Camden

I fucked up.

I don't for one second regret a single moment with Kenze. I don't regret falling for her. Fuck, I've fallen hard. And the fact my bed still smells like her has my heart spinning in circles.

That's not where I screwed everything up, though. It was lying to Jare. Breaking a promise I made all of those years ago, a promise I knew damn well I wouldn't be able to keep. The moment I kissed her, the moment my heart did that crazy shit in my chest, I should have picked up the phone and told him.

But I didn't.

I was selfish. Because I knew what telling him meant. And I wanted the best of both worlds. For as long as I could have it.

And now I'm here. Reveling in the smell of my sheets and wishing more than anything that Kenze were here beside me. That last night didn't feel like a different universe from this very moment. Because, shit, last night was everything. Kenze lying naked in my bed, her beautiful brown eyes looking up at me, trusting me with everything she had to give. Handing over her whole heart.

I've never felt what I felt in that moment. What I still feel. I've never felt so completely tied to someone, like my heart beats just for her.

I'm clinging to that, fighting to hold onto something that feels a lot like it's slipping away. My phone sits firmly within my grasp. I keep turning it over, hoping to see her name across the screen. I left to give them space, to give Jare a minute to breathe. He was pissed, said things he didn't mean. Fuck, I hope he didn't mean them. But I hope to God she knows I wasn't leaving her.

Maybe I should have stayed. Maybe I should have helped explain everything. I turn my phone in my hand again, still waiting for any sign. Nothing.

There's a gentle tap against my door, and it has me jumping. I sit up to see Kenzie's soft brown eyes look back at me and send my heart into overdrive.

She's here.

"Hi," she says, still lingering in my doorway.

I stand, quickly making my way across the room. My hands fall to her waist, and I pull her against me. She collapses into me, her cheek along my chest, her hands sliding to my back as she holds on.

"Hey," I breathe out.

We stay that way, our hearts beating together, our chests rising and falling in cadence.

When she pulls back, that smile of hers doesn't seem as bright. Instead, there's something else lingering behind her eyes, something hesitant. "Can we talk?" she asks, her voice low.

"Yeah. Of course." I take her hand in mine, leading her back to my bed and taking a seat.

"How are you?" she questions first. "I mean, Jare wasn't exactly nice."

I shrug. "I lied to him. I expected him to be pissed." Though my words brush off everything that happened, my chest pulls tight at knowing everything I might be losing. But she's here. And right now, that's all that matters.

"Yeah. But what he said...he didn't mean..."

"Hey," I stop her, bringing my hand to her cheek. "I'll figure it out. He deserves to be angry with me. I would be angry too."

She nods.

"How are you?" I ask, holding my breath as I wait for the answer.

Her eyes hold mine, and I drink in the soft brown irises that have become home. I want to wrap her in my arms and hold on until the storm passes. I want her to know that she's everything bright in my world. But she's not looking at me with that same glow. Instead, there's sadness there, and it's tugging at my damn heart.

"Cam," she pauses to take a breath. Her hand raises to meet mine, holding for a moment before she removes it from her cheek. "Do you know where I'm applying to college?"

"What? What does that–"

"Can you just answer the question? Please?"

I nod, taking in the gentle plea behind her eyes. "You've talked about a couple schools down south, possibly North Carolina, and Florida," I answer, trying to search my brain for any I might be missing.

She smiles, a warmth flooding her cheeks. "Yeah."

"Kenze," I grip her hand in mine, "what's going on?"

She's quiet again, the room buzzing in her unspoken words. With a small inhale she says, "You're headed to Tennessee with Jare."

"If I get in, with a scholarship."

"Cam. You've got the best ERA in the state. You've had scouts hiding in the bleachers for the last year. You'll get in with a scholarship."

Part of me is fighting back a smile, beaming at her confidence in me. The other part of me, the one taking note in the fact her smile has yet to hit her eyes, has my heart picking up its pace.

Trying to place all the puzzle pieces together, I ask, "Okay. So, what does any of this have to do with what happened tonight?"

"He needs you," she says. "Jare needs you."

There it is. It's the same thing that's always pulled her away, the same thing that keeps her buried. "And what do you need?"

She shakes her head, dropping it down to stare at her lap. "It doesn't—"

"It does," I stop her as I reach for her chin, gently tipping her face back to me. Her eyes now locked on mine, I say, "It does matter. You matter, Kenze."

A veil of tears coats her eyes, but before it can build enough to spill over, she blinks it away. She pushes it down like she's always done in the past. My chest breaks, my heart shattered to pieces before she even says the words. But she doesn't have to, I know what comes next.

She clears her throat. "This time next year, you and I will be thousands of miles apart. We'll be busy with school and sports, and figuring out college. You'll be with Jare. And eventually," she pauses. "Eventually, the distance will be too hard."

"Kenze, don't."

"Long distance rarely ever works, Cam."

"I like our odds."

The tiniest puff of air leaves her lips, the remnants of a laugh dancing there. It has me aching to see that smile of hers, to hear the chorus of her laugh. But the joy of a true smile never comes. Instead, her mouth dips, her eyes solemn as she looks at me.

"I don't want to lose you," she whispers.

"So then stop pushing me away."

Shaking her head, she answers, "I would rather us end things on our terms, while we're still us, than when we've found a reason to hate each other. Or fallen so hard we can't recover from the impact. And I would, Cam. If we keep going like this, I would fall completely in love with you."

Her words slam against my heart, pummeling everything in their path. Those four simple letters strung so perfectly together, weave their way through my ribcage. Love.

Sliding my hand back to her cheek, my fingertips brushing into her hair, I lean in. "Then fall with me, Kenze."

"Cam–"

"Please," I beg, pulling her closer as my forehead drops to hers. "Just fall with me."

Her breaths brush against my lips, her heart echoing mine as she grips my arm. I wait for a sound, for any sign that she's in this moment with me. I would wait forever.

"It's not that easy," she says, her voice cracking as she forces the words between us.

"You're wrong. Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done."

And that's when I see it, one small tear trickles down her cheek as her eyes cling to mine.

"Cam...I can't," she whispers, shaking her head against mine as she fights with everything she has to swallow it back down. It's in those short words that I hear her cry. She's begging for me to let this one go.

She needs me to tell her it's okay, to let her do the very thing she's always done, to put her family first.

"Okay," I force out, the word so small it barely leaves my lips. Slowly, I pull away from her, drinking in the beauty of her gaze. She says nothing as I memorize the curve of her jaw, the shape of her lips, the smooth touch of her skin as I trace a path to wipe away her single tear. She leans into my touch, reaching to hold my hand to her cheek as she closes her eyes. We bask in the silence for a moment longer, clinging to a moment that we'll never recreate. "Happy birthday, Kenze," I whisper.

Her eyes pull open. She doesn't say anything, the air still between us.

"Cam..."

"It's okay, Kenze," I stop her, letting her know I see the battle inside her. "I know. It's okay."

She nods, lingering for a moment longer. And then she stands from my bed, from my arms, and she leaves with my entire heart.