I watch Simon over the tv in his room. He is gorgeous. Then they announce the commercial break and someone comes into the room and says, "Ms Holden. Mr Cowell would like you to come and meet him. Just as long as the break is."

I am not sure... Well as long as he is there, everything is going to be okay. I nod and stand up. The man brings me to Simon who waits before the huge room, where everybody is waiting for the break to be over and the show to continu, and whispers into my ear, "I know this is not going to be comfortable for either of us, but I don't wanna hide you your whole life. Besides that you are my Mandy and you don't deserve to wait in a damn dressing room."

I laugh and nod. He grabs my hand and walks back into the huge room. No, this isn't a room anymore... It's a building. I hide behind him as good as I can and everybody cheers when they see me. I don't know how I did this before. This is such a huge pressure... I see someone running to get a chair for me, but Simon says, "No it's okay."

He sits down, pulling me into his lap. "How are you doing?" he asks, but turned his microphone off so nobody can hear what we are saying. "I am fine... we are fine," I say, placing my hand on my belly.

"Well I am glad to hear that. I hope it's not too boring back there..." he says and looks at me, his eyes full of guilt. I slowly brush my hand up and down his arm and say, "Well I would rather be with you than sitting in the back, but it's bearable."

"You can stay out here if you want. Like I said, the people love and miss you as a judge," he says and looks at me with his puppy eyes. "No, I don't feel comfortable out here... Too much people and cameras. And what if I can't think of anything to say?"

"Well if you can't think of anything to say... then say, I can't think of anything to say," he says, making me laugh. "Why are you laughing? I am being serious!" he says, but laughs himself.

Suddenly we see two man come out and somebody tells us that we are on live. I want to stand up before it's too late, but it's already too late. Simon pulls me back down and whispers into my ear, "Well I think now you are stuck with me out here..."

"Simon I don't want to-" but he cuts me off "Well you don't have to say anything. Just stay here... on my lap."

I smile at him and softly nod my head yes. Why can't I say no to him? I make myself comfortable on him and then we hear the left of the two men say, "Well who do we have here? Our Amanda! When did you arrive? We didn't know that you would be here today..."

I look at Simon, desperately searching for help. "Well actually she was here the whole time. It wasn't even planned that she would be on the show with us," Simon says and I look at him, thankful for his help. He squeezes my hips, meaning 'It's okay'.

We are a few acts into the show and I didn't say a word. Then there is a act who needs a judge on stage and I don't expect that they say my name. That's why I am even more surprised and shocked when I hear, "Originally we wanted to make this with Alesha but since Amanda is here too we would like to do it with her."

I look at Simon, my eyes full of fear. "Well I don't think that's a good idea..." he says and they look at us disappointed and ask, "Why? I mean she always took par of an act if she was asked to."

God this is so emberassing and live! I look around me and suddenly I get scared and begin to panick. Not the kind of harmless panick, this is a panick attack that takes my breath away...

Simon's POV

I feel how she gets tense and I look at her closely. I ignore everybody talking and the act asking me something. "Manda what is wrong?" I ask softly and try to calm her down. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "S-si... I can't breath," she says in a high pitched voice. Her face turns totally red.

Oh god not again. She has a panick attack and this one is a huge deal. The act is saying something, but I just yell, "Could you please shut up!"

Everybody looks at us, but I ignore everything. "Baby you need to calm down..." I say in a calm and soothing voice. She begins to cry what makes her getting less and less air. "Simon. I can't breath," she says in a crying voice.

I feel her pulse and I am sure her heart beats extremly fast. I need to get her out of here. I pick her up and say to Alesha, "She's having a panick attack. I will get her out of here. You'll continue with the show."

I begin to walk as fast as I can and she just cries, burrying her head in my neck. The whole audience went silent and I can feel everybodys'eyes on us. I don't care. I need to make sure that she is okay.

Suddenly she tries to get out of my arms, making us fall over. I manage to not fall ontop of her and she just lies there, pulling her knees up to her chest, crying. I feel so bad for her. It has never been so bad. She sweats and I can tell she isn't feeling well at all.

