There's a giddiness flooding my system. I feel a bit like those glitter bottles Ms. Landry had us build in the fourth grade. She said they would help calm us. I remember filling mine with a ridiculous amount of sparkles. When it was done, we shook them up and watched the magic begin. A flashy display of glittering colors floated around in chaotic swirls.

I think my insides are full of that fluttery sparkle.

The heat of Cam's hand along my hip sends a ripple of everything sweet and sinister through my system. I've never felt this much giddy desire in the arms of a boy before. But the way his tongue tangles magnificently with mine has me gaining a very unhealthy addiction to his mouth.

I'm pretty sure I dreamt about it last night. Or maybe that was the reality of making out until my lips grew numb. Kissing Camden Beck is a drug I never want to sober up from.

"Breakfast," I reluctantly mumble into his mouth. "We're supposed to be getting breakfast."

"It's overrated," he replies, sliding his hand to my back and pulling me tightly against him.

I smile against his mouth, that desire to keep tasting him buzzes across my lips. "We have school in half an hour."

"Perfect," he coos, shifting so his breath tickles my neck. "That means we have twenty minutes to keep doing this."

If you would have told me that I'd be standing in my kitchen one day with Cam's lips pressed against my neck, that fluttery feeling flourishing my insides, I would have laughed hysterically. But suddenly, everything feels perfectly right. Like this is exactly how it was always supposed to pan out.

"They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day," I try again, practically moaning the words.

"Whoever made that up," he whispers against my skin. "Clearly never had you in their arms."

Yep. Glittery bottle of sparkly chaos.

I can feel him smile against me before his firm body is pressing me against the counter. I don't know how I'm supposed to stop kissing this boy.

The footsteps echoing the hall have us both tearing apart.

I guess that's how.

Cam spins away, reaching for the refrigerator door and poking his head inside. I breathlessly grab an apple from the fruit bowl and take a giant bite. My chest is on fire, my hands a shaking mess and I'm suddenly extremely jealous of the cold air Cam is enjoying from the fridge. Damn, I should have thought of that.

We haven't exactly discussed the whole telling my family part. But the fact we both flew a good five feet away from one another tells me we're on the same page about not using this exact moment to let my family in on our little development. I think living in the bliss of keeping this ours is something we're both teetering with.

"Good morning," my dad announces.

"Hey," I mumble behind a full bite.

"Morning," Cam says over his shoulder, his head still buried in the relief of the fridge. Seriously, he found the best place to hide.

"I thought you already left for work," I chime in, holding the apple in front of my swollen lips.

"Ah, yeah. Well, I got a later start than usual this morning. I'll probably be making it another late one."

Cam has left the comfort of the fridge, his warmth now standing beside me as he watches my dad pour himself a cup of coffee to go.

Cam's pinky finger curls around mine on the counter, the subtle contact catching my attention. His eyes are on mine, the gentle concern holding me in place and allowing me to catch my breath.

The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I can't seem to let them fall into the air. Bringing up the fact that I have my first game of the season today would just stir the emotional pot, placing a blanket of guilt over the room. It would cause everything to fall off the edge. I don't want to watch it topple over, I don't want to be the reason it all shatters.

"Okay," I say instead. Cam's hand wraps around mine now, a gentle squeeze telling me he feels everything aching to be set free inside me. Everything I've kept buried.

"I'll save a seat at the game today," Cam speaks up and I'm quickly shifting my gaze his way. He doesn't pause, he just stands straighter. "Since you'll be running late and all."

My dad pauses at the counter, his eyes flickering from Cam's to mine before a wave of realization trickles over his features. "Right. The game."

"Four o'clock," Cam adds.

"Yeah," my dad nods, slowly glancing between the two of us. Just before his gaze drops to Cam's hand in mine, I pull it away and reach for my water bottle. "Isn't your uncle back in town this week, Camden?"

My heart picks up. Before I can fully freak out, Cam speaks up, "He is. I left my chem book here, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to swing by and have Kenzie quiz me a few more times before class."

"Ah," my dad glistens with a knowing smile, "is Mr. Farris still a stubborn hard ass?"

"Yep," Cam replies.

"Well it's good you two have each other." He reaches for his coffee and holds it in the air. "Love you, Bug."

"See you at the game," Cam throws in one more time.

My dad glances his way with a smile. "Yeah. See you there." He turns away, throwing his bag over his shoulder before walking down the hall.

Once I hear the click of the door, I spin quickly to face Cam. "What the hell was that?"

"He shouldn't need me to remind him you have a game today."

"So why did you?"

"Wait. Are you seriously mad right now?"

