"Jared," Cam speaks first, a hand running down his face as the rest of his words lay in silence.

"Don't," my brother interrupts, holding up his hand. "Don't start with some bullshit excuse that this isn't what it looks like."

"Jare," I try, standing from the bed and taking a gulp of air to settle my frantic heart.

"How long?" he asks, ignoring my attempt to settle the fire.

I look over at Cam, unsure of which answer to give. If we're going with the moment this all started, then a couple months. The moment this became real, a few weeks...maybe longer if I'm being honest.

"That's not supposed to be a difficult question," my brother adds.

"It's complicated," Cam expresses.

"You don't fucking say," Jare huffs out the words on a humorless laugh.

"Jare–"

"I asked you to look out for her," my brother interrupts, his eyes locked on Cam's. "I trusted you to be here for her."

"I did. I am," Cam states. He lets out a breath as I still struggle to catch my own. "I know it doesn't look like it, but that's exactly what I did, Jared. I promise–"

"Promise?" my brother interrupts again. "Your promises mean shit now, don't you think?"

"Listen–"

"Listen to what, Camden? That you lied to me? That you flat out promised you wouldn't go there, and the moment I leave you jump at the chance. What, were you just counting down the days until I was out of your way?"

"It wasn't like that," Cam replies.

"No? Because from where I'm standing you're making out with my sister with no fucking answer as to when this all started."

"Jared," I try again, but his heated gaze stays locked on Cam, as if he's the only one to blame. 

"So, I'll ask again," Jare ignores me and keeps going. "How long?"

Cam doesn't answer, not right away. He takes a few more breaths as I cower away. "You know the answer to that question," Cam finally speaks, but it's not the answer I'm expecting. My eyes fly back to Jare's, waiting for a reaction.

A laugh falls from his mouth as he takes a step forward. "Let me rephrase...at what point did me asking you to look out for my little sister translate to fucking her?"

"Jared!" I fire.

"I'm sorry, Mack," he says, his eyes filled with a sliver of regret at his crass choice of words. "But tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you didn't sleep with him."

"That's none of your business. You have no right to ask me that."

His eyes leave mine, the guilt still present behind them. But there's something else there, too. Something darker.

"That's not what this is," Cam speaks up. "And you know that."

"Apparently I don't know anything anymore."

"You know me," Cam keeps going.

"You're right," Jare huffs. But there's no understanding in his tone, no hints at forgiveness. "I do know you. I know that if you did sleep with my sister, you wouldn't still be hanging around, would you?"

I start to say something, to try to jump between the two of them, but Cam speaks first, "Is that really what you think of me? That I'd just walk away?" 

"I don't know what to think anymore. The Camden I thought I knew, the one I trusted, was my brother." He pauses, his words drifting between the three of us. I wish more than anything that he'd leave it at that. That maybe we could find room to work this out. But Jare doesn't stop, he doesn't let the dust settle. Instead, he adds, "But I guess that's the problem, isn't it? We were never actually brothers."

"Jared, stop. Please," I beg. But I know the damage is done. I know he's cut to a place he can't take back.

"I guess we weren't," Cam replies, the hurt within his tone not lost on me.

The pain that lies within the silence crushes my chest. I hate what's happening. I hate the hurt that's laced behind my brother's eyes, the same agony reflected in Cam's.

"I'm gonna go," Cam finally speaks up.

"Yeah," my brother replies.

"Cam," I say, reaching out my hand for his. But he turns away, his arm just out of reach when he looks back to offer me one small look. There's sorrow there, but more than that, there's pain.

Dropping my hand, I watch him go. I know that he needs space, that more than anything, he wants to give my brother space.

When he leaves, Jare turns and walks from my room, his steps heavy and purposeful.

"Jare, wait!" But he doesn't stop, he doesn't even hesitate as he rushes to his room. I follow, my steps quick. As he reaches to slam his door, I hold out a hand, catching it from closing. He doesn't try to fight me. Instead, he continues further into his room as I push through the door.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out, as if those two lousy words will magically heal everything that's transpired.

"Sorry? You're sorry you kissed my best friend? You're sorry you've been lying to me for months? You're sorry for sneaking behind my back like it's some type of joke? What exactly are you sorry for, Mack?"

"All of it," I admit. "We never meant for this to happen."

"That's a bullshit excuse, and you know it."

"It's not."

"Anyone, Mack. You could have chosen anyone. But my best friend? Really? Do you not see how fucked up that is?"

"I didn't choose this, Jare! God, I didn't wake up and think, hmm, what's the best way I can hurt my brother today? This whole thing..." I pause, caught up in everything spinning in my chest. It wasn't supposed to come out like this, it wasn't supposed to be this painful. "It all started as a lie. A ruse to get back at Adam."

He stands a little taller, shifting his weight to face me head on. "Get back at him...for what?"

"He cheated on me."

His eyes widen, that thick vein along his neck pulsing as he gathers my words. "He what?"

"With Brittney."

"Wait," he holds up a hand, "what?"

"I caught them making out in the hall at school. Cam was there. He saw the whole thing."

"Shit," he exhales, dropping his head and shaking it back and forth a few times before he raises his eyes back up to mine. It's the first time I've seen something other than anger laced behind them, and it gives me the smallest glimmer of hope. "I'm sorry, Mack."