A female paramedic comes rushing towards us and she falls to her knees and asks, "Did something bad happen what could make her react this way? Any bad accident or experience in the last time?"

"Well she did loose her memorie two weeks ago. She is afraid of people now," I say and the girl just nods. "You need to talk to her. Just tell her that you love her and that everything is going to be alirght. Tell her about her past. Make her feel loved," she says and I nod.

I pull her into my lap and begin to whisper into her hair, "Mandy... you need to calm down. Remeber yesterday? I promised you to never leave you alone. I am here! I am here... I will always be here, next to you. Everything is going to be alright, but you need to calm down! I love you and these babies, baby. We will go now, but you need to calm down. There are so many things I want to tell you, like how  beautiful you are and that I love you, but I feel like you already know this. I want you to know that whatever happens I am here and that you can trust me. Look I am here now, I won't let go of you. Remeber how we talked about getting you back on track? Well you need to calm down first so that we can get you help... I promise you we'll get through this. You will get your memory back and you will be okay with being around people. We will do this... together. You are not one single second alone.... You said I am stuck with you? Well baby I think you are stuck with me... I don't let you go. You are too important for me to loose. I want our lives to be like they used to. I want you back. You know, we used to be best friends. We talked about everything! I helped you, when you had problems with men or just needed someone to talk to. I helped you when you needed help the most and you were always thankful for it. I never admitted to myself how much you mean to me until it was too late. I hurt you and I am so so damn sorry for hurting you, even though you don't remeber it. I will always be soory for every second I made you cry, and I will never forgive myself for breaking you big, big heart full of love, kindness and so so so much more great things! You are an amazing person Manda... don't give up now. We will get through it and every second we both share is worth it."

She calmed down by the end of my speech and looks at me with tears in her little teddy bear eyes. "Do you really think about me like that?" she asks and I laugh. "Of course darling! Why would I be here, if I don't love you the way I do?"

She kisses me and I pick her up, carrying her out of the room. She holds on to me, exhausted and sleepy. Before we are even out of the room, she fell asleep in my arms and I kiss her head, praying that everything is going to be alright.

I gently place her in the car, but when I move away from her she immediately wakes up and searches for me with sleepy eyes. "Shhh... I am here," I say and hug her, watching her drifting off to sleep again.

I wait a few more seconds, watching my sleeping beauty. I slowly move away, this time not waking her, and walk over to the dirver's side. I sit down and slowly start the engine, praying not to wake her up again. To my luck, she remains sleeping and I slowly drive back home. I look at her from time to time, making sure everything is alright...

As we arrive at home, she still didn't wake up, so I quietly open and close the doors of the car, pick her up and walk with her in my arms inside. I kiss her head and she slowly wakes up. "Wh-where are we?" she asks more than confused.

"We are at home," I say, smiling down at her.

"Oh god... I am so sorry. I emberassed you. I shouldn't have come with you," she says and blushes. "Don't worry. You didn't emberass me. You just made me worry to death!" I say and she still isn't covinced.

"I just won't leave the house again and this won't happen again, I promise!" she says as if I am angry. "You definetly will leave the house again, but it won't happen again, I promise..." I say and kiss her softly.

I place her on the soft bed and she yawns. "Well there is someone tired, isn't she?"

"Yeah," she says laughing. "Well, I'll give you some space too change," I say and want to walk away, but she says, "Noooo. I don't wanna change!"

"Well you gotta get out that dress tho," I say and laugh. "Then you need to change my clothes. I won't move a single muscle," she says and I laugh, walking into her closet and searching for something to change her into. I soon find the Simon pyjama and laugh. That will be a surprise when she wakes up tomorrow morning...

I walk back into the room and find her fast asleep on the bed. I smile to myself and walk over to her. I slowly lift her upper body and pull down the zipper of her dress, deciding to leave her bra on. I pull the dress down her body and slowly lift her legs to remove it completely. I take the pyjama tank top and pull over her head, after lifting her upper body a little,  and slowly let her body glide back onto the bed.

I take the shorts and pull them up her legs, lifting her hips to get them over her butt, before covering her with the sheets and kissing her goodnight.