at magkakasama sila sa isang lugar, sa gilid ng daan. Ang ilan sa kanila ay kamukha ang mga humabol sa akin. I could feel it. Nakatingin silang lahat sa akin, kahit na sa sandaling panahon lang na nadaanan sila ng kotse, at para bang may sinasabi sila sa akin.
Walang interesadong maging kaibigan ka; you don't shine in your classroom. In Junior High School, maybe, but you're still boring. . . colorless. Of course, everybody would want to have a friend that would give them a lively day. I looked up in order to stop my tears from falling. . . but I felt none. I didn't want to ruin Maddie and Lannie's day by making them worry. I love them.
Everybody wants an interesting friend. I slowly closed my eyes because I expected that there weren't any tears by then. And they don't find you interesting. Pero nagulat ako nang tumulo ang mga luha ko. Inakala ko ay walang luhang tutulo mula sa mga mata ko. . . but they just flowed down.
You're no one.
No, no one can give you what you need in that place—appreciation.
Dinilat ko ang mga mata ko, at ang nakita ko lang ay ang kulay-abong ceiling ng kotse ni Maddie. Ano ba naman 'tong ginagawa ko sa sarili ko? I forced to put a smile on my face before wiping my tears away with a hankie. You have Lannie, Maddie, Divine, and many people naman, e. Matapos ang sunod-sunod na pagtakbo ng mga bagay na 'yon sa utak ko, ginawa ko ang lahat ng makakaya ko para ayusin ang sarili ko. Nakita ko sina Maddie at Lannie, nag-uusap nang mahinahon.
Buti na lang. . . hindi nila napansin. Pero what the heck? Nakakatakot.
"May nakita nga ako kahapon," ang sabi ni Maddie. "Binigay no'ng katropang lalaki ni Azure 'yong cellphone number at picture niya sa isang babae. Kakakilala lang nilang dalawa. E, bawal nga 'yon."
Oh, I remember. . . she is Azure.
I slowly took deep breaths, and after some minutes, I found myself engaged in Lannie and Maddie's interactions. Napangiti ako bigla sa paraan ng pagsalita ni Maddie. She was trying to be serious, but she kept on accidentally showing her funny tone. I wonder how many masks Maddie has. Sa mga galaw niya kasi kahapon sa Town in a Building, parang sanay na siyang magmukhang lalaki.
But I want Maddie and Lannie to know that. . . I accept them. Whatever the reason is.
"Pero of course, wala ako sa katayuan nila para manghusga," ang biglang bawi niya. " 'Di ko naman nakita 'yong number at picture niya. Mapapakinabangan ko ba 'yon?"
"Delikado nga naman kasi," ang sabi ni Lannie. "Hindi mo kilala ang mga tao sa paligid mo, 'di ba, tapos magbibigay ka ng information about you? Malay mo ba kung sino ang hindi matino sa dinami-dami ng mga tao roon?"
"Minsan din, tinatago ng mga pumupunta roon ang fact na they are a part of the Town in a Building," Maddie said, "pero hindi ko na alam. Kung 'yon ang gusto nila, edi go."
Natawa na naman ako sa sinabi ni Maddie. Hindi niya talaga nagawang itago ang tono niyang nakatatawa. Ano kayang mask ang gagamitin niya? I asked myself, Will she still be Azure, the fully masked guy?
"Basta, dear," ang sabi ni Lannie, at alam kong ako ang kausap niya, "mag-ingat ka. Wala lang. . . hindi mo kasi talaga kilala ang mga nasa paligid mo, pero kahit may mga 'di matino roon, marami ang mga mababait."
Ngumiti ako at saka tumango. Naintindihan ko naman. Ang hindi ko lang lubos maisip. . . .
"Paano naman 'yong mga plate number ng mga nagpa-park sa Town in a Building tulad mo, Maddie?" ang tanong ko. "Pa'no 'yon? Laging nakikita 'yon, 'di ba?"
"Ah, wala 'yon," ang sabi ni Maddie. "Hindi nila masyadong iniisip 'yon. Ang dami ba namang mga sasakyan sa paligid, e."
Oo nga naman.
"Ang tiyaga mo naman kung iisa-isahin mo ang lahat ng plate number sa bansa para lang malaman kung pumupunta ba ang isang tao sa Town in a Building," ang dagdag pa ni Maddie; I didn't know if she was being sarcastic or not. "Besides, sa iba't ibang lugar galing ang mga tao rito."
"And once you enter that place, you are given rights as Citizens of the Building that will protect you from some dangerous things," Lannie explained.
The car stopped, and I knew one thing—we finally arrived at our destination.
"Dear," ang sabi ni Lannie, and that made me give my attention to her, "be Cerulean na."
I immediately got the meaning of what she meant by that. Lannie was telling me to wear the mask. . . and she was handing me the mask that would make me Cerulean. Scratch—my mask. Cerulean is now mine.
"Nasa'yo pala," ang sabi ko at saka kinuha ang mask. "Thank you. Akala ko nawala ko kahapon."
"Nako, ingatan mo," Lannie chuckled. "Itatago ko 'yan, sige."
I saw Maddie's hand, holding a mask aside from Azure. Mauve was the obvious color of the mask, and it looked better when she put it on. Maddie looked at me when she wore that mask, and it wasn't a full mask. The mask covered only the upper half of her face, which means that her remarkable dimples were shown. Oh, so she will not be Azure today. . . hmm.
"Ito naman. . . ." Maddie said with her finger pointing the mask that was new to my eyes. "This is Veronica Hudson."
Wow, sabi na nga ba. So. . . that was why she was wearing a black tee and a pair of jeans. Simple for today. . . hmm. Anyway, baka simple lang ang personality ni Veronica. It was easy—maybe—for her.
Hinila ko ang panali ko ng buhok para ilugay ang buhok kong naka-braid kanina. Nakita ko sa rearview mirror ang reflection ko. Damn, this is a different me! I thought with excitement. My hair was a little wild, and it didn't look like Stephanie's, which was curly and sometimes wavy, although it's wavy now. It just looked different from my curls and waves. I laced the ribbon of the mask under the half of my hairs' waves.
"Wow, naglugay," ang natatawang sabi ni Lannie. "Nice."
"Bakit hindi?" ang sabi ko habang nakangiti at sinasabayan ang kakaiba kong pakiramdam. I felt like someone new, and I loved this new side of mine. I looked down on what I was wearing—my favorite blouse and a pencil skirt. This is really not-so-Stephanie, I thought again. I wanted to ask Lannie if I looked different (although I already knew I did), but I ended up saying something else.
"I'm not Stephanie, anyway," I joked in spite of the fact that I was not yet entering Town in a Building again, which means that I was not yet Cerulean. . . again. "I'm Cerulean."
And little did I know. . . that this joke would change my life.
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