Chapter 122 The Host Skipper
The hardest thing in life to learn
Is which bridge to cross
And which to burn
-David Russell
Burns
My hands are sweating and no amount of rubbing against my jeans can make it go away. This is it. There is no going back now.
I stare at the apartment where Ocean and Core live, knowing this will be the last time I will ever see them, and for a moment I need to remind myself why I'm doing this.
Emma.
I'm doing this for her.
And for Nate. And Blake and Finn, and all the other humans I have grown to love.
I need to protect them.
Ocean and Core will be fine. They have each other.
And Scales. My mind wanders to him. Last I heard, he had someone in his life too. Yes, they're going to be just fine.
I take a deep breath and ring the doorbell.
Arashi is waiting in the van, parked a few blocks down. I told him I could arrange for a motel room so he'd be more comfortable, but he declined. He wanted to be ready for anything, able to leave the moment trouble occurs. I can't blame him. I know exactly how he feels.
The door opens and I stare into Core's wide eyes. "Burns?" he questions.
"Hey," I breathe. Before I know it I'm pulled in a tight embrace.
"How?" Core asks, "did you escape? Where have you been? We were so afraid. What happened? Are you alright?" His voice sounds strained as if he's trying not to cry. It only makes me feel guiltier. I've hurt them. And I'm going to hurt them a lot more.
I'm going to miss them so much.
Core releases me from his embrace, but still holds my arms as if I might disappear. "Are you alright, Burns? Were you hurt? Where... where is Sky?" There is concern in his eyes and he studies my face.
"Can I come in?" I ask, "is Ocean home?"
"Yes, yes of course. Yes, she is. Come, sit. We'll talk. Are you hungry?"
I follow him inside. Ocean is propped up against some pillows on the couch. Her stomach is enormous. Is she already this close to giving birth?
Ocean's eyes grow wide when she sees me and she starts to cry. "Burns! I thought you were dead too. Where have you been?! What happened? Where's Sky? Rain and Storm are dead, Burns, humans set their house on fire. And Patt! He said you and Sky were kidnapped by humans and now he's missing too!"
She tries to get up, but I motion for her to stay on the couch while I go over to her. I hold her tightly as she cries in my shoulder. I gently stroke her back. "I'm okay," I whisper. I'm close to tears myself by now. I'm going to cause them so much pain. "I know," I continue quietly, "I've heard about Rain and Storm. I'm so sorry."
Ocean pulls back and wipes the tears from her eyes. "What happened, Burns? Patt said you were there. You and Sky and two strangers. Were they really humans? Did they force you to... to kill your own friends?"
This is it. Time to tell the biggest lie I ever have while staying as close to the truth as possible.
Behind me, Core has returned with drinks and snacks. He sits down next to Ocean and takes her hand in his carefully. He looks at me. "Tell us what happened, Burns."
I take a deep breath and run my hands through my hair. "We were on our way to meet Rain and Storm when we ran into Patt," I begin, "they had rounded up some humans, so I can see why he was worried we had been taken."
"So you weren't?" Core asks.
I shake my head. "We reached Rain and Storm just fine."
"But what about the others that were seen with you?" Core asks confused, "a boy and man?"
"Coincidence," I lie, "they were just looking for a Healer."
"Then what happened?" Ocean asks fearfully.
"I don't know," I mutter, "we only heard about the fire after we had left. Sky... she's devastated."
"Where is she, Burns?" Core whispers.
On a ship to the Dolphins.
"She's had enough," I say, "losing her closest friends, another friend missing, dealing with a resisting host... it's too much. Earth is too much. So... she wants to leave, to another planet that is not so harsh."
"Oh Burns," Ocean whispers. She looks at me with eyes full of sympathy. "I can see why you're upset. You were so happy with her and now she's leaving."
"Can't you change her mind?" Core asks.
I shake my head. "She's pretty determined. Earth has only brought her pain. She doesn't want to be here. She hates this world."
It's quiet for a while. Jumpers aren't common. Souls think of it as wasting a life. It's frowned upon, but occasionally it happens.
"Does she know where she wants to go?" Core asks, "has she already left? Is that why she is not here with you?"
"We were thinking about Summer World," I say, "or maybe the Singing World."
"I didn't know Sky liked music," Core muses, "why the Singing World?"
"Wait..." Ocean mutters with a frown. "Did you say 'we'?"
I look at my hands. This is it. This is goodbye. Will they forgive me? Would they understand?
"Burns?" Ocean's voice is trembling.
I look at her, tears in my eyes. "I love her, Ocean. I need her. I need to be with her."
"But leaving a life? You love Earth, Burns," Core says.
A smile tugs at my lips. "I do. But I love her more."
"No Burns," Ocean says, "I can't lose more friends."
"Honey," Core says softly, "I know you are upset. I will miss Burns too, but we can't be selfish. Sky is his partner. They love each other. We can't keep him here just because we will miss him."
"I know," Ocean whispers. She looks at me. "We've just been friends for so long. We were Bears together. I was so happy to find you here again, on Earth."
"So was I," I say truthfully, "and I will miss you so much."
"I just want you to be happy, Burns," Ocean says, "if this is what you really want, who am I to stop you?"
"I never meant to hurt you," I say.
"No," Ocean shakes her head, "Core is right. You love Sky. You should follow her. It's what Core and I did. We decided on Earth together, because we loved each other. Just like you and Sky love each other." She smiles sadly. "Where is she? Why did she not come to say goodbye?"
"She's too upset," I say, "she doesn't like goodbyes. She was afraid of what you would think of her."
"We wouldn't judge her," Core says, "please tell her that. She is our friend too."
I smile and swallow the lump in my throat. If only things could be easier. If only I could make them understand.
Suddenly I can't stay here anymore. Guilt and pain are slowly tearing me apart. "I...I should go."
"Wait Burns, don't go yet," Ocean pleads.
"Sky is waiting," I mutter, "and I still have to say goodbye to Scales."
"Oh but... Scales is here," she says.
"What?" I blink confused.
"He's helping with the nursery," Core explains, "he just stepped out for a bit to gather supplies, but we expect him back any moment. If you wait a bit, you can speak to him."
That wasn't what I had expected, but then again, maybe it's for the best. I can have this all over with today.
On the other hand, it means I have to stay here longer, leaving Arashi on his own. Will he worry? Will he storm in here to see what's going on?
But if I leave now, after telling them I want to say goodbye to Scales, they'll wonder what's wrong. What if they start doubting my story? This trip will have been for nothing. So there is only one choice.
I will stay to say goodbye to Scales.
I just hope that this won't end in bloodshed.
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