“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certain that just to be alive is a grand thing.”

-          Agatha Christie

Emma

They are still there. I can hear their muttered voices, though the rain dilutes the sound. I don’t think they are seekers. Even my paranoid mind realizes that not all souls are after me.

Still, I’m not going to show myself. I don’t want to end up like yesterday, in a stranger’s house with someone I can’t trust.

It’s my own fault I suppose. I should have paid more attention. It seems I haven’t learned a thing since yesterday. Or the day before for that matter. Everywhere I go, I end op being seen. Did my luck run out? Or did the world just run out of hiding spots?
There’s two men this time. The oldest is probably around fifty. I’m not sure if the younger is his son or just another soul. Souls don’t really seem to care about things like that. They just love everyone. For all I know, one of them was just a hitchhiker.

Whatever they are, they stopped the car as soon as the light of the car flashed over me and now they seem determined to find me.

“Are you sure it was a person?” the oldest one say, “shouldn’t they have come out by now?”

“Hey!” The second man holds his hands around his mouth and calls towards the mountains. “Can you hear us?! I’m Jeremy and this is Carves Steel Webs. We have a car here. Come out and you can drive with us to the nearest city.”
As if I would actually do that. I press myself closer to the rock I’m hiding behind and hope they’ll give up.
I’m covered in mud and I’m cold. I want to cry, but I don’t remember how to do that and the sound would probably lead them straight to me, so I settle for biting my lip.
I close my eyes in the childish believe that as long as I don’t see anything, it will all go away.

“Come on Jeremy,” Carves Steel Webs says to his friend, “there’s no one here. We probably didn’t see it right.”

“That’s just your spider mind talking,” Jeremy answered, “I swear Web, you’ve been on that planet way too long.”
“Five life terms is not that long for a spider,” Web answers, “even humans live longer than them. Let’s just go.”

I nod in agreement and stay hidden. Please make Jeremy listen to him.

It’s not uncommon for souls to keep the name of their human host, though a lot of them tend to keep the name they had on their last planet. I’m not sure why that is.
A sneeze makes its way up my nose and I do what I can to stifle it. Maybe I’ve succeeded, the rain is still heavy, so they may not have heard it. I would feel a lot better though if they would just leave.
I’m shivering now too.

“Jer, come on,” Web says again, “it’s cold and it’s raining.”
There is a pause. Maybe this Jeremy is sighing. Maybe he’s looking one last time, but after what seems like hours, I hear the car take off.
It takes several more minutes before I dare to move and even then I’m not coming out of hiding. I can hear my own breathing and wonder if this is what a panic attack feels like.

Slowly I lower myself to the muddy ground. I don’t have the strength to go on. I just want to sleep.
Vaguely I remember once hearing that when you fall asleep in a snowstorm, you’ll never wake up again. Does that go for rainstorms too? I wonder if I care. Does it really matter if I never wake up again? There’s no one left to miss me. And that on its own is a very lonely thought.

When I open my eyes again the grey has turned into something resembling blue. I must have fallen asleep then. And I know I’m still alive, because every muscle in my body hurts.
At least it stopped raining. But now my chest burns and I cough vividly.
I should move, stay active, get warm. My brain knows this, but my body finds it difficult to obey. Slowly I get up and the world is spinning. I feel so sick that I’m not even hungry, but I force myself to eat.
The Twinkies are the only food that isn’t completely soaked and I  fumble with the wrappings.
Though sweets will probably make me feel nauseous, the sugar will give me energy. And I need energy to keep moving. I can’t stay curled up here this close to the highway. As soon as the sky clears I’ll be in plain sight for anyone that drives by.

I literally have to force myself to stand.
Judging from the sun, it’s still morning. I have to be out of here before noon. I have to make for the mountains. There I’ll be safe. Somewhere no one will find me.
The mountain trail is steep. Occasionally I have to go in hiding when a car passes down the road.
Walking gets harder every pause I make. I’m swaying on my feet and cold sweat is on my forehead. Fever. It’s to be expected after yesterday’s rain. I shouldn’t have left, but it’s too late to regret my decision. Besides, if I had stayed, I would probably be dead now. Someone else would be wearing my body as we speak. But at least my body would be dry.

When I trip I just keep lying on the path. Getting up seems too much effort. All I want is sleep. My head hurts and I’m cold. I know I have to drink a lot, because the fever will burn up everything. I wish I had some aspirin. I feel like my head is going to explode.
Slowly my fingers get a hold of the water bottle that is in my bag and I take large gulp of water. I rest my head against the rock and watch a bird that is quietly looking for food close by. A smile makes its way to my face. At least animals are still animals.
Then another thought makes its way towards my mind. Are there animals in these mountains? I don’t mind birds and rabbits, but I don’t want to take my chances with wolves or mountain lions. Are there coyotes here or wild boars? I have no idea.

The bird is chirping happily and in my mind the sound turns into laughter, like it’s mocking me. A chuckle escapes my throat. A mockingbird. My delirious mind thinks it’s hilarious and before I know it I’m singing. “Hush little baby don’t say a word. Daddy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won’t sing, daddy’s gonna buy you…” My voice dies out. Somehow that song has always been depressing to me, though I can’t tell you why. And daddy’s not going to buy me anything anymore.

I hoist myself to my feet. I need to keep moving. Perhaps I can find a cave or build a fire. I need to get warm again. My entire body is shivering, though the sun should have warmed me by now. All I want to do is sleep, but my feet keep moving and I hope someday they’ll take me somewhere where it’s safe. It’s been so long since I’ve felt safe. Back when everything was still normal. When I had my friends to hang out with. They are all gone now. Will I see their bodies wandering around one day? I picture Ashley with her long blonde hair. The chatty girl that is the complete opposite of me, but my best friend since elementary school. Her parents weren’t particularly rich. Her mother was a high school teacher. Her father died when she was four.
I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. It was the first day of school and my mother had picked out some high fashion dress for me to wear. During recess I had found myself a spot where I could be alone, but Ashley came up to me within five minutes and started talking randomly. Usually I avoided my classmates. Not because we didn’t get along, but because I felt left out in my expensive clothes.
She talked a lot, but strangely enough it didn’t bother me.
I smile at the memory

“Hi, I’m Ashley. Your name is Emma, right? Why are you sitting all by yourself? I really like your dress. My mom won’t let me wear dresses to school. She says I’ll just ruin them. It’s just me and my mom. My daddy died two years ago. He was in a car crash. Do you still have your daddy?”
It takes me a while to realize she’s actually waiting for an answer this time. I nod my head.
“That’s good,” she smiled, “you wanna be my friend?”
I can only stare at her.
Ashley gives me a sheepish smile. “Sorry,” she says, “my mom always says I talk too much.” She gives an embarrassed huff.
I picture her in one room with my mother and that brings a smile to my face. I wonder which one out of the two would drive the other insane first. But that is not the reason I smile at her. Talkative as she is, I find myself liking her. She’s the kind of person that can cheer up anyone.
“Of course I’ll be your friend,” I answer her. And with that our friendship is sealed.

Things were so much simpler then.
Her voice echoes in my mind. How long before I won’t remember what it sounded like?
I miss her. Even in a situation like this, she would find the bright side of it. She would try to cheer us both up and she would probably succeed.
I smile again, remembering the shocked look on my mother’s face when I returned home that day in Ashley’s clothes. Suffice to say my mother was not that charmed by my new friend.
Still, Ashley was always welcome in our house. I just preferred going to her place.

I saw her get taken, even though at the time I had no idea what was happening to her. To all of them.

I finish the last of the first water bottle and wish I had a spare set of clothes. The ones I’m wearing now are soaked with sweat. As if the rain wasn’t bad enough.
The landscape is dull and much of the same and I wonder if I have passed this rock before. There‘s no way to be sure. I can’t concentrate long enough to think about it, because someone is working my head with a sledgehammer.
Unable to keep going any further, I slump to the ground and groan in pain.
Maybe I should just stay here. Let them find me then. At least I’ll be rid of the pain.
Carefully my limp fingers untie the still damp blanket and I wrap myself in it.  I lay the matches out to dry. Perhaps I can build a fire later.
For a moment I consider laying out the food as well, but it will only attract wild animals and I don’t want to be eaten.

I stare at the matches that lie before me on the grassy ground. For some reason they are quite fascinating. My eyes become hazy from the fever and I lie down again.

My last coherent thoughts are all about fire.