I walk torwards our waiting room at BGT and see Simon smile at me as soon as I enter the room. I always feel so loved when he lays his eyes on me, but I know... he will never really love me like I love him. We are both single, we went on a date and he told me he wasn't into blonde women.

I was really dissapointed. I pretended that I ordered a cab anyways, but I really had hoped to go home with him even if it was just one time. We never talked about it again and continued to have our flirty best friend realationship.

It hurts to see him everyday and not being able to tell him how much I love him... I am suddenly pulled back into realty when Simon snips his fingers in front of my face and says, "Earth to Amanda... Are you still in there?"

I laugh and he joins my laughter soon. He just always makes me laugh.... That is one thing I love about him. "So honey I wanted to talk with you about this new thing  called Handy Mandy. I know it is not really what you would call a dream job, but..."

"I'll make it," I say and smile at him. I can't say no to him. And especially when he calls me Mandy or honey. He used to call me babe too, but that changed after our 'date'.

He stares at me in disbelief. "You'll do it? Oh my god Amanda you are amazing!" He says and kisses me onto the forehead.

I love it when he is this close to me. Probably everybody knows besides Simon that I love him... I am not good at hiding it. He is my biggest weakness and it's obvious.

But Simon can be blind sometimes. He stands up and walks away. I smile and look after him. David shakes his head and says, "Sweety tell him that you love him or he will be taken away from some other girl."

I shake my head softly and say sadly, "He isn't interest in me..."

It's the sad truth. He isn't into me. Our date is stuck in my head. God it was perfect until he told me there would be nothing between us and that we should stay good friends.

In this moment my little girly world shattered into tiny little pieces. I am an actress so I didn't let him see how hurt I was. I cried myself to sleep that night and still can't think about that night without tearing up.

I walk into my dressing room as fast as possible so that nobody sees my tears. I always try to keep the happy face when I am with them. They don't need to know how I really feel. I slide down a wall and begin to cry. My cries become more and soon I sob uncontrollably.

I hear a soft knock on the door and try to dry my tears before this person enters, but it's too late. Simon opens the door and looks worried at me. "What's wrong Mandy?"

He walks over and sits down next to me, hugging me close.

"Nothing... Everything is alright," I lie.

"Don't lie to me Amanda. I know you and I know that you are NOT alright."

"It's okay Simon... I just have a rough time right now."

"Is it a man?" He asks and I laugh sadly.

"Yeah. You could say that."

"Who is it? I am going to kill that guy for breaking my little Mandy 's heart," he says really angry.

"No, it's alright Si. I am okay. Really."

He wants to say something, but a crew member comes to tell us that we can go to hair and make up now.

He kisses my head and stands up to walk away. He helps me up and we walk together to hair and make up in silence. Little did he know that he is that man that breaks my heart ever day again and again.

The crew gets our hair and make up done in no time and I put my happy face on again. I had a  weak moment, but I am not going to let anybody else see how heartbroken I am. Well Alesha knows how bad it really is. She is the only one I told this. The rest of the people are just guessing that I might be in love with my boss.

I see Alesha walking towards me and smile at her. "Hey Mandy. How are you doing?"

"I am fine... and you?" I say and she looks sad at me.

"Same with me. Are you ready for todays audition?" she asks and changes the subject, because she sensed my uneasiness.

"Yes, I am already excited what Stephen has planned. He said, he would have prepared a game for the break," I say and we walk together to the stage. After that everything goes as planned and we are called in. We sit down and Simon takes place next to me, like every day.

We are two hours into auditions, when Stephens comes out and says, "Well we will have a short break now, but don't be sad... we have a game planed for our judges. Well for two of them. You are going to choose with whom Simon has to do it."

Simon sighs and we all laugh at him. David is already excited and hopes he is the one who will be chosen. I lean back and read trough my phone while Stephen explains, "You will have a balloon and you will have to make it burst, BUT you are not allowed to use your hands!"

Great Simon and David are going to make fun of themselves again...

"So who should play with Simon? Is it David?" A few people applaud, but not many. Probably it's going to be Alesha than.

"Alesha maybe?" A few more applaud, but really not that much.

"Amanda?" Everybody cheers and screams and I look up from my phone. No! I am not going to do this.

Simon looks at me and laughs. I shake my head no. "No Simon, I am not going to do this!" He just looks at me. I know this face and it's not good. "You are doing this Mandy," he says and laughs at me. God this man...  I whine and say, "No, I am not and not even you can convince me to do this."

He just laughs and throws me over his shoulder. I try to hit him, but I know that I have no chance against him. Everybody laughs besides me. Alesha and David are almost falling out of their seats and the crowd is standing.

Simon sets me down on the stage and Stephen walks over to us with a balloon in his hand. "How you do it doesn't matter. From behind or whatever you like as long as you don't touch it" We both nod and Simon says to me, "Turn around."

"What?"  I say and laugh.

"Turn around," he says totally serious.

I turn around and everybody watches excited. Simon grabs my hips and places the balloon between our hips. Then he slams his hips against me, trying to get this balloon to burst. He does that over and over again and I feel myself getting aroused as hell. I want to moan, but I need to prevent myself from doing this. Here are way too many people in here.

He is so gently and tries not to hurt me. His hands on my waist and his hips against mine... It's like in my fantasies, but we are fully clothed and are in the middle of an audition. His hand wander over my body and I am slipping more and more into my dream world.

That's when I get unconcentrated and fall onto the ground. Everybody laughs and I get red like a tomato. What the hell Amanda?! Why did you do this?! Why couldn't you fucking concentrate on what you were doing?! Simon bents down and whisperes into my ear, "Are you alright baby?"

"I am fine, I just want to get this over as soon as possible," I say and smile at him.

He helps me up and places the balloon again between our hips. Soon the balloon bursts and Simon lets go of my waist. We walk back and sit down. I have a sad facial expression and Alesha can tell that something isn't right, because she pulls me aside and asks quietly, "Manda are you alright?"

"I-I don't know. I need a few minutes alone..." I say and walk into my dressing room. We still have ten minutes break and all I can think of is the man I love for ten years now. I never did a move on him, because he was my saviour when times where bad and I didn't want to destroy our realationship.

I am feeling really bad and feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Amanda don't cry... you can't ruin your damn make up. I can't stop it... The tears stream down freely. I hear a knock. Shit! Again I try to wipe my tears away, but Simon is faster. He sees me crying again and sits down next to me. He pulls me closer and hugs me tight.

"What is wrong darling and don't lie to me," he says and I sigh. I can't tell him. "Is it still this guy?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh Mandy.... don't cry because of him. You will find a different man which you are going to marry and spend the rest of your live with. You are a beautiful woman and every men would do everything to call you his."

I want to tell him, tell him that he that guy is. "Simon...."

"Yes, beautiful?"

"I... am glad that I can call you my friend." but again I can't get myself to say these three little words. I love you.