"The weeks that followed were really hard. The two of them prancing around together. The two people I spent all of my time with became the hardest people to be around. And then they were nominated for homecoming together."

"Fuck me."

"Cam and I came up with a plan," I keep going, afraid that if I stop, I'll lose the small window of compassion my brother is offering. "He'd pretend to be my boyfriend until I stopped being the center of everyone's pity stares. Until I could prove to everyone they didn't break me."

"You expect me to believe what I just walked into was fake?"

"No. I just need you to know that's how all of this started. But I guess we got really good at faking it. Somewhere along the way that line got blurry."

"Blurry," he repeats, the word mulling around between us.

"I promise you, Jare. We didn't plan for this. We never wanted to hurt you. And yes, we shouldn't have lied. But we didn't see this coming, and once it did, we didn't know how to navigate it. I'm sorry."

He collapses onto his bed, sitting with a heavy thunk as he runs a hand over his face. "Fuck, Mack. Everything is so screwed up."

"I'm so sorry, Jare. But you have to understand that neither one of us planned this."

He shakes his head. "I know. Somehow I know that. It's just..." he drifts off. In his loss for words, I take a few steps forward. When he doesn't flinch, I keep going until I reach him. Slowly, I take a seat. With a heavy breath his eyes meet mine. "I'm failing."

"You're what?" I ask, though I heard the words loud and clear.

"I'm failing two classes. I wanted to tell you earlier, but I just...the time was never right."

I'm such an idiot. I knew something was off. From the moment he hugged me a second longer, I knew. But I brushed it off, more worried about how to keep my love life from him than taking the time to find out what was wrong.

"Jare. If you fail..."

"I'll be placed on academic probation," he finishes for me. "Which means I can pretty much kiss my scholarship goodbye. And any chance at starting this season."

"What are you going to do?"

"For starters? I came home for the weekend to clear my head. To spend time with the two people who mean the most to me. To remind myself I can do this."

Shit. He came home for more than my birthday. He needed me. He needed us. And instead, he caught the two of us linked together by the mouth. "Jare, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. You always sounded so happy on the phone."

"I was happy. I think that's the problem. I spent far more time partying than I did studying. Eventually it caught up with me."

"Is there any extra credit or anything you can do?"

"I'm doing it. I already met with my professors. Between the extra assignments and needing to ace the final, I stand a chance. I just need to focus. Get it done."

I take a breath. "That's good. You've always been good at the school part. I know you can do this."

He's quiet, his eyes on his hands. "I need you, Mack."

When he slowly looks at me, I see it. He's been miles away but he's still needed me. In the same way I've always needed him. The brother who let me crawl in his bed when I couldn't sleep. The same brother who held my hand when the tears wouldn't stop. The one who was always here for me.

And I let him down.

I let my own desires get in the way.

"I'm right here, Jare. I'm still right here."

He nods. "I was an asshole, wasn't I?"

I know what he's asking, and the side of me that's aching to check on Cam wants to let my brother know that he was, in fact, an ass. The biggest ass. But the sister that's sitting beside her best friend just wants to be here for him, to let him know he still means everything to me.

"You were caught off guard," I answer.

"There's more to it. He lied to me, Mack."

"We both did."

He nods, dropping his gaze again. "I think that's the part that hurts the most."

I know how that feels. The two people you need in your corner the most being the same ones to shut you out.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that."

"I mean it."

He studies me, searching the truth behind my words. "Then make the line clearer, Mack," he says, and it hits my chest like a freight train. The impact shattering my heart and pummeling me to the ground.

"What line?" I question, hoping I'm misunderstanding.

"You and Camden."

I swallow. "You want me to break things off with Cam?"

"I want this part of my life to be something I can count on. College is around the corner for you, Mack. Think about it. Are you two really going to last long distance? And what happens then? What happens when he breaks your heart and he's still coming around for Christmas dinner? What happens when he meets someone else and brings her home? What the hell am I supposed to do when the two people I need the most can't stand to be in a room together anymore?"

He's not wrong. I hate that he's not wrong. I hate that it already hurts to think about Cam with someone else, to picture him smiling at someone else, touching someone else. I don't know where we go next, but I know that my heart can't handle a version of a world that looks anything like the one my brother is describing.

"I'm not trying to be an ass, Mack," he adds, his hand now on mine. "But there's a reason I made him promise he wouldn't go there with you. And it wasn't just because I'd prefer you join a convent. It's bigger than that. I mean, have you really thought about this?"

No. I haven't thought about the fall. I've only ever thought about the way Cam makes me feel. Like I can actually breathe.

"No," I whisper.

"Look, I'm not giving you some screwed up ultimatum. I just...fuck, I don't even know. I just need you. I need my sister. I need my best friend. I have so much shit I'm working through right now, and if there's any chance you see where I'm coming from, I think you owe it to both of us to consider what dating him means, not just for me, but for all of us."

All of us.

The torn look in my brother's eyes, I've seen it before. The fractured pieces like a window to the past. To a boy who watched me break after the loss of our mom. To a boy who needed me far more than I needed to let myself heal. I put my brother first, I put them all first. Because putting them first meant healing more hearts than just my own.

I will always put my brother first, despite the scars it leaves behind.