"You don't get it, Cam. My dad is busy on a case. When he's in this deep, it's best to let him focus. Bringing up the game places an obligation on him. Now he's going to be worried about making it back and leaving work unfinished and–"

"Being there for you," he says, stepping forward and resting his hand along my cheek. "He's going to be there for you, Kenze. Which is exactly where he should be."

My chest is heaving, that unsteady rise and fall splintering the cage I once thought was built to perfection. "I don't want to be a burden," I whisper.

"You, Mackenzie Cooper, are nobody's burden. You are a reason for being. A light in the dark. As someone who's been in the dark for far too long, trust me when I say you're the whole goddamn sun, Kenze. So don't for one second believe that you could ever be anyone's obligation. You hear me?"

I can feel the emotion filling my gut, the wave of water flooding my eyes as I stare into the emerald abyss holding me steady.

"You're beautiful," he whispers, leaning in and kissing the one stray tear that manages to break free. He rests his forehead against mine as I wrap my hands around his forearms, holding him still with me. "It's okay to speak up for yourself. I know you're trying to take care of them by keeping everything bottled up, but who's taking care of you?"

"I'm okay," I waver, my usual set of words lacking their false strength.

"I know you are, Kenze," he says, still holding me close. "But it's also okay to not be okay."

His words rest along my chest, embracing the frantic beat of my heart and holding it steady. "Thank you," I whisper.

We don't say much after that. Instead, we stay within each other's arms, holding onto the peace of the moment and letting silence consume us both. A silence that I'm so used to fearing. A silence that feels a bit more comforting when I don't have to face it alone.

——

I should have known he wouldn't make it. I should have known his work would get the best of his time, that my dad would get wrapped up in the busyness of it all and lose track of time.

But it doesn't stop the ache that fills my chest or the hope that continues to course through me that maybe he'll show up just in time.

"Oh my gosh, she's so embarrassing," Keisha complains beside me. I follow her line of sight to see her mom draped in school colors, her face painted with her daughter's number and a set of pom poms by her side.

"Tell me about it," Maria jumps in. "Why do they always do this? My mom even added blue to her hair."

"At least it's just your moms," Jasmine joins. "Look at my dad's face." She hides her eyes behind her hands as I glance across the crowd. Her dad is standing with a Vista High jacket, his face entirely painted in blue and gold.

"You have no idea how lucky you are, Mack. You don't have to deal with the embarrassment."

Lucky.

The word slams against my chest like a freight train, stealing every drop of oxygen and crushing my ribcage with dramatic flair.

Lucky. I'm lucky that my parents aren't here dressed in over the top school spirit to embarrass me. I'm lucky that even if my mom wanted to, she can't be here to cheer me on. She'll never be here to cheer me on.

I'm lucky that my dad has chosen work over me yet again, that his case has consumed every minute of extra time to the point that I barely ever see him. To the point that he's not here, again. And somehow that debilitating sentiment has fallen into the category of lucky.

"Oh shit," she says. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean–"

"It's fine," I interrupt, swallowing the lump in my throat and taking a step past the group. "We have drills to run, let's go."

"Oh. My. God." I hear from behind me, causing me to pause. "Now that is how it's done."

I turn slowly, catching the dropped jaws of my teammates as they stare along the sidelines. I follow their gaze to find Cam in a jersey, my jersey. Well, not my actual jersey as there's no way it would fit him. But it's a soccer jersey, with my number. Apollo and Gio are by his side. Apollo's face is plastered in blue and gold while Gio is waving a sign in the air with my name on it.

"Let's go Mini Coop!" Apollo shouts out in his boisterous tone, causing all of the parents to turn their attention, laughing at the display of boys jumping around with ridiculous school spirit.

"That is so cute," Keisha practically whines.

But my eyes are settled on Cam, that knowing look staring back at me. That settling warmth blankets my chest and allows me to breathe. He's here. And somehow, through the empty pit that digs itself along my core, I feel a lot less alone.

"Let's go," I shout at the girls, holding back a smile. "We have a game to play."

We spend the next hour and a half dialed in. Every pass, every move, every play is executed to near perfection. And each and every time I've got the ball in my possession, the distant chant of my name buzzes around me.

When the final whistle is blown and the first win of the season is solidly locked in place, I can't help but search the sidelines, a set of emeralds glowing among the crowd. I make my way over, throwing my arms around him as he picks me up and spins me around.

"You're amazing, Kenze," he whispers into my neck before setting me down.

"You're wearing my jersey." I smile, running my fingers through his hair.

"I figured it was only fair. You wore mine, I wear yours."

"Ah, so it was more of evening the playing field?"

"No." He shakes his head. "It was a I wanted to support you thing."

"And here I thought you were being possessive. Publicly claiming me and all that."

"Publicly claiming you? Is that one of your books talking?" I can feel my cheeks heating, but when I try to hide my embarrassment, I feel his fingers graze my chin, holding my attention with him. "I can be possessive, Kenze. In fact," he pauses, sliding his hand into my hair and bringing my mouth to his.

I melt into him, feeling the flexes of muscle across his chest and leaning into the way his lips mold to mine.

"I thought we had a rule about kissing," I breathe out, reluctantly opening my eyes.

He runs a thumb across my bottom lip, wiping at my teasing smile. "All rules were thrown out the window as soon as you became mine."

"All the rules?"

"Okay, so maybe we don't tell your brothers just yet. I kind of wanna keep you to myself a little longer."

Agreed. And I'm honestly thankful we're on the same page with this one. Telling my family complicates every ounce of this. For once, I just want to live in a selfish bubble of happy. "So..." I begin, "I'm yours, huh?"

He dips his head, the flutter of his breath skimming my neck as his lips brush the spot just below my ear. "Mine," he repeats, pressing a kiss to my skin. "And I'm yours."

"Mine," I agree, running my fingers through his hair before pulling his eyes back to me. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too."

The warmth of his gaze sends a ripple of flutters across my chest. I've never felt so beautiful. The way his eyes hold mine, the way they glisten, it feels like I'm the only one he sees, and it feels really good to be seen.

"That was badass, Mini Coop!" Apollo shouts, slapping a hand to my back.

"Dude!" Gio whisper shouts from behind him. "Read the moment my man."

Apollo whips around. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means they were getting all couply and you kind of just ruined it."

"Shit," Apollo huffs, turning back to face us with his bright and cheery demeanor falling a bit more solemn. "Did I ruin a whole lovey dovey moment? Please, carry on. Love away my love birds."

Cam is rolling his eyes as I fight back a laugh, slowly dropping my arms from Cam and taking a small step back. I turn to Apollo. "Thank you guys for coming. And for the added school spirit." I glance between him and Gio, gesturing to their blue and gold display.

"I wanted to paint my chest, but your boy over here heavily insisted the face was enough."

"What?" I ask, dramatically placing a hand to my chest. "You wouldn't let him go all cliché superfan and paint his chest? That would have been the perfect addition to the sidelines."

"Right!" Apollo agrees.

"Don't encourage him," Cam warns. "He'd be running the sidelines cheering your name with that painted chest."

"All I'm saying," Apollo continues, "is it's not a soccer game without a painted chest. And I'm willing to be that chest."

"He's not wrong," I play along.

"You're encouraging a beast, Mack," Gio lets me know. "You sure you want to let this one loose?"

I flash my eyes back to Cam, catching that small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. I have a similar one across my face. I've spent years searching these sidelines. Jare came whenever he could, whenever my games didn't overlap with his baseball schedule. Cam was always with him. But this is different. Cam's not here to hang out with my brother, he's here for me. And his friends, the way they're coated in school colors, genuine smiles on their faces, they're here for me too.

There's a warmth in that, a settled feeling filling a void I've left empty for so long.

"I'm sure."

"Alright!" Apollo shouts, opening his arms and picking me up as I squeal in his grasp.

"Okay," Cam interrupts, quickly pulling me into his arms as soon as Apollo places me back onto my feet. "Just remember you asked for it," he says, pulling me into his chest.

"I'm gonna be your number one fan, you just wait," Apollo adds.

Cam pulls me in tighter, spinning me in his arms and cupping his palm gently along my cheek. The warm emerald tint of his eyes grows brighter as he looks down at me, holding me steady within his grasp. "Spot's taken," he whispers before bringing his mouth to mine.

"Aw, is this the couply shit?" Apollo whispers.

"Yep," Gio replies. "Let's go."

I fall into Cam's arms, letting his warmth wrap around me. When he pulls back, he brushes my hair from my face, holding me delicately in place. "I'm sorry he didn't make it."

"It's okay," I brush it off. The fact of the matter is, I didn't actually expect my dad to make it. I'm not exactly sure if that makes things worse or better. "He's busy."

His eyes linger with mine, that ability to see through my bullshit burning into me. "Okay," he relents. "My uncle's still home."

"I know."

"I can stay," he quickly adds. "I can stay with you tonight so you aren't–"

"Cam," I interrupt, placing my finger along his lips. "Your uncle is home. You should be there."

He gently rests his hand around mine, slowly pulling my finger from his mouth and holding it between us. "Then come stay with me. My uncle won't mind."

I'm fighting back a smile, pulling myself into his chest and pressing a kiss against his lips. "I don't exactly know how I'll explain that one to my dad."

"Tell him you're staying at a friend's house."

"Cam, I'll be okay."

"I know, Kenze. I know you will be. Just...say the word and I'm there, okay?"

"Okay." I nod. "Now can we get something to eat? I'm starving."