Dean woke up in a good mood; creepily and extremely happy. Not only did he get to leave the hospital today, but he met the most amazing beautiful man in his dream last night. Not just pretty, but the beauty of a soul that's seen a lot but still smiles.

The only thing that crushed his spirit was that he would never meet this man in reality. It was how all dreams ended.

Sam ducked into the hospital room and plopped onto the seat next to him, "So, are you excited to go home today?"

Dean nodded, "Hell yeah! It'll be awesome."

Sam chuckled, "Jody said her and Bobby were getting everything ready for you this morning."

Dean stared at him clueless, "Getting ready for what?"

"Well, your new hospital bed and a lot of different pulley-type things in each room to be able to lift you up out of your seat and into your wheelchair," Sam explained.

Dean raised an eyebrow, "A wheelchair, Sammy? Really?"

"Dean, you can't walk," Sam reminded him.

"Yeah, but fuck me if I'm getting pushed around like a goddamn soccer mom's shopping cart!"

Sam took a deep breath. He thought Dean would know by now what life is going to be like because of the accident.

Dean just stared at the wall blankly, thinking about everything. It was only in his dreams that he was no longer paralyzed. Even that wasn't entirely true with his reoccurring nightmare. Always in the sealed off room, chained to the same chair, listening to the same song, screaming until his throat hurt. Paralyzed.

"I don't wanna be this way," Dean whispered, "This isn't a life for me. Hell, it's not even living."

Sam gave him a look of sympathy, "Dean, a lot of people live long and happy lives with disabilities like this."

Dean whipped his head towards him, "Don't refer to this as a disability and don't you fucking dare call me disabled! I'm going to be perfectly capable of anything and everything or so help me I'm going to bite a goddamn bullet!"

"You can't just kill yourself because something is difficult," Sam retorted.

"Oh you're right, Sam, because I can't even hold a damn gun, let alone pull the trigger! I'm saying I'm going to be able to do every fucking thing I did before the accident. Just you wait until a month from now!"

Sam sighed, "I have faith in you, Dean," it sounded sarcastic, but deep down he meant it. If Cas was working, maybe he could make Dean's goal a triumph.

Dean nodded, "You better fucking believe it."

*****

Taking Dean home was an exceptionally long process of changing his clothes, rolling him in the wheelchair to Bobby's truck, taking him out of the wheelchair, lifting him inside Bobby's truck, and finally reversing the whole process to bring him inside the house. Dean was heavy.

They had checked out of the hospital a little later than intended, so Sam was now rushing to get ready for his date with Amelia. Meanwhile, Dean fell asleep. His medication always made him extremely drowsy.

Dean began dreaming. All of his dreams started out the same. Always in the same grey room, not being able to move and no one to hear him screaming. Just paralyzed, and the feeling of someone watching...

Eventually, his dreamscape would change scenery. This time Dean sat in his '67 Impala with Simple Man blasting as loud as the volume would go. He smiled and rubbed the steering wheel. "Oh baby," he whispered. He riffed the engine before taking off down the street in the same city as before. He drove past Castiel walking down the sidewalk, and immediately did a U-turn to go back to him.

He rolled down the window and grinned at Castiel, "Hey there stranger!" He yelled.

Castiel looked around before he realized he was the only one in sight. Dean waved for Castiel to come inside the car. Castiel knit his eyebrows in confusion, "Isn't this where the accident happened? Inside of your car?" He asked as he slid inside.

Dean stared at him, "How do you know about the accident?"

Castiel panicked internally for a moment, "I... am a figment of your imagination... So I know everything going on inside of your mind."

Dean said, "Oh yeah. Right. Anyway, this is where the accident happened. But it's not Baby's fault. I can never stay mad at her," He smiled and nodded as he looked around the car again, "But I'm the one who screwed up, not Baby. I saw this bright light fly across the sky and I just couldn't stop looking. I ended up slamming on the brakes and drifted into the other lane as another car came down the street and fwop," he made a popping noise with his finger and his mouth.

Castiel's eyes widened, "A bright light flying across the sky?"

Dean nodded, "Yep."

Castiel shook his head in disbelief. It was his fault Dean is paralyzed.

That light was him. Falling from heaven. And Dean saw it. It hadn't dawned on him until now. He was the one who ruined Dean's life. He couldn't help, but think how many other lives he could have ruined...

Castiel disappeared; he couldn't be with him right now. Cas escaped to a different part of Dean's mind, somewhere safe. Dean stared at the seat Castiel was just sitting in.

He looked around frantically, "Cas? Where'd you go?"

Dean got out of his car and walked down the middle of the street, yelling and screaming for Castiel.

Castiel heard his pleas, but couldn't bring himself to facing him. He felt as if he destroys everything he touches. His actions had consequences.

In heaven, Castiel was made out to be the biggest screw up in the garrison. He had one job; to watch over the prisoners inside of heaven's jail. And he failed. An excessively powerful angel talked Castiel into letting him out. It wasn't even that cunning of an argument either.

Nonetheless, a naïve Castiel released the angel. Havoc erupted throughout Heaven, causing Castiel to fall in the chaos. He didn't know who caused him to fall, he just knew it was from his mistake.

He stayed far away from Dean, in the deepest corners of his mind that he never dusted or knew were there. The places Dean wouldn't access even if he wanted to because of the pain they caused. The infantile memories of his mother singing "Hey Jude" as she rocked him back and forth in her arms.

Castiel assumed his aversions were for the best. He already caused enough trouble, he didn't want to be known as the one and only angel in all of creation to fall in love with some frail and pathetic human.

And most of all, he didn't want to mess up that human either.