Alaska.

You are an abomination!

Alaska.

You should not exist!

Alaska.

You should be dead!

Alaska.

And dead you'll be.

Alaska.

I will enjoy...

"Lara?"

I blinked my eyes, reality slowly pulling me back in. White walls appeared on the background, the scent of food wafting through my nostrils, soon followed by the acre smell of disinfectant. I was not in Alaska. I was in the canteen of the Saint Mary Hospital.
Eliza was looking at me questionably, her eyes showing a bit of concern.

"Are you all right?"

I don't know.

"Yes, don't worry. I'm just tired."

She wasn't totally convinced, I could tell, but she wasn't going to pry either. She never had. And I had always appreciated that.

"You pager has been going off while you were..distracted."

I didn't miss how she emphasized the last word, but I didn't care. I had been distracted a lot these past few days. I looked down at my pager and it indeed displayed two missed calls from Dr. Long. With a sigh, my attention went to the tray of food I had barely touched. Vegetables were scattered on the plate, some even immersed in the stew's sauce. My stomach clamped up at the sight. I wasn't that hungry. Honestly, I hadn't been hungry since I had returned.

"I better go."

Eliza kept subtly studying me while I stood up and straightened my white coat.

"We're having drinks at my apartment tonight if you want. I even have a new board game to try out. Will...has been asking about you."

I picked up the tray from the table, trying to maintain a straight face.

"Thank you, but I can't tonight. I'm truly exhausted. Next time, okay?" I had to go back to the pack, but she didn't need to know that. And me being exhausted wasn't a lie. I truly was. "And I couldn't care less about Will. I owe him nothing. And after the stunt he pulled at the Gala he better stay away if he wants to keep his hands."

Eliza laughed, but she didn't know how serious I was. Deadly serious. He had unwillingly pissed off the wrong werewolves that night.

"Next time then."

"Next time."

With a nod in her direction, I departed from the canteen, throwing the food in the nearest dustbin. May I be forgiven for that.

The Oncology department was calm when I arrived and, asking the nurse at the acceptation about Dr. Long's whereabout, I was directed towards the break room, finding him exactly where she told me he would be.

"David, did you call for me?"

He looked up from his phone, the blue light coming from it accentuating his lines and wrinkles.

"Oh Lara, hello. Yes, I did. I wanted to do the round with you."

Dr. Long pocketed his phone and stood up, picking up few charts while doing so. I tried to smile, but it was hard. He knew that I liked doing rounds with him, but even spending time with him wasn't going to put me out of my misery. My mind somehow always ended up there. I had tried to submerge myself with work these couple last days, but the distraction never lasted long. I so desperately wanted to snap out of it, but the memories always came back.

"Let's go then."

Hours were spent checking on recovered patients and visiting new ones and I helped Dr.Long however I could. My shift was coming to an end, but there still was a patient to attend to. David stopped in front of a door, passing me the medical chart.

"Female, thirty-two years old. One successful pregnancy and one spontaneous abortion. We diagnosed uterine cervical cancer and we're still deciding on the best therapy."

I scanned through the datas.

"What are the options?"

"We're pending for radiotherapy. Hysterectomy would be the best bet, but the tumor is still small and local. The curious fact is that her pelvic lymph nodes are enlarged, but they're not metastatic. She just has lymphadenoma."

That piqued my interest. I decided to risk it, cause I had no other options.

"What if they were tumorous? I know it's extremely rare that lymphadenoma is tumorous, but let's say that it was. And the patient isn't seemingly responding to chemotherapy. What would you do?"

Dr.Long scrunched his eyebrows, his expression set in deep concentration. Then, he sighed.

"In that case I'd suggest a radical lymphadenectomy of the interested lymph nodes."

At that, my heart sunk to my stomach.

————

The night was everything that I was not.
Calm.
Silent.
Peaceful.

There were no clouds in the sky, the moonlight reflecting on the waters below. An owl resonated in the woods, its screech soon followed by the flapping of wings. I was looking at the stillness of the lake, but my mind was miles away. My thoughts were chaotic, one overtaking the other. There was no sense in my head. No logic, no order. The beast within me was silent, not knowing how to help me. She was giving me time to sort out my thoughts by myself, but I couldn't find the starting point of the mess that was my mind. I didn't even know what time it was. I could had been looking at the lake for hours or just few minutes, I had no idea. Not even the sound of feet scraping on rocks made me come back to reality. I felt like Alice, following the white rabbit down the hole and slowly falling into madness.

The intruder stopped beside me, sitting down on the same rock I was on. He placed something between us, but I didn't divert my gaze from the lake. It smelled of grease, bacon and turkey. My stomach rumbled at the scent, but at the thought of eating waves of nausea rolled into me.

"I thought you could have something to eat."

Hercules' voice was neutral, empty of inflictions. A balm for my raging mind.

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry."

I kept looking at the water below, pondering if the secrets hidden under the surface could help me find peace. If they could help my mind unplug, even if just for a second. I hadn't properly eaten in days. My body was drained. My mind was drained. And I was..

"I'm scared."

Silence reigned after my confession. I turned to look at Hercules, finding him staring at the lake himself. But I knew he was listening. And I knew that his silence wasn't disinterest. He was waiting for me to share whatever I was willing to. Without prying. Without pushing. He was giving me the chance to confide only what I felt comfortable enough to. I was sure that if I didn't choose to elaborate further, he still wouldn't ask about it. My heart swelled at the thought. I returned my eyes to the water, words tumbling out of my mouth.

"I spoke with my superior today. We had a case that was somehow linked to Sarah's, so I asked him what he would do in that situation."

Silence.

"He told me he would operate."

Silence.

"I'm not a surgeon."

I dared to look at the moon and voiced out my biggest fear.

"I think you put hope in the wrong person. I'm scared I won't know how to help you in the end."

Here they were, out in the open. My fears. The fear of failure. The fear of not being enough. The fear of incapability.
I felt bare. Exposed. Weak. Little.

Hercules did not move a muscle, his eyes still on the horizon. I wasn't expecting him to answer. Just having someone to listen to me while I voiced my thoughts out loud..it was more than I could ask for. But then he surprised me.

"Do you want to know what happened on the day I was to claim my title of Alpha?"

It was my time to stay silent. I didn't want to pressure him. I was going to listen whatever he was willing to share.

"My best friend challenged me for the position, telling me I was unfit to lead the pack."

Shocked, I turned to look at him, but he was serene. Unbothered. Like his usual self.

"Cameron and I have been inseparable since we were little, growing up together like a pair of brothers. That is, until a boy was found abandoned in the woods. He was a couple of years older than us and his name was Jayden. We took him in, giving him a new home and a new family. Jayden soon became like a brother to me and Cameron and, growing up, I knew that I would make him my Gamma. My blood brother, Perseus, never questioned my choice. He knew that his wolf would have gone crazy if subordinated to me."

He paused, his shoulders now drooping a little.

"On the day of me claiming the title, Jayden stopped the ceremony and challenged me. He used everything I had confided in him, every fear, every weakness, against me. He made me question myself, my capacity, my worth. He made me doubt myself. He made me ask myself if he was right, if I was receiving the title just because of my lineage instead of deserving it. I felt like shit. But deep down I knew that he was wrong because my father and the pack would have chosen someone else if I wasn't worthy. Deep down I knew that the title was mine to have, not because of birth right, but because I had earned it. So I accepted his challenge. And won."

I stayed silent, not knowing what to say. My eyes slowly fell on his hipbones, where I knew his tattoo lied. Now everything made sense.

"Betrayal by someone you consider family is the ultimate pain. Insecurities and fears don't determine you as a person, or your capabilities. The way you decide to affront them, however, do."

For the first time that evening, he turned to look at me. His eyes were so honest, so open, so raw that something in me melted. He had chosen to open up to me, just like I had opened up to him.

"And you are not a quitter either, Lara."

I had no words. No words to describe the gratitude I was feeling. His presence, his confession, his words had meant to me more than he could ever imagine.

"You don't have the answers today, but that doesn't mean you can't have them tomorrow."

I couldn't stop looking at him in the eyes, drowning in their disarming honesty. He believed in me. He had faith in me. He was sure I would succeed.

"Thank you," I managed to whisper.

Hercules nodded, his eyes catching few rays of moonlight. I would never get tired of saying how beautiful they were. Something in me tightened and I broke the eye contact, turning to look at the night.

"I'm even scared of what's to come."

I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to elaborate. I sighed.

"You know I have to go there."

I was sure he understood where I meant.

"I know," was his only answer.

I leaned my head on my knees, feeling the denim scratch against my cheek. I looked at him through my eyelashes, marveling at how handsome he looked under the moonlight. He truly was a creature of the night. The moon seemed to kiss him on the exposed skin he had.

"If I can't cure Sarah with human medicine, I have to find out more about the Wikat's kiss. Maybe I'll find something useful, hopefully even a cure...even if the Healers had failed in doing so."

That was the other question hanging over my head. If the Healers, with centuries of knowledge, had failed in finding a cure, how many chances did I have? Me, a human doctor?

Hercules probably saw where my thoughts were headed, cause he said, " That's not something you have to worry about alone. And not now, by the way."

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What do you mean, not now?"

He sighed, ranking an hand through his midnight locks.

"There is a very bad storm brewing in Alaska. The forecast says it could last days, even weeks. It's too dangerous to go there right now."

I lifted my head up, straightening my back. As much as I loathed the thought of going back to Alaska, I knew I had to. And we didn't have time to spare.

"But I have to! You saw Sarah yourself! She is slowly fading away! We can't wait any longer! I need to go.."

Hercules interrupted me, his eyes burning into mine.

"And you will, but not now. You won't help Sarah or the RedClaw member by endangering yourself. Getting hurt or possibly die won't help them recover any faster."

I wanted to retort, but he had a point. There was no joking with the Alaskan weather. I sighed, accepting my defeat in the discussion. I would wait. I only hoped it wouldn't be too late.

Hercules' raging gaze calmed down and I could swear there was a sort of softness in its depth. Even if he looked like he was conflicted about something.

"I know one of your conditions was to never take part in pack's events, but we're going on a hunt this weekend. You could come, if you want to. It could be a way to take your mind off things for a while."

I raised an eyebrow.

"A hunt? For what?"

"To celebrate the arrival of Spring. We do it every year. In addition, this year it is an opportunity to even collect meat for the packs we will be hosting in a couple of weeks."

Honestly, a hunt didn't sound so bad. At all. Hunting had always helped me cool off. Even my wolf manifested her interest, but I would think about it. I still had a couple of days left.

"I'll think about it."

Hercules nodded, probably pleased that I hadn't straight on refused. I made a move to stand up, as it was probably late and I was tired, but Hercules' words stopped me.

"You don't have to face your demons by yourself. You are not alone," he paused, "Not anymore."

Not anymore.

And for some reason, I believed him.

———-

Third update in a month, am I spoiling you? 🙃 Just kidding!

I wanted to finally show you another Lara in this chapter. I know most of you kind of hate her and think she is a bitch, but sometimes people have the need to hide their true emotions behind masks and lies. I never told she was perfect, nor innocent, cause everyone has flaws. I hope this chapter will help you look at her in another prospective. And from now on, this side of her will appear more and more.

What do you think about it?
I truly hope you liked it. As always, vote, comment and share!

Btw, I want to get to know you! Where are you from?
A special thought to any American reader! I pray for the future of your country!

Ps: 90k reads???? 😱
I can't believe it! Thank